Can you forgive a cheater?

My answer: I think you can forgive but you'll never forget and it could cause a strain on the relationship because of trust issues.

I forgave and he cheated on me again, a few years later. Once a cheater, always a cheater. It did strain our relationship and it was very hard for me to trust him ever again. I should have left him the first time it happened. What's that saying: "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me."...

Forgiving was easier for me , but forgetting is hard , my personal incident actually made me more insecure and scared or scarred

Yes, trust was and still is very very hard to build again with anyone in my personal experience. I did not stay with the person and they continued to cheat on each person after that, which one can't really be too surprised at.

If I can/t trust someone, what is left there to the relationship?

drunk or sober cheating? What difference does it make?? Commitment is commitment in my book.

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I am going through this as we speak. My husband of 11 years has cheated and I tried to work through it for the past 7 months. I now know I can never trust him again. I do not want to spend the rest of my life always wondering and feeling second best. I also do not want my daughter to think it is ok to be unfaithful and break vows that were said in front of God. I have always said I would leave if it ever happened to me and I was right...I choose to be respected...I choose to be number one.

I am so sorry that you're going through this. I, too, was cheated on and tried to work it out even 2 years into our separation. We are now in year 4 of our separation with the divorce now with the courts. We were involved in ministry and even counseled couples in crisis! You can't make it work unless the cheater is truly repentant, and in my case, he wasn't. My daughter and I are doing fine now! I just don't think I'll ever be able to trust another man for I trusted my husband COMPLETELY.

then the question is raised... is it cheating if you're asked to do it by the S.O., then you do it again without asking.....

If the S.O. approves it is not cheating. If you do it again without the lines being drawn clearly that it is okay, it is cheating.

I don't think I could. I might want to, and try, but in the end, when we had a fight or I got mad or grumpy or resentful over anything else, it would creep back and add to it all.

What they said

I have told my husband (whom I have been with for almost 5 years, we have been married for a little over a year and a half) that if he does ever cheat on me, then i will have to decide on what is best for me and our child, and am hoping I never have to cross that bridge. Because I have been cheated on by previous boyfriends, its hard for me to trust males as it is, but i have been able to trust my husband completely.

Ug, I can hardly read these responses without getting angry again, because this is me, too. It has been three years since my husband's infidelity (which lasted three years) and I can't get over it. I just can't. I live day to day. Most times I push it way to the back of my brain and try to make it through the days, weeks, etc.

I know he's not doing it now (ok, I THINK he's not doing it now), but honestly, I am just trying to hold out until the kids are grown. But my youngest is nine.

So tell me, why do I suddenly feel like having chocolate and peanut butter in mass quantities? Screw that, I am getting for for ME, not for him.

Nope. This is the ONE thing I will not forgive. I despise lying like this - it's so irrational. If you don't want to be with the person you are with, then don't be with them. If you want to have sex with other people, then find someone who also wants an open relationship. Just don't lie about it, It makes zero sense. Lying about this to me is SUCH a MAJOR character flaw. I love sex with my hubby, and I can't imagine having secrets between us that would ruin the trust we have in each other. I do have friends who have an open marriage and it works for them and they are happy together, so to each his/her own. But don't lie about it.

Giving forgiveness isn't to excuse their wrong. Forgiveness is for you to move on. Nothing but dust in the review mirror!

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There seems to be a lot of Katy Perry songs running through my head!!!!!!!!!