Is it your responsibility to stay in shape for your S/O...

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  • likitisplit
    likitisplit Posts: 9,420 Member
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    So is your partner at fault if they become less sexually interested as a result?

    Is your partner at fault for becoming bored with the same boring stories you've told for the past 20 years?
  • ArroganceInStep
    ArroganceInStep Posts: 6,239 Member
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    I stay in shape for my boyfriend.
    I don't care what my husband thinks.

    This chick wins
  • GeekyGirlLyn
    GeekyGirlLyn Posts: 238 Member
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    There's also the concern of health. I mean if youre damaging your health in a way that can be avoided and putting yourself at risk for death or hospital stays or worse then youre not being fair to your significant other. Sure youre with them through better or worse but if worse is avoidable and you dont have to put unnecessary stress on your other half mentally, physically, emotionally then you do owe that to them. Its one thing to get sick because you cant help it. Its another to put yourself into that shape with eating, lack of exercise and what not.
  • ThoseLittleCats
    ThoseLittleCats Posts: 180
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    wheneva i hav a gf they shud stay in shape for me :bigsmile:
  • RoseTears143
    RoseTears143 Posts: 1,121 Member
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    I think so, yes. While there will be times we all gain/lose weight, and of course everyone will age and looks will fade. But that doesn't mean you should try to take care of yourself. If your S/O doesn't support you though and accept you no matter what, there may be other issues to deal with. But I do feel the effort should be there to be attractive to your other half. But when the time does come that you gain weight...your S/O should be there to support you and give whatever support you need when you are ready to get healthy agian.
  • NeverAnAngel
    NeverAnAngel Posts: 1
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    Sex as a weapon is a form of abuse, no matter what excuse is used..i.e. I'm just motivating you. or I'm not attracted to a fatty...etc. THIS IS A PROBLEM!
  • 111orBust
    111orBust Posts: 41
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    It is your responsibility to stay in shape for yourself.

    ^^^ This.

    Someone above mentioned complacency; I think keeping a relationship fresh is much more important than what size clothes you fit. If you're both happy in yourselves and have a fulfilling life together, neither of you would care what the other looks like.
  • lina1131
    lina1131 Posts: 2,246 Member
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    I think it is important to be considerate of this, yes. My husband has loved me at whatever size I have been (and hell, I have been ALL sizes in the time I have been with him) and has never once said a word. In fact, he tells me that he is attracted to me all the time and if I want to lose weight, do it for myself if that is what makes me happy.

    I am doing it for myself, but I am also doing it for him. When I feel good about myself, I am a better wife to him in all aspects. Letting myself go and not taking care of myself does change my confidence and taking care of myself makes me a better woman for him, imo.

    But if he ever made a nasty comment, i'd stab him. :bigsmile: (Just kidding of course, I do not stab living things).
  • Cadori
    Cadori Posts: 4,810 Member
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    I think it's my responsibility to get in shape primarily for myself and to set a healthy example for my kids.

    While I'm 1 size bigger than when I got married, I haven't "let myself go". I do want to be attractive to my husband so I do things that I know he prefers (for example, he loves when my hair is long, so it's currently long), but ultimately we love each other and are married for life so we are both in this with the knowledge that at some point far down the road physical attraction may wane. Hopefully it doesn't, but our looks will definitely change and we know that.
  • UhOhItsKylie
    UhOhItsKylie Posts: 92 Member
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    I stay in shape mainly for myself, but also for my husband. He tells me all the time how much he appreciates the fact that I work on my fitness. He realizes that when I look good, I feel good and that a happy wife equals a happy life. Ha!

    I don't think it's right to just let yourself go the moment you say 'I do' because that person is supposed to love you through thick and thin - pun intended. ;)
  • dkgoetz
    dkgoetz Posts: 65 Member
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    It is your responsibility to stay in shape for yourself.

    ^ Agreed!
  • BreeNJesse
    BreeNJesse Posts: 150 Member
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    Absolutely my hub and I stay in shape for each other and we are still eidiculously attracted to each other because of it :) That and that love thing too!
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
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    Sex as a weapon is a form of abuse, no matter what excuse is used..i.e. I'm just motivating you. or I'm not attracted to a fatty...etc. THIS IS A PROBLEM!

    The latter is not using sex as a weapon though. I wouldn't have sex with someone I'm not attracted to, and it's not because I'm trying to punish him. It's because I don't want to endure an awkward, unsatisfying sexual encounter. If it feels like a chore, you're doing it wrong.

    I agree that you should never withhold sex to get someone to do something, but if you're not into it, you're not into it.
  • babyseal_24
    babyseal_24 Posts: 26 Member
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    I stay in shape for my boyfriend.
    I don't care what my husband thinks.

    LOL
  • mmddwechanged
    mmddwechanged Posts: 1,688 Member
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    So is your partner at fault if they become less sexually interested as a result?

    No. There is no blame. In a marriage two people work out things together. Hopefully as problems arise they are discussed or resolved in some way. I guess there is a high divorce rate because things aren't always resolved. I think in the big scheme of marital problems and struggles " letting oneself go" or gaining weight is just one of many issues that could occur. Personally I think it's a pretty minor one, but I know different people have different priorities.
  • beach_please
    beach_please Posts: 533 Member
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    I'm kind of torn on this. I think you should make a reasonable effort to stay in shape for your SO, even though they should love you for the person you are, not your physique. BUT, I think it would be hard to remain sexually attracted to someone if they gained a large amount of weight. It's not just a good physique or being in shape that is attractive, but the dedication and drive it takes to achieve and maintain it. It doesn't seem quite fair (as weird as that sounds) to get married and then give up all desire to remain attractive for your partner.
  • Kohadre
    Kohadre Posts: 316
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    You start getting serious when your S/O starts using Sex as a weapon.

    Fortunately that goes both ways :)
  • SmartAlec03211988
    SmartAlec03211988 Posts: 1,896 Member
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    Uh, **** no? I'm staying in shape for myself, and only myself.

    I would never marry someone that only loved me when I was at my best. That is false love, and I ain't got time for that ****.
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,026 Member
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    Sex as a weapon is a form of abuse, no matter what excuse is used..i.e. I'm just motivating you. or I'm not attracted to a fatty...etc. THIS IS A PROBLEM!

    You can't really help what physical attributes you're attracted to. If your partner was in great shape before marriage, then became.overweight after getting married and you simply aren't as sexually attracted anymore, why is this abuse?
  • badjuju775
    badjuju775 Posts: 47
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    When I got married I weighed 108. After having 2 kids and topping out at 197, I started dieting and went down to 118. My S/O NEVER once gave me a compliment. I went back up to 172 and am currently dieting and am at 158. I give up on doing it for him. I'm doing this for myself! Forget him!

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