HELP! Should I date three more??

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  • Alex_is_Hawks
    Alex_is_Hawks Posts: 3,499 Member


    ETA: If your family and/or friends don't like the guy, there is probably a reason.

    that's not true.

    My family and friends hate my guy and there's no reason.

    they insist over and over again that my constant bruises have to come from somewhere and they don't believe me when I insist that he's just showering me with love....

    and well...love.....love hurts.

    It hurts him more than you.

    OMG that's exactly what he said!!! :love:
  • gimpygramma
    gimpygramma Posts: 383 Member
    Warning Signs of Abusive Relationships

    EXTREME JEALOUSY
    Jealousy is a sign of insecurity and lack of trust, but the abuser will say that it is a sign of love. The abuser will question the victim about who they talk to, accuse them of flirting, or be jealous of time spent with their friends, family, or children. The abuser may refuse to let the victim work or go to school for fear of meeting someone else. The abuser may call the victim frequently or drop by unexpectedly. The abuser may accuse the victim of flirting with someone else or having an affair.

    Check - But it's so adorable - it means he CARES for me!


    CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR
    One partner completely rules the relationship and makes the decisions. This includes “checking up” on the victim, timing a victim when they leave the house, checking the odometer on the car, questioning the victim about where they go. They may also check the victim’s cell phone for call history, their email or website history. The abuser may control the finances and tries to tell the victim how to dress, who to talk to, and where to go.

    Check - but it means he cares and loves me!

    QUICK INVOLVEMENT
    The abuser comes on strong at the beginning of the relationship, pressuring for a commitment and claims “Love at first sight” or “You’re the only person I could ever talk to”, or “I never met anyone like you before”. Often, in the beginning of a relationship, the abuser is very charming and romantic and the love is intense.

    Check - move away with me and let's get married. Who cares if it's only been 2 months?

    UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS
    Abusers expect their partners to meet all their needs and be “perfect”. They may say things like “If you love me, then I’m all you need”.

    Not enough info from OP, but I suspect you can check this one off the list also.

    ISOLATION
    The abuser tries to keep the victim from friends and family by putting down everyone the victim knows, including their family and friends. They may keep the victim from going to work or school.

    Check - move away with me, away from your family, friends, job, etc


    This. Do not walk away. Run.
  • JustME1611
    JustME1611 Posts: 112 Member
    I think if you have to ask yourself and others if you want to move away/ marry this guy, then it's not a good idea to do it. If your heart is not 100% in it then you shouldn't. You are still young and you have plenty of time to date other guys and when you find "the one" you will have not doubts about it and you will not have to ask anyone's advice. Also, the fact that your family and friends do not like this guy is already a bad sign. That's trouble in its self. Anyway, best of luck to you. Hope you do what makes you happy.
  • Koldnomore
    Koldnomore Posts: 1,613 Member
    If he is the right guy for you, you will know. It's not a 'maybe' type of feeling.. The fact that you are asking questions likely means that he isn't your 'soul mate'. Took me 38 years to meet mine. I was married to a nice enough guy but I could take him or leave him. I was just like you but 28..I thank the powers that be every day that I didn't end up getting pregnant and having a baby (he wanted me to)

    I met my current partner, love of my life, soul mate out of the blue and within a few weeks I knew he was 'different' than anyone I had ever dated - and I dated a lot in my younger days. The thought of being without him makes me panic. I hate when he has to go away for work and I miss him every day until he's back. We text constantly, and he is very interested in my day, who I talk to etc but not to the pint that he will go out of his way to question me either.

    Trust me..you KNOW if he is the right guy for you. In your case I'd say that having a little time apart will definitely tell. You're still young - even f you don't think you are. Take your time. Find out who YOU are and get comfortable with that. The rest will attend to itself when the time is right.
  • boothekm
    boothekm Posts: 60 Member
    Well, I'm going to try and by supportive. You'll know that you know that you know when you're ready to settle down. There isn't any magic number. I've seen guys settle down after being with 100s of women and my own parents were each other's first, married at 18, and have been happily married for 37 years. It's UP TO YOU! Make yourself happy. Make sure you're happy with your own self then you can be happy with someone else.

    I don't think going out and hooking up with 3 more people will fix the situation. If anything, it will lower your self esteem and worsen the problem.
  • JewelsinBigD
    JewelsinBigD Posts: 661 Member
    Date 3 more at least. Chris is not the one...
  • 1ConcreteGirl
    1ConcreteGirl Posts: 3,677 Member


    I said I checked and found no proof. That doesn't mean it didn't happen, it means he just didn't leave tracks. OR maybe he was totally innocent, again, I can't be sure. But that's why I had to break up with him: I couldn't be sure and the not knowing was really killing me.


    Ironic that you didn't need any proof to dump Simon for Chris, but in the face of evidence that Chris is a control freak and potential abuser, you insist on being with him.

    This... if all women were like you, no one would be married or stay with a man any longer than she found another one willing to lie to her.

    I mean, I have no proof, but my husband must be cheating right? Because I can't be sure. I don't have a camera following him around 24/7, so he must be unfaithful! :huh:

    This is a complete twisting of my words.

    I didn't ever say Simon was cheating. I said I was suspicious and I couldn't be sure either way, but I personally could not get past the doubts. It's unfair to someone be with them if you're always doubting them.

    Take your own advice. Break up with Chris.
    [/quote]

    Now this I understand. Because I am doubting him by making this thread, right? Ok, I get this. This makes logical sense to me. Definitely putting this in my "cons" list for Chris.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
    You have GOT to be kidding. If not, you're since of what a good relationship is is totally warped. Good luck honey, you need it.

    I admitted I am bad at relationships. This is not very supportive.

    I can be supportive . . . like a pair of panties or a bra . . .
  • michaelupton1
    michaelupton1 Posts: 2 Member
    I've found cauliflower really helps my dating prospects! Try that! Good luck on your journey!

    agreed.
  • NutellaAddict
    NutellaAddict Posts: 1,258 Member
    Can I be # 4?
  • castelluzzo99
    castelluzzo99 Posts: 313 Member
    I only dated one person, and then I married him. We're doing just fine.
  • jonnythan
    jonnythan Posts: 10,161 Member
    If you go back to Simon, that counts as one more. Then you can go back to Chris, so that's two. Then go back to Simon and it'll be 12 and you can be happy and doubt-free!
  • hoch5045
    hoch5045 Posts: 15 Member
    I just want to come back to this later, it seems like a good read.
  • aidendart
    aidendart Posts: 32 Member
    I would be careful it sounds like you are mistaking being controling with caring...especially so early. Just my opinion. And the # doesn't matter. But I think a break in between might have been a good idea just to process everything that happened with the first guy.
    Good luck!
  • craigmandu
    craigmandu Posts: 976 Member
    If you go back to Simon, that counts as one more. Then you can go back to Chris, so that's two. Then go back to Simon and it'll be 12 and you can be happy and doubt-free!

    Eeny Meeny Meiny Moe is definitely the best way to tell for sure!! I'm with Jonnythan on this one!

    Hopefully that ends with the more endowed one!
  • squirrelzzrule22
    squirrelzzrule22 Posts: 640 Member
    If you go back to Simon, that counts as one more. Then you can go back to Chris, so that's two. Then go back to Simon and it'll be 12 and you can be happy and doubt-free!

    That cat. It pleases me.
  • caterpillardreams
    caterpillardreams Posts: 476 Member
    Do not get married until you truly know.
    You can move with him if you want but only if you are really down with change and all. I would wait on marriage. You are still young, unless you want babies right now, I suggest waiting until you find the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. Marriage is wonderful when you love your husband and he loves you and you respect each other. But if he is already jealous it may not be a good sign.
    Parenting makes things harder. I love my little ones more than anything but I sacrifice me for them, and I also need to make time for me and my hubby. So much better with a loving understanding spouse. I see the awful marriages with no trust and disrespect. Its not worth just because you feel it "may" be time.
    Take your time.
    Enjoy life.
    I love being married to my husband, but I know if I would have married some other guys I had thought may be the one, it would not have ended well.
  • Mlkmaid
    Mlkmaid Posts: 356 Member
    Logically - if you have to go on MFP and ask for anonymous advice you have problems too big to solve here and are not ready to settle down. And, at 26, your clock IS NOT TICKING! That's just your stomach growling. If you were 36 your clock would be ticking. Connect the dots - if you have to ask these questions that is really your inner voice telling you you're not ready. Date until there are no questions whatsoever in your mind and * BINGO * that will be the right guy. And, with the risk of sounding snarky, just from reading your post you sound really immature which also indicates you're not ready. I'm 55 and feeling a little maternal here so you'll have to forgive me. :) Focus on YOU, not guys, and you'll be a whole lot happier in the long run. And the bonus is you'll meet better men.
  • LCSoulkat
    LCSoulkat Posts: 89 Member
    You gotta be kidding me.........

    You left Simon (whom u had no proof whatsoever) to go with Mr Controlfreakwhoneedstocheckonyourasseverysingleminute....

    I bet you Chris is cheating on you, will keep cheating on you if u go with him and will continue to cheat on you even after you marry him......

    How old are you???
  • kevinjb1
    kevinjb1 Posts: 233 Member
    You have GOT to be kidding. If not, you're since of what a good relationship is is totally warped. Good luck honey, you need it.

    I admitted I am bad at relationships. This is not very supportive.


    may not be supportive, but Chris sounds like a wack job...have fun in your disaster of a relationship. If you're that analytical, then you should see the red flags all over the place! and it's bad that you're dating your ex's friend, totally inconsiderate of you.

    THIS! This Chris guy is not trustworthy if he's willing to convince you to break up with your ex and then start dating him.

    You seem gullible and nieve. More so than I would think from someone who's dating 9 other men in the past.

    Wait, are you just giving us the plot lines from some soap opera (or Novela) you've been watching? Teen Mom maybe?

    Wow. Just wow. There's a lot of racism here. Did you just say Novela because I am brown? I mean, I know what they are but that's kind of rude. :noway:

    And I don't watch Teen Mom (or other reality TV) or soap operas/telenovelas.

    Clearly you do not know what "Novella" means since you think it's racist.

    Definition:
    a work of fiction intermediate in length and complexity between a short story and a novel


    Has NOTHING to do with your race. It's an Italian word for a literary type of fiction.

    THANK YOU! :smile:
  • mgobluetx12
    mgobluetx12 Posts: 1,326 Member
    You have GOT to be kidding. If not, you're since of what a good relationship is is totally warped. Good luck honey, you need it.

    I admitted I am bad at relationships. This is not very supportive.

    I'm pretty sure this is not the kind of support this category is for.
  • dlyeates
    dlyeates Posts: 875 Member
    My husband is my 2nd official boyfriend. I went on a couple (like 3) random dates with other guys between my first boyfriend (dated him at the age of 19) and my huband.

    So 1 relationship before my husband and a total of 3 other "dates" with people (1 time dates).

    I'm grossly under the "12" number that stupid article reported and I've been married for almost 12 years. The number of people you date doesn't determe a healthy relationship. If anything it can hinder it because dating doesn't prepare you for marriage, working on the hard stuff or commitment. It teaches you to leave when there is a problem, not address issues, etc.

    If you love the man you are with, are commited to working on a marriage (which is hard work) and are ready for that commitment (biological clock be damned) then move forward. Randomly dating because you haven't reached a magic number is really dumb!!!
  • Mlkmaid
    Mlkmaid Posts: 356 Member
    I only dated one person, and then I married him. We're doing just fine.

    How do you know? LOL. :)
  • michele2377
    michele2377 Posts: 50 Member
    You're pretty.

    I wish this forum had a like button. LOL. This made me chuckle
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
    Logically - if you have to go on MFP and ask for anonymous advice you have problems too big to solve here and are not ready to settle down. And, at 26, your clock IS NOT TICKING! That's just your stomach growling. If you were 36 your clock would be ticking. Connect the dots - if you have to ask these questions that is really your inner voice telling you you're not ready. Date until there are no questions whatsoever in your mind and * BINGO * that will be the right guy. And, with the risk of sounding snarky, just from reading your post you sound really immature which also indicates you're not ready. I'm 55 and feeling a little maternal here so you'll have to forgive me. :) Focus on YOU, not guys, and you'll be a whole lot happier in the long run. And the bonus is you'll meet better men.

    Hum, logic doesn't belong in a discussion concerning matters of the heart.
  • 1ConcreteGirl
    1ConcreteGirl Posts: 3,677 Member
    Logically - if you have to go on MFP and ask for anonymous advice you have problems too big to solve here and are not ready to settle down. And, at 26, your clock IS NOT TICKING! That's just your stomach growling. If you were 36 your clock would be ticking. Connect the dots - if you have to ask these questions that is really your inner voice telling you you're not ready. Date until there are no questions whatsoever in your mind and * BINGO * that will be the right guy. And, with the risk of sounding snarky, just from reading your post you sound really immature which also indicates you're not ready. I'm 55 and feeling a little maternal here so you'll have to forgive me. :) Focus on YOU, not guys, and you'll be a whole lot happier in the long run. And the bonus is you'll meet better men.

    "That's not your clock ticking, that's just your stomach growling" made me laugh!! Haha, thank you for this, and for your positive contribution to my situation!:flowerforyou:

    Maybe I should move with Chris and still live separately. Anyone want to weigh in on that idea?
  • SDkitty
    SDkitty Posts: 446 Member
    feedthetroll.jpg
  • Beezil
    Beezil Posts: 1,677 Member
    Maybe you have daddy issues or some childhood trauma that's caused you not to trust people, but whatever the reason, here's some honest advice.

    If you leave a relationship every time you have doubts, are unsure of something, or think you might be missing out on something better - you will never find the right person. Everyone has doubts, everyone goes through times of not trusting their SO. Trust is earned over time, and if you're that distrusting that you let something someone else said to you (Chris telling you not to trust Simon) get to you, make you paranoid, and convinced yourself it should end the relationship... I think it's more about your own issues, issues with commitment and trust issues.

    These things take time to get over - not hopping from one relationship to another. Sorry if that's mean, but that's what I think.
  • jlapey
    jlapey Posts: 1,850 Member
    This entire post could be the start of a new sitcom.........................

    I agree.

    You could take the good or take the bad. Or we could take them both. What would we have?

    :laugh: :flowerforyou:
  • awwslam
    awwslam Posts: 1
    Chris is an insane liar who lied to you about Simon cheating. He did this so he could have you to himself, and now he wants to trap you forever. Run back to Simon, but do it slowly. Stop for 3 guys on the way.

    I wish you nothing but success on your journey.

    Couldn't have said it better. This post sounds like a gigantic joke.

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