HELP! Should I date three more??

Haha I hope to god this is a joke. Scrolling through for gifs :drinker:

Firstly your relationship with Chris is not healthy. If you move with him you will be isolated from friends and family and that is exactly what he will want. He has no reason to distrust you, yet seems that he wants to control your life. This is not good.

Love should be easy not difficult. Your ex is in the past and you can still have a fresh start and stay in the same place. Be strong and be on your own and your soul mate will find you. Don't settle for anything less x

THIS, right here. C'mon girl, I've been there/done that/got the f*ckin merit badge.

Yea the "I'm just checking on you" phone calls/text msgs are cute at first. After a few years of that *kitten* you WILL get sick of it. This is an abusive relationship in the making. Anyone who is trying to keep track of you during the day and who you are talking to, well that just SCREAMS control freak.

Good luck!

so technically you're not with anyone right now?

Why not go have some fun, hook up with 3 randoms, meet your quota and go from there. You might accidentally find what you're looking for while you're having fun.

This is just rude.

I am with Christ.

Then date him the next three times he's resurrected. BOOM! You're in like Flynn.

12??? 12??? I thought the magic number was 42!!!!!!!!!

Warning Signs of Abusive Relationships

EXTREME JEALOUSY
Jealousy is a sign of insecurity and lack of trust, but the abuser will say that it is a sign of love. The abuser will question the victim about who they talk to, accuse them of flirting, or be jealous of time spent with their friends, family, or children. The abuser may refuse to let the victim work or go to school for fear of meeting someone else. The abuser may call the victim frequently or drop by unexpectedly. The abuser may accuse the victim of flirting with someone else or having an affair.

Check - But it's so adorable - it means he CARES for me!


CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR
One partner completely rules the relationship and makes the decisions. This includes “checking up” on the victim, timing a victim when they leave the house, checking the odometer on the car, questioning the victim about where they go. They may also check the victim’s cell phone for call history, their email or website history. The abuser may control the finances and tries to tell the victim how to dress, who to talk to, and where to go.

Check - but it means he cares and loves me!

QUICK INVOLVEMENT
The abuser comes on strong at the beginning of the relationship, pressuring for a commitment and claims “Love at first sight” or “You’re the only person I could ever talk to”, or “I never met anyone like you before”. Often, in the beginning of a relationship, the abuser is very charming and romantic and the love is intense.

Check - move away with me and let's get married. Who cares if it's only been 2 months?

UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS
Abusers expect their partners to meet all their needs and be “perfect”. They may say things like “If you love me, then I’m all you need”.

Not enough info from OP, but I suspect you can check this one off the list also.

ISOLATION
The abuser tries to keep the victim from friends and family by putting down everyone the victim knows, including their family and friends. They may keep the victim from going to work or school.

Check - move away with me, away from your family, friends, job, etc

BLAMES OTHERS FOR THEIR PROBLEMS AND FEELINGS
The abuser does not take responsibility for their problems, blaming others (usually the victim) for almost everything (“you made me mad”).

HYPERSENSITIVITY
An abuser is easily insulted and takes everything as a personal attack and blows things out of proportion.

CRUELTY TO ANIMALS OR CHILDREN
The abuser may punish animals brutally or be insensitive to their pain. They may have unfair expectations of children or tease them until they cry.

“PLAYFUL” USE OF FORCE IN SEX
The abuser may throw or hold their partner down during sex, may pressure their partner into having sex, may demand sex when their partner is tired or ill or doesn’t want to have sex. They may ask the victim to do things they do not want to do.

VERBAL ABUSE
The abuser says cruel and harmful things to their victim, degrades them, curses at them, calls them names, or puts down their accomplishments. The abuser tells their victims they are stupid, and unable to function without them. They embarrass and put down the victim in front of others as well.

RIGID SEX ROLES
The abuser believes in rigid gender roles and sees women as inferior to men and unable to have their own identity. They may see men as the “master of his castle”.

DR. JECKYL AND MR. HYDE
The abuser experiences severe mood swings and the victim may think the abuser has a mental health problem. One minute they can be charming and sweet and the next minute they become angry and explosive. Explosiveness and moodiness are typical of people who beat their partners.

PAST BATTERING
The abuser has a history of past battering of partners and although they may admit to that, they say their previous partner provoked them to do it. A batterer will beat any partner they are with if the person is with them long enough for the violence to begin; situational circumstances do not cause a person to have an abusive relationship.

THREATS OF VIOLENCE
This includes any threat or physical force meant to control the victim: “I’ll kill you”, “I’ll break your neck”, “If you ever leave, I’ll kill you.”

BREAKING OR STRIKING OBJECTS
This behavior is used as a punishment (breaking treasured possessions), but is mostly used to terrorize the victim into submission. The abuser may break or strike objects near the victim to frighten them.

ANY FORCE DURING AN ARGUMENT
The abuser may hold the victim down, restrain them from leaving the room, may push, shove, or hold them against a wall.

HEY, only 5 out of 15 indicator of an abusive relationship. Yep, he's a real keeper.

"That's not your clock ticking, that's just your stomach growling" made me laugh!! Haha, thank you for this, and for your positive contribution to my situation!:flowerforyou:

Maybe I should move with Chris and still live separately. Anyone want to weigh in on that idea?

That depends on a few things.
Is the relationship at a point where you feel that this might be 'the one', and moving will allow you to be near him?
If you don't move, will you be able to trust him?
Is it worth moving because of a relationship and leaving your current family/friends/work/social life/city?
Can you afford to move to another city and stay independant (i.e. you won't have to move in with him because of finances).

I'm still saying he has red flags (and while I know you may be potentially brushing off all our comments, please take a further look into controlling and/or abusive relationships, if anything so that you're armed with more knowledge for the future), and it's a serious commitment to YOURSELF to pick up and move to a different city, let alone the relationship.
If you're serious about this, then there's another pro/con list you're going to have to make up for moving, but if you're determined to stay with him, then at least living on your own is a good thing. While I didn't move for a relationship (but for a job), it's hard not being far away from friends/family/familiar territory.

At this point I am not really worried about trusting Chris, I think we're good in that department. Yes, the controlling stuff I am thinking about, not just brushing off, but honestly, he doesn't do it in a creepy way, but more in an interested way.

Doesn't someone who cares about another person naturally want to know the things they're doing and what is happening in their lives?

"That's not your clock ticking, that's just your stomach growling" made me laugh!! Haha, thank you for this, and for your positive contribution to my situation!:flowerforyou:

Maybe I should move with Chris and still live separately. Anyone want to weigh in on that idea?

That depends on a few things.
Is the relationship at a point where you feel that this might be 'the one', and moving will allow you to be near him?
If you don't move, will you be able to trust him?
Is it worth moving because of a relationship and leaving your current family/friends/work/social life/city?
Can you afford to move to another city and stay independant (i.e. you won't have to move in with him because of finances).

I'm still saying he has red flags (and while I know you may be potentially brushing off all our comments, please take a further look into controlling and/or abusive relationships, if anything so that you're armed with more knowledge for the future), and it's a serious commitment to YOURSELF to pick up and move to a different city, let alone the relationship.
If you're serious about this, then there's another pro/con list you're going to have to make up for moving, but if you're determined to stay with him, then at least living on your own is a good thing. While I didn't move for a relationship (but for a job), it's hard not being far away from friends/family/familiar territory.

At this point I am not really worried about trusting Chris, I think we're good in that department. Yes, the controlling stuff I am thinking about, not just brushing off, but honestly, he doesn't do it in a creepy way, but more in an interested way.

Doesn't someone who cares about another person naturally want to know the things they're doing and what is happening in their lives?

OK, mfpeeps. I have issues. I broke up with my boyfriend Simon a few months ago because one of his friends (Chris) told me Simon might be cheating. I couldn't prove it, but of course I broke up with Simon because it isn't worth it to me to stay in a relationship where I can't trust someone. :ohwell:

After a few weeks, Chris and I randomly started dating, so now me and him are together and have been for two months. It's great because I know I can trust him. My ex never checked up on me, but Chris is interested in who I was talking to on the phone or who is PMing me here or he just calls me to see where I am and what I'm doing at different points during the day. Sometimes he gets jealous of other guys flirting with me. He really cares and it's adorable.

The problem is that even though we have been together two whole months, he has to move for his job and wants me to go with him. He wants to get married. I'm 26 and my biological clock is ticking, so I'm not totally against it. Add to that the fact that my ex is calling me lately saying he wants to work things out so obviously I really need to get out of the San Diego area.

But I'm a really scientific person. That's why I tend to do badly in relationships. Anyway, studies show that you should date 12 people before you choose one to settle down with, and I've only dated 9. :noway: (I found that in Wired magazine, they are just great). I can't ask my family and friends because they are biased and really liked my ex and don't like Chris, but I need input. What do I do? Do I risk not dating three more people? What if I miss my soul mate? And what if Chris is the best man I'll ever know and I let him go? :sad: :sad:

I know the forums get snarky sometimes and I do have a sense of humor and inteligence, but I'm actually looking for real advice here, not rudeness. After all, we're all here for the same reasons. :flowerforyou: