Spa owner yells at Mom of Autistic child-Facebook Firestorm

But regardless of all of that, one cannot ever judge from a single incident when you see any scenario between parent and child. You don't know the background. It is amazing the level of judgement we have to deal with as parents in our society. It's crippling really. People also need to understand that kids are kids. Stuff happens. Yes, sometimes they even have tantrums over the toy they didn't want. I do agree that there are various ways to reduce the distraction, etc. but again, without knowing the background, you simply cannot know. Not every child responds the same and not every situatiojn can be avoided.

That's all true, but do you expect a bystander to know the background for your child's tantrum? Without being overly callous, the end result and impact on my life is the same regardless of the background.

Again, for example, if you rear end my car, it doesn't matter overly much whether you did it because you were texting, or drunk, or distracted, or swerving to avoid a dog, or fell asleep because of untreatable narcolepsy. You still rear-ended me.

Now, afterward, if you want to explain the background to me, perhaps I'll be understanding and I agree that once the background is known, you should probably expect a certain degree of understanding from others in a polite society. If you tell me that, "Sorry, this is what's going on, and you're trying your best, etc." I'll probably nod and say it's not a problem.

I've also experienced the opposite spectrum, however, when I asked a woman to please restrain her child from kicking me and my bag while waiting in line, and the only response I got was was "He's autistic". As in: YOU deal with it.

You make a good point Joocey. Regardless of the intent, there is an impact on others. That's very true!

Your examples don't match up though. Those other causes are all illegal and not part of normal development.

Part of living in a community is living with others. Sure we have societal expectations. I just think it is sad that many in this thread are so rigid in those expectations given something that is developmentally appropriate to the community members they are mingling with.

As for the person stating the cause, my perception isn't necessarily that the person is asking you to deal with it but rather the person is asking for your compassion and understanding as they try to deal with something that isn't altogether easy to begin with. Even some support would be great!

This next part isn't aimed at Joocey. I appreciated Joocey's treatment of my quotes, even if I didn't fully agree with all of it. This next part is a few additional general comments I would like to make.

I'm going to reveal here that I also have a disability. Mine isn't behavioral. My child's disability is. Mine is difficult enough. Every time people talk about the government being overly involved, I have to thank my lucky stars that they continue to be involved in the area of supporting those with disabilities. Society really doesn't. Not long ago, I would have not been able to work and been a contributing member of society. Even so, I find there is a lot more stigma with the behavioral one. Life is not perfect. Many parents do more than you know to keep things from overly impacting others. Having said that, sometimes you have to also realize that there is a lot going on and a little patience goes a long way.

But even if we take the disability out of it and just focus on a crying 2 year old, I find it sad that we definitely have a lot of ageism here (whether it is a protected class or not) to the point that we can't deal with NORMAL behavior without having tantrums of our own, internal or otherwise. Again, a little patience goes a long way.

I find it interesting that the children are expected to forgo individuality and even normal reflexes because they are expected to conform to community standards and basic be perfect mini adults (even though adults aren't) but adults are expected to have things catered to them as individuals even though they live in a community. We as a society fluctuate on a continuum of individualistic stance vs. community stance. Regardless of where in the continuum you place your ideologies, both exist.

(I'm not sure the last paragraph conveys what I'm trying to say so if you pick it apart, I'm okay. It might add clarity, even if I don't agree with everyone's stance in this continuum).

Then you obviously do not understand the remarkable power of the "HB, L!"

Your examples don't match up though. Those other causes are all illegal and not part of normal development.

Part of living in a community is living with others. Sure we have societal expectations. I just think it is sad that many in this thread are so rigid in those expectations given something that is developmentally appropriate to the community members they are mingling with.

But even if we take the disability out of it and just focus on a crying 2 year old, I find it sad that we definitely have a lot of ageism here (whether it is a protected class or not) to the point that we can't deal with NORMAL behavior without having tantrums of our own, internal or otherwise. Again, a little patience goes a long way.

I find it interesting that the children are expected to forgo individuality and even normal reflexes because they are expected to conform to community standards and basic be perfect mini adults (even though adults aren't) but adults are expected to have things catered to them as individuals even though they live in a community. We as a society fluctuate on a continuum of individualistic stance vs. community stance. Regardless of where in the continuum you place your ideologies, both exist.

(I'm not sure the last paragraph conveys what I'm trying to say so if you pick it apart, I'm okay. It might add clarity, even if I don't agree with everyone's stance in this continuum).