Absence Before Marriage

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Replies

  • eric_sg61
    eric_sg61 Posts: 2,925 Member
    I think people should talk about this more often. I thought it was okay because everybody said it was okay. I thought it was normal to have sex before marriage. I think everyone should always be reminded that it's a sin or else they will forget.
    Who said it is a sin?
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,834 Member
    I think this whole name-calling is ridiculous, why can we not have an adult conversation without resorting to second grade tactics?

    You just called me a second grader? Reported.
  • wlkszzq
    wlkszzq Posts: 2 Member
    I was raised believing that premarital sex was an abomination to God.
    My husband and I met in high school (private, religious school) and started having sex the summer before college.
    I felt guilty for the next five years.
    Always thought that when we got married I'd be released (miraculously) from the guilt.
    Wrong.
    The guilt stayed with me even into marriage! Even though I had _not ever_ had sex with anyone else.
    Even though we were married.

    I've only recently released it, and we've been married 33 years.

    This is incredible. Whose God would want this?

    As I've processed my weight, I've come to believe that fat was my punishment to myself about premarital sex.
    I think I thought that I couldn't trust myself not to have an affair, so I made myself unattractive so the opportunity would never come up. When I fully released that belief in my mind (not with my husband, not with a therapist, just with my self) I was ready to lose weight.
    That was last October.
    I'm half way to loosing half of me.
    I look great already.
    And, I wouldn't have an affair.
    I'm trustworthy that way.
    It will be okay.

    So the real question is: why would someone choose abstinence?
    I think the principle informs the behavior.
    If you've found your soul mate, move on. Get married, have sex, create a wonderful life together.
    Start now.
    Right now.
    Enjoy everything.
    Everything.
  • MaydayParadeGirl
    MaydayParadeGirl Posts: 190 Member
    I think people should talk about this more often. I thought it was okay because everybody said it was okay. I thought it was normal to have sex before marriage. I think everyone should always be reminded that it's a sin or else they will forget.

    This is totally hypocritical of you, having done it yourself and now passing judgement on others. Doesn't the bible say something against that too?
  • MercenaryNoetic26
    MercenaryNoetic26 Posts: 2,747 Member
    I need to test the goods. Lol. I'm married but we were both promiscuous. We fell in lust and still are :devil:
  • ladymiseryali
    ladymiseryali Posts: 2,555 Member
    I think people should talk about this more often. I thought it was okay because everybody said it was okay. I thought it was normal to have sex before marriage. I think everyone should always be reminded that it's a sin or else they will forget.

    You are aware that this isn't a "christian nation", right?
  • ladymiseryali
    ladymiseryali Posts: 2,555 Member
    I think people should talk about this more often. I thought it was okay because everybody said it was okay. I thought it was normal to have sex before marriage. I think everyone should always be reminded that it's a sin or else they will forget.

    This is totally hypocritical of you, having done it yourself and now passing judgement on others. Doesn't the bible say something against that too?

    I think the saying is "let he who is without sin throw the first stone".........or is it "judged not lest ye be judged"? Then again, some christians pick and choose what parts of their "rulebook" to follow and forget the rest.
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,834 Member
    This is totally hypocritical of you, having done it yourself and now passing judgement on others. Doesn't the bible say something against that too?

    Actually, no.

    Christianity is bound in the fact that EVERYONE sins. The point most people miss, including Christians, is you can call something sin, but not judge a person. So if someone steals, does that make them bad? No, but it doesn't make what they did right.

    But we digress.
  • emergencytennis
    emergencytennis Posts: 864 Member
    I think people should talk about this more often. I thought it was okay because everybody said it was okay. I thought it was normal to have sex before marriage. I think everyone should always be reminded that it's a sin or else they will forget.

    You are aware that this isn't a "christian nation", right?

    Are you from Australia, too? haha
  • AliciaStinger
    AliciaStinger Posts: 402 Member
    What people's thoughts were about abstinence from sex before marriage?

    Would you not date someone who pledged that life style? Too old fashioned?

    Or would you feel like that was an admirable thing to do?

    Our culture is different then it use to be around that topic, but since no one seems to talk about abstaining from it, I wanted to see what others thought.

    I think of it as a gift before the person I choose to marry; but I know from experience several guys who are put off by the idea. Maybe I am old fashioned, but it's not like I go and tell others who choose not to go that way that what they're doing is wrong. It's their choice, this one has been mine.

    My personal opinion is, as long I don't get any STD's, I don't care what other people do before they meet me or after we're apart. Abstinence would not be a requirement for me. Most people fall in love several times in their lives, and as long as both parties are honest about being ready/what they want/what kind of relationship they're in, I see no problem with giving oneself before making a lifetime commitment (or without any commitment at all - not my thing, but I'm not going to deny someone the right to do as they see fit). I am almost 23 and have not had sex yet - but that's not part of a pledge to stay abstinent; I'll know when I'm ready and when I'm with the right person, and that hasn't yet been the case. It wouldn't be a turn-off either, assuming that (like myself) this person had just preferred to wait as opposed to done it for religious reasons. I am non-religious, and I don't think a relationship with someone who is abstaining for religious reasons would work out; I don't think a relationship with conflicting core values could work. I could be wrong.

    The other thing is, I'm not all that sure about getting married. Next month my parents will celebrate their 28th wedding anniversary (first marriage for both of them) so you'd think I'd have more respect for marriage - but instead I look at my friends' parents and see a more common picture: "life" commitments gone down the drain in (usually) less than 20 years. Some divorces are good and necessary, but it seems like a lot of people just can't get it right. Then I look at some of my friends who have same-sex partners, and they can't get married at all; I don't expect them to wait forever to have intimacy and closeness. When a life commitment can be negated, and can be so easily denied to those who want it, it makes marriage look completely worthless to me. It's only available to some, and people still beat on, cheat on, and break up with someone they promised to spend their lives with. Maybe I will get married, but since I don't expect to, I'm simply going to trust my gut on when I'm ready and who I really want to share that with.
  • deeluvly
    deeluvly Posts: 7
    Everyone. Okay so when you have kids encourage them to have sex before marriage. Good for you. at least youre "cool". Go away.
  • JenAndSome
    JenAndSome Posts: 1,893 Member
    I think people should talk about this more often. I thought it was okay because everybody said it was okay. I thought it was normal to have sex before marriage. I think everyone should always be reminded that it's a sin or else they will forget.

    This only applies if people care what is or is not a sin. For the rest of us it doesn't matter a bit.
  • ladymiseryali
    ladymiseryali Posts: 2,555 Member
    I think people should talk about this more often. I thought it was okay because everybody said it was okay. I thought it was normal to have sex before marriage. I think everyone should always be reminded that it's a sin or else they will forget.

    You are aware that this isn't a "christian nation", right?

    Are you from Australia, too? haha

    I wish.....actually, you guys have really scary spiders there, so maybe not. lol.
  • MaydayParadeGirl
    MaydayParadeGirl Posts: 190 Member
    This is totally hypocritical of you, having done it yourself and now passing judgement on others. Doesn't the bible say something against that too?

    Actually, no.

    Christianity is bound in the fact that EVERYONE sins. The point most people miss, including Christians, is you can call something sin, but not judge a person. So if someone steals, does that make them bad? No, but it doesn't make what they did right.

    But we digress.


    I wasn't saying she was wrong for sinning I was saying she was wrong for judging..which the bible does say you shouldn't do. I know the whole 'everyone's a sinner' thing. I've been to church. I was raised Catholic. I'm not ignorant, I just don't see the point it trying to shove your beliefs down other people's throat, and then judging people for doing something that you already did yourself.
  • emergencytennis
    emergencytennis Posts: 864 Member
    This is totally hypocritical of you, having done it yourself and now passing judgement on others. Doesn't the bible say something against that too?

    Actually, no.

    Christianity is bound in the fact that EVERYONE sins. The point most people miss, including Christians, is you can call something sin, but not judge a person. So if someone steals, does that make them bad? No, but it doesn't make what they did right.

    But we digress.

    Yes, it makes them totally bad and condemned to burn in hell. In fact, everyone is bad and condemned to burn in hell, whether they stole or not. Everyone is going to burn in hell even if the worst thing they ever did was secretly feed their meatloaf to the dog.

    Unless they say that Jesus died for that meatloaf and accept the forgiveness of God.
  • JenAndSome
    JenAndSome Posts: 1,893 Member
    Everyone. Okay so when you have kids encourage them to have sex before marriage. Good for you. at least youre "cool". Go away.

    I don't plan on encouraging my kids to have sex at all ever, because that's just weird. I will, however, inform them about safe sex when they are a little older, though.
  • JulieAnn1109
    JulieAnn1109 Posts: 21 Member
    Sex in and of itself is not "morally wrong".

    I believe God designed it as a special gift between a husband and wife.
    It is the most intimate part of your relationship.

    When you wait you are demonstrating a selfless type of love that says, I love you so much that I am willing to deny myself in order to do what is best for you and our marriage.
    It is the highest level of respect you can give someone.

    I don't see it as a restriction but rather as a protection from a loving God.
    He wants the very best for people and knows that more and more of that special intimacy and trust will be lost with each subsequent sexual partner.

    AGREE 100% WITH THIS POST!
  • determinedbutlazy
    determinedbutlazy Posts: 1,941 Member
    It only matters that YOU and the person you are WITH both feel the same way about it.

    Personally, I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who holds that belief. For me, sex is a very intimate and essential part of being in love, and without knowing if we're compatible on ALL levels, I don't think I could marry someone.
  • contingencyplan
    contingencyplan Posts: 3,639 Member
    IMO:

    Treating sex like a recreational activity has possible consequences that young people typically aren't equipped to deal with, and while they take the brunt of it, the entire community (to some degree) has to pay the consequences. That being said...

    I feel that attaching a value to virginity is something that (generally speaking) you will only see among religious or spiritual people. And it is perfectly natural, I feel, for someone who is not spiritual or religious in nature to not attach a value to it at all.
  • AliciaStinger
    AliciaStinger Posts: 402 Member
    I believe the OP asked for everyone's believe on whether abstinence before marriage was preferred or a turn-off; I don't remember OP's post asking people to bash any/all religions, criticize others, or try to impose their beliefs on others. As adults, can we please try to have a respectful, adult conversation?

    Edit - there is a difference between sharing your beliefs/experiences and trying to get others to conform to your beliefs and experiences. Saying, "Waiting until marriage is a quality I value because it aligns with my religious believes" is different from saying, "everyone should wait because premarital sex is a sin."
  • Cajoke123
    Cajoke123 Posts: 54
    This is totally hypocritical of you, having done it yourself and now passing judgement on others. Doesn't the bible say something against that too?

    Actually, no.

    Christianity is bound in the fact that EVERYONE sins. The point most people miss, including Christians, is you can call something sin, but not judge a person. So if someone steals, does that make them bad? No, but it doesn't make what they did right.

    But we digress.


    I wasn't saying she was wrong for sinning I was saying she was wrong for judging..which the bible does say you shouldn't do. I know the whole 'everyone's a sinner' thing. I've been to church. I was raised Catholic. I'm not ignorant, I just don't see the point it trying to shove your beliefs down other people's throat, and then judging people for doing something that you already did yourself.

    If I say that sex before marriage is wrong, then I'm judging the action and not necessarily the person. This is not judging anyone.
  • ladymiseryali
    ladymiseryali Posts: 2,555 Member
    Everyone. Okay so when you have kids encourage them to have sex before marriage. Good for you. at least youre "cool". Go away.

    Judgemental much? When I have kids, I will encourage them to wait until they find the right person, but then I'm going to be a logical parent and teach them about birth control and condoms and encourage them to come to me or their father if they need to talk.

    I'm not going to be one of THOSE parents who buries their head in the sand or shames their teens for having NORMAL feelings and urges. It's not about being "cool". It's about NOT being ignorant.
  • bethmakesmusic
    bethmakesmusic Posts: 164 Member
    For what it's worth, my hubby and I waited until marriage and it's one of the best decisions we made. We spent almost all our time together and got to know each other extremely well, even without the sex. :) The attraction was there and we were and are in love and the waiting for sex did not put a damper on that. When we got married I trusted him with every bit of me and the intimacy was phenomenal. Plus, the sex is freaking fantastic! We communicate about our likes and dislikes and we've made each other into better partners. There's my two cents. :)
  • deeluvly
    deeluvly Posts: 7
    I'm not judging anyone. I just think it should be encouraged more to wait. And you just said that thats what you would do to, So why would you be upset.

    Its a sin in all religions. So's cheating and stealing.. but people do that too eventough they shouldn't. People are sinners.
  • emergencytennis
    emergencytennis Posts: 864 Member
    I believe the OP asked for everyone's believe on whether abstinence before marriage was preferred or a turn-off; I don't remember OP's post asking people to bash any/all religions, criticize others, or try to impose their beliefs on others. As adults, can we please try to have a respectful, adult conversation?

    Edit - there is a difference between sharing your beliefs/experiences and trying to get others to conform to your beliefs and experiences. Saying, "Waiting until marriage is a quality I value because it aligns with my religious believes" is different from saying, "everyone should wait because premarital sex is a sin."

    You are right and I apologise for my inflammatory post, which came after someone mentioned "sin".
  • AliciaStinger
    AliciaStinger Posts: 402 Member
    Everyone. Okay so when you have kids encourage them to have sex before marriage. Good for you. at least youre "cool". Go away.

    I admit I didn't read all 15 pages of posts, but I'm almost certain that nobody says that having sex before marriage makes you cool. My parents advised me to wait for the right person - and I am still waiting - but I might not wait until I'm married to that person, OR I might not get married at all. The fact that I have waited doesn't make me uncool, and the fact that I might not wait until marriage or get married at all doesn't make me a bad person; it just means that I'm going to decide for myself what is right for me and my relationships.
  • emergencytennis
    emergencytennis Posts: 864 Member
    I can't believe I posted that under deeluvly's post.

    Pre marital sex is not a sin, except in the mind of religious nutters.

    Delete her posts first, please.
  • ladymiseryali
    ladymiseryali Posts: 2,555 Member
    I'm not judging anyone. I just think it should be encouraged more to wait. And you just said that thats what you would do to, So why would you be upset.

    Its a sin in all religions. So's cheating and stealing.. but people do that too eventough they shouldn't. People are sinners.

    I'm an Atheist.

    And you did not just compare pre-marital sex to stealing and cheating, did you? :noway:
  • AliciaStinger
    AliciaStinger Posts: 402 Member
    I believe the OP asked for everyone's believe on whether abstinence before marriage was preferred or a turn-off; I don't remember OP's post asking people to bash any/all religions, criticize others, or try to impose their beliefs on others. As adults, can we please try to have a respectful, adult conversation?

    Edit - there is a difference between sharing your beliefs/experiences and trying to get others to conform to your beliefs and experiences. Saying, "Waiting until marriage is a quality I value because it aligns with my religious believes" is different from saying, "everyone should wait because premarital sex is a sin."

    You are right and I apologise for my inflammatory post, which came after someone mentioned "sin".

    I wasn't aiming this at anyone in particular, and believe me when I say that I know how hard it is not to get upset when people criticize or believe that their view is right for everyone. I just thought this was an interesting topic and didn't want to see it get banned!
  • MaydayParadeGirl
    MaydayParadeGirl Posts: 190 Member
    I'm not judging anyone. I just think it should be encouraged more to wait. And you just said that thats what you would do to, So why would you be upset.

    Its a sin in all religions. So's cheating and stealing.. but people do that too eventough they shouldn't. People are sinners.

    I think when she said you were judge mental she was speaking more to the fact that you just told everyone who disagreed with you to go tell their kids to have tons of sex, paraphrasing here that's not an exact quote. That was sort of judge mental of you to say, I don't' think their parents told them to go out and have sex when they were kids, in fact I think their parents taught them to be responsible and safe. Like my mom didn't tell me I couldn't have sex until I was married or to wait until I was older she just said to wait until I was ready. They all have level heads about this, they couldn't wait to have sex , they wouldn't want to and some of them have their own very valid points for why, and you know it probably does stem from a positive teaching from someone. :)

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