Online dating. WTH!

That was just an example of how I've narrowed down results ridiculously.

I actually don't care about hair color.


There have been a few who were University of Michigan fans that I ruled out for that reason only though. :laugh:




And just so everyone doesn't think I'm some douche who only cares about looks that isn't the case. In fact one of my issues with it is that what I DO find attractive just isn't going to come out when talking online.
attitude/confidence/sense of humor.....It can come out somewhat I guess but not like in person.

Yeah the online aspect is hard. In the past personality always grabbed my attention first. The physical aspect have been more varied. Although I do have a few firmly set preferences as I suspect most people do.

I don't think most women are gold diggers, but women do want a man with a nice job, a job that will afford them luxury in the context of procreation and family. So if you don't have a "career job" where you make good money (matters more to women in mid twenties and up), you can and will be judged. Some theorize that the origins are in biology, and others culture. Men are supposed to be protectors and providers; that is their gender role.

Thanks for the insight. Good job I'm already married, eh?

I was more talking about the insight into your definitions of "what is important to women (especially those mid-twenties and up)".

If I had met any women like that (who "weren't" gold-diggers), I would have never had any dates. Luckily, your generalisation is a pretty poor one.

I've spoken to hundreds of guys about online dating and have set up profiles of various kinds before, for the majority of men including me it's not easy. I also read a study on Okcupid, not really a study, but an informal analysis.- I'll find the link if you're interested, but you're probably not, so hahaa..

Nice CV, but I've set up profiles for myself and for friends too. I've also overseen problems in dating sites and spoken publicly about them, so I know some information too. Actually, I am interested - an opinion is not always wrong, it is just subjective. It is also not easy for women either, for your info.

Girls will initiate the first message sometimes, but it's rare (not the majority) - it's not something you should rely on for success on online dating websites if you're an average male or very unattractive female.

It depends on the site and the girl in question. Girls who have been on a dating site for longer than about a month are more likely to message someone. It's not as rare as you think, or you've experienced either through yourself or your cross section of men.

I don't think most women are gold diggers, but women do want a man with a nice job, a job that will afford them luxury in the context of procreation and family. So if you don't have a "career job" where you make good money (matters more to women in mid twenties and up), you can and will be judged. Some theorize that the origins are in biology, and others culture. Men are supposed to be protectors and providers; that is their gender role.

I'll play Devil's Advocate here. Are you telling me you'd be happy with a woman who doesn't work, has no career prospects and little money? Are you genuinely able to say "I don't care"? Most men can't - I know. I've been ill for a long, long time and my illness has pushed people away online and offline. I am not a "desirable" person to be with, basically. I DO agree that SOME women will look for those attributes but I also know that MEN look for certain parameters too, so it's not one sided.

ha! i totally get the smell thing. a guy has to smell right.
a canadian flew over to meet me last year and i had him mail a worn t-shirt in advance, just to make sure.

Wait what? dirty shirt?

yes! poor guy was seriously self conscious about that.
but he smelled yummy, so everything was fine.

Now I want to know what happened? was the guy who flew over to meet you fantastic?

Most people (not a gender exclusive issue) lie to some degree when it comes to appearing attractive. if you're a male and not 6 foot tall, lie about it. That is unless you're really short, then just up it by two inches. Height is an attractive quality to women.

But why lie about something that's going to be so obviously a lie if you ever meet? For the record, I'm 5'7" and just prefer that the guy be taller than me so I'm not ruling anyone out if they're not 6'. But I *would* rule them out if they're a liar.

As for people who use old photos or underplay their body size, often times it's because they don't think they're being deceptive at all. They might look at a 10 year-old photo of themselves and think "Yep, I look like that". There was a study proving that people's self-image is usually "set" at a certain point and doesn't really change with time. Look at how many people on this site say they had an "OMG I'm fat!" moment when they saw a photo of themselves. These are people who have functioning eyeballs and look in mirrors on a regular basis, yet they just don't see the way they really look. And pretty much everyone thinks they look younger than they really do. Just last week my mother told me how insulted and hurt she was when someone cheered "Go granny!" when she was driving a go-cart...she's 70 but doesn't see herself as looking like a granny (she does, not that I would tell her that). Self-perception is a funny and complicated thing. It works both ways with weight, too - people who used to be fat often have a hard time seeing themselves as slim after they lose weight.

HOWEVER - the way someone thinks they look is subjective, but height and age are not subjective numbers. If you put the wrong number in knowing it's wrong, you're just a liar.

No, most of them are not gold diggers, but at a certain age they get into family building mode and "my biological clock is ticking" mode and begin to look for men who can provide with their resources.

Poor generalisation is poor - again.

Yep

I'm at that "certain age." All my friends are having babies. I had my tubes tied last year.

I still want potential relationship prospects to have jobs.

ha! i totally get the smell thing. a guy has to smell right.
a canadian flew over to meet me last year and i had him mail a worn t-shirt in advance, just to make sure.

Wait what? dirty shirt?

yes! poor guy was seriously self conscious about that.
but he smelled yummy, so everything was fine.

Now I want to know what happened? was the guy who flew over to meet you fantastic?

Yes! He's lovely. Charming, attractive, fun and twisted in all the right ways.
He'll make a lucky woman very happy some day.

No, most of them are not gold diggers, but at a certain age they get into family building mode and "my biological clock is ticking" mode and begin to look for men who can provide with their resources.

Poor generalisation is poor - again.

Yep

I'm at that "certain age." All my friends are having babies. I had my tubes tied last year.

I still want potential relationship prospects to have jobs.

I've dated men who were between jobs. These are tough times and it happens, and not just to losers.

Most people (not a gender exclusive issue) lie to some degree when it comes to appearing attractive. if you're a male and not 6 foot tall, lie about it. That is unless you're really short, then just up it by two inches. Height is an attractive quality to women.

But why lie about something that's going to be so obviously a lie if you ever meet? For the record, I'm 5'7" and just prefer that the guy be taller than me so I'm not ruling anyone out if they're not 6'. But I *would* rule them out if they're a liar.

As for people who use old photos or underplay their body size, often times it's because they don't think they're being deceptive at all. They might look at a 10 year-old photo of themselves and think "Yep, I look like that". There was a study proving that people's self-image is usually "set" at a certain point and doesn't really change with time. Look at how many people on this site say they had an "OMG I'm fat!" moment when they saw a photo of themselves. These are people who have functioning eyeballs and look in mirrors on a regular basis, yet they just don't see the way they really look. And pretty much everyone thinks they look younger than they really do. Just last week my mother told me how insulted and hurt she was when someone cheered "Go granny!" when she was driving a go-cart...she's 70 but doesn't see herself as looking like a granny (she does, not that I would tell her that). Self-perception is a funny and complicated thing. It works both ways with weight, too - people who used to be fat often have a hard time seeing themselves as slim after they lose weight.

HOWEVER - the way someone thinks they look is subjective, but height and age are not subjective numbers. If you put the wrong number in knowing it's wrong, you're just a liar.

Wear shoe inserts if you're a guy. The average height for a man is about 5'9, so shoe inserts can add 2-3 inches. Don't take your shoes off until the deed is done, then the balance of power sways in your direction. How Machiavellian I know, but dating websites are anomalies where you can be instantly disqualified for the most superficial reasons due to the availability of so many men.

Women always lie about their age, weight, and number of sex partners, but I understand because people judge her for those things, but people judge men too, and height (and age, he is must be 2.5 years older and no more!) is one of those things.

People who use old photos are using deception to generate attraction, but to protect their ego (I'm not a liar!) they will justify it as something else.