How disgusting is this...

She was more concerned with me not doing heroin than with my weight. I was about 120 lbs when we met. Weight has never been an issue for her. And its not entirely about the weight number for me either. I just want to be able to get back to the things I enjoy. Hiking, camping, rowing, surfing. Things I did when i was younger and enjoyed a lot. If I could do them at my size now, 400 lbs wouldnt be an issue. But I can do to those things at my size. And again, since you didnt read, I have an account with plenty of money to cover any medical expenses if the need arise. In the passed 20 years, the need has not arisen. When I sprained my ankle last year, I did what any doctor would tell me to do. Rest it up, put on some ice and wear a brace. So I went and got a walking boot, iced a bunch and the ankle is 100 percent now. No trip to the doctor needed. You are throwing around a lot of assumptions without knowing anything about me based on your bias of fat people.

I don't have a bias against fat people - you are projecting this. Did you even read what I wrote? I work in public health, so I have a bias against people who don't take care of themselves. I only mention your weight because there are many chronic diseases that go along with obesity that can only be seen by visiting a doctor, such as high cholesterol that can lead to heart disease and high blood sugar that can lead to diabetes. Regular checkups are encouraged because they help people. Prevention saves lives and money.

you still arent reading. If I dont go to the doctor and could quite easily pay for any medical medical condition I feel needs attention, how am I a drain on anyone at any time? Your bias is that you think fat people take advantage of public services and are a drain. It shows quite clearly.

I highly doubt you can pay for ANY medical problem that requires attention.

I said any that I feel needs attention. Some stuff I wont bother spending money on as far as treatment such as heart surgery or cancer. My wife knew this about be before she married me and accepts it. Just the way it goes.

OK

She can choose whatever she wants, as long as I'm not going to have to pay for it (health care costs, disablility payments, etc). But the likelihood of me having to pay for it ticks me off.

Out of curiosity, do you feel the same way when you see someone smoking? I'm not necessarily disagreeing with you-- at some point, it becomes irksome to pay for someone else's decisions-- but dissection uncovers a TON of choices people make that the rest of the world ends up paying for in some form or fashion.

As for the OP, I have to say and I mean this in the most respectful way possible, but I would not respond positively to you were you my healthcare provider. I have had physicians and nurses in the past who I knew were disgusted by me. They didn't have to outright say it but it was evident in the manner in which they provided care. All it did was make me more resentful and determined to rebel. Some people may respond positively to that sort of treatment but I do not. I don't want anyone making excuses for me or to even letme make excuses for myself . But I can appreciate and receive constructive feedback delivered without judgement. That is why I get along much better with my nurse than my nutritionist. And just because I've lost almost 100 lbs I don't feel that gives me license to to look down on other people who are at a different point in their journey or have yet to start. Just something to consider as you will most likely have patients who cover a wide spectrum in the level of care they need and respond to.

yes... cause posting on a forum = how one gives quality of pt care.

But posting on a forum giving your true feelings towards someone in her situation does give light into your attitude towards patient care. If this is how you truly feel about people in her situation, then you have no business trying to help them.

I've been largely silent in this outside of my one post, but I will say this: She was severely damaged as a child and some people in their lives never get over their damage. Then their damage effects their loved ones around them and they don't even know it. She's in therapy - and we don't know the quality of therapy she's getting or where she even is now in the journey towards loving herself better so that she can some day realize what so many people on MFP already have. All of the "disgusting" things a previous poster listed about her blaming everyone else around her instead of realizing she can change herself is not something of disgust. It's something to feel sad about. She LEARNED to blame everyone around her BECAUSE of her damage. She's not going to wake up one morning and realize not to do that anymore. It takes time and lots of mental healing. Our business here is to be supportive and loving WHEREVER THEY ARE and when they FINALLY have that light bulb go off, hug the hell out of them and be proud of what they realized for themselves.

She can choose whatever she wants, as long as I'm not going to have to pay for it (health care costs, disablility payments, etc). But the likelihood of me having to pay for it ticks me off.

Out of curiosity, do you feel the same way when you see someone smoking? I'm not necessarily disagreeing with you-- at some point, it becomes irksome to pay for someone else's decisions-- but dissection uncovers a TON of choices people make that the rest of the world ends up paying for in some form or fashion.

Yes, I do feel the same way when I see someone smoking.

could someone answer my question as to why pro anorexic posts are banned here but pro obesity posts are not? both are extremely unhealthy.

we shouldnt attack either group and should strive to help them but if one isnt allowed then neither should be.

The correlation to anorexia would not be obesity; it would be pro-feeder threads or pro-compulsive/continued binging threads.

^So true. No one is saying "Go you! Eat 10 cheeseburgers tonight!"

could someone answer my question as to why pro anorexic posts are banned here but pro obesity posts are not? both are extremely unhealthy.

we shouldnt attack either group and should strive to help them but if one isnt allowed then neither should be.

The correlation to anorexia would not be obesity; it would be pro-feeder threads or pro-compulsive/continued binging threads.

^So true. No one is saying "Go you! Eat 10 cheeseburgers tonight!"

sorry i wasnt clear...i just meant that if 1 unhealthy habit isnt allowed to be promoted...then others shouldnt be either. anorexia, obesity, steroids whatever..


if it was up to me i would allow everythign that isnt illegal and let adults decide.

That's how I feel about the "no swearing" rules on here considering we're all adults, but some people are oversensitive. I do understand not allowing pro-ana stuff though.

I think that she really means is that her weight doesn't define her as a person but everyone chooses to see her as a person who needs to lose weight period.

And even though I don't think that remaining obese is the best way to stick it up to the Man, I kinda get that.
I've never been really fat, just 10-20lbs overweight. That's all my family could see.
Last year I lost 20lbs in a little less than 3.5months, and that's all I could hear about. Nothing about the internship I got as a Law student or being a straight-A student or anything about my other accomplishments. It is and always was about weight and it's painful and maddening. It feels like one's persona doesn't really matter as long as they go along with everyone else's expectation.

But I must insist, remaining obese is certainly not the way to prove your point. But I kinda understand her.

This!! Your accomplishments in other areas of your life were completely overshadowed simply because of some extra weight. Our society is very out of whack. While we all talk a good game about acceptance and tolerance, every overweight person knows the deep pain of rejection and being judged harshly.

I can understand this woman too, her weight is one thing she completely controls. I do think in a few years she'll change her mind, but unfortunately right now, that is her power. Hopefully someone will enter her life and show her enough love to help her to look at things without using a filter of pain and self righteous anger. She has some valid points though, our society really does still place too much value on looks when we judge people, and she is valuable and worth respect for who she is, regardless of her weight.

I will say, I understand what her therapist was driving at, with getting her to work on her weight loss, but going for gusto before the patient is ready dooms therapy to disaster. The treatment plan has to be something the patient approves and is willing to work with.

this article is the best thing i've read all day. thanks!

(and to answer your question: not disgusting at all.)

I think the word disgusting was pretty harsh.. I don't find it disgusting.

I did find it odd tough. Not sure why anyone would find it okay to outwardly glorify or make excuses for obesity.
I am all for loving yourself no matter what size you are.. but I am NOT okay with promoting unhealthy habits. Yes you can be a little overweight and still be somewhat healthy.. but that is not the message I was getting from the article.

Correct me if I have missed something?

Also, I am wondering if she would she raise her children to be the same..

I feel for this person (this little girl that is still fighting) who had to go through a life none of us will understand unless we lived it. From what I gathered, she had to eat what was around to just to stay alive as a child, and it may not have been the healthiest of choices but as a kid; who cares?

We, as human's, are bound to ridicule those who do not follow "the norm". We call people names, look down on them or just look plain look away. We offer up what we think is necessary for them to survive in the world we live in; stop being gay, lose weight, gain weight, and whatever else scares us. That to me is disgusting.

As far as the "I'm pissed cause I have to pay her medical bills" Sounds to me like she is paying for her own bills. I never heard one thing about her NOT paying for them.

In addition, she was not making fun of those who choose to make their lives better according to what they want, so why are people making fun what she wants to do? Empathy, understanding, and compassion is what was needed here.......

There will be no hope for humanity if we keep going down this road, and what do I know, maybe it's lost already.

this article is the best thing i've read all day. thanks!

(and to answer your question: not disgusting at all.)

I think the word disgusting was pretty harsh.. I don't find it disgusting.

I did find it odd tough. Not sure why anyone would find it okay to outwardly glorify or make excuses for obesity.
I am all for loving yourself no matter what size you are.. but I am NOT okay with promoting unhealthy habits. Yes you can be a little overweight and still be somewhat healthy.. but that is not the message I was getting from the article.

Correct me if I have missed something?

Also, I am wondering if she would she raise her children to be the same..

you are on point. you didnt miss anything. all here are bashing me for 1 word and supporting someone (author) terrible life choices while making every excuse for the behavior.

Probably because many of the people empathize with the writer and not so much with either your word choice or the medical profession as a whole.

And, not all.

Something that I read the other day that the author of this article may or may not identify with.
After all, there's two sides to every penny. With her acceptance there must come a side of remorse.

TAKE A WALK IN MY SHOES.

If you were going to take a walk in my shoes, then I do not envy you.

For you would be stuck in a maze with no exit, trapped within walls that would even make the greatest escape artists claustrophobic.

And at your feet you would see that the ‘shoes’ you wear are not even there, for you walk bare across shatter glass, cutting you deep by each step you take. Reflections of these broken fragments show you in what you once believed in, now destroyed by a series of unfortunate events acting a hammer.

If you were going to take a walk in my shoes, I suggest that you bring a flashlight, but I doubt that it will help. As the darkness that surrounds you is no where comparative to the darkness you would feel within, consuming at your heart.

I promise you, you would not last a second in my shoes. Not with the demons that walk beside me everyday. If you were going to take a walk in my shoes, I would not allow you. No one deserves this pain I feel inside.

nothing disgusting about it. It made me sad for all she has been through.

I saw nowhere in that article where she said she is *trying* to be obese. She is just not trying to be thin. Obviously it all catches up with us, I know that one personally, but I had high cal days prior to counting cals and actively trying to lose weight and had low cal days too. My erratic eating habits, and frequent emotional eating, led my weight to either maintain or creep up as things caught up with me.

I had to come to a place where I was emotionally ok in many other areas to be able to work on my eating. Perhaps she will someday get there herself. Maybe not. Personally I applaud her for not letting others dictate how she feels about herself. Honestly to be able to thumb her nose at what other people feel is *ideal* for her is admirable. Sorry but it is. To not feel as though she needs to lose weight just because others want her to, or because others think she should? awesome

Just because someone is obese does not mean that they are unhealthy necessarily. It does not mean that they will automatically become a strain on society because of health problems. Skinny people are unhealthy sometimes too. I wish our society spent less time judging others based solely on their weight; that is a much larger problem IMO than anything this woman seems to be dealing with anymore.

"Disgusting" referring to how and why she feels this way. I see both sides. I understand the post. Disgusting to think this way and I undersatand the author, she shouldnt have to deny herself anymore than shes already had to. Both points are valid. Its her choice and her life and of this is helping her "take back" her life, then fine; let her be happy. Also the poster makes a good point. "_ Not heathy to think this way but when you grow up not knowing a "healthy" life weather its with food/ relationships with friends/family/ lovers, it takes time to heal, sometimes it takes your whole life. People do it on their own time. You cant "heal" physically until you "heal" emotionally. You can lose weight but it wont help if you are in a poor mental state. And of you are in a "toxic environment relationship, ect, it only adds to it.

It seems that most people here who don't agree with her are viewing her as the doctor or other people would. They don't look at her side of the story and understand the struggle that all that weight has helped her get through. Of course, she won't be healthy the way that we think healthy is; small, controlled weight, not gasping for breath... and we shouldn't define people by the way they look. I wish I can say the same for me, and I think that's something that I'm working on.

For me...that's not the case. From the doctor's standpoint, she should be fine. She is (apparently) keeping an eye on her cholesterol/blood pressure.

What *I* find a problem with is her attitude. A "shield of fat"? Fat providing "distance" from the world? I get that. I understand where those thoughts come from. And I would never judge a person for having those feelings. But the way she is "accepting" these feelings...is sad. Because she's not really accepting herself. It seems more like defiance, not acceptance. Like the rebellious teenager who gets a mohawk simply because his mother is conservative, not because he likes mohawks. There is a HUGE difference in motivation there.

She's been through a lot. That's terrible. I feel for her. If she were on MFP (or at a party, or in my living room) I would sympathize with her...that sucks. That is no way to grow up. And I'm sure she has a lot of things to work through from such a horrific childhood. But I have a hard time when people use situations as a crutch. I have read so many stories of people here who have overcome huge obstacles to get healthy. I know so many people elsewhere who have come from worse situations, and you'd never know - because they learned to be strong from their trials. They went through so much...and then so much more to heal.

She's not healing. She's making her issues a badge of honor.

She blames her body for everything - for people not liking her...for her doctors' attitudes...for everything. So she's decided to take this body and shove it in everyone's faces. Because if it's her choice to be big, then she is not a failure. I'm sorry, but that's wrong. You cannot just decide one day that you love this body you've hated forever. And the comments she makes show that she is not happy with her body. She's just telling everyone she is...

I have a friend who is morbidly obese, and she is one of the sexiest, most vibrant people I know. She is not campaigning for "fat acceptance"...and is not actively trying to lose weight. She is just honestly happy with who she is, and in her own body. I wish she were healthier, but this is her choice. She carries herself with confidence and grace -- and she is beautiful. She doesn't down me for trying to lose weight, and I don't give her a hard time for not jumping on the bandwagon.

That's my other problem with this lady...she is judging those of us who are losing. Saying we are conforming to society, and how terrible that is for us. And talking about how we're 90% likely to gain back what we've lost. She's just as judgmental as she's accusing everyone else of being. Like we're weak for getting healthy.

I don't know. Its just sad to me. And has nothing to do with her size. Just her attitude. :-/