Hating on Fat People Just Makes Them Fatter

It makes me sad how many people missed the point.

I do want to clarify I did NOT write this, I posted it from Yahoo. I am not 'deciding' to stay fat (see the ticker) and neither is the author. This article isn't about the fat people, it's about YOU deluding yourself into thinking you are helping said fat person by trying to tell them they are disgusting, rolling your eyes when they struggle at the gym, making fun of people who are not what you think they should be.

It's not an excuse to be fat. No question that fat comes from too many calories. I didn't lose weight by accident after all; I get how this works.

Trust me, every fat person KNOWS they are fat. Someone on the outside being a prick about it, doesn't change that. But it can lead someone who is already struggling with self esteem issues (and fat is often a symptom of that) right to the fridge. Yes, they are ultimately responsible for their actions and blaming other people for that is totally ineffective but that doesn't change the fact that being a bully isn't helping.

The examples in the article ARE less than stellar. Not fitting on a roller coaster isn't bullying....but having a line of people behind you making whale jokes or whatever would be. I've never been big enough to really experience some of this, but I have seen it and until you've seen someone just crumple when they hear some of these hateful things? When you see someone struggling to get healthy and they are treated as less than human? I can't even believe how horrible some people are -- and in a place like MFP, I often see it dressed up as helping...and by god, its the exact opposite.

The point is, don't kid yourself that you are "helping" by trying to bully someone into being thinner. If you do that, you are just being a jerk.

And in the end, that other person's body doesn't belong to you. None of your business what it looks like. Worry about your own self.

I knew I was fat, people told me I was fat (harshly), so I did something about it. I may never had done anything about it unless they did.

It makes me sad how many people missed the point.

I do want to clarify I did NOT write this, I posted it from Yahoo. I am not 'deciding' to stay fat (see the ticker) and neither is the author. This article isn't about the fat people, it's about YOU deluding yourself into thinking you are helping said fat person by trying to tell them they are disgusting, rolling your eyes when they struggle at the gym, making fun of people who are not what you think they should be.

It's not an excuse to be fat. No question that fat comes from too many calories. I didn't lose weight by accident after all; I get how this works.

Trust me, every fat person KNOWS they are fat. Someone on the outside being a prick about it, doesn't change that. But it can lead someone who is already struggling with self esteem issues (and fat is often a symptom of that) right to the fridge. Yes, they are ultimately responsible for their actions and blaming other people for that is totally ineffective but that doesn't change the fact that being a bully isn't helping.

The examples in the article ARE less than stellar. Not fitting on a roller coaster isn't bullying....but having a line of people behind you making whale jokes or whatever would be. I've never been big enough to really experience some of this, but I have seen it and until you've seen someone just crumple when they hear some of these hateful things? When you see someone struggling to get healthy and they are treated as less than human? I can't even believe how horrible some people are -- and in a place like MFP, I often see it dressed up as helping...and by god, its the exact opposite.

The point is, don't kid yourself that you are "helping" by trying to bully someone into being thinner. If you do that, you are just being a jerk.

And in the end, that other person's body doesn't belong to you. None of your business what it looks like. Worry about your own self.

I think many of us got your point and it is definitely understood. And personally, I've liked many of your posts. I think the MFP audience though makes this article a bit like preaching to the choir. Most of the tough love comments here are genuine, and spoken by plenty of people who were definitely overweight at some time. This isn't the group of jerks standing in line at Six Flags or Disney making whale jokes. It's the group of fit people who were once fat and are yelling "eat less and move more" and "you can do it," and it's done out of genuine concern. And for the record, the one person who called me "fat" that made all the difference in the world to me, was my wife. She was right. I was. And her comment got my lazy *kitten* moving again. I love her all the more for that.

Different people react to different kinds of motivation. For me, criticism is fuel. But I would understand if others need more encouragement.

There's no one right way to motivate every kind of individual.

QFT. I would never personally fat-shame anyone, and I don't think it's okay to be a bully for any reason, fat included. However I will throw out there that being fat-shamed has been a huge motivator for me.

I was at a club when I was around my heaviest, closing in on 300 pounds. My friend was talking with this guy, and when I came over to his group his friend looked at me and said "I know all chicks have a fat friend, but -damn-". They all laughed. It sucked, and it hurt a lot, and was really embarrassing...but it was definitely the kick in the *kitten* I needed to get my perspective straight. I always knew I was fat, but I didn't realize it had gotten so out of control until that moment, and I promised myself then that I wasn't always going to be the fat friend.

Sometimes I still think about that when I'm feeling particularly unmotivated, and remembering how badly that moment sucked for me is the push I need to get moving, because I never want to feel that way again. People shouldn't be jerks, but it's wrong to say that fat-shaming makes people fatter. For me, and I'm sure for others, it did the exact opposite. We may not be special snowflakes, but we're all still different.

/storytime

Bump for reading later :-)

I was incredibly annoyed at the number of responses that were of the nature of, "Aw, hurt feelings? Grow up," or "This has nothing to do with people who are fat." Incidentally, mostly from people who were quite skinny and seemed never to be all that overweight.

About hurt feelings, seriously? Unless someone's done something bad to you, personally, is there ever a good reason to be mean to someone? Whether you think it helps or not to point out the problem (as if the person weren't already fully aware of their size) does it help anyone to be mean to them? I really don't think it does. So why do it? The people who are overweight are not in the wrong, here. They mind their own business, and because of how they look, they get people saying rude comments to them. Take weight out of the equation. You're just sitting down somewhere, reading a book, minding your own business, and people on the street whisper to each other (in a not so hushed way) about how ugly you are. Is that justified? Is that really called for? No. It's rude and mean and people shouldn't say things like that around you.

Second, emotional issues are a reason that many people are obese in the first place. Not across the board, not in every situation, but in many cases. By being mean to them about a problem which is already very obvious to them which may also be sensitive to them, you're provoking more emotional problems. It's demotivational for a lot of people. Having the will to lose a lot of weight means being in a good place, emotionally, with how you feel about your weight. Again, not always, but for many of us. I determined to lose weight in January 2012. I didn't start until August. I think that shows how emotions can play a huge part in weight and weight gain or loss. Do you think that calling disgusting is going to make them feel good, and then they're gonna go hop on a treadmill? No. They're gonna feel bad about it and most people will be mopey and not in a mood to do anything. Again, take weight out of the equation. If someone says to you something about how you're an a-hole, or you're a worthless human being or something like that, does that make you feel good? Does that make you feel like working out? Maybe some people who blow off steam by working out might feel that way. However, if working out is more of a task or chore to you, you -aren't- going to feel like doing it. Just like if you've had a bad day and then you don't feel like doing the dishes, if you're criticized about your weight all day, you're not gonna feel like exercising. Emotional eating also plays into this, so on top of not exercising, many people will turn to food to make themselves feel better.

Third, how is it any of anyone else's business? More than that, you don't even know the person. You don't know their situation. If someone's 500lbs and loses 200, they're still 300lbs. Never mind the fact that they've worked hard for a year or more, exercising 5 times a week and keeping on a strict diet. Never mind the fact that they've already lost an incredible amount of weight. Never mind the fact that they're turning their life in the right direction. Nope. They're 300 pounds. They're fat. Lay off the burgers, Fatty McFatass. You should really stop hating yourself and try to lose some weight. Doesn't that seem a little excessive? They've lost a ton of weight and their plan is to continue to do so. Is it really right to criticize their weight at that point? It's not as if they can drop that extra 100-150 pounds over night. But, ah, you don't -know- that they've made that effort for themselves. You don't know based on seeing them one time ever and never talking to them. All you see is a 300lb person. That's exactly my point. You don't know someone's situation. People have hormonal disorders. People have weight left over from pregnancy. People lead too busy of lives to exercise or eat properly. People are not in a position to diet based on their living situations. You don't know. You have no right to judge.

My point is, there's no good reason to call someone names. It's none of your business anyway. And you don't know that person on a personal level, so you're in absolutely no position to judge them based on having seen them for 30 seconds. So why say anything? What, exactly, does this aim to accomplish other than making that person feel like crap about themselves? If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

No matter what people will always be cruel I've had people discriminate against me because of my race, my husbands race, my weight, being blonde, the list goes on and on. Even my mother when I was constantly active would tell me I have a muffin top and tell me i look like a gallon of milk into an 8oz glass and she is bigger than me! So personally I can see how it would obviously NOT help people and make them regress, but i've always wanted to do it for myself, and realized i have to take responsibility for myself!!! Plus my husband actually told me I'm sorry baby but you look fat in that shirt, big eye opener!!! everyone is different some people need a reality check, some realize it themselves.

It never ever occurred to me that i was getting fatter and fatter........noone told me, i never noticed......i just brought bigger clothes.....i lived.....i got obese.......I got told I was fat by my friend OH HELL NO *kitten*, i strive to prove people wrong, in 6 months i lost 21 kilos...... and it was on like donkey kong!

I find insults motivating, for example "geeze you've gotten fat"
My brother calls me fat bimbo, so i call him fatso
My clothes call me fat every day!
The mirror tells me a different story every day, one day im really fat, the next day i may get the i look skinnier today, day after im OMFG WHAT HAVE U BEEN EATING.

The point being, its when you have a belly, and the jewellery sales lady ask's you when your due....i find that to be the most offensive moment i have been involved in. I was so embarrassed i blurted out the wrong month which was like 7 months away and i looked at least 8 months preggas! Since then it rolls off my back like water......

Its when your a childcare worker and the children ask you about the baby in your belly and you laugh and say no I dont have a baby im just over weight, i ate too much! Then they laugh and say your fat.....it hurts your feelings but they are just telling it how they see it......so really.....are you going to go and stuff your face cos a 3 year old told you your were fat?

My niece was 4 when she watched the jenny craig add and told her mum she needs to join......you feel the burn they feel, as does everyone skinny, fat tall short......you feel empathy, but just remember, you may be like omg thats mean, but really it may not have effected the person who was insulted in the slightest, it just evokes thoughts about your goals "if someone said that to me....."

There are people who take it to heart and go and feed their face, then again there are people like me.....I use to take offence, feed my face then I woke up to myself SCREW THEM AND SCREW FAT TOO! There are moments where I will smile and go "oh burn for me" but i move on, i motivate myself and wellah. Peoples words dont affect me and I need to find more motivation and less delightful food!

If you walk the walk, expect them talk the talk, people may not say anything to your face, but they dont mind laughing about you behind your back..............its who laughs last that important...........

Progress is progress, smile, add some teeth, then laugh out loud, it may take you a few months/ years to get to where you want to be but there isnt a damn sole out there worth eating 1200 calories in one meal because of something they said......shout them a meal

I don't think I could have ever pulled this off without severing my ties to the ex wife who constantly reminded me what a disappointment my body was for her.


If you know someone struggling, don't add **** to the pile. Have some compassion. If they need to hear the truth, give it to them. But if that doesn't work, stop what you are doing because you a making things worse with your "help".

I see I have insulted you..GOOD, you need that!

Different people need different things. Some of that is tough love, some of that is coddling, some of that is instruction, and some of that is indifference. We all have our histories with our health and why we are here. Some of us have more 'colorful' histories than others, but that doesn't mean that there is a universal rule about what a person needs in order to move forward with their lives and turn themselves around in pursuit of their own happiness.

I don't think it's anyone's business how someone else chooses to live their lives so long as that life does not infringe upon those of others. Myself personally, I began my weight loss initiative without any kind of outside solicitation about it. I had a personal, inner revelation about my life, what I wanted in it, and what my physical and emotional states had been doing to my quality of life since I was an adolescent. That change came completely from within. The contempt and the fat-shaming that I experienced not only in social situations growing up but also at home from most of my family members did not inspire me. I was timid, I was reserved, I was introverted, and I had a lot of self-worth issues that were only compounded even further by being made to believe that I was somehow less than others or inferior because I ate too damned much and didn't exercise enough.

It was a horrible influence in my life.

However, I can't sit here and pretend that my experience is universal and true for others. I really can't stand "studies" like this. Why is something like this even a "study" in the first place? It makes perfect ****ing sense that a lot of people would not respond well to that kind of treatment, whether it is about eating and exercise or some other bad behavior. It can lead to further self-perpetuation of that cycle. Is that not common sense? It sure as hell seems like it should be.

But yes, it can also get people riled up and sick and tired of being on the receiving end of that **** and give them drive to turn themselves around.

Do I think that this justifies people fat-shaming others? **** no. But I'm not going to tell someone who has initiated some huge life changes that what may have been their catalyst should never have happened.

Super individualistic and contextual. Everyone's different and needs different things in order to thrive.

I'm not a fan of that type of articles, but I appreciate a lot the constructive, inspiring discussion that can happen afterwards, like when people share their stories similar to yours. Lots of eyes are reading without participating actively, so I believe it is good to give a voice to the full spectrum of opinions.

I think it's inappropriate to comment on someone's body unless they have asked for your opinion/advice.

my thoughts exactly - i'm amazed at some of the people in this post. why is it any of their frigging business what someone else is doing with their body? unless it's your parent, sibling, spouse, child or best friend, shut your mouth and don't say a damn thing unless they specifically ask for your opinion.

You need to tell people the truth to wake them up...I was awake by old friend who said ; you are fat! at first I was upset but it made me the person who I am today. And I am so grateful to him for dropping all that corectness and being honest...
And about insult....I am not insulting them. They are insulting their bodies by eating wrong foods. Thats all.

I see. So you also tell everyone about their bad hairstyle, bad clothing style, bad breath, crooked teeth, bad posture, too small/large breasts, bad behaviour, horribly behaving kids, barking dog,... just about anything you can think of that is bad because someone doesn't do things your way? This is crap and it is not your place to comment. If it is a person you know, it depends on whether you are capable of showing respect and kindness when asking into possible troubles that the overweight person might have, but strangers? No. "You are fat" as a statement is also incredibly rude or maybe it is a cultural thing, because where I come from laughing openly about someone's weight is just not done. People can behave here. Weight is personal and hence you don't force the face off of people.

:drinker: :drinker: :flowerforyou:

While I agree with you, in general, I also feel that drefaw has a point. The line that stood out to me was "For those that had thought they experienced discrimination based on weight, 4 years later they were twice as likely to be obese."

If you asked me whether I have been discriminated against based on weight (215+ at my heaviest) I would say "no."
However, if you asked me if I experienced incidents that could be interpreted as weight discrimination, I would say "yes."

The bottom line for me is personal responsibility.

No amount of awareness/teasing/discrimination/what-have-you is going to help me lose weight. I knew that I was fat. I knew that it was a problem. I needed tools, not judgement. If you feel justified in shaming somebody because you think they need to change, then you are an *kitten*.

On the other hand, other people's attitudes did not keep me fat. Accepting other people's negative judgements and basing your behavior on them is dangerous. (And if you are prone to doing so, I strongly advise not becoming a parent.) If you feel justified in not changing *your own* behavior because the people around you don't live up to your expectations, you need to re-examine what you want out of life and ask whether you are willing to wait for other people to hand it to you.

So say we all!

I don't have much to add to the topic of the article itself, apart from a reminder that the world is what it is today thanks to multiple personalities, not a single Warrior model. People who comment harshly in this thread are either strong from the beginning or they have overcome their vulnerabilities in the health department. Why don't you give those not there yet a break?

i agree!!
while nobody made me fat but me, harsh critisism only made me turn to the crappy food, and as a comfort eater, though i did get some comfort, the disgust i felt at what i was doing was a never ending circle.....if i were addicted to drugs, but not overweight, would the critiscism be as harsh....dont know...but i see plenty of people who think nothing of opening a bottle of wine every evening to relax and chill.....psychologically speaking, i think nurturing and increasing self worth are the best route with any addict, demeaning people doesnt work for everyone.....i have a constant day long battle for healthy foods over rubbish.....and i have found a way of eating that helps me lose weight, and not crave the carbs..., but that is only me,mightnt work for everyone...
parting thought...as my nan always said, "if you havent anything nice to say, dont say anything at all"
carry on...

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