Give people REALLY bad advice!!!

ALWAYS listen to weight loss advice your mother gives you...and how she thinks you looked better when you were ten pounds lighter...but she's worried about you not eating enough right now.

My mom convinced me to go to 700 cal/day for a few days. And I did lose like, 3 pounds, but it came right back on when I started eating normally again. Mothers can be way less helpful than they think they're being.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Thanks for this thread!

- Believe everything taunto and BrainyBurro post, they are always 100% serious … ETA whierd, he's always serious too
- If it has anything in it, it doesn't count as water.Only water is water (that includes the minerals in tap water, right?)
- cat gifs mean that the thread is really serious and you should follow its advice to a T
- sugar is addictive and bad, artificial sweeteners are addictive and bad, wheat is addictive and bad, processed food is addictive and bad for you and oh the chemicals!, but HCG and diet pills are okay
- if you didn't lose weight this week, you're eating too much, or too little, or you're not counting it right. Because weight loss is linear and nobody ever goes up for a week or two then goes back down.
- if you don't agree with someone you are mean You should encourage them to eat only 800 calories and exercise 2 hours a day, that's what they want to hear.
-short women need to eat 1200 calories or less to lose weight (Can I tell you how much I love this advice?)

Use a good old fashioned rolling pin to roll that fat right off your thighs and stomach. Have your partner do your rear end, but make sure he/she rolls in an upward motion, otherwise your bum will hang down to your knees.

Start your children off on a road to good health and a slim lifestyle. Make up a dreadful story about particular foods and be convincing. My mother once told me that horseradish was made from ground up horses....and I've never touched it in my life. I shudder to think how obese I'd be if horseradish was a part of my diet!

:bigsmile:

Use a good old fashioned rolling pin to roll that fat right off your thighs and stomach. Have your partner do your rear end, but make sure he/she rolls in an upward motion, otherwise your bum will hang down to your knees.

Start your children off on a road to good health and a slim lifestyle. Make up a dreadful story about particular foods and be convincing. My mother once told me that horseradish was made from ground up horses....and I've never touched it in my life. I shudder to think how obese I'd be if horseradish was a part of my diet!

:bigsmile:

Teach your kids about "good" food and "bad" food and take pride in the fact that they denounce fast food restaurants as 'yucky' when you drive by them simply because you've told them so! When they grow up to have an unhealthy relationship with food, blame society since you obviously did your best to point them in the other direction.

It's not your fault.

Ok, this is the one I was referring to. This one is good in a "ouch!" kind of way

Always spell the word "lose" like this: "loose." It will make you look really smart. Don't lose weight. Loose weight.

BWAHAHAHA

-Lift with your back, not your legs.
-Hold your breath for every set.
-*kitten* rules apply; if you can take it by force, it's yours.
-The above applies to benches, machines, equipment, members of the opposite sex, and showers.
-While at Planet Fitness the above also applies to pizza, members of the same sex, and Chihuahua’s stuffed in handbags.
-A lifter's fighting ability is inversely proportional the amount of iron they lift.

HERBALIFE WORKS AND YOU SHOULD ALL BE ON IT AND USE ALL OF THEIR PRODUCTS AND IT WILL TOTALLY WORK FOREVER AND IS NOT A PYRAMID SCHEME

Dont EVER EVER EVER squat...that ****s bad for your knees and junk...lmao :laugh:

Yes you should stop! I have done them since I was 16 and now at 45 it is a miracle I am not in a wheelchair... the hammer was ready to fall with each squat..

That turn of phrase made me laugh so hard.

This entire thread is comedy gold.

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If you can't get to sleep at night, boot up the computer and read this thread, it will put you to sleep instantly.

If you are having money problems you should sign up with Amway, you'll be making the big bucks in no time.

If you can't afford to buy a new car, lease a new car, it's basically the same, costs less and hey NEW CAR!!

Education is overrated.

Facebook friends will always have your back.

Saying LOL IRL will make you look smart and saying OMG IRL will make U look genius.

Pay for everything with a check and wait until you get the total before writing out the check.

There is no point to trying to lose weight after you are older than 30.

Exercise doesn't help much in losing weight.

Don't eat after 6 pm it will make you fat.

Don't do cardio that will make you even fatter.

If someone calls you at home and says they have noticed a problem with your computer give them your access codes they are totally going to fix your computer.

Invite Jehovah's witnesses in and convert or better yet become a Scientologist, they have scientist in their name so they must know what they are talking about.

Leave major purchases in the back seat of your car and leave it unlocked, people don't steal anymore.

Stay with your partner for the sake of the children, even if you don't have any children.

Keep at the forums they really grow your forearms, right next to *kitten*

Browse MFP forums all day, surely your house is going to clean itself anyway.

Always eat with your best, funniest friends. That way no matter what you will lose weight. Two reasons: 1. You are too busy talking to overeat, your mouth is already busy. 2. Any calories consumed are negative calories because you are already laughing off more than you are taking in.
Never, ever eat alone or with boring people.