Women in relationships aren't allowed to have male friends?

Question for those that have had trust issues and no longer do, or jealousy issues - how do you get over them?

Date someone you trust.

I have never once in my life feared being cheated on because I have always dated men who had standards for how they wanted to be in the world. It wasn't "oh i'm so in love with corvus corax, I would never cheat!" It was "I am a man of my word and I would never treat any human being like that." This is how.

I've never had jealousy issues, even though I've been cheated on.

Mainly because I don't feel like having a man in my life is the be all and end all. Being single is OK. If a guy wants to be with someone else, he shouldn't let the door hit him on the way out. I'll be good alone or find someone else. So I guess my thing is, I don't get jealous because I don't want to have to be on the alert all the time. If another woman talks to my SO, he's either going to cheat or he's not. I assume he won't and if he does, then bye bye. It isn't worth the energy.

Why would you want to be like that? Why do you want to be in a relationship with someone you don't feel you can trust? Why do you want to be in any relationship if you can't handle that men and women both live in the world and talk to each other? If he lies to you, you're going to know. Then you have a choice to make.

Be happy and secure with who you are and the life you have that is your own and it won't matter so much.

I don't know if this comment is in response to me or not, but I have also been in open relationships so the simple fact that I don't worry about being cheated on doesn't mean that I spend all my time worrying about who my man talks to. I also don't give my heart out easily so I would never have this attitude of "don't let the door hit you on your way out." I get attached I suppose. That's not to say I don't ever have "issues" but mine aren't about my man having women friends, or my man cheating on me.

I know that. But it's also total crap, through and through. I found nothing redeeming about those books. At all.

Now, The Taking of Sleeping Beauty did shock me a bit. I had to stop reading at a very specific scene and will not pick it up again. However, at least Anne Rice can write!

that she can, I need to pick that up and check it out.

People here kept talking about it, so I got it from Amazon. The scene that got me was basically a guy raping another guy -- very brutally.

That kind of thing isn't really a turn-on to me, so yeah, I couldn't go any further. lol But if you can handle that, you might enjoy it.

I read The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo trilogy and it had some pretty brutal stuff in it too...the Dutch versions of the films were much more graphic than the American version of the first installment.

Aren't those about hunting a serial killer, though? I went into the Beauty book thinking it was just a bit of porn.

The first one has a serial killer in it, but the book is basically about Lisbeth's history and how she came to be how she is...and what she does to get even..if you have only seen the first one I recommend reading the whole series...very well written and you would never guess how it all ties together until the very end. I thought the same thing about the first book...How in the world did they get the title, because it didn't seem to be about her at all..but it lays the groundwork for the other two.

I was told the original title was "Men who hate women".... the #1 reason I have no interest in reading that book.

I know that. But it's also total crap, through and through. I found nothing redeeming about those books. At all.

Now, The Taking of Sleeping Beauty did shock me a bit. I had to stop reading at a very specific scene and will not pick it up again. However, at least Anne Rice can write!

that she can, I need to pick that up and check it out.

People here kept talking about it, so I got it from Amazon. The scene that got me was basically a guy raping another guy -- very brutally.

That kind of thing isn't really a turn-on to me, so yeah, I couldn't go any further. lol But if you can handle that, you might enjoy it.

I read The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo trilogy and it had some pretty brutal stuff in it too...the Dutch versions of the films were much more graphic than the American version of the first installment.

Aren't those about hunting a serial killer, though? I went into the Beauty book thinking it was just a bit of porn.

The first one has a serial killer in it, but the book is basically about Lisbeth's history and how she came to be how she is...and what she does to get even..if you have only seen the first one I recommend reading the whole series...very well written and you would never guess how it all ties together until the very end. I thought the same thing about the first book...How in the world did they get the title, because it didn't seem to be about her at all..but it lays the groundwork for the other two.

I was told the original title was "Men who hate women".... the #1 reason I have no interest in reading that book.

I think that is misinformation that you got. The man that wrote the trilogy did so for very personal reasons and traumatic experiences with the subject matter of women being raped. I read the books and saw the original movie series. It is very intense and triggering. But, it is very well done. And I liked it a lot. I can't say that for many movies (but I do like to read). It is about Lisbeth's life, and her experiences that have led her to where she is and how she is mistreated and takes matters into her own hands to protect herself (because she won't be able to get help from law enforcement). It's just a book/movie. I would never be ok with this in real life. But, I have to say that I really liked her strong character, and found it to be healing in a unique kind of way and empowering. And it has been a movie that RAINN has discussed and done viewings of. There is another plot line in which she is investigating a cold case murder, and uncovers what is at the root of all that occurred back then.

There are many kind and good men in the plot lines as well. In the Original version it is better.

I think whoever said the original title was that was missing the point.

Now, it is very controversial and not all survivors like it because it is very triggering. I did not like the American version of the movie. It lacked the strong female lead and was too emotionless for me and was kind of creepy when Lisbeth gets into a sexual relationship with the male lead (it was not creepy in the original versions and worked well with the plot). If I had only seen the American movie I would have strongly disliked it. It would not hold my interest and I could not watch the whole thing of the American movie. I loved Noomi Rapace as Lisbeth in the Original versions and she is also very muscular and strong. I hope I didn't give away the plot too much. I don't think I did.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Girl_with_the_Dragon_Tattoo

http://detectivesbeyondborders.blogspot.com/2008/06/have-you-read-stieg-larsson-men-who.html

just sayin'.

Oh, I see. But, I still liked it. And the men that do what they do in the book, do hate women (misogynists and sadists)...so I guess that is part of what came from his own experience and trauma from his life experiences. There are men in the story that love women and do not hate women as well.

of course. I actually just read about the author's experience today- sounds like he was working out some of his own trauma in it. I didn't mean to make my comment sound like a condemnation of the book. But for me, I think reading it would not be very much fun given how much sexual violence against women plays a role, even with a strong female character. It's possible I would like it, but having to read through those scenes would be painful.

Oh, I see. But, I still liked it. And the men that do what they do in the book, do hate women (misogynists and sadists)...so I guess that is part of what came from his own experience and trauma from his life experiences. There are men in the story that love women and do not hate women as well.

of course. I actually just read about the author's experience today- sounds like he was working out some of his own trauma in it. I didn't mean to make my comment sound like a condemnation of the book. But for me, I think reading it would not be very much fun given how much sexual violence against women plays a role, even with a strong female character. It's possible I would like it, but having to read through those scenes would be painful.

I can understand that if you've been a victim or are very sensitive. A title like "men Who Hate Women" wouldn't turn me off to a book as long as it was done well and had a point and wasn't just a sadistic sexual fantasy or something like that. I think it's an interesting title and an interesting subject to explore.

I haven't read these books or seen the movie, so I can't comment on any of that, but I've heard good things from people whose opinions on literature I trust.

But I'm not a sexual violence victim. Still, I had a very, very strong and negative reaction to The Book Thief. Everyone else said they found it kind of funny and light (the way he presents it, anyway, if not the subject) but I actually had terrible nightmares every night for the entire week it took me to read it and I barely slept.

Oh, I see. But, I still liked it. And the men that do what they do in the book, do hate women (misogynists and sadists)...so I guess that is part of what came from his own experience and trauma from his life experiences. There are men in the story that love women and do not hate women as well.

of course. I actually just read about the author's experience today- sounds like he was working out some of his own trauma in it. I didn't mean to make my comment sound like a condemnation of the book. But for me, I think reading it would not be very much fun given how much sexual violence against women plays a role, even with a strong female character. It's possible I would like it, but having to read through those scenes would be painful.

Yeah, I understand.