Not interested in my husband anymore
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You're a sicko.
That comparison is totally bogus. A toddler won't feel the emotional pain of that shot for years to come.
Do the right thing and uphold the vows you made before God. He deserves to know the truth, and not be forced to live a lie.
Like the smallpox scar? Cause that lasts forever. (don't worry about the reference it might be too old for you to get)0 -
You're 23......
Wow, you're a smart one. That must take great skill ... stalking my profile, and reposting my personal information.What is the context of my age in relation to my post? Zilch, nada, none.
How long can you really have been married if you are only 23? How do you know how having children, age and changing bodies effect sex drive? A lot of people fall in and out of love (or attraction) with their partners over the course of a long marriage, and there's no reason judge someone for it, or feel smug and superior because you are still in the "worship" your husband stage. And really good for you. I'm glad you do, really. But you don't need to judge others who are in different places than yourself.
I have been with my husband 12 years. I am very much in love with him right now, and attracted to him, but no, the OP isn't a horrible woman for feeling the way she does and for asking for advice before potentially hurting someone she cares deeply for. Her marriage isn't doomed. Her husband isn't going to automatically leave her. She just needs to figure this out.
True Story. OP - there is something really unspeakably crazy that happens when you have children. You see each other differently, weird out-of-nowhere resentments form and you don't notice them until they are dug in and don't want to let go. Marriage is hard. Sometimes it's exhaustion, or hormones, or just general frustration. Focus on the good, what you love about him, and challenge him with positivity to get on track with his fitness. You don't need to say "hey, I hate having sex with you" - let yourself love him. See him like you used to. And live for him and your family. It may be that as you lose weight, you are just more aware of yourself, your body...and be more self conscious than you realized.0 -
No matter how great you believe your relationship is...you've shown you do not have open and honest communication about Everything.
Hate to say this, but your relationship is not fabulous, outstanding, honoring, or anything other than friends living together.
Love is a gift for which you give 100% freely and not to be expected in return from another. Either they receive it, honor and respect it with equal in return, or you get coal in your stocking. You have to be able to communicate about anything with control on emotional impact of your words.
You are lacking in the core of all of this. If not, then there would be no reason for this post. There would be no reason why you have not talked with him about it.
Respect. Honor. Return.0 -
Having had marital issues (and having them), you have to face the problem. Do you want to fix it? There is no solution in doing nothing. It's status quo. If you think it's worth fixing and are that devoted to your relaitonship, seek every path to what may fix it. If at the end of those paths you've found nothing, the answer will be obvious. At least then you BOTH can have peace knowing you both gave it all. Leaving him out in the dark isn't right...even if it'll break his heart.0
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sell him on ebay?
Already tried. It's illegal, apparently.
Yet I'm ugly on the inside. Sure.
At this point, I think a bunch of us are wondering if there is anything inside.0 -
Ok. So what do I say? I don't want to hurt him at all.
"Honey. I'm sure you've noticed but I'm having issues wanting to have sex. I don't know what to do. Any suggestions? Do you think counseling might help us? What about more date nights? Lets go to the sex store..."
Just talk. Just opening up might help. Don't make it about him (yet). Maybe you can get back into it without ever really revealing the real reason.0 -
You're a sicko.
That comparison is totally bogus. A toddler won't feel the emotional pain of that shot for years to come.
Do the right thing and uphold the vows you made before God. He deserves to know the truth, and not be forced to live a lie.
This is where I think your age is a factor that is not doing you any favors. Things become less black and white as you grow up, and if you haven't had your kid go through getting shots, you can't really even comment on that. My first daughter got her shots as a baby and she screamed at the top of her lungs during the shot, and then for four hours after. Not just crying, but piercing shrieks that tylenol wouldn't ease. She wasn't in medical danger, but she did react to the shot.
That was the worst 6 hours I've endured. Did I get gun shy the next time I took her? Yes because I couldn't bear inflicting that sort of pain on her again. But interestingly enough, the second time she didn't react the same way. Why? Because I asked my doctor, and my friends what I could do the next time around to make it better.
It doesn't have to be a one to one relationship between the real life and the analogy that the OP has drawn... the essence is: she cares about her husband and doesn't want to hurt him. She is afraid and hopes theres a way she can fix it without inflicting that pain. Just like I asked for help from others that had gone through what I went through, she is doing the same. She is trying to skip the first shot, and go straight to the second one.
Yes the OP needs to talk to her spouse, but hopefully she can wade through the BS Fit-Slinging posts and find the ones that actually have helpful tips to make that talk the best one possible.0 -
A trying time in your life?
Don't even go there.
I have lupus, a debilitating disease. It's a struggle for me to even get out of bed, let alone work out. Or cook. Or be in a good mood. But I do all of these things for my husband. Nearly every damn day.
You've gone on and on about how great your husband is and how wonderful your life is with him. So ... if you don't have depression, or some other kind of mental illness, then you are a truly ego maniacal woman. You have so much to be thankful for, stop your *****ing and moaning and enjoy your loved ones.0 -
Don't worry so much about hurting his feelings, worry about being open and letting him work through this with you. It's not going to be easy but it needs to be done now. If you can't communicate, it's not going to work.
I agree with this. He's just so amazing to me all the time, it kills me to think of saying things that will hurt him, even though I know it can help. Like holding your toddler down for a shot, you know? It'll be for the best, but it hurts the heart to bring pain to those you love, no matter what the reason is.
So I think you have your answer. Talk to your husband.
Ok. So what do I say? I don't want to hurt him at all.
You sit down, look him in the eye, and say this:
"Honey, you know how sometimes a dog barks all night and keeps you awake? But if you punish the dog for it, he might not bark later when someone is trying to break into your house.
Also, you're fat."0 -
I'm not married, but I would think it's best to talk with him about his weight if it is bothering you. I don't think I would bring up that I'm not feeling attracted to him, but that I'm concerned for his health, etc. These kinds of things ebb and flow, so I don't think you are wrong for feeling that way. If your marriage is important to you, make an effort to rekindle the spark. Try to focus on things that you like about your husband and plan a get away together. I would make every effort to invest in my relationship and my marriage. I would even talk with a counselor to get more advice. Try not to fantasize about other men, I think that leads down a bad road. Good luck!0
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Hate to say this, but your relationship is not fabulous, outstanding, honoring, or anything other than friends living together.
And you get all this from an anonymous post on the internet? That's incredible! Posting here for advice is really no different from seeking individual counseling. She's asking for help in figuring out what is wrong with HER, without having to drag her husband through the mud.
I can't believe how much people glean from a few words across a handful of posts.0 -
I obviously don't know you .. I don't .. But I am gonna give you the advice you are asking for based on what you have said..
You probably spend to much time flirting with other men here on MFP...Which I bet some you may have gotten emotionally attached to in some form or fashion .. You are using up energy which should be for your Husband, on relationships here..
You say he is all great yadda yadda.. But what this boils down to, to me is that you just aren't attracted to him any more. Doesn't mean you don't love him etc etc.. You just lost attraction..
Some times us guys are blind to this.. and some times we aren't we are actually scared to death but do not know how to fix it..
I would 100% like to remind you .. You MADE a vowel to love this man through thick and thin... Instead of whining on here you need to figure out how you can save your marriage especially if he is all the great things you say he is..
I would honestly say you two need help... But if therapy is to expensive for you and him at the moment. Perhaps you should try this book .. Check out the site marriedmansexlife.com Buy the married man sex life primer book ( its 10 bucks from amazon ) Have you and YOUR hubby read it..
Maybe you can put down your stupid fantasies of how green the grass may be on the other side and actually put the work back into your relationship and your family.
You're an adult marriage has ups and downs but on the downs that doesn't mean you cut tail and run .You need to be the wife he fell in love with again but a better version .. I am sure its hard but fake it until you make it..
I really like this!0 -
How do you know I don't have children who have received shots? Don't make assumptions.
Hiding things from your husband and potentially rendering him unable to connect with another woman EVER again is not the same as a kid getting a shot. Seriously? I guess you just care that little about your spouses. I hate it when mother's over dramatize ... your child is probably terrified because you put it in their minds it was going to be a negative experience. Good job.
Is there some "Kids Who Got Icky Shots And Grew Up To Be Depressed" support group I'm not aware of?0 -
Don't worry so much about hurting his feelings, worry about being open and letting him work through this with you. It's not going to be easy but it needs to be done now. If you can't communicate, it's not going to work.
I agree with this. He's just so amazing to me all the time, it kills me to think of saying things that will hurt him, even though I know it can help. Like holding your toddler down for a shot, you know? It'll be for the best, but it hurts the heart to bring pain to those you love, no matter what the reason is.
So I think you have your answer. Talk to your husband.
Ok. So what do I say? I don't want to hurt him at all.
I would tell him the truth. He's going to be hurt, there's no way around that. But would you rather have him be hurt, you guys work it out in counseling or whichever way you go and try and make things better........OR hold this all in, eventually have it all blow up and you actually end up getting a divorce?0 -
Wait, don't answer that ... you probably just made one yourself and are going to send me the link.0
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A trying time in your life?
Don't even go there.
I have lupus, a debilitating disease. It's a struggle for me to even get out of bed, let alone work out. Or cook. Or be in a good mood. But I do all of these things for my husband. Nearly every damn day.
You've gone on and on about how great your husband is and how wonderful your life is with him. So ... if you don't have depression, or some other kind of mental illness, then you are a truly ego maniacal woman. You have so much to be thankful for, stop your *****ing and moaning and enjoy your loved ones.
So because you have lupus means she can't possibly have factors in her life that are considered a struggle? Makes sense.... I see your lupus doesn't prevent you from raking random people over the coals from the safety of your keyboard. And fwiw, she's not moaning or groaning, she's seeking advice to make her relationship with her husband better. Big difference.0 -
A few points at random...
Emotional:
- stop right now and make a list of 50 things you love about your husband. Include things that are physical (his eyes, smile, scent).
- how is he with your child? make sure that you spend time as a couple, where the child is not part of the equation. Also get some alone time, if you find that you are always with your child, you may need time alone.
- I would recommend NOT fantasizing about someone else, real, movie, or imagined. Doing that, while being intimate with him, detracts from your moment with him and will destroy your connection with eachother. If you don't want to cheat on him in body, then don't allow yourself to cheat on him in your mind.
- start flirting with him, in person, in text
- don't say anythinig to another man on here, that you don't currently say to him. Before you tell anyone (male) on here how great they look, or how awesome they are... think about him, and send him a SINCERE compliment first.
- don't fall into the MFP Fake Compliment trap... a lot of people are highly supportive and kind, but a LOT blow sunshine up your *kitten* too.. take it all with a grain of salt
Practical:
- has he changed his deodorant, body wash, or shampoo lately... humans are naturally pheromone driven - if his base scent has changed, then maybe that has some sort of factor
- is it possible that maybe a new scent is in order? change your laundry detergent, or go shopping for a new cologne or body wash for the both of you.
(Before you laugh... I am incredibly scent driven... I LOVE the smell of my guy... just the smell on his shirt gets me in the mood... maybe a change in such a small area could make a difference.)
- take a shower right beforehand, spend extra time grooming and peparing yourself, get yourself aroused in the shower
- try some of the Lora Corn challenge books (101 romantic nights, 101 quickies, etc... suggestions to build anticipation and sexify your life)
ETA: maybe it wasn't random after all... and maybe you should also get some bloodwork done to check your nutrient levels... maybe things are out of sync in terms of body chemistry now that you are exercising.
These are great! I haven't heard Lora Corn's name in years, nice call! I'm scent driven, too. The smell of Jovan Musk makes my pants fall off faster than tequila!0 -
How do you know I don't have children who have received shots? Don't make assumptions.
Hiding things from your husband and potentially rendering him unable to connect with another woman EVER again is not the same as a kid getting a shot. Seriously? I guess you just care that little about your spouses. I hate it when mother's over dramatize ... your child is probably terrified because you put it in their minds it was going to be a negative experience. Good job.
Is there some "Kids Who Got Icky Shots And Grew Up To Be Depressed" support group I'm not aware of?
For claiming to be an "intellectual snob", you are short-sighted, mean-spirited, and altogether unpleasant.0 -
First, the fantasizing about other guys will only lead you into a downward spiral. That needs to stop. (To be fair, you sound like you're probably already aware of that.)
Second, do you have anyone you can talk to in real life, ideally someone who knows both of you well? A pastor, parents, trusted older friend, etc.? Someone in a long, stable marriage, who has been around the block a few times, could probably be more help than a whole Internet full of message boards.
Third, if you think your husband's weight is the issue (although I tend to agree with others who say there may be something more going on), is there any way you can come alongside him to help him put it off faster?
Finally, I don't know if you're a person of faith, but I'm praying for you and your marriage tonight.0 -
When people, whose profiles I view and laugh at, don't like me ... I pat myself on the back.0
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