Work birthday - I'm a jerk for not eating pizza and cake

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  • NerdyTXChick
    NerdyTXChick Posts: 155 Member
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    I just saw this quote and thought it was applicable (sorry I don't know who said it): "When good manners make people uncomfortable, they're no longer good manners. Etiquette is not a club you beat people with." I think once you've declined, it is rude on the other person's part to persist. An exception would be someone playfully saying, "Oh come on, you can have a little". I've had friends say this that I know are very supportive of my healthy lifestyle and it's obvious they don't mean any harm. They genuinely want to make sure I'm not being too hard on myself. But if someone starts belittling you for not partaking of the offered food, I think it then qualifies as rudeness on their part.
  • cafeaulait7
    cafeaulait7 Posts: 2,459 Member
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    This thread delivers :D
    The OP's problem has never been one for me despite having spent years and years on a very restrictve diet. I go to the office lunches and so on. "No thanks, I have food allergies that make me really sick - I came along for the company and the celebration, not for the food. I'll order an iced tea (or have a cup of that soda, or this bottle of water) so I can sit and chat." That with a pleasant smile usually ends the topic. Because everyone knows these events are not ABOUT the food; it's just a prop for the companionship. If anyone acts like a jerk after that, he's the jerk, not me, and it's obvious to onlookers.

    That's a great way! I think as long as you still seem happy enough about the party and involved with the people, that's the key thing to be polite. I recommended bringing a tray of something like fruit to eat and share if others want it (or not), but it doesn't even have to go that far. Just let them know you enjoy them (or fake it, since it's work!).
  • willrun4bagels
    willrun4bagels Posts: 838 Member
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    Today my company ordered pizza for everyone before we left for Thanksgiving. I'd packed my own lunch as I do every day, and another employee says "maybe we can even entice ____(me) to have some pizza!", I said "no thank you, I brought my lunch". We all get to the lunchroom and as I'm having my lunch, all I'm getting are death stares from everyone else as they wolfed down their pizza. Someone else said "oh yeah I forgot you eat like a bird". Thanks!!!! I eat 5 small meals a day, 3 of those meals are eaten at work. Obviously they see me eating all day! I don't get it either...
  • Dewymorning
    Dewymorning Posts: 762 Member
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    I have noticed at work when I am preparing my lunch of salad (I make super tasty salad by the way), I always get someone commenting "That looks healthy" or "What a healthy lunch you are having".

    And I am like "Yes".

    I mean I don't mind it, but when I have heard that comment for the 100th time it gets a bit old.
  • Dewymorning
    Dewymorning Posts: 762 Member
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    Hmm, you're not a jerk but I would have participated in the lunch with my colleagues and adjusted my evening calories accordingly. One or two slices wouldn't have hurt blown the calorie budget. In future they may just not invite you if you're just going to stand there nibbling lettuce...

    It's not the calories. She's allergic to dairy.

    Right you are. Substitute the word pizza for cake in that case. Eat the darn cake woman. she can't be allergic to everything.

    Having once been friends with someone with a severe allergy to dairy there are a lot of things they can't eat.

    I also had a friend allergic to so many things she could only eat rice, vegetables and fish. All else was risky business.
  • chocolate_totoro
    chocolate_totoro Posts: 827 Member
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    I know EXACTLY how you feel!
    I don't eat dairy, refined sugar, nor grains.
    People around me always complain about my "special diet." This is especially true around the holidays, when rich foods are in abundance.
    First of all, it's not a diet. It's my lifestyle!
    Second, there's nothing wrong with taking care of myself with wholesome food.
    And yes, there is such a thing as treating myself whilst eating healthy foods.
  • Phaedra2014
    Phaedra2014 Posts: 1,254 Member
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    I politely say no thank you.

    Then after more why why why I have to explain (AGAIN) that I can't eat dairy. Then whoever orders stuff says they feel bad they would have ordered me some without cheese.

    I say thank you, but I'm not a pizza eater much anyway. No really it's okay.

    Someone blurts out that I always eat HEALTHY - and suddenly everyone wants to know why I don't TREAT MYSELF. Then suddenly I'm a jerk and think I'm better than everyone.

    I treated myself all weekend thank you and crappy cheese pizza without cheese is not all that good! The lunch I brought is way better.

    Yeah I had the same treatment also but now my very overweight co-workers check me out silently when I wear my tight jeans and I know they're a little bit jealous! But hey, I put in the hard work, said no to foods that were unhealthy for me, and displayed discipline and consistency.

    All that is available to them too but they choose not to do it. Well, that's not my problem. Nobody can make me feel bad without my permission.
  • jesszamoraweiss
    jesszamoraweiss Posts: 4 Member
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    I love this. I think that sharing food is so vitally important to building community. I think when people point out when someone isn't eating like them it's not just because they are jealous, it's because they want everyone present to be a part of the gathering. It's really difficult to spread positive habits, because eating cake is easier, but perhaps bringing in healthy foods (fruit platters or veggie trays) to give to co-workers on their birthdays could be a solution. This way you can show that you want to participate socially, but just in a different way. And that might motivate others to try to eat healthier too, and your whole office could come together in a different.

    The biggest thing is that you have to want to get to know your co-workers and they have to want to get to know you. It's only when you interact on a human level that you will grow to understand each other. If it seems that's not an option in the work place, then maybe evaluate if there isn't a different place you could work where you might be able to relate to your co-workers in this way.
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,326 Member
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    i dont think you're being a jerk per se, but as other have pointed out the food is more about community building than eating.

    with that said, i also have food allergies and i just bring stuff i can eat OR i ask the person ordering to show me the menu so i can pick what i can eat.
  • MizSookeh
    MizSookeh Posts: 106 Member
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    Urgh.

    The last place I worked went out for a team lunch each Thursday. Not a catered for/company paid for thing, just everyone expected to go out and pay for their lunch and eat it together at the same place.

    The local options were never that great (pub food, burger joints, greasy food court style Chinese food, etc) and regardless of why you might want to pass on joining them, even if it was just ONCE!!, the guilting, the shaming, the sulking.

    Didn't matter if they (the bosses) were the ones pushing you to meet a deadline and you needed that extra hour to yourself that day, or if you were trying to save money, or if you didn't want to spend your money at the place the majority voted for, or (whole point of thread) trying to eat well.

    Hated that place so much. The only female working in an office run by two mates from high school who considered themselves 'trendsetters' and thought they were 'so progressive' by letting you leave the office in the afternoon for a 10 minute walk if you needed it. (better end rant, going off topic!)

    tl;dr - It's nice if you do get along with colleagues, but ultimately you get paid to do your job, so f*** them if they have a problem with you not being "one of the gang".
  • CopperB73
    CopperB73 Posts: 39 Member
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    There was a good post about this just now on "Nerd Fitness" http://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/2013/11/27/how-to-avoid-holiday-confrontation-while-living-healthy/
    The take-home (as many have said above : it's your business if you want to be different, but don't draw unnecessary attention to it, because that can either cause concern, or look like a put-down.
    Also the point that(whether it is Thanksgiving or other festival meal, or a shared meal at work) part of the point of it is to spend time together: best if no one spoils that for the sake of the food!
  • rawstrongchick
    rawstrongchick Posts: 66 Member
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    Cake over here in the UK is made using butter. Butter is made from cream/milk and is therefore unsuitable for people suffering from dairy allergies. Regardless of the icing.

    Your company will want you to be on top form and to take minimal sickness during the year to help maximise their returns. Being pressured into eating something to make yourself sick doesn't benefit anyone.

    I find, like another poster above, that it works best to turn the subject matter around in a way which positively puts the attention back on the person commenting. I too do the "oh I have food allergies" brush off followed quickly with "I'm here for a chat not for the food, I over heard X saying you'd really made progress with Y" with that tell-me-more-about-it expression. This has never failed yet to get someone off of the topic of commenting on my diet and putting the attention back on them. Nothing stops a person commenting on someone else like the chance to talk all about themselves!

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