A girl who activeley pursues a man with a gf...
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Women who stay with men who cheat are just as dumb as women who pursue men who will cheat on their gf or wife. Cheaters never change; once a cheat, always a cheat. Lose him and move on.
What about the guy, who keeps getting thrown out and going back? Is he dumb too?
I was addressing the OP, so I didn't address the bf. All parties in this are immature and need to grow up before they can have a mature relationship. Anyone conducting a relationship in this manner (as posted by the OP) need to take a time-out, leave each other alone, get to know themselves and what they want in a relationship, then reassess the relationship that they just took a break from. I think that the OP and her bf may realize that they want something that neither of them are able to give.0 -
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Time to move on and find yourself a REAL man.
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It never fails to make me chuckle when people who cheat excuse it as an accident. I've been approached more times than I care to remember by guys in committed relationships looking to cheat. Want to know how much thought I had to put in the choice to say no? Zero. Again, read: choice.
Shame on her for pursuing him. Shame shame on him for cheating. Shame shame shame on you for allowing this to continue and convincing yourself this might be acceptable behavior. Sounds like there are much bigger issues brewing.
This.0 -
Time to move on and find yourself a REAL man.
I like you.0 -
You fought, then kicked him out/broke up with him.
He only slept with this girl during that time.
He didn't cheat.
You'd think this would be the case, but that involves logic.
Pretty sure most people aren't logical with their emotions (except me, i am robot).
Wait - are you missing the part where they were texting incessantly while NOT on a break? Or am *I* missing something?
Texting =/= cheating. Especially assuming he really was ignoring her when she turned the conversation to relationship junk.
Texting shouldn't have happened, but it's still not cheating.
And in my original post (it wasn't quoted by the person who replied) I said they should probably just split up anyway. Too many problems in too little time.0 -
Well, he's getting it from two women who both seem to believe his lies no matter what he does, so not so much.Women who stay with men who cheat are just as dumb as women who pursue men who will cheat on their gf or wife. Cheaters never change; once a cheat, always a cheat. Lose him and move on.
What about the guy, who keeps getting thrown out and going back? Is he dumb too?
He has his backup plan, after all.
I think he's dumb for relying on women to put a roof over his head and having to deal with the proprietary attitudes this creates in them.0 -
You fought, then kicked him out/broke up with him.
He only slept with this girl during that time.
He didn't cheat.
You'd think this would be the case, but that involves logic.
Pretty sure most people aren't logical with their emotions (except me, i am robot).
Wait - are you missing the part where they were texting incessantly while NOT on a break? Or am *I* missing something?
Texting =/= cheating. Especially assuming he really was ignoring her when she turned the conversation to relationship junk.
Texting shouldn't have happened, but it's still not cheating.
And in my original post (it wasn't quoted by the person who replied) I said they should probably just split up anyway. Too many problems in too little time.
Of course it is cheating. She was after him, and he didn't shut her down, even when asked to. In fact, he continued to lead her on. That is cheating. Actual sex isn't necessary to fit the description of cheating.
cheat (cht)
v. cheat·ed, cheat·ing, cheats
v.tr.
1. To deceive by trickery; swindle: cheated customers by overcharging them for purchases.
2. To deprive by trickery; defraud: cheated them of their land.
3. To mislead; fool: illusions that cheat the eye.
4. To elude; escape: cheat death.
v.intr.
1. To act dishonestly; practice fraud.
2. To violate rules deliberately, as in a game: was accused of cheating at cards.
3. Informal To be sexually unfaithful: cheat on a spouse.
4. Baseball To position oneself closer to a certain area than is normal or expected: The shortstop cheated toward second base.
n.
1. An act of cheating; a fraud or swindle.
2. One who cheats; a swindler.
3. A computer application, password, or disallowed technique used to advance to a higher skill level in a computer video game.
4. Law Fraudulent acquisition of another's property.
5. Botany An annual European species of brome grass (Bromus secalinus) widely naturalized in temperate regions.0 -
He's only dumb if it doesn't work. :-)
Well, he's getting it from two women who both seem to believe his lies no matter what he does, so not so much.Women who stay with men who cheat are just as dumb as women who pursue men who will cheat on their gf or wife. Cheaters never change; once a cheat, always a cheat. Lose him and move on.
What about the guy, who keeps getting thrown out and going back? Is he dumb too?
He has his backup plan, after all.
I think he's dumb for relying on women to put a roof over his head and having to deal with the proprietary attitudes this creates in them.0 -
Women who stay with men who cheat are just as dumb as women who pursue men who will cheat on their gf or wife. Cheaters never change; once a cheat, always a cheat. Lose him and move on.
What about the guy, who keeps getting thrown out and going back? Is he dumb too?
Ya, thats where I'm feeling like I helped the situation and thats from my own emotional baggage, and thats why I am going to talk to a counselor- Either way, with him or without him, I will never have a good relationship if I can't get over the past issues I've had in relationships. I'm glad you pointed that out and thats exactly why I added it in there0 -
From OP:If they wanted you, they would be with you. Ladies, we are classier than that!! Sorry so heavy for a Tuesday morning, but opinions please
But....He WAS with her.....MULTIPLE TIMES!! (And PROBABLY more times than you even realize)
Open your eyes babe! Stop wasting your time. You only have one life to live.
I found this contradiction amusing also.0 -
I think people have different ideas of cheating- maybe a better question would be was it wrong?? YES!You fought, then kicked him out/broke up with him.
He only slept with this girl during that time.
He didn't cheat.
You'd think this would be the case, but that involves logic.
Pretty sure most people aren't logical with their emotions (except me, i am robot).
Wait - are you missing the part where they were texting incessantly while NOT on a break? Or am *I* missing something?
Texting =/= cheating. Especially assuming he really was ignoring her when she turned the conversation to relationship junk.
Texting shouldn't have happened, but it's still not cheating.
And in my original post (it wasn't quoted by the person who replied) I said they should probably just split up anyway. Too many problems in too little time.
Of course it is cheating. She was after him, and he didn't shut her down, even when asked to. In fact, he continued to lead her on. That is cheating. Actual sex isn't necessary to fit the description of cheating.
cheat (cht)
v. cheat·ed, cheat·ing, cheats
v.tr.
1. To deceive by trickery; swindle: cheated customers by overcharging them for purchases.
2. To deprive by trickery; defraud: cheated them of their land.
3. To mislead; fool: illusions that cheat the eye.
4. To elude; escape: cheat death.
v.intr.
1. To act dishonestly; practice fraud.
2. To violate rules deliberately, as in a game: was accused of cheating at cards.
3. Informal To be sexually unfaithful: cheat on a spouse.
4. Baseball To position oneself closer to a certain area than is normal or expected: The shortstop cheated toward second base.
n.
1. An act of cheating; a fraud or swindle.
2. One who cheats; a swindler.
3. A computer application, password, or disallowed technique used to advance to a higher skill level in a computer video game.
4. Law Fraudulent acquisition of another's property.
5. Botany An annual European species of brome grass (Bromus secalinus) widely naturalized in temperate regions.0 -
your boyfriend is the loser.
not that it's cool what that girl was doing, but he's an adult and completely responsible for his actions. He's the one that cheated on you not her.
And honestly, a 5 month relationship with that many issues...why even bother with that?0 -
I think people have different ideas of cheating- maybe a better question would be was it wrong?? YES!You fought, then kicked him out/broke up with him.
He only slept with this girl during that time.
He didn't cheat.
You'd think this would be the case, but that involves logic.
Pretty sure most people aren't logical with their emotions (except me, i am robot).
Wait - are you missing the part where they were texting incessantly while NOT on a break? Or am *I* missing something?
Texting =/= cheating. Especially assuming he really was ignoring her when she turned the conversation to relationship junk.
Texting shouldn't have happened, but it's still not cheating.
And in my original post (it wasn't quoted by the person who replied) I said they should probably just split up anyway. Too many problems in too little time.
Of course it is cheating. She was after him, and he didn't shut her down, even when asked to. In fact, he continued to lead her on. That is cheating. Actual sex isn't necessary to fit the description of cheating.
cheat (cht)
v. cheat·ed, cheat·ing, cheats
v.tr.
1. To deceive by trickery; swindle: cheated customers by overcharging them for purchases.
2. To deprive by trickery; defraud: cheated them of their land.
3. To mislead; fool: illusions that cheat the eye.
4. To elude; escape: cheat death.
v.intr.
1. To act dishonestly; practice fraud.
2. To violate rules deliberately, as in a game: was accused of cheating at cards.
3. Informal To be sexually unfaithful: cheat on a spouse.
4. Baseball To position oneself closer to a certain area than is normal or expected: The shortstop cheated toward second base.
n.
1. An act of cheating; a fraud or swindle.
2. One who cheats; a swindler.
3. A computer application, password, or disallowed technique used to advance to a higher skill level in a computer video game.
4. Law Fraudulent acquisition of another's property.
5. Botany An annual European species of brome grass (Bromus secalinus) widely naturalized in temperate regions.
Yes, different people have different ideas of cheating. And agreed, as I already said the texting was wrong.
By the definitions you provided (this part specifically "She was after him, and he didn't shut her down") QuietBloom, that's like saying if a dude ever complimented you and you didn't rebuff him, you'd be cheating. That's... a bit intense and a super high standard. But *shrug* whatever.
Again OP... you guys should probably just break up.0 -
Mistake? Did he fall into her bed? Sounds like he drove there and got there of his own free will.
The mistake is you believing him. You can't mistakenly have sex with someone. You can type a D when you mean an S.
You take the effort to get nakey and do the act. You did it on purpose.0 -
well putIt never fails to make me chuckle when people who cheat excuse it as an accident. I've been approached more times than I care to remember by guys in committed relationships looking to cheat. Want to know how much thought I had to put in the choice to say no? Zero. Again, read: choice.
Shame on her for pursuing him. Shame shame on him for cheating. Shame shame shame on you for allowing this to continue and convincing yourself this might be acceptable behavior. Sounds like there are much bigger issues brewing.0 -
Yes, different people have different ideas of cheating. And agreed, as I already said the texting was wrong.
By the definitions you provided (this part specifically "She was after him, and he didn't shut her down") QuietBloom, that's like saying if a dude ever complimented you and you didn't rebuff him, you'd be cheating.
They were sleeping together before and having naughty conversations daily by text message. That is not the same as accepting a compliment.0 -
is seriously the most pathetic person in the world. I found out three days ago that my boyfriend of 5 months lied to me. He had slept with this girl that I didn't even know he knew. Apparently they had been sleeping together before we met and then two times when we were going through rough patches and I told him I was leaving him and then we worked it out- but he never told me about it- a friend finally did. I was sickened. I confronted him. At first he lied and said he didn't know what I was talking about. He then admitted to it having happened once on one of the nights I told him to leave. He said he had nowhere to go and she kept pushing for him to come over. The second time happened about the same way. I never knew about any of this until Sunday. When he stayed elsewhere, he always told me it was at a buddy's. Anyway, I finally demanded to see the messages between them and he refused for the longest time until I said that was the only way I would EVER consider trying to work this out. He decided to tell me everything. He showed me the messages. They had been texting back and forth nearly every day for months. Now granted, she was always begging him to come over- he was always saying no. She would say she missed him, he would say nothing. There were even parts where he would tell her how much he cared for me and that they would never be together. Still she continued to push and try to guilt him, or be in his head when we were having problems. He would mostly ignore her. But when she texted conversationally, he would answer and when she seemed desperate he would try to calm her down. She even brought him medicine to work one day when I COULD HAVE done it. And of course, the two nights I kicked him out for coming home completely wasted and trying to pick fights, he replied to her messages and went to her house. He said he barely remembered the sex and felt awful and guilty in the morning. He said he told her both times it was a mistake and then came and begged me to take him back after our fight (and I did, not knowing about this girl). When I read the messages and heard the story I felt completely betrayed, probably more so by the messages than the sex.
He's apologized so much. I am trying to forgive him, more for me than for him. He grabbed the phone, texted her "I love Christine, I told her everything. Don't contact me anymore" and when she wrote back freaking out he ignored it. It feels sincere. I've been cheated on before and I won't be with someone I think would be with someone behind my back- but does this qualify? I told him to leave and told him we were over those nights- bad on me. I have issues when the going gets tough. The messages really bother me though. Even though he never said anything that was remotely suggestive of him liking her or leading her on, the mere act of messaging back and keeping the secret with her betrays me, don't you think? And as I said before, there is no one as pathetic as a girl trying to steal a BF. If they wanted you, they would be with you. Ladies, we are classier than that!! Sorry so heavy for a Tuesday morning, but opinions please
have some self-respect.
he cheated on you TWICE (or more).
he lied to you.
your "mr. right" would not have done either of those things.
he's not him.
cut your losses and get out of the relationship now.
you can keep trying to make it work, but he's never going to be who you want him to be and you'll both be miserable and unhappy until some time down the road you both realize you are not right for each other.0 -
Yes, different people have different ideas of cheating. And agreed, as I already said the texting was wrong.
By the definitions you provided (this part specifically "She was after him, and he didn't shut her down") QuietBloom, that's like saying if a dude ever complimented you and you didn't rebuff him, you'd be cheating.
They were sleeping together before and having naughty conversations daily by text message. That is not the same as accepting a compliment.
Where did OP say the conversations were naughty?
I honestly may have missed that part.
All I saw was OP saying he ignored the chick most of the time and only spoke to her conversationally on a day-to-day basis.0 -
I think people have different ideas of cheating- maybe a better question would be was it wrong?? YES!You fought, then kicked him out/broke up with him.
He only slept with this girl during that time.
He didn't cheat.
You'd think this would be the case, but that involves logic.
Pretty sure most people aren't logical with their emotions (except me, i am robot).
Wait - are you missing the part where they were texting incessantly while NOT on a break? Or am *I* missing something?
Texting =/= cheating. Especially assuming he really was ignoring her when she turned the conversation to relationship junk.
Texting shouldn't have happened, but it's still not cheating.
And in my original post (it wasn't quoted by the person who replied) I said they should probably just split up anyway. Too many problems in too little time.
Of course it is cheating. She was after him, and he didn't shut her down, even when asked to. In fact, he continued to lead her on. That is cheating. Actual sex isn't necessary to fit the description of cheating.
cheat (cht)
v. cheat·ed, cheat·ing, cheats
v.tr.
1. To deceive by trickery; swindle: cheated customers by overcharging them for purchases.
2. To deprive by trickery; defraud: cheated them of their land.
3. To mislead; fool: illusions that cheat the eye.
4. To elude; escape: cheat death.
v.intr.
1. To act dishonestly; practice fraud.
2. To violate rules deliberately, as in a game: was accused of cheating at cards.
3. Informal To be sexually unfaithful: cheat on a spouse.
4. Baseball To position oneself closer to a certain area than is normal or expected: The shortstop cheated toward second base.
n.
1. An act of cheating; a fraud or swindle.
2. One who cheats; a swindler.
3. A computer application, password, or disallowed technique used to advance to a higher skill level in a computer video game.
4. Law Fraudulent acquisition of another's property.
5. Botany An annual European species of brome grass (Bromus secalinus) widely naturalized in temperate regions.
Yes, different people have different ideas of cheating. And agreed, as I already said the texting was wrong.
By the definitions you provided (this part specifically "She was after him, and he didn't shut her down") QuietBloom, that's like saying if a dude ever complimented you and you didn't rebuff him, you'd be cheating. That's... a bit intense and a super high standard. But *shrug* whatever.
Again OP... you guys should probably just break up.
Ya, at this point, I needed a little convincing and I think this all did the trick. I had no one but him in my ear and really no one to talk to about it, so I was swaying back toward forgiveness, but I feel a bit more validated now and a bit more secure in my decision to end it. AND a bit more resilient from some great insults made on my behalf. Thanks to all!0
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