In love with a guy who is engaged!

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Replies

  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
    Hmm...I'm betting if he's leading you on like this for so long, he's probably never going to break up with his fiance.
  • Darrelkun
    Darrelkun Posts: 152 Member
    How would you feel if somebody were doing this kind of thing with your fiancee behind your back? Girls like you make me sick. There are billions of other men out there and you go for one that is taken. Shame on you! He sounds like an absolute loser too. Maybe you two deserve each other. Pathetic.

    Edited to say: If you do get your way and you two are together, I hope he does exactly the same thing to you. :)

    He is a complete loser for doing this to his poor fiancee and this... girl is completely wrong for encouraging an engaged man. I'll rephrase that. PEOPLE like that make me sick.

    If someone else's business riles you up this strongly you really need to check yourself. That's not healthy at all.

    She's free to have feelings. He's free to have feelings. We're all human. Sometimes things happen and life doesn't go the way we were expecting it to.

    But I would agree that this guy does sound like bad news. If he had broken off the engagement already it would be one thing. I would be cautious.
  • Fittreelol
    Fittreelol Posts: 2,535 Member
    This is giving me a major case of vicarious embarrassment. Who falls for the "but my finance(e)/bf/gf/wife/huz just doesn't understand me like you do line?
  • DeadliftAddict
    DeadliftAddict Posts: 746 Member
    How would you feel if somebody were doing this kind of thing with your fiancee behind your back? Girls like you make me sick. There are billions of other men out there and you go for one that is taken. Shame on you! He sounds like an absolute loser too. Maybe you two deserve each other. Pathetic.

    Edited to say: If you do get your way and you two are together, I hope he does exactly the same thing to you. :)

    WOW. Calling this rude would be an understatement.

    Exactly. Don't be mad at her. She is single. Be mad at him. He is the one to blame if in fact he is acting towards this lady in ways he wouldn't around his woman. People always do this.
  • gmoneycole
    gmoneycole Posts: 813 Member
    Find someone who is available.
  • TheGymGypsy
    TheGymGypsy Posts: 1,023 Member
    Move along, trollop.

    Really? Come on, this is just uncalled for. There's no need for name calling.
  • zanne54
    zanne54 Posts: 336 Member
    Any guy you can "steal" away from his girl, can be "stolen" away from you by the next girl. People like that lack integrity.

    However, if he's going to be out of your life anyway, then sure, go ahead and tell him. Just be prepared you might not like the answer/reaction you'll receive. If you know you can't handle being rejected by him, then just walk away now. And whatever you do, do NOT engage in any shenanigans until you are 100% sure he has broken off his engagement and been single for a few months. I wouldn't put it past him to lie about a broken engagement, so he can get a piece on the side, before he goes off and marries her anyway. He hasn't shown himself to be a very trustworthy mate if he's spending so much emotional energy flirting with you and confiding secrets he "can't" share with her.
  • darbydh1982
    darbydh1982 Posts: 13 Member
    2 things:

    Think about down the road. Let's say he breaks it off with his fiance and starts dating you. Let's say you have been dating for several years, the newness has warn off and at some point he could meet another girl and maybe he will start to confide in her the way he confides in you now. Whether he will or not, because of the way he is behaving with his current fiance, it is likely he will again. If you think you could handle that than it may be worth telling him how you feel. I definetly wouldn't suggest anything but you could at least let him know how you feel.

    When I met my current fiance, he was dating someone else. We became friends and I developed a major crush on him but never did anything about it. We were friends for two years and fortunetly for me, they broke up, for their own reasons, none of which had anything to do with me. Several months after they broke up he told me that he liked me. Knowing he had just come out of a relationship I told him I wanted to take it slow. Those first 6 months when we started dating, drove me crazy!! I was worried out of my mind that I was a rebound, or that he'd realize he still loved his ex, or that whatever this was for him would sizzle out. So far it hasn't, we've been dating for over 3 years now, we live together and he asked me to marry him this summer. He is the most amazing person I have ever met and I am still madly in love with him. I trust him. Do you think you could trust this guy after what he's done to his current fiance? I trust him because when he was with her, everyone knew it and there were no questions. We were friends and that was clear. His ex did try a few things once we started dating and he made it clear to her that he was with me and happy. I don't question things anymore, but those first few months were nerve wracking. It is up to you as to whether or not you can accept these kind of challenges.

    Also, watch the movie Drinking Buddies, I saw it on Netflix. It's about this exact situation.
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,834 Member
    This is giving me a major case of vicarious embarrassment. Who falls for the "but my finance(e)/bf/gf/wife/huz just doesn't understand me like you do line?

    I say that to all the women online. Works like a charm.
  • EricMurano
    EricMurano Posts: 825 Member
    +1 for move on. What's he doing getting engaged with someone when she doesn't "get him".

    I suspect he just wants some new booty and is telling you what you want to hear.
  • Followingsea
    Followingsea Posts: 407 Member
    Here's the deal, OP:

    If he'll do it with you, he'll do it to you. If he throws over his fiancee for you, will you ever be able to trust that he won't throw you over the next time he befriends an attractive woman he clicks with?

    Step away, cut contact if you need to to keep yourself sane, otherwise this crush will never die. There are other (unattached) fish in the sea. Go find one.
  • gmoneycole
    gmoneycole Posts: 813 Member
    How would you feel if somebody were doing this kind of thing with your fiancee behind your back? Girls like you make me sick. There are billions of other men out there and you go for one that is taken. Shame on you! He sounds like an absolute loser too. Maybe you two deserve each other. Pathetic.

    Edited to say: If you do get your way and you two are together, I hope he does exactly the same thing to you. :)

    WOW. Calling this rude would be an understatement.

    Exactly. Don't be mad at her. She is single. Be mad at him. He is the one to blame if in fact he is acting towards this lady in ways he wouldn't around his woman. People always do this.

    The other post was rude. I blame both parties though...both adults...both know right from wrong. OP make the right decisions.
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
    Becoming a homewrecking slore? NSV!!!
  • christinemadden0223
    christinemadden0223 Posts: 175 Member
    This is giving me a major case of vicarious embarrassment. Who falls for the "but my finance(e)/bf/gf/wife/huz just doesn't understand me like you do line?

    I say that to all the women online. Works like a charm.

    Ben and Jerry try to pull this one on me all the time
  • KenziesFrenzies
    KenziesFrenzies Posts: 1,014 Member
    +1 for move on. What's he doing getting engaged with someone when she doesn't "get him".

    I suspect he just wants some new booty and is telling you what you want to hear.

    Although I don't agree with the move on bit (yet, anyway), this is a super good point.
    Who the hell gets engaged to someone who doesn't "get" them? He does realize he's signing up to spend the rest of his life with her, right?

    Either she DOES get him, and he's straight up lying to your face.. Or he's an even bigger idiot than you thought.
  • christinemadden0223
    christinemadden0223 Posts: 175 Member
    But in all honesty, you sounds completely smitten and if he didn't leave his fiance and run to you he probably doesn't feel the same. Sorry Charlie
  • lsorci919
    lsorci919 Posts: 772 Member

    Who the hell gets engaged to someone who doesn't "get" them? He does realize he's signing up to spend the rest of his life with her, right?

    Either she DOES get him, and he's straight up lying to your face.. Or he's an even bigger idiot than you thought.

    This is exactly what went through my head!
  • Beastmode454
    Beastmode454 Posts: 340 Member
    Forget it. Honestly this guys sounds like he wants a side relationship.. In my Opinion if he is even trying to go to the movies with another woman while his girl is working late... He is not ready for marriage. In my opinion married couple should go out with other couples that they were already friends with from the start. (to avoid swingers and cheaters )
  • dicoveringwhoIam
    dicoveringwhoIam Posts: 480 Member
    If he'd do it for you, he will do it to you. Bottom line, RUN!
  • Seajolly
    Seajolly Posts: 1,435 Member
    Can't believe the quick judgement being passed here by many. You guys don't know me, or him, OR the entire story, yet you feel like it's okay to call us slurs and judge our whole relationship?

    Thanks to the mature people in here who are giving their input but aren't jumping to conclusions.
  • Beastmode454
    Beastmode454 Posts: 340 Member
    unless a couple is into that kinda weird ****.
  • yelliezx
    yelliezx Posts: 633 Member
    How would you feel if somebody were doing this kind of thing with your fiancee behind your back? Girls like you make me sick. There are billions of other men out there and you go for one that is taken. Shame on you! He sounds like an absolute loser too. Maybe you two deserve each other. Pathetic.

    Edited to say: If you do get your way and you two are together, I hope he does exactly the same thing to you. :)

    He is a complete loser for doing this to his poor fiancee and this... girl is completely wrong for encouraging an engaged man. I'll rephrase that. PEOPLE like that make me sick.

    If someone else's business riles you up this strongly you really need to check yourself. That's not healthy at all.

    She's free to have feelings. He's free to have feelings. We're all human. Sometimes things happen and life doesn't go the way we were expecting it to.

    But I would agree that this guy does sound like bad news. If he had broken off the engagement already it would be one thing. I would be cautious.

    They're free to have feelings but if he is still with his fiancee then that's obviously the decision he has made! It riles me up because I think about if some girl was having an emotional relationship with my boyfriend, knowing that he is with me, I'd feel so disrespected and cheated. Obviously the guy is a complete @#$%^&&* and he is an awful person for either flirting with this girl or pursuing somebody else while he is in a committed relationship but she is the one writing a post about it. She knows right from wrong and this is OBVIOUSLY wrong. Ugh.
  • Soccermavrick
    Soccermavrick Posts: 405 Member
    So you think he thinks he might have made a mistake??? So if he never met you, he gets married and lives happily ever after, but because he met you, now he cannot.

    if he made a mistake then, he ends it, but the fact that he told you that he was engaged tells me that he is not having second thoughts. Either he thinks he is a player and playing you, or I think that you are misreading him badly.

    If you want to do Anything, point out that your job is ending, mention that you will miss him, then Purposely Avoid him and all calls. If you think his feelings are so strong see how he acts. But honestly, I think you are the other woman, and either asking/begging for trouble or being played.
  • MinMin97
    MinMin97 Posts: 2,674 Member
    Can't believe the quick judgement being passed here by many. You guys don't know me, or him, OR the entire story, yet you feel like it's okay to call us slurs and judge our whole relationship?

    Thanks to the mature people in here who are giving their input but aren't jumping to conclusions.
    Does "mature" mean that we give you the thumbs up?
  • keem88
    keem88 Posts: 1,689 Member
    if he' engaged and acting like that what's to say if you do get together with him he wouldn't then act that way with another female? i personally wouldn't want to be with someone who is engaged that flirts like that. he needs to end things with her if he can't talk to her about **** and goes out with you while she's working late.
  • yelliezx
    yelliezx Posts: 633 Member
    Next time he starts flirting with you tell him to stop and say it feels wrong because he is engaged. That would make him think about whether it is harmless flirting or whether he actually has feelings for you.
    Then its up to him what to do about it.

    Exactly.
  • KenziesFrenzies
    KenziesFrenzies Posts: 1,014 Member
    Can't believe the quick judgement being passed here by many. You guys don't know me, or him, OR the entire story, yet you feel like it's okay to call us slurs and judge our whole relationship?

    Thanks to the mature people in here who are giving their input but aren't jumping to conclusions.
    Does "mature" mean that we give you the thumbs up?

    I think mature just means *not* calling her a trollop.
    (NOT NAMING NAMES OR ANYTHING...)
  • Seajolly
    Seajolly Posts: 1,435 Member
    Can't believe the quick judgement being passed here by many. You guys don't know me, or him, OR the entire story, yet you feel like it's okay to call us slurs and judge our whole relationship?

    Thanks to the mature people in here who are giving their input but aren't jumping to conclusions.
    Does "mature" mean that we give you the thumbs up?

    No, absolutely not. It's fine if you disagree - in fact I expected 95% of people to respond to disagree! But there's one thing to give advice and disagree, and another thing to call me a homewrecker and various forms of tramp.
  • SaintGiff
    SaintGiff Posts: 3,679 Member
    I doubt that this will get read because I don't exactly look like a person you get relationship advice from, but...

    This does not end the way you want it to. Look, in theory I'm right there with you. Yes, you can meet the exact perfect person even after you've asked someone else to marry you. Even after you've married someone else. That happens all the time and it doesn't make anyone involved a bad person. Every relationship is day to day when you get right down to it. There are times in even the strongest marriages where one person will wake up in the morning, look over that the person laying next to them, and just have nothing. Just... nothing. But you stay. You choose to stay because you know that very recently you felt a ton for them. And you know that they feel a ton for you. And you've built a life. So you stay. And after a few days or weeks or months you wake up in the morning, look over, and it all clicks again. That's just being human. Every relationship is a choice you make every day. However....
    ...He also confides things in me that he says he can't tell his fiance because she won't understand, or she just doesn't "get it" like I do. He invited me to the movies one night when his fiance was staying late at work. He hasn't tried anything, and I haven't either, but there is a ton of flirting going on here and also deep conversations. I honestly feel like if I had met this guy and he was single, we would be together in a heartbeat and I feel like this is the guy I should marry....

    All the nope. All of it is one tremendous flashing red light alerting you to the fact that this is not what you think it is. There is a reason why men in these situations using phrases like "she doesn't understand me the way you do" or "she doesn't get me like you do" has become a cliche. It's not, as the makers of terrible movies would have you believe, a terrible pick up line. It is something that, in that moment, they genuinely believe to be true. The reality, however, is that their wife / fiancee / girlfriend has heard all of this stuff before. Honestly, they have. It's just no longer interesting to them. All of that deep, soul-baring conversation, the appreciation of those odd little quirks, they get buried under the day to day of a grown up relationship. She's seen that deep, soulful side of him. She's also seen him spend three straight hours farting into her sofa. She's lost interest in his esoterics because she is busy building a life with him in the real world. If he doesn't want that life then he should absolutely break off the engagement. But not because of you. And not with you waiting for him when he falls. The issue here is emotional immaturity, and you catching him when he shatters his world will only make that worse. It's fine if he wants you and not her. That's not a crime. But he has to end it with her, and then get over her, before he starts anything with you. From what you're saying it doesn't seem like either one of you is prepared to give it that kind of time.

    Source: A lifetime of screwing up relationships and hurting truly decent women because "OMG I found my MUSE!!!".
  • lsorci919
    lsorci919 Posts: 772 Member
    Can't believe the quick judgement being passed here by many. You guys don't know me, or him, OR the entire story, yet you feel like it's okay to call us slurs and judge our whole relationship?

    Thanks to the mature people in here who are giving their input but aren't jumping to conclusions.

    How long have you even known this guy?
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