In love with a guy who is engaged!

michaelablueeyes

How would you feel if you were the one engaged to him, and he was flirting with another women?
How would you feel if he could speak to another women and not you?
How do you know he isn't saying the same things to you to another women

How do you know that he isn't talking about you to the women he is engaged to because he may well infact be really open and honest to her... My point is you only know what HE is TELLING you.


Be freinds by all means but leave the rest be, he is engaged to her for a reason, most men don't ask someone to marry them if the didn't want them

RunsOnEspresso

I once had a guy friend that I clicked with and thought we were so perfect. Turned out he had a girlfriend. I showed up at his apartment one night and to my surprise she answered the door. Awkward.

I ended all communication. She broke up with him. About 6 months later we started talking then dated.

I got mono and went to the hospital. When I was well enough to communicate with the world again (like a week later), he wouldn't return calls. My friends eventually told me he was dating someone else.

I eventually heard he was trying to knock her up so she wouldn't leave him. They are married now and I have met the love of my life (after much broken heartedness and being way messed up for awhile - heck I still fear that my BF will leave me. All because of what one man did to me 10 years ago)

Moral of the story: He probably won't change. Leave it alone.

Alatariel75

OP, seriously, if I were you I'd play it like this. Tell him that the work thing is finishing up and that you have to finish up your friendship with him too, because you have feelings for him and you need a clean break.

He will then think about this, and decide whether to break it off and pursue you, or he will go along with your request and break off your friendship.

You will get your answer without having to be a 'home wrecker' or being the person who made the offer, or being the person who asked him to be with you. You will have done the right, responsible thing, and if it ends up that he then choses to pursue you, it's 100% on his head. If he doesn't come after you, you have a clean break and can move on.

But I do have to agree, I wouldn't want to be with a guy who flirts with another woman behind his fiancee's back and tells her she "gets him" and that the woman he has agreed to marry doesn't. I do believe that if he can do it to her, he could do it to you too.

lsorci919

I say go for it girl. At least you know he's not afraid of commitment.

False. If he doesn't follow through with the commitment he has already made to a person he "loves" then obviously commitment doesn't mean jack to him.

But he's engaged... so he's definitely willing to put a ring on it...

I believe it's all about the follow through.... not saying someone should get married to someone they are truly unhappy with but I doubt that is the case here.

bookworm_847

I say go for it girl. At least you know he's not afraid of commitment.

Or he is.

Maybe he's the kind of guy who always has to have somebody. Perhaps the fiancée gave him an ultimatum, he didn't have any other prospects, so he popped the question knowing that he wouldn't necessarily have to follow through with it... just hang in there long enough to find the next Ms. Right.

OP, I've seen guys like this (my sister was married to one). He was in love with being in love, and once that newness was gone and real life set in, it was time to move on. It's entirely possible that things could work out, and he'd be devoted to you forever. But just from what you've said, I'm skeptical.

Whatever you do, good luck to you.

wheird

ps I think the posters are missing it.

This guy seems to have all the characteristics that she is looking for, not 'any other' guy may necessarily have them; thus she has found the perfect guy/connection from her perspective.

#peoplearesostupid

:sick:

Everyone seems like the perfect person during the infatuation period.

#urnotthatbrighteithertoots

not when a relationship stems from the initial friendship; you learn more about the person during this stage.

I don't think the OP insinuated marraige straight away, more should she reveal her feelings.

Your hashtag is somewhat derogatory and quite ironic given your name.

OP said she had fallen for him before she knew he was engaged, which I am assuming was pretty darn quick considering they have only known each other 6 months. And since it has been flirting and no actual romance, I would say she is still infatuated.

My hashtag was derogatory in at LEAST two ways. And my username would not make it ironic, it would make it expected. :laugh:

opalescence

think about it from another perspective, your engaged to this guy and planning your life together, planning the wedding and you find out the man that you thought loved you with all his heart was texting a cute young thing saying that she dont "get" him anymore... how would you feel?

It wouldnt hurt to tell him how you feel and tell him thats the reason you cannot continue this friendship because feelings will get hurt, everyones.

I guess thats just how love works these days, all happy and lovey dovey till something better comes along. I would opt for staying single.

wanna_b_there

he sounds like a great guy. Go for it.

wheird

I say go for it girl. At least you know he's not afraid of commitment.

False. If he doesn't follow through with the commitment he has already made to a person he "loves" then obviously commitment doesn't mean jack to him.

But he's engaged... so he's definitely willing to put a ring on it...

Let's go to a club together and hit on all the guys with rings!

Good plan, I happen to prefer the married ones! :drinker:

melb_alex

I once had a guy friend that I clicked with and thought we were so perfect. Turned out he had a girlfriend. I showed up at his apartment one night and to my surprise she answered the door. Awkward.

I ended all communication. She broke up with him. About 6 months later we started talking then dated.

I got mono and went to the hospital. When I was well enough to communicate with the world again (like a week later), he wouldn't return calls. My friends eventually told me he was dating someone else.

I eventually heard he was trying to knock her up so she wouldn't leave him. They are married now and I have met the love of my life (after much broken heartedness and being way messed up for awhile - heck I still fear that my BF will leave me. All because of what one man did to me 10 years ago)

Moral of the story: He probably won't change. Leave it alone.

This is good, referenced with real life experiences.

Sorry to hear that but kudos to you for having the balls

dbm037

Seriously? You know he's engaged, don't be a home wrecker.

There are other guys in this world, I promise.

What? He's not married, she wouldn't BE a freaking "home wrecker."

People get out of engagements ALL THE TIME. Get engaged to someone, then they meet someone else, etc. etc.

The way I see it, there isn't a ring on his finger, anything could happen still.
Tell him how you feel, be completely honest about it, and if he feels the same way, he'll have some serious thinking to do. If he keeps playing you along, while remaining engaged to be married, he's a d-bag playing around with your feelings and you need to get away.

And if he marries his fiance... Do not pursue!

I agree

hbrittingham

Seriously? You know he's engaged, don't be a home wrecker.

There are other guys in this world, I promise.

What? He's not married, she wouldn't BE a freaking "home wrecker."

People get out of engagements ALL THE TIME. Get engaged to someone, then they meet someone else, etc. etc.

The way I see it, there isn't a ring on his finger, anything could happen still.
Tell him how you feel, be completely honest about it, and if he feels the same way, he'll have some serious thinking to do. If he keeps playing you along, while remaining engaged to be married, he's a d-bag playing around with your feelings and you need to get away.

And if he marries his fiance... Do not pursue!

What? People get out of engagements all the time? Why the hell do they get engaged, then? That's a promise to marry, not just a casual dating thing.

OP, move on and let their relationship go however it's going to go. I hope she finds his texts and finds out what a slimeball he is, personally.

AbbeyDove

I have a friend who started her relationship with her husband while he was still married to someone else. It took his family years to forgive them. Fast forward 10 years. He cheated on my friend too, in a very ugly way. If your fella's still engaged to someone who doesn't "get" him, it doesn't sound like he's able to make hard decisions, and he's likely to fall into other "situations" as they happen.

Still, if he's very special to you, you could tell him how you feel, but explain that you can't date him if he's engaged to someone else. See what happens. It'll either be 1) he ends things with her to be with you or 2) he stays with her, in which case he's not for you, potentially for a variety of reasons.

If the guy's not married yet and they don't have kids, I don't think you're a home-wrecker. But if there's kids, well, you don't want to be that person.

Mellyajc

You've been in contact off work hours, what about the job ending makes you feel it's "now or never"? Looking for an excuse to leap at him?

If you lose contact just because work ends, then you have your answer without having to embarrass yourself by throwing yourself at him.

wheird

Hit it and get it out of your system OP.

Love4fitnesslove4food2

Hit it and get it out of your system OP.

I am not surprised to find that you're a male.

tmauck4472

He's engaged but not married, but he's still cheating. Cheating does NOT have to involve sex. Think about how would you feel if your SO was doing what this guy is doing. And how you would feel about the girl he's doing it with, what names would you call her? Yep, your that girl. Think long and hard before you do this. But I have to say my SIL did it and it's worked for them and the girl was her cousin, LOL.

wheird

Hit it and get it out of your system OP.

I am not surprised to find that you're a male.

You might be very surprised if I expressed my actual opinion. :happy:

rexroars

If he's flirting with you when he's engaged, if he's with you he's going to flirt with other girls. He clearly doesn't know what he wants.

calibriintx

Best case scenario if you tell him: he dumps his fiance and hooks up with you. Once that's happened, some other girl will be his new BFF and he'll be telling her all about how his new girlfriend just doesn't get it. SO romantic!