In love with a guy who is engaged!

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  • Mellyajc
    Mellyajc Posts: 142 Member
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    OP, seriously, if I were you I'd play it like this. Tell him that the work thing is finishing up and that you have to finish up your friendship with him too, because you have feelings for him and you need a clean break.

    He will then think about this, and decide whether to break it off and pursue you, or he will go along with your request and break off your friendship.

    You will get your answer without having to be a 'home wrecker' or being the person who made the offer, or being the person who asked him to be with you. You will have done the right, responsible thing, and if it ends up that he then choses to pursue you, it's 100% on his head. If he doesn't come after you, you have a clean break and can move on.

    But I do have to agree, I wouldn't want to be with a guy who flirts with another woman behind his fiancee's back and tells her she "gets him" and that the woman he has agreed to marry doesn't. I do believe that if he can do it to her, he could do it to you too.

    I like this idea. Guilt-free, honesty, and closure.

    Also, what do you know about their relationship? What I've read and everyone's getting up in arms..the assumption is being made that he's monogamous. Maybe he's not and his fiancee is totally ok with him flirting with other girls...but he hasn't said anything because some people can be so put off by that idea.
  • melb_alex
    melb_alex Posts: 1,154 Member
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    ps I think the posters are missing it.

    This guy seems to have all the characteristics that she is looking for, not 'any other' guy may necessarily have them; thus she has found the perfect guy/connection from her perspective.

    #peoplearesostupid

    :sick:

    Everyone seems like the perfect person during the infatuation period.

    #urnotthatbrighteithertoots

    not when a relationship stems from the initial friendship; you learn more about the person during this stage.

    I don't think the OP insinuated marraige straight away, more should she reveal her feelings.

    Your hashtag is somewhat derogatory and quite ironic given your name.

    ;)


    OP said she had fallen for him before she knew he was engaged, which I am assuming was pretty darn quick considering they have only known each other 6 months. And since it has been flirting and no actual romance, I would say she is still infatuated.

    My hashtag was derogatory in at LEAST two ways. And my username would not make it ironic, it would make it expected. :laugh:

    yes but she is working with him thus they know each other at least 8 hours a day?
    I would be keen to learn your honest opinion because I think she needs to just go for it, am I right?
    Lol smart *kitten* I was alluding to the fact that it took me atleast 5 mins to properly decipher when your user name is easily interpreted ;)
    enough hatin on me ok :)
  • melb_alex
    melb_alex Posts: 1,154 Member
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    I say go for it girl. At least you know he's not afraid of commitment.

    False. If he doesn't follow through with the commitment he has already made to a person he "loves" then obviously commitment doesn't mean jack to him.


    But he's engaged... so he's definitely willing to put a ring on it...

    Let's go to a club together and hit on all the guys with rings!

    Good plan, I happen to prefer the married ones! :drinker:

    haha this is actually quite funny.
  • LishLash79
    LishLash79 Posts: 562 Member
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    Just out of curiosity, how many of the girls telling her to go for it are in a committed relationship or engaged?

    ^^^^^ why?
  • Keto_T
    Keto_T Posts: 673 Member
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    If you end up engaged to him he will just find a "new best friend" and will tell her you "just don't get him".

    Move on and be glad he is someone elses problem.

    yup
  • danasings
    danasings Posts: 8,218 Member
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    If you end up engaged to him he will just find a "new best friend" and will tell her you "just don't get him".

    Move on and be glad he is someone elses problem.

    ^^^THIS. SO MUCH THIS.
  • alexandriax03
    alexandriax03 Posts: 290 Member
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    I think you're completely misunderstanding what's going on between the two of you. You're taking it out of context. I think you're taking his flirting the wrong way. Lots of people have naturally flirty personalities. It seems like he might be one of them. I think he considers you to be a "girl best friend." Nothing more and nothing less.

    I don't think he is trying to use you as a "side chick" because if he was, he would've already made a move by now.

    I think you're more in love with the idea of him. Not actually in love with him. Lust and love are two different things.

    You either need to put your feelings aside, accept the friendship, and let it be. Or stop all communication with him.
  • TheSlorax
    TheSlorax Posts: 2,401 Member
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    I say go for it girl. At least you know he's not afraid of commitment.

    False. If he doesn't follow through with the commitment he has already made to a person he "loves" then obviously commitment doesn't mean jack to him.


    But he's engaged... so he's definitely willing to put a ring on it...

    Let's go to a club together and hit on all the guys with rings!

    Good plan, I happen to prefer the married ones! :drinker:

    haha this is actually quite funny.

    You have no idea.
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
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    I say go for it girl. At least you know he's not afraid of commitment.

    False. If he doesn't follow through with the commitment he has already made to a person he "loves" then obviously commitment doesn't mean jack to him.


    But he's engaged... so he's definitely willing to put a ring on it...

    Let's go to a club together and hit on all the guys with rings!

    Good plan, I happen to prefer the married ones! :drinker:

    haha this is actually quite funny.

    You have no idea.

    HER HUSBAND WAS OK WITH IT
  • loseitnow66
    loseitnow66 Posts: 56
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    It's sad that this was actually a thread.
  • JMel86
    JMel86 Posts: 124 Member
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    If he'll flirt around with you while he's engaged to someone else, do you really want to be involved with him? Sounds like someone with commitment issues to me.

    ^^This is the best advice you can get.
  • TheSlorax
    TheSlorax Posts: 2,401 Member
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    I say go for it girl. At least you know he's not afraid of commitment.

    False. If he doesn't follow through with the commitment he has already made to a person he "loves" then obviously commitment doesn't mean jack to him.


    But he's engaged... so he's definitely willing to put a ring on it...

    Let's go to a club together and hit on all the guys with rings!

    Good plan, I happen to prefer the married ones! :drinker:

    haha this is actually quite funny.

    You have no idea.

    HER HUSBAND WAS OK WITH IT

    It's ok... you strapped up.
  • j0705
    j0705 Posts: 185
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    Looking for a little advice. I met a guy while at work, and we really hit it off. We are very close friends, and seem to have everything in common. We get along better than anyone I've ever met in my life, and quickly became good friends. We talk a lot outside of work, and even text each other on the weekends and nights and holidays. I now consider him one of my best friends. Only problem is, he is engaged. And to my defense, we flirted and I fell for him before he ever told me he was engaged.

    I flirt quite a lot with this guy, and he flirts right back to me. He also confides things in me that he says he can't tell his fiance because she won't understand, or she just doesn't "get it" like I do. He invited me to the movies one night when his fiance was staying late at work. He hasn't tried anything, and I haven't either, but there is a ton of flirting going on here and also deep conversations. I honestly feel like if I had met this guy and he was single, we would be together in a heartbeat and I feel like this is the guy I should marry. But he is engaged!

    This job is coming to an end, and I feel like it's now or never. I feel like if I don't say something to him, I will live with regret for the rest of my life and always wonder "what if?". I feel that the worst thing that could happen is he never talks to me again and marries his fiance. And then the best thing that could happen is that he doesn't.

    Thoughts? Opinions? Advice for me?

    okay.. well he's not married yet so your not a home wrecker, plus i believe if a person is in a relationship and is taking interest elsewhere then its there fault and not the person they are taking an interest in... plus you cant help who you fall in love with so no one is at fault unless they lie to their partner. As you said the work is coming to an end so ask him if he feels the same because if he does he should call off his engagement.. if he doesnt then he's a d!ck for leading you on and your better off without him.. say goodbye to him x
  • Psalm17v22
    Psalm17v22 Posts: 168 Member
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    Anyone who is engaged is off limits. Period.

    If he doesn't treat his fiancé with more respect than to flirt with other girls, why would you think he'd treat you better?

    People are giving you blunt advice because this is an extremely simple situation.
    He's just not that into you. If he were, he'd be engaged to you.
    He's obviously just not that into his fiancé either. If he were, he wouldn't be flirting with other women.

    AMEN!!!!!
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
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    I say go for it girl. At least you know he's not afraid of commitment.

    False. If he doesn't follow through with the commitment he has already made to a person he "loves" then obviously commitment doesn't mean jack to him.


    But he's engaged... so he's definitely willing to put a ring on it...

    Let's go to a club together and hit on all the guys with rings!

    Good plan, I happen to prefer the married ones! :drinker:

    haha this is actually quite funny.

    You have no idea.

    HER HUSBAND WAS OK WITH IT

    It's ok... you strapped up.

    Yeah, talk about a fun killer. :(
  • erulasse
    erulasse Posts: 141 Member
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    ******People are giving you blunt advice because this is an extremely simple situation.******
    He's just not that into you. If he were, he'd be engaged to you.
    He's obviously just not that into his fiancé either. If he were, he wouldn't be flirting with other women

    Actually disgusted by the amount of people that say it doesn't count because he's not married... There are people that have been together (unmarried) for decades; does that rule apply to them too?
    Think about his poor fiance, excitedly planning their future together whilst he's off spinning lines to the nearest pretty little thing (OP) that he can find.

    Pretty horrid that you'd even consider doing this to another human being, have you never been cheated on? It's one of the most painful things in the world, don't be a part of it!
  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,932 Member
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    If he's flirting with you when he's engaged, if he's with you he's going to flirt with other girls. He clearly doesn't know what he wants.

    I'm pretty sure he knows what he wants.
  • golfmanwl
    golfmanwl Posts: 69
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    Sounds like it's past time for you to be open and honest with him, and for him to be open and honest with both you and his fiancee`.


    Now's the time to correct that - immediately.
  • tapirfrog
    tapirfrog Posts: 616 Member
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    If you pine after an engaged man, and he stays with his fiance, you will be brokenhearted.

    If you pine after an engaged man, and he leaves his fiance for you, then you are stuck with a man who would leave his fiance. Enjoy planning your wedding!
  • wnlbutterfly
    wnlbutterfly Posts: 35 Member
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    Are you willing to lose the friendship by saying something and making it very awkward between you too??? Just a thought.

    My daughters now BF was in a very serious relationship with another. He tried to ask my daughter if she had feelings for him but she would deny anything but friendship. She did not want to be the reason he left the gf. He made that choice on his own that his now ex gf wasn't the one and a few months later my daughter confessed feelings for him. They are together now.
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