An open letter...
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Dear Short Shorts Guy at the Gym,
I saw your junk. eeeeeeeeeeeewww It was touching the mat while you were stretching. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwww. . :noway: You didn't even wipe the mat off. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewww You had to have felt that... BLECH. :sick:
The the stunned girl carrying the exercise ball.
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Dear Slippery Sidewalk Girl,
I'm sorry I laughed when you ate *kitten* on the icy sidewalk today. I'm sorry I couldn't keep a straight face when I helped you up. Really though hunny, this is boot weather yes, just not pointy toed 4 inch stilletto boot weather. Again, glad you're not hurt and thanks for the laugh.
The girl in the Doc Martins.0 -
Dear Short Shorts Guy at the Gym,
I saw your junk. eeeeeeeeeeeewww It was touching the mat while you were stretching. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwww. . :noway: You didn't even wipe the mat off. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewww You had to have felt that... BLECH. :sick:
The the stunned girl carrying the exercise ball.
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Dear Slippery Sidewalk Girl,
I'm sorry I laughed when you ate *kitten* on the icy sidewalk today. I'm sorry I couldn't keep a straight face when I helped you up. Really though hunny, this is boot weather yes, just not pointy toed 4 inch stilletto boot weather. Again, glad you're not hurt and thanks for the laugh.
The girl in the Doc Martins.
:laugh: oh man that's funny "you ate *kitten* on the icey sidewalk" and the fact that she was hearing high heels...thanx for that...and the junk on the matt...oh my crap that's funny0 -
Dear Girl that has better weather than Mr. I Live to golf in NC!
You're right. Ice isn't any fun (but we don't have it often).
And although the thought of living in Florida is tempting (golf year-round), there are some drawbacks to that too.
Here, I have the beach and the mountains within a couple of hours from my house. Granted, the mountains aren't the rockies, and the beaches aren't Hawaiian beaches, but it's home sweet home. (It's a long ways from Miami to any sort of hill, let alone the mountains)
The only reason I tuant those in the north, is because I lived there half my life. I spent 4 winters in the upper peninsula of Michigan, where we regrularly had 30 FEET of snow in a season. It wasn't bad when I was younger, but that was then.
Of course, untimately, we live where we work, or where our families are, or where we're planted. It's all good - my "taunting" is just an effort to make folks laugh (hmmm....I hope it doesn't make anyone cry)
Sincerely,
I hope everyone is happy where they are.0 -
Dear Self.
Do not eat papaya before your morning walk.
Okay? Thanks and don't do it again.0 -
Dear Short Shorts Guy at the Gym,
I saw your junk. eeeeeeeeeeeewww It was touching the mat while you were stretching. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwww. . :noway: You didn't even wipe the mat off. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewww You had to have felt that... BLECH. :sick:
The the stunned girl carrying the exercise ball.
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Dear Slippery Sidewalk Girl,
I'm sorry I laughed when you ate *kitten* on the icy sidewalk today. I'm sorry I couldn't keep a straight face when I helped you up. Really though hunny, this is boot weather yes, just not pointy toed 4 inch stilletto boot weather. Again, glad you're not hurt and thanks for the laugh.
The girl in the Doc Martins.
Bwahahahahahahahaha............I just spit coffee all over my screen. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
Dear Girl that has better weather than Mr. I Live to golf in NC!
You're right. Ice isn't any fun (but we don't have it often).
And although the thought of living in Florida is tempting (golf year-round), there are some drawbacks to that too.
Here, I have the beach and the mountains within a couple of hours from my house. Granted, the mountains aren't the rockies, and the beaches aren't Hawaiian beaches, but it's home sweet home. (It's a long ways from Miami to any sort of hill, let alone the mountains)
The only reason I tuant those in the north, is because I lived there half my life. I spent 4 winters in the upper peninsula of Michigan, where we regrularly had 30 FEET of snow in a season. It wasn't bad when I was younger, but that was then.
Of course, untimately, we live where we work, or where our families are, or where we're planted. It's all good - my "taunting" is just an effort to make folks laugh (hmmm....I hope it doesn't make anyone cry)
Sincerely,
I hope everyone is happy where they are.
Dear I hope everyone is happy where they are,
You did make me laugh. You did make me cry, but only because I'm jealous. I have visited the coast of NC many times and I should have applied to college there....
Sincerely,
I'd like to relocate to NC0 -
Dear Woman At The Gym Who Wears Light Grey Leggings and Does Deep Stretches,
Can you please either A) wear underwear or
wear a shirt longer than your butt? No one needs or wants to see all of your lady business that's going on, especially when you're sweating. That's just gross.
Signed,
Nauseous
Dear Woman at the Gym Who Wears Light Grey Leggings and Does Deep Stretches.....and her hubby the underpantsless guy
Please wear some sort of supportive undergarment. When you wear thin cotton shorts and have ...shall we call them "issues" after you get off each machine it is a bit distrubing and distracting to others. I don't need to know what religion you practice through your shorts.
Signed the lady stuck on the rowing machine while you were doing all kinds of Ab exercises etc on the bench right in front of the rowing maching0 -
They don't have a change counting machine?
God forbid we actually expect people to count without a machine? Whooo... high expectations in the United States!0 -
Dear Woman At The Gym Who Wears Light Grey Leggings and Does Deep Stretches,
Can you please either A) wear underwear or wear a shirt longer than your butt? No one needs or wants to see all of your lady business that's going on, especially when you're sweating. That's just gross.
Signed,
Nauseous
Dear Woman at the Gym Who Wears Light Grey Leggings and Does Deep Stretches.....and her hubby the underpantsless guy
Please wear some sort of supportive undergarment. When you wear thin cotton shorts and have ...shall we call them "issues" after you get off each machine it is a bit distrubing and distracting to others. I don't need to know what religion you practice through your shorts.
Signed the lady stuck on the rowing machine while you were doing all kinds of Ab exercises etc on the bench right in front of the rowing maching
OMG That's so damn funny...i re-read the one with the guys junk on the matt so i was already laughing...and then I read yours...and now i'm laughing even harder...hahhaaa oh god that's so funny...i'm so sorry for your trauma but that just made my day :laugh: :laugh:0 -
Dear guy driving on the shoulder of the road as I am running down it,
First the white lines on the road are the one you need to stay between - you do not cross them and you do not drive on the shoulder coming straight at a pedestrian jogging. Second, I had on running shorts, a hoodie, earphones and RUNNING SHOES - that should be a giant clue that yeah I am out for a jog and NO I do not need a ride and NO I am not lost. Please don't stop me again or I will get your license plate and call the police.
Sincerely,
Leave me alone when I am out jogging0 -
Dear Self -
I know you have lots of errands to run today at lunch time - picking up pictures at Sears, getting gas, car wash, and stopping at the grocery store BUT please do not be tempted to stop at any fast food places along the way. Don't throw the 30 day shred and eat stop eat down the drain. You only have a week to go....
Hang in there,
Craving pizza, tacos, ect0 -
Dear guy driving on the shoulder of the road as I am running down it,
First the white lines on the road are the one you need to stay between - you do not cross them and you do not drive on the shoulder coming straight at a pedestrian jogging. Second, I had on running shorts, a hoodie, earphones and RUNNING SHOES - that should be a giant clue that yeah I am out for a jog and NO I do not need a ride and NO I am not lost. Please don't stop me again or I will get your license plate and call the police.
Sincerely,
Leave me alone when I am out jogging
Dear Leave me alone when I am out jogging
Please carry cell phone and pepper spray so if the guy on the shoulder keeps pestering you can do something about it. Stay safe.
Signed
another runner that gets the willies sometimes at people's odd behavior0 -
Dear Mr. Man on the treadmill next to me this morning,
1. It was 1am when you got there...there was a whole room full of equipment for you to choose from, you didn't have to pick the machine next to me.
2. I know I have a big butt. OK a really big butt. It has been following me for 37 years. I don't need to hear you mumbling: "mmmm I like watching dat booty roll around now a'ight!" Seriously? If you were *trying* to pick me up (if I were single), you just totally blew it.
Sincerely,
Bootylicious Babe who was laughing at you0 -
Dear Self -
I know you have lots of errands to run today at lunch time - picking up pictures at Sears, getting gas, car wash, and stopping at the grocery store BUT please do not be tempted to stop at any fast food places along the way. Don't throw the 30 day shred and eat stop eat down the drain. You only have a week to go....
Hang in there,
Craving pizza, tacos, ect
Pack a little lunch that you know is healthy for you and take it along on your errands today. Beat the urge....I know, it's hard--but you CAN do it.0 -
Dear Kindergarten Teacher:
My child is not dishonest. Don't characterize him as such. He is a 5 year old boy who isn't going to tell you the entire story if he thinks he's going to get in trouble. So when he tells you that Bobby hit him, he's not going to volunteer that he pinched Bobby back. That doesn't make him dishonest, it makes him 5 and you should know that after claiming to teach kindergarten for 20 years. Also, it was obvious that you don't like the fact that I'm a working mother given that when it came up you looked like you just sucked on a salted lemon and then said "oooohhhh" like it explained your belief that my son is lacking in some way, but that doesn't mean I'm any less of a mother than those who are at home so you can keep your effing opinion to yourself.
Love, "That Mother"
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Dear 2nd Grade Teacher:
I love you, my son loves you. Thank you for supporting my son even though he can be the devil at times and has the talent to blow your lesson plan out of the water with his antics. I so appreciate you giving him the extra assignments to make sure he continues to be challenged and engaged in the classroom and not such a disruption. I know he doesn't know it all, he just thinks he does. Your hard work is noticed and appreciated.
Love, Your biggest fan
P.S. Can you teach Kindergarten?0 -
Dear Office Managers at Doctors' Offices,
THANK YOU FOR RETURNING MY CALLS!! I cannot do my job without talking to you and most of the time, I do not get responses to repeated messages left. For some reason this week, you are returning my calls the same day I call and you are all being super polite to me. Yay for finally getting somewhere!
Signed,
that girl who just needs about 30 seconds of your time0 -
Dear Kindergarten Teacher:
My child is not dishonest. Don't characterize him as such. He is a 5 year old boy who isn't going to tell you the entire story if he thinks he's going to get in trouble. So when he tells you that Bobby hit him, he's not going to volunteer that he pinched Bobby back. That doesn't make him dishonest, it makes him 5 and you should know that after claiming to teach kindergarten for 20 years. Also, it was obvious that you don't like the fact that I'm a working mother given that when it came up you looked like you just sucked on a salted lemon and then said "oooohhhh" like it explained your belief that my son is lacking in some way, but that doesn't mean I'm any less of a mother than those who are at home so you can keep your effing opinion to yourself.
Love, "That Mother"
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Dear 2nd Grade Teacher:
I love you, my son loves you. Thank you for supporting my son even though he can be the devil at times and has the talent to blow your lesson plan out of the water with his antics. I so appreciate you giving him the extra assignments to make sure he continues to be challenged and engaged in the classroom and not such a disruption. I know he doesn't know it all, he just thinks he does. Your hard work is noticed and appreciated.
Love, Your biggest fan
P.S. Can you teach Kindergarten?
LOL I have one too
Dear Grade 3 teacher
I know you teach "special ed" but it's been 3 months now and you seriously have no clue about my son. It was a little disconcerning when I went into the Interview yesterday and you kept saying "oh now that makes sense"...seriously you haven't noticed that Ash can't handle loud noises or chaos? That he compeletly shuts down when he's over stimulated? there's only 7 kids in your class, how can you not notice that when he gets frustrated, it's because he doesn't understand what you're saying...and he hates asking for help because you punish him for not listening. It takes Ash a little longer to process what's being said, but once he gets it, I bet he has the right answer...give him a second to roll it around in his brain and then he'll answer you. How about teaching him skills to prevent frustration? that would be awesome. Or social skills would be good too...or else what is the point in him being in the Behavior Class? The reason why he has behavior is because you are teaching to one specific type of child...the loud and obnoxious child, not the quiet, easily stimulated child...so why not put him in "normal" classes...we talked all about this yesterday...well I did anyways, you were to excited to tell me you're going to Cuba for Christmas and how you spent $20 000 on your wedding last year...and for the record Mrs. Fancy Pants...my engagement ring is WAY better than both your engagement and wedding band combined! Thank-you and good day.... I SAID GOOD DAY!0 -
:ohwell: I have another one
Dear Sick Guy,
Thanx for coming into work today, hacking all over my desk as you walk in. Telling me how sick you are, and how the tylenol isn't working. Thank-you for risking my health, and the health of everyone else in the office. I am a single mom, who really tries to take care of her health so I don't get sick...I haven't had a communicable disease in years! Because I'm sanitary. But because you couldn't stay at home in bed (why i'm not sure, I do everything for you), I run the risk of being bed ridden. That means that supper isn't cooked, money isn't being made, homework isn't being done, and games aren't being played with my son, because I can't get out of bed. In the future could you please stay home if you're that sick? I can hear you sniffling and coughing in your office...you sound like a coke junkie...it's obvious that you need to call in sick...you get paid for it doofus! And it's almost the end of the fiscal year which means that your one sick day will get stricken from the record and you start all over...with all your sick days, all your flex days and all your holidays....so take a day to yourself, dope yourself up on dimetapp and leave your germs where they belong, on your body, not mine...
Sincerely
your assistant0 -
Dear room mates,
Stop being so dame lazy, I am the only one in the house that works. So please quite complaining about haveing to do house chours when i'm at work all day. While you watch tv and do nothing.
Also please hurry up and move out i can't take your 4 children driving me insane. Just becasue u can't hear them when they get up and sleep in till 10 every day doen't mean that on my days off i want to get up at 7 and yell at them to shut up. Also please quite acting like it's an incovencence to watch them when me and my husband want to go out to dinner by ourselves. I hope your realize i pay the mortgage the cable and the trash, among other things, and you paying about 250 a month to pay the electric and water isn't asking too much. You don'[t have any other bills to pay. Also please make your children clean them selves better. I'm tired of getting sick all the time from the things they bring home. Please quite complaining about having to make dinner. I left at 8 and don't get home till after 6 and i don't feel like making dinner. My husband shouldn't have ot do everything. When he was working and paying you 40 dollars every 2 weeks to sit at home with my daughter since you would be there anyways.
Please hurry up and move out i'm tired of the crap and my house being a **** hole.Your the reason he quite his job to stay home and pay attention to our daughter since you seem to ignore her except when it wastime to eat and she would ask for food.
sincerly
your very irritated friend and room mate0 -
Dear Clients 1, 2 and 3,
Client 1, of course i don't mind that you made me run over because you had to bring your 3 year old with you. It's fine that he peed all over my floor and i had to clean it up. I totally understand. But for future reference, a tip would be appreciated.
Client 2, i'm glad we were able to help you out with your money troubles by doing your hair for less that the OAP discount price on a day that is not the OAP day. However, please stop rubbing it in my face by bringing in new jewellery and clothes every week and telling me how expensive it was.
Client 3, when i say you can keep your underwear on during your massage, i mean keep your fricking underwear on you pervert
Signed Your beautician
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Dear ex-boyfriend,
I'm sorry i hurt you when i broke up with you, but we both knew it was over. Yes we had 6 good years, but the last 1 sucked big time.
Please stop calling and asking my opinion on the one-night stands you've been having ever since.
Don't tell me how hot all the girls think you are.
Don't ask my opinion on the girl you got pregnant, who had an abortion.
Don't ask me to be a witness to your marriage to your foreign gf of 1 month because you think it'll save money, then change your mind about the wedding. In 7 years you never made any effort to move forward with me, though now i'm glad.
Stop saying how we could have lasted another year, when we broke up less than a year ago.
Don't you dare dis my current boyfriend. You know what happened last time you tried it.
Get over yourself. "I didn't think you'd love anyone after me" Arrogant much?
But thankyou for all the times you told me which part of my body i should work on the most and for telling me how pretty i would be if i lost weight.
I will. I'll be HOT. But you won't get the benefit of it.
I tried to stay friends for my god-daughter/ your neice's sake, but you are being creepy and weird.
Love, the ex.
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Dear boyfriend,
Thankyou for chasing me and telling me you were in love with me when i drunk dialled you and we weren't even together.
Thankyou for telling me how hot and sexy i am from the time i blushed and hid my face to now, 6 months down the line, where i believe it.
Thankyou for doing all the cooking and washing our clothes. For putting your headphones on if you're playing on the computer and i'm tired. For massaging my back and running me a bath when i'm sore. For wanting me, in every sense.
You are everything i never knew i wanted and needed. I love you with all my heart. I just wish you were a little closer and that you didn't like McDonalds.
Love, the luckiest girl in the world
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Dear Mum,
Thankyou for your constant support whether you thought i was doing the right thing or not. Financially, physically, mentally, you are always there. You even bought me a car when i broke up with Adam and couldn't afford one. I got my confidence back and i have never been happier.
I love you.
And when you're old i promise not to stick you in a home.
Love Kayles0
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