Boyfriend & Boobies
Replies
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In for just break up.0
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It all just depends on you! Some lose it and some do not! I told my boyfriend I might lose mine and he was in utter shock that they could get smaller! haha men and boobs, I swear!0
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Oh, no need.
In this thread I learned penis size matter more than love or looks. And here I've always been told it was wallet size.
Well, I guess I better go plan that surgery.
That and not being squishy fat. You're not squishy fat, are you??
god forbid someone have an opinion that's different than you're own.
Love isn't just about mushy gushies. Attraction matters.
admit it or not.
physical attraction matters. And you can deny it all you want- but the reality is it matters. You can insist that gravity isn't true- but it is- if you want it to be that way or not.0 -
So if he really liked her boobs, she lost weight, and they are saggy now, and they can't afford the fix, what's your answer?
That's my question.
the same as it has been from the start. they'll figure it out TOGETHER.
the answer should be: if he loves her, it won't matter. Just as, if she loves him, and he loses some physical attribute she likes, it won't matter.
We all lose our looks in the end.
"If you loved me, you'd ____________"
is the most manipulative selfish sentence ever invented by a woman, and I apologize on behalf of my gender.
Oh, no need.
In this thread I learned penis size matter more than love or looks. And here I've always been told it was wallet size.
Well, I guess I better go plan that surgery.
That and not being squishy fat. You're not squishy fat, are you??
Oh, no. A little. Deal breaker?
Luckily, I can pay for that too.
(On a serious note - it's kind of evident that attraction is a complex thing and so called "shallow" factors do count. Perhaps more during initial moments but count they do. No one is going to be interested in me if I'm covered in fetid pig lard full of septic furoncles and smelling like fermented toe jam. (Too much?) Man has got to do a little body care.0 -
Oh, no. A little. Deal breaker?
Luckily, I can pay for that too.
(On a serious note - it's kind of evident that attraction is a complex thing and so called "shallow" factors do count. Perhaps more during initial moments but count they do. No one is going to be interested in me if I'm covered in fetid pig lard full of septic furoncles and smelling like fermented toe jam. (Too much?) Man has got to do a little body care.
No, no, Sir. There's a lid for every trash can. True story.0 -
(On a serious note - it's kind of evident that attraction is a complex thing and so called "shallow" factors do count. Perhaps more during initial moments but count they do. No one is going to be interested in me if I'm covered in fetid pig lard full of septic furoncles and smelling like fermented toe jam. (Too much?) Man has got to do a little body care.
I don't think anyone has argued in here that initial attraction isn't important or that if someone completely lets him or herself go there shouldn't at least be a discussion.
But I have a really hard time believing than if a woman loses weight and her boobs get smaller along with that and the man leaves over something like that that he ever really loved her to begin with. If the ONLY thing keeping him around was large breasts, good riddance.
And I also have a tough time with the idea that people who have been together for years and preumably love each other for reasons other than physical would split up over a few extra pounds. Or even 100 extra pounds, depending on how that happened. If depression led to weight gain, there is a bigger issue and I would argue that the loss of attraction is about more than the extra weight. It;s difficult to love a person who hates him or herself, especially if you've tried to work through it and it's been one-sided.
My attraction to my fiance is not about his body, hair or face anymore. Nine years ago when we met, those things (face mostly) were certainly what got us talking in the first place, but after all these years, it's his heart, intelligence and sense of humor that keep me around. If you're just looking for a one-night stand or a friends with benefits or a fling, physical attraction is all that matters. If you want a deeper bond and a life together, with all its ups and downs, I hope what the other person looks like is less important.0 -
Oh, no need.
In this thread I learned penis size matter more than love or looks. And here I've always been told it was wallet size.
Well, I guess I better go plan that surgery.
That and not being squishy fat. You're not squishy fat, are you??
god forbid someone have an opinion that's different than you're own.
Love isn't just about mushy gushies. Attraction matters.
admit it or not.
physical attraction matters. And you can deny it all you want- but the reality is it matters. You can insist that gravity isn't true- but it is- if you want it to be that way or not.
Oh FFS. I never said attraction didn't matter, for the record. And I told you this before. *sigh*0 -
Just seems lop sided- that ONLY love matters- because it's something you chose to do. as if nothing else matters.
I never said ONLY physical matters- just one of the few people that pointed out it's not something to dismiss lightly. It feels like there is a very decided "LOVE ONLY and if they don't' love you through all your changes they are shallow and aren't worth your time group vs the " there is more to love than just loving someone for who they are" group.
The other group saying mehhhhhh no the physical needs to be accounted for and not discredited. I don't' think any one speaking up for physical has said it's the ONLY thing that matters and there is nothing else to a relationship. Which is exactly what the "love me for who I am no matter what" group is implying.
just seems exceptionally one sided.0 -
Just seems lop sided- that ONLY love matters- because it's something you chose to do. as if nothing else matters.
I never said ONLY physical matters- just one of the few people that pointed out it's not something to dismiss lightly. It feels like there is a very decided "LOVE ONLY and if they don't' love you through all your changes they are shallow and aren't worth your time group vs the " there is more to love than just loving someone for who they are" group.
The other group saying mehhhhhh no the physical needs to be accounted for and not discredited. I don't' think any one speaking up for physical has said it's the ONLY thing that matters and there is nothing else to a relationship. Which is exactly what the "love me for who I am no matter what" group is implying.
just seems exceptionally one sided.
But you did say if you were with anyone who got fat, you would be out the door, no question about it. So...0 -
So if he really liked her boobs, she lost weight, and they are saggy now, and they can't afford the fix, what's your answer?
That's my question.
the same as it has been from the start. they'll figure it out TOGETHER.
the answer should be: if he loves her, it won't matter. Just as, if she loves him, and he loses some physical attribute she likes, it won't matter.
We all lose our looks in the end.
"If you loved me, you'd ____________"
is the most manipulative selfish sentence ever invented by a woman, and I apologize on behalf of my gender.
Men say this too, FYI. I'm pretty sure that's how "please, just the tip" started...0 -
We were enemies as teenagers, friends during highschool,
I know not the point of your post, but I don't know anyone who was not a teenager in high school ...
Sheldon Cooper and Doogie Howser.
well doogie howser went straight to med school so he does not count...0 -
In the context of this thread, where the OP is trying to lose weight and get healthy and feel better about herself, the fact that her breasts might get smaller should be the last thing her BF is worried about. It's perfectly OK for him to make a comment about it as something he might miss, but to make it the entire basis of their relationship (as you seem to think is OK based on your first post) is shallow and I stand by my assertion that if he feels that way, she's better off without him.Just seems lop sided- that ONLY love matters- because it's something you chose to do. as if nothing else matters.
I never said ONLY physical matters- just one of the few people that pointed out it's not something to dismiss lightly. It feels like there is a very decided "LOVE ONLY and if they don't' love you through all your changes they are shallow and aren't worth your time group vs the " there is more to love than just loving someone for who they are" group.
The other group saying mehhhhhh no the physical needs to be accounted for and not discredited. I don't' think any one speaking up for physical has said it's the ONLY thing that matters and there is nothing else to a relationship. Which is exactly what the "love me for who I am no matter what" group is implying.
just seems exceptionally one sided.
And if I got cancer and lost a bunch of weight and all my hair and my SO left me over that, he's a jerk and I'm better off without him. Those are things people really have no control over and if you love someone, you stick around because there is more to a relationship than big boobs or a six pack.0 -
Just seems lop sided- that ONLY love matters- because it's something you chose to do. as if nothing else matters.
I never said ONLY physical matters- just one of the few people that pointed out it's not something to dismiss lightly. It feels like there is a very decided "LOVE ONLY and if they don't' love you through all your changes they are shallow and aren't worth your time group vs the " there is more to love than just loving someone for who they are" group.
The other group saying mehhhhhh no the physical needs to be accounted for and not discredited. I don't' think any one speaking up for physical has said it's the ONLY thing that matters and there is nothing else to a relationship. Which is exactly what the "love me for who I am no matter what" group is implying.
just seems exceptionally one sided.
But you did say if you were with anyone who got fat, you would be out the door, no question about it. So...
Same here.
Because getting fat is definitely not a shallow physical change.
it is a change that begins in the mind and slowly extends outward and permeates the rest of their lives, including their physical appearance and sometimes eventually their job.
If my significant other and I had been together for quite some time, in a certain lifestyle, and suddenly he stopped exercising and started eating badly or too much - Im sure that other factors would be present. Perhaps depression, anxiety or fear. I would do my best to talk to him, act with him to find out what was wrong and how we could work on it - if he wanted my help or if he needed to handle it alone.
But if it turned out to be that he was evolving into the kind of person that didnt care, and was getting fat because he decided that laziness was more important to him than activity - then we would go our separate ways.
Cause I'd dump him for getting fat for no reason other than selfish laziness.
Our lives would no longer be in harmony. And FAT would be the physical result of internal symptoms he is encouraging.0 -
Just seems lop sided- that ONLY love matters- because it's something you chose to do. as if nothing else matters.
I never said ONLY physical matters- just one of the few people that pointed out it's not something to dismiss lightly. It feels like there is a very decided "LOVE ONLY and if they don't' love you through all your changes they are shallow and aren't worth your time group vs the " there is more to love than just loving someone for who they are" group.
The other group saying mehhhhhh no the physical needs to be accounted for and not discredited. I don't' think any one speaking up for physical has said it's the ONLY thing that matters and there is nothing else to a relationship. Which is exactly what the "love me for who I am no matter what" group is implying.
just seems exceptionally one sided.
But you did say if you were with anyone who got fat, you would be out the door, no question about it. So...
You're damn right I would- I'd be happy to work with him and support him in trying to NOT be that way- but if he got that bad after putting in some time and effort and he still didn't care enough about me to work on it? nope. I'd eventually leave. It's incredibly important to me- and there is absolutely no way I could have any sort of intimate relations with someone who was extremely over weight- it's such an incredibly turn off to me. And guess what- I'm not 80 years old- I want to love his body and have a FULL complete relationship with someone I'm in love with... not just hang out and chat. I have plenty of friends to hang out and chat with- I only have one boyfriend- I want to hang out- do dinner go home and have crazy monkey sex. And that's not happening if he puts on 75-100 lbs. And why would I stay with someone when I was miserable? That's not fair to me- and it's not fair to him.
Would you leave someone who started dressing like a woman? Who started identifying as a woman?
Someone one who spent all their time at strip clubs instead of at home? Who started smoking constantly? Started gamgling compulsively? Everyone has something that's a deal breaker. Smokers- and obesity- gamblers-cheaters- lethargic at a stand still slackers- all people I cannot be with- so if some how during the course of the relationship- that happens- guess what- if there isn't some serious communication and work being done- I'm out.In the context of this thread, where the OP is trying to lose weight and get healthy and feel better about herself, the fact that her breasts might get smaller should be the last thing her BF is worried about. It's perfectly OK for him to make a comment about it as something he might miss, but to make it the entire basis of their relationship (as you seem to think is OK based on your first post) is shallow and I stand by my assertion that if he feels that way, she's better off without him.
And if I got cancer and lost a bunch of weight and all my hair and my SO left me over that, he's a jerk and I'm better off without him. Those are things people really have no control over and if you love someone, you stick around because there is more to a relationship than big boobs or a six pack.
and I fully agree- he has a right to comment and say he can miss them- but to just dismiss it as "whatever" isn't fair. maybe having NO boobs at all is a deal breaker for him? maybe who knows- I don't. Most men that's not a deal breaker.
And I absolutely did NOT say it was okay to base the entire relationship off of it- and I fully support someone's decision to be a healthier better version of themselves - whatever that means for them. But it's naive to think it doesn't have an impact on the other person in the relationship. It's just not fair to say- well tough deal with it- and not expect some sort of ramifications- either in conversation- or at worst- a split. If you are in a relatinoship- what you do affects the other person- and it could be as little a "oh I noticed _____" comment- all the way up to painful nasty seprations. It's not black and white- it's a sliding scale. But it affects the other person.
I concur about the illness thing- but I don't think it's the same topic. One is controllable- the other is not.0 -
omg thank you. I felt like I was the only one who realizes sexual attraction and other things matter. jesus.Love most certainly is NOT enough. It has to be balanced with sexual attraction, chemistry, similar life paths, common sense, mutual respect, complimentary perspectives, respect for responsibilities and where you are both steering your lives.Same thing, if you know your husband is madly in love with your cleavage, then you can explain to him that your health has to come first and if your boobies suffer and it still bothers him, then you will work together to see what you can do.
GTFO with that logic!!! work together to find a compromise?
NONSENSE_ that's not how a good working relationship works!!!
OMG IF HE DOESNT THINK YOU ARE PERFECT, THEN YOU SHOULD DIVORCE HIM FOR BEING SHALLOW. CAUSE EVERYONE KNOWS THAT ONCE YOU GET MARRIED, YOU ARENT SUPPOSED TO CARE ABOUT HOW YOU LOOK OR ANYTHING ANYMORE.
I agree there is a lot of grey area. Love and attraction are two separate BUT connected things. My husband is shallow. He likes small blonde skinny women with big boobs. He doesn't think I am perfect. I know this. I know I am not his ideal type. He does not find me the most beautiful woman in the world, and I'm okay with that. But he does love me, and it does find me attractive. His range of what is "attractive" is pretty big, and I'll pretty much always fit into that range because he loves me. He's dated many women who fit his idea. He married me because of my personality, intelligence, etc. He's loved me and found me attractive when I was 9 months pregnant, when I was chubby postpartum, and even when I cut off my hair into a pixie cut (which I knew he didn't like, and yes, I did it anyway). However if I were to gain a considerable amount (100lbs), he would voice an opinion on it, and if nothing changed, he really might leave me.0 -
I concur about the illness thing- but I don't think it's the same topic. One is controllable- the other is not.
The ONLY control she has over the size of her breasts is to stay fat or to have surgery (if they get smaller with weight loss). So, yeah, it is the same thing.0 -
Hmm after losing 70 pounds my chest- remained the same but it went from 38 C to 36 C so the inches where getting slim but the size remained the same. I can wear sports bra, regular bra and push up bra fine.
Now I must say being 26 I feel it has sagged a bit but it keeps my posture on point and I am rewarding myself with VS items when I reach my goals and holidays instead of eating out on processed foods so it's a win win for me and my man. And yes, I do notice that I have sagged because this is my body but he worships them and that's all that matters. One humble lesson learned: We only have one body but there are plenty of people to love your body AS IS if you aren't getting that now from your significant other.0 -
You cant control your breasts getting smaller [/b]except by controlling them by maintaining a higher body fat percentage or getting implants[/b]
so it is JUST as uncontrollable as a life-threatening disease, and therefore the same thing.
cancer = weight loss.
?
i cant.
that is just stubborn insistence on derailing a thread.0 -
Hmm after losing 70 pounds my chest- remained the same but it went from 38 C to 36 C so the inches where getting slim but the size remained the same. I can wear sports bra, regular bra and push up bra fine.
Now I must say being 26 I feel it has sagged a bit but it keeps my posture on point and I am rewarding myself with VS items when I reach my goals and holidays instead of eating out on processed foods so it's a win win for me and my man. And yes, I do notice that I have sagged because this is my body but he worships them and that's all that matters. One humble lesson learned: We only have one body but there are plenty of people to love your body AS IS if you aren't getting that now from your significant other.
If you actually went from a 38C to a 36C, your breast inches would also have gone down and your volume actually changed. A bra size is determined by the difference in inches from the band to the cup. You probably lost weight evenly with your bust/underbust then.
Of course, I urge EVERYONE to stay away from VS and get properly fitted, since you and half the people in this thread are probably in the wrong size bra
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OP, don't let the possible loss of your boobs derail your efforts to get healthy. Ask your boyfriend if he had to chose between you being happy and healthy with small boobs or overweight and unhappy with large boobs. He sounds like a great guy, my bet is he takes happy you.
And one more thing you should know, he loves you now at your current weight. So you don't need to worry about losing weight to impress him or make him happy. Do it for yourself!
Good luck! :flowerforyou:
Edited because I didn't make sense.0 -
Why would it make him shallow if he's sad that her boobs shrank? I didn't see any place where the OP said that he'd be so upset that he'd leave her over it.
No place.
I'm sorry but physical attraction most certainly IS important in a relationship and anyone who thinks otherwise is lying to themselves. If my husband gained a ton of weight and was seriously fat you bet I would no longer be physically attracted to him and vice versa. Yes, I love him. Yes, I think he's awesome, has a great personality and is my world but I also have to be attracted to him. If I'm not then that means we're not having sex any longer and he might as well just be a really good friend and there's no reason why we should be together any longer. He feels the same way about me.0 -
Hmm after losing 70 pounds my chest- remained the same but it went from 38 C to 36 C so the inches where getting slim but the size remained the same. I can wear sports bra, regular bra and push up bra fine.
Now I must say being 26 I feel it has sagged a bit but it keeps my posture on point and I am rewarding myself with VS items when I reach my goals and holidays instead of eating out on processed foods so it's a win win for me and my man. And yes, I do notice that I have sagged because this is my body but he worships them and that's all that matters. One humble lesson learned: We only have one body but there are plenty of people to love your body AS IS if you aren't getting that now from your significant other.
If you actually went from a 38C to a 36C, your breast inches would also have gone down and your volume actually changed. A bra size is determined by the difference in inches from the band to the cup. You probably lost weight evenly with your bust/underbust then.
Of course, I urge EVERYONE to stay away from VS and get properly fitted, since you and half the people in this thread are probably in the wrong size bra
Help me understand more about this breast volume and proper sizing......for science and stuff.0 -
I dont understand why people use the example what if a husband got fat.
The women we are talking about are LOSING weight and taking care of themselves.
whatever.
either way they we be what they will be...no sense worrying.0 -
Why would it make him shallow if he's sad that her boobs shrank? I didn't see any place where the OP said that he'd be so upset that he'd leave her over it.
The conversation kind of moved on to that when someone basically said that would be perfectly understandable and she'd leave her SO (whom she claims she loves) if he got fat.0 -
Why would it make him shallow if he's sad that her boobs shrank? I didn't see any place where the OP said that he'd be so upset that he'd leave her over it.
No place.
I'm sorry but physical attraction most certainly IS important in a relationship and anyone who thinks otherwise is lying to themselves. If my husband gained a ton of weight and was seriously fat you bet I would no longer be physically attracted to him and vice versa. Yes, I love him. Yes, I think he's awesome, has a great personality and is my world but I also have to be attracted to him. If I'm not then that means we're not having sex any longer and he might as well just be a really good friend and there's no reason why we should be together any longer. He feels the same way about me.
I so agree with this statement...reality can be harsh...0 -
Why would it make him shallow if he's sad that her boobs shrank? I didn't see any place where the OP said that he'd be so upset that he'd leave her over it.
The conversation kind of moved on to that when someone basically said that would be perfectly understandable and she'd leave her SO (whom she claims she loves) if he got fat.
So?
I'd leave my husband if he got fat and he'd leave me for the same reason. We both know this and agreed that it's acceptable. Once one is no longer physically attracted to their SO then it doesn't matter how much you love them. Would it be better if, in that situation, the couple stayed together and the non-fat one decided to cheat because they were aroused by someone else who met their physical needs?0 -
I guess my attraction to the man I love and have a life with is based on a lot more than whether he's fat.Why would it make him shallow if he's sad that her boobs shrank? I didn't see any place where the OP said that he'd be so upset that he'd leave her over it.
The conversation kind of moved on to that when someone basically said that would be perfectly understandable and she'd leave her SO (whom she claims she loves) if he got fat.
So?
I'd leave my husband if he got fat and he'd leave me for the same reason. We both know this and agreed that it's acceptable. Once one is no longer physically attracted to their SO then it doesn't matter how much you love them. Would it be better if, in that situation, the couple stayed together and the non-fat one decided to cheat because they were aroused by someone else who met their physical needs?0 -
Okay, ladies. I was all excited to get back on track this month with my workouts and healthy eating. I've lost 25 pounds since mid-June of 2013 with a few months of maintaining (not intentionally, but thank God I wasn't gaining!) & I still want to lose at least 30 to 40 more pounds. My boyfriend is around 6'2 and weighs 135. I'm 5'4 and weigh 180. Needless to say, he's quite a bit thinner than I am. I've noticed though that a lot of the things I'm insecure about he likes. He touches my stomach all the time too, which shows that he isn't repulsed by it. I'm unhappy with my body, so I assumed he would dislike my figure too. When I told him about me wanting to lose weight again (he's always been extremely supportive, even back when we were best friends) his biggest issue was that he didn't want me to lose my chest! He told me he'd be behind me no matter what I do. I know I have to lose weight so that I can be happy in my own body but I also would really love for my chest to stay around a size C. I've read that chest exercises can strengthen the pectoral muscles, making your breasts look perkier and more uplifted. I know there really isn't any way to tell how much fat I will lose in my chest, but I'm curious. So ladies, what has happened to your chest size after you lost weight? Any tips or advice?
Sounds like he could bulk up a bit and if he doesnt want to then, no problem but he can't expect you to be perfect either. As far as boobs go you have no control over what you lose or don't so don't sweat it. Just focus on being healthy. I personally lost 45 pounds and at the same time went up cup sizes. From a 44DDD to a 40H. Probably the exception to the rule but it can happen. Best of luck!0 -
Why would it make him shallow if he's sad that her boobs shrank? I didn't see any place where the OP said that he'd be so upset that he'd leave her over it.
The conversation kind of moved on to that when someone basically said that would be perfectly understandable and she'd leave her SO (whom she claims she loves) if he got fat.
So?
I'd leave my husband if he got fat and he'd leave me for the same reason. We both know this and agreed that it's acceptable. Once one is no longer physically attracted to their SO then it doesn't matter how much you love them. Would it be better if, in that situation, the couple stayed together and the non-fat one decided to cheat because they were aroused by someone else who met their physical needs?
My vows stated in sickness and in health, for better or worse. I don't understand people who get married but have conditions.
Sure, there are things I would leave my husband for, abuse of myself or my child for example. But he is an amazing person. He is currently 60 pounds over weight and I am 40. What is the cut off point? At what point should I say, oh you're too fat, I can't be with you anymore?0 -
I dont understand why people use the example what if a husband got fat.
The women we are talking about are LOSING weight and taking care of themselves.
whatever.
either way they we be what they will be...no sense worrying.
Yes, we seem to have lost the distinction between someone developing one part of thier body in a healthy way that might not tickle another's fancy and someone engaging in prolonged unhealthy behavior that also has the effect of changing appearance.0
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