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Boyfriend & Boobies

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Replies

  • mccindy72
    mccindy72 Posts: 7,001 Member
    Anyway, my husband and I grew into best friends for two years before we were in love and started dating. My respect for him was for his intelligence and emotional intelligence. And also for seeing his respect for me in that same way.

    I also find him very attractive and he has great leg muscles. We dance together. And I really appreciate his attraction for me. I enjoy it very much. Also he has respect for me as a dancer and creative choreographer.

    There is nothing shallow about that. We've known each other for 18 years, and been in relationship for 16. And our love and respect only grows deeper and deeper.

    And I'm not going to be competitive with others about who is less shallow and who has a better relationship

    Yes, there will always be people that say socially awkward things about him being a Physicist and my being a Dancer (even though he is also a talented and skilled artist and I also studied Biology).

    Okay.....
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Anyway, my husband and I grew into best friends for two years before we were in love and started dating. My respect for him was for his intelligence and emotional intelligence. And also for seeing his respect for me in that same way.

    I also find him very attractive and he has great leg muscles. We dance together. And I really appreciate his attraction for me. I enjoy it very much. Also he has respect for me as a dancer and creative choreographer.

    There is nothing shallow about that. We've known each other for 18 years, and been in relationship for 16. And our love and respect only grows deeper and deeper.

    And I'm not going to be competitive with others about who is less shallow and who has a better relationship

    Yes, there will always be people that say socially awkward things about him being a Physicist and my being a Dancer (even though he is also a talented and skilled artist and I also studied Biology).
    No one is saying it's shallow to be attracted physically to your partner. We're saying it's shallow for that to be the BASIS of a relationship.

    If you would leave your husband or he would leave you simply because of some weight gain, there probably wasn't much of a foundation to your marriage. And I know you well enough to know that isn't your case at all.

    We all like to be found attractive by our SOs (or even complete strangers). But I'm not going to throw away years of a relationship with someone I love because he got a little fat. Whether I'm attracted to him after all this time has less to do with what he looks like than WHO he is. It hurts my heart to think about not having him in my life. I don't even like thinking about splitting up for any reason, much less appearance.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    Anyway, my husband and I grew into best friends for two years before we were in love and started dating. My respect for him was for his intelligence and emotional intelligence. And also for seeing his respect for me in that same way.

    I also find him very attractive and he has great leg muscles. We dance together. And I really appreciate his attraction for me. I enjoy it very much. Also he has respect for me as a dancer and creative choreographer.

    There is nothing shallow about that. We've known each other for 18 years, and been in relationship for 16. And our love and respect only grows deeper and deeper.

    And I'm not going to be competitive with others about who is less shallow and who has a better relationship

    Yes, there will always be people that say socially awkward things about him being a Physicist and my being a Dancer (even though he is also a talented and skilled artist and I also studied Biology).

    Okay.....

    I don't understand your reply.

    I admit I have not been following the thread very well. So, I do not understand the direction of the thread.

    I also don't think a young girl should not get fit because her boyfriend wants her to keep her boobs (the point of the thread).

    And I didn't go into detail on my last paragraph, but just that I have encountered people that say things to my husband and I such as "How did a nerd like you end up with a hot dancer like her" or "What does a scientist and a dancer have in common it must just be for the sex.". Yes, it's rude (and I didn't really want to say the exact quotes for that reason). I don't let it bother me because it's uninformed. As I was pointing out with what our connection is based on, how long we have been together, and what we do have in common (as artists and scientists). And it's always rude to judge the relationships of strangers when people know nothing about them. It's insulting to both of us and untrue. And we do also have great sex and that's a good thing as well, but it's not the basis of our relationship. Given my past history there has been a lot to deal with in the sexual aspect of our relationship as well. And that is another thing that is so wonderful about him. How we have been there for each other through the tough times.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    Anyway, my husband and I grew into best friends for two years before we were in love and started dating. My respect for him was for his intelligence and emotional intelligence. And also for seeing his respect for me in that same way.

    I also find him very attractive and he has great leg muscles. We dance together. And I really appreciate his attraction for me. I enjoy it very much. Also he has respect for me as a dancer and creative choreographer.

    There is nothing shallow about that. We've known each other for 18 years, and been in relationship for 16. And our love and respect only grows deeper and deeper.

    And I'm not going to be competitive with others about who is less shallow and who has a better relationship

    Yes, there will always be people that say socially awkward things about him being a Physicist and my being a Dancer (even though he is also a talented and skilled artist and I also studied Biology).
    No one is saying it's shallow to be attracted physically to your partner. We're saying it's shallow for that to be the BASIS of a relationship.

    If you would leave your husband or he would leave you simply because of some weight gain, there probably wasn't much of a foundation to your marriage. And I know you well enough to know that isn't your case at all.

    We all like to be found attractive by our SOs (or even complete strangers). But I'm not going to throw away years of a relationship with someone I love because he got a little fat. Whether I'm attracted to him after all this time has less to do with what he looks like than WHO he is. It hurts my heart to think about not having him in my life. I don't even like thinking about splitting up for any reason, much less appearance.

    Yeah, I agree!!
  • mccindy72
    mccindy72 Posts: 7,001 Member
    Anyway, my husband and I grew into best friends for two years before we were in love and started dating. My respect for him was for his intelligence and emotional intelligence. And also for seeing his respect for me in that same way.

    I also find him very attractive and he has great leg muscles. We dance together. And I really appreciate his attraction for me. I enjoy it very much. Also he has respect for me as a dancer and creative choreographer.

    There is nothing shallow about that. We've known each other for 18 years, and been in relationship for 16. And our love and respect only grows deeper and deeper.

    And I'm not going to be competitive with others about who is less shallow and who has a better relationship

    Yes, there will always be people that say socially awkward things about him being a Physicist and my being a Dancer (even though he is also a talented and skilled artist and I also studied Biology).
    No one is saying it's shallow to be attracted physically to your partner. We're saying it's shallow for that to be the BASIS of a relationship.

    If you would leave your husband or he would leave you simply because of some weight gain, there probably wasn't much of a foundation to your marriage. And I know you well enough to know that isn't your case at all.

    We all like to be found attractive by our SOs (or even complete strangers). But I'm not going to throw away years of a relationship with someone I love because he got a little fat. Whether I'm attracted to him after all this time has less to do with what he looks like than WHO he is. It hurts my heart to think about not having him in my life. I don't even like thinking about splitting up for any reason, much less appearance.

    Yeah, I agree!!

    Okay, so now I see by the last two posts that we are on the same page. I just didn't understand your other post because it kind of just ended. I think we';re on the same page, basically.
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    Anyway, my husband and I grew into best friends for two years before we were in love and started dating. My respect for him was for his intelligence and emotional intelligence. And also for seeing his respect for me in that same way.

    I also find him very attractive and he has great leg muscles. We dance together. And I really appreciate his attraction for me. I enjoy it very much. Also he has respect for me as a dancer and creative choreographer.

    There is nothing shallow about that. We've known each other for 18 years, and been in relationship for 16. And our love and respect only grows deeper and deeper.

    And I'm not going to be competitive with others about who is less shallow and who has a better relationship

    Yes, there will always be people that say socially awkward things about him being a Physicist and my being a Dancer (even though he is also a talented and skilled artist and I also studied Biology).
    No one is saying it's shallow to be attracted physically to your partner. We're saying it's shallow for that to be the BASIS of a relationship.

    If you would leave your husband or he would leave you simply because of some weight gain, there probably wasn't much of a foundation to your marriage. And I know you well enough to know that isn't your case at all.

    We all like to be found attractive by our SOs (or even complete strangers). But I'm not going to throw away years of a relationship with someone I love because he got a little fat. Whether I'm attracted to him after all this time has less to do with what he looks like than WHO he is. It hurts my heart to think about not having him in my life. I don't even like thinking about splitting up for any reason, much less appearance.

    Yeah, I agree!!

    Okay, so now I see by the last two posts that we are on the same page. I just didn't understand your other post because it kind of just ended. I think we';re on the same page, basically.

    Yeah, I understand. I knew when I was typing it that I probably needed to go into more detail. I was just worried about being too long winded. And I'm also tired.

    Also, the rude comments are very few. It's not a common, all the time situation.
  • Greytfish
    Greytfish Posts: 810
    One thing that I've run into many times that always pisses me off is when people who know my husband meet me and he introduces me as his wife, they say stupid *kitten* like "how did you trick her into marrying you?" or "You must be rich!" or "You must be hung!" Statements like this demean both of us. He isn't ugly by any means (I find him very attractive). It also sounds like I'm a shallow idiot who would only be with someone for money or a large penis. My husband is kind, loving, intelligent, and hilarious. He's thoughful, caring, and supportive. He really is one of the best people I've ever known. It's why I've been with him for 26 years. He's a great husband and father and friend. I am not "too pretty" or "too thin" or "too in shape" to be with him. In high school I once had a teacher who told me I was too smart for him. People who don't take the time to understand the intrinsic worth of other people really piss me off.

    People say really stupid, and sometimes hurtful things, for sure. They do it wherever there's a real or perceived significant difference between members of a couple - fitness, looks, education,etc. Some of them are honestly curious, some of them just blunder this way because they aren't good in social situations, and some are just looking to be jerks. One thing I have discovered, quite by accident, is that some people think they're paying someone's spouse a compliment, without doing so in a way that will get them in trouble with the other spouse, ie they say some of the examples you gave above rather than "Your wife is beautiful" or "You have an amazing wife." I have two acquaintances (not friends) who say things like this all the time, and for that reason. How or why they think an offensive comment is less offensive than a compliment is beyond me, but they do.
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
    My husband would probably leave me if I gained 100lbs and stayed there. Truth.

    But it's more than just the physical "she's not attributive at 260lbs". What kind of behavior lead to that 100lbs gain? I'd probably have stopped being active and enjoying the fun, active things we like to do together. I'd have to eat large quantities of calorie dense food, abandoning the healthy balanced meals we eat for our own health, and for the health of our children. I'd become a bad example for our children, not emphasizing portion control and the important of activity. I'm sure he'd wonder how my behavior was reflecting my feelings for him. How could I do all these things knowing how important health, activity and even appearance are to him? "Don't I deserve some kind of consideration? Doesn't she want me to be attracted to her? Doesn't she like sex? Sex has always been important to us. She knows she has a history of high blood pressure and diabetes in her family, is she not considering the impact of this? Does she want to die young, leaving me and her children?" Then there's my hypothetical behavior at 260lbs. I'd probably be depressed, moody, irritable. I wouldn't want him or anyone to see me naked, meaning very little sex, dressing poorly, no trips to the pool or the beach with the kids.



    ***These thoughts and observations are about me and my relationship and situation, and not meant to insult anyone else. I apologize if they do.
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
    Everyone I have EVER dated- I'm out of their scale- there is no question they were dating "up"
    I'm not saying I bust my *kitten* for THEM- but they get to reap the rewards just as much as I do. If this is a partnership- why am I the one busting my *kitten* in the "looking good" department- and your sitting over there eating cake and ice cream all day?

    And right there is the essence of why I have an issue with the things you and others have posted.

    Someone's worth is not wrapped up in looks. If that is what makes someone better than someone else, I'd like to leave this world. Do you really think some male model's contribution to the world and worth as a human being is more than Bill Nye or Stephen Hawking just because the model is prettier?

    They were dating "up" because you're better looking than them? The most important thing a person can contribute to a relationship is a good physique?

    again- you're making it sound like that's the ONLY aspect of my relationships and how I base them. It's not- never has- and never will be- but I'd be lying if I said it didn't matter to me. I never said the most important thing a person can contribute in a relationship is a good physique... you're putting words in my mouth. and over emphasizing it- I"m still talking about THAT aspect because you appear to refuse to realize it's part of a relationship and often a significant one.

    You're also kidding yourself if you think there isn't actually a subliminal hierarchy.

    It's often over looked by women- but men rarely over look it.

    Everyone fits somewhere in there. Is it extremely relevant to day to day life? absolutely not. But that doesn't mean it isn't a reality.

    And ultimately- I"m not going to change your mind if you think that makes me shallow-and I also won't lose any sleep at night if you think I am shallow- I do not wrap my self worth and self esteem up and value into what some internet person says/thinks about me. I'm still awesome- fabulous and fierce- and I expect my partner to be fabulous as well. Maybe not all the time- because fabulous is hard work- difficult to maintain 24/7- but the effort should be there- and no- I"m not just talking about looks.

    Mediocrity is not acceptable. it isn't acceptable behavior on my behalf- nor his- or my friends. It's a mentality- harder stronger faster. Be the best you can be. at all things that you do. Do not accept floating through in life as a passenger. Self improvement. Says a lot about someone if they are a passenger in their life- and that's not the kind of person I want around me- at all. Ever.

    And wanting to be attracted to my mate doesn't make me shallow- it makes me human. How dare I!!! want to think my significant other is hot and make me want to have lustful crazy sex!!! THE SHAME!!! THE HORROR.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Oh my goodness how I love irony.
  • sarapopefitness
    sarapopefitness Posts: 52 Member
    I went from a 36B down maybe a 32B. I don't have much left up there, but it's totally worth it for the way the rest of my bod looks (plus despite getting smaller, they got perkier!). Also, my boyfriend could care less. Boobs are boobs.
  • Summer4677
    Summer4677 Posts: 13 Member
    Maybe some of the posters on here should start their own group to resolve their personal issues elsewhere. To the OP, so far mine haven't changed much, but they weren't huge (b/c) to begin with!
  • just_Jennie1
    just_Jennie1 Posts: 1,233
    Everyone I have EVER dated- I'm out of their scale- there is no question they were dating "up"
    I'm not saying I bust my *kitten* for THEM- but they get to reap the rewards just as much as I do. If this is a partnership- why am I the one busting my *kitten* in the "looking good" department- and your sitting over there eating cake and ice cream all day?

    And right there is the essence of why I have an issue with the things you and others have posted.

    Someone's worth is not wrapped up in looks. If that is what makes someone better than someone else, I'd like to leave this world. Do you really think some male model's contribution to the world and worth as a human being is more than Bill Nye or Stephen Hawking just because the model is prettier?

    They were dating "up" because you're better looking than them? The most important thing a person can contribute to a relationship is a good physique?

    again- you're making it sound like that's the ONLY aspect of my relationships and how I base them. It's not- never has- and never will be- but I'd be lying if I said it didn't matter to me. I never said the most important thing a person can contribute in a relationship is a good physique... you're putting words in my mouth. and over emphasizing it- I"m still talking about THAT aspect because you appear to refuse to realize it's part of a relationship and often a significant one.

    You're also kidding yourself if you think there isn't actually a subliminal hierarchy.

    It's often over looked by women- but men rarely over look it.

    Everyone fits somewhere in there. Is it extremely relevant to day to day life? absolutely not. But that doesn't mean it isn't a reality.

    And ultimately- I"m not going to change your mind if you think that makes me shallow-and I also won't lose any sleep at night if you think I am shallow- I do not wrap my self worth and self esteem up and value into what some internet person says/thinks about me. I'm still awesome- fabulous and fierce- and I expect my partner to be fabulous as well. Maybe not all the time- because fabulous is hard work- difficult to maintain 24/7- but the effort should be there- and no- I"m not just talking about looks.

    Mediocrity is not acceptable. it isn't acceptable behavior on my behalf- nor his- or my friends. It's a mentality- harder stronger faster. Be the best you can be. at all things that you do. Do not accept floating through in life as a passenger. Self improvement. Says a lot about someone if they are a passenger in their life- and that's not the kind of person I want around me- at all. Ever.

    And wanting to be attracted to my mate doesn't make me shallow- it makes me human. How dare I!!! want to think my significant other is hot and make me want to have lustful crazy sex!!! THE SHAME!!! THE HORROR.

    Jo, it's pointless. It really is. I'm completely and totally with you but it's just not worth the argument any longer. No one knows your relationship or my relationship with our SO's. Someone pointed out that I never said I loved him in one of my posts and I'm really not sure what that had to do with the point I was trying to make. Of course I love him and he loves me. We wouldn't have gotten married if there wasn't love AND an attraction. But apparently because I feel the need to be physically attracted to my mate (and any one else for that matter) it equates to my not loving someone and being shallow. Heck I know a couple who want to renew their vows and put in a 'fat' clause. :laugh:

    Your views don't equal other views and apparently everyone knows what sort of relationship you have with your SO so obviously you're wrong and shallow and you don't love him.

    Seriously. Just throw in the towel because it's just. not. worth. it.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Your views don't equal other views and apparently everyone knows what sort of relationship you have with your SO so obviously you're wrong and shallow and you don't love him.

    We know what she posted in this thread. Every response has been directly to what she herself has said. We aren't guessing at what kind of relationship she has. We're responding to what she has actually said, which is that she would, no questions asked, leave her boyfriend if he got fat.

    And then went on to say some very nasty things about his current appearance and her thoughts about it.
  • MVY_
    MVY_ Posts: 253 Member
    Why is it that I find some of the views so shallow...
  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,413 Member
    Well no it's not everything- but you can't dismiss it. I've never dated anyone who was truly on the "hot" scale. Everyone I have EVER dated- I'm out of their scale- there is no question they were dating "up" and I dont' say that to be exceptionally vain- but I am well aware of who I was dating and I could have had significantly more attractive partners. But most of those guys- are douchecanoes.

    I MUST have someone who makes me laugh. That is more important to me than almost anything. But after a 3 month break up- and having to deal with people who were more on equal footing- I was like wtf do people date? these people are awful.

    So no- it is not everything- but there has to be some sort of physical attraction. And to me- being over weight- it's not attractive. at all- it's a complete an utter turn off. And my other pet peeve is- if you you (significant other) love my body- and you say I'm amazing and sexy and all these things- what in the world makes you think I dont' appreciate those same qualities?

    I'm not saying I bust my *kitten* for THEM- but they get to reap the rewards just as much as I do. If this is a partnership- why am I the one busting my *kitten* in the "looking good" department- and your sitting over there eating cake and ice cream all day?

    I just think it's really disrespectful to be a partner who doesn't care what your partner thinks.
    That's disgusting to me in so many ways.
    I think it's an extreme example of a guide line to follow. I wouldn't sue someone over that- but I'd be pissed- that's a lot of lying.

    Well, this just confirmed everything I have suspected based on what you originally wrote. So, thanks for that. :drinker:
  • bachampion04
    bachampion04 Posts: 137 Member
    Coming from a dude's perspective...a lot of time when we say that doesn't mean that if you lose it we will leave you. Most times we just talking or tryng to be funny. He obviously cares about you a lot so it wouldn't mean a thing to him if you "lost" them but not sure what size you are because im not trying to filter through 11 pages of comments but you wont lost that much size really if any. If your body was made to have them they will stay :D

    I have many friend girls and who lost weight and they lost it everywhere but they chest and butt. All depends on what your body was always meant to look like.

    But I can relate with your dude I love my girl for who she is not for her assets. She is just like you with the whole stomach cuddle thing...to me its cute but to each its own right? :P
  • 1pandabear
    1pandabear Posts: 336 Member
    Adorable blue footed Boobie bird!
  • 1pandabear
    1pandabear Posts: 336 Member
    right on Summer
  • Fragilebird24
    Fragilebird24 Posts: 202 Member
    Thank you everyone for you advice and comments! This reassured me that everyone is built differently. I suppose I will just have to see what happens! I know my boyfriend will be fine either way. & honestly it is more important for me to be comfortable in my own skin. I'm sure he won't be complaining when I'm rocking a bikini this Summer!

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