An open letter...

Dear hubby,

I understand that sometimes you need to go to the toilet at night and that sometimes you're still really sleepy, really I do... but you have really bad aim! Please check the toilet seat for residue, I am sick to death of having to wipe it off first thing in the morning when it's my turn... or, when I haven't bothered to check, end up with it all over my *kitten*...

Love, your darling wife

Dear wife:

Seventeen years later I would think you accept it as the truth when I tell you I think you're sexy. If you don't believe me that's your choice, but please don't call me a liar or assume I'm just trying to "get some". Perhaps you should take a long honest look in the mirror, identify what you're unhappy with and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT rather than thinking I'm just a sex-crazed maniac.

Along those same lines: Just because I'm trying to lose a few pounds and get in better shape it doesn't automatically mean that either 1) I've got a girlfriend, or 2) that I just want to be able to "perform" longer. And for what it's worth, I'd think most sexually active women in their 40s would appreciate a man who wanted to be in better shape, have better stamina and, in general, have better health. Most wives I know would rather their husbands be healthy and in shape rather than being fat heart-diseased couch potatoes. Perhaps you could be encouraging rather than the opposite?

And, yes... I know... tomorrow I'll regret having typed this all out but it felt good for now.

Frank

Dear 60s plus woman,


That mini skirt and "do-me" shoes shouldn't be seen in public on a woman your age. I think it's fantastic if your husband finds you attractive and sexy when you are dressed that way, but I don't. Keep it at home, please.

Also....that Dolly Parton wig is laughable. You might want to find something a little less over the top.

Signed,

Nauseated at the grocery store.

Dear man at the Wendy's,


I'm pretty tolerant most of the time, but when I have to move to another table to avoid gagging (literally), while eating my salad, you either haven't bathed in several days, or your work involves cleaning septic tanks from the inside.

Please either use the drive through window, or at least take your meal outside and eat in your car.

Sincerely,

lost my appetite (and almost my lunch)

Dear Brothers,

Can we, for once, remember that I am 1 of 8 children and not an only child? I'm getting a little tired of always planning Mom and Dad's gifts and celebrations for every holiday. Just because I'm the only girl doesn't make it my responsibility. If I call you and ask for a contribution, you act like I'm some kind of beggar, if I don't call and ask for a contribution on something, then you call me the day before the Holiday to find out what "We're" getting. Seriously? And if I have one of your wives tell me again that you're on the brink of poverty and can't possibly contribute and then proceed to tell me about the $400 gaming system that you're getting, I promise that I will finally say something that we will all regret.

Love You All
Feels like an Only Child

PS If your wives can't be pleasant, then please leave them home:grumble:

Dear Loving Boyfriend,
I really do love you with all of my heart that is the reason that I must scream this at you....Please call the Dr. and get on some meds. You and I both know that you are in a depression, and that is okay. I have tried to be patient with you. I have tried to give you some nudging and some gentle reminders, but to no avail.... It is really starting to affect everyone in the house. I am sure as much as our three year old loves you, she does not want to sit in the house with you everyday doing nothing but watching TV. She and you both need to get out and enjoy life. Take her swimming, or to the ball room, to the library, anywhere just get out of the house!! Please Baby just take the plunge and get yourself well again!

Love
Your quietly losing patience girl


Dear Beautiful daughters of mine,
I am so glad that at 14 yrs old you have taken an interest in your 3 year old sister. I just wish though, that in taking an interest you didn't pass on bad habits and make them seem fun and cool. No 3 year old should be high fiving to "pulling an all nighter" UGH are you kiding me??? And to my 3 year old please take this as a reminder that Santa is watching your every move and there is still time to take you off the "good girl" list......NOW GO TO BED!

Love,
Your increasingly frustrated Mom!

Dear Cashier at the discount store,

I should have taken the time to stop and tell you this in person, but as usual, I was in my own little world, hustling off to something else, rather than taking the time to thank you.

As I was standing in the check out line next to yours, I watched you. The elderly man and woman that were in your line were really quite helpless. You took the time to speak kindly to them, came around the counter and carefully unloaded their items from the baskets on their wheelchairs. You smiled continuously, and spoke to them as if they were the only people in the world, like they were the most important people in your life. You continued to speak kindly to them, and actually paid attention to what they were saying to you. If you weren't interested in listening to the stories of their children/grandchildren/etc, it didn't show, because you interacted with them, asking questions and showing great interest in their responses.

When the man had technical difficulties with the credit card reader, you politely and carefully provided instructions, and then, without losing your patience, gave the instructions again when he made a mistake. Finally, you cheerfully stood next to him and watched what he was doing, giving polite and loving instructions all through the process, (even though it was slow and tedious for his arthritic hands).

In short... you were FANTASTIC. If only I could be so loving and kind with all the people in my life, rather than rushing through it.

I didn't get your name, but the next time I see you in that store, I will make an effort to compliment you on your selfless attitude, and then provide the store manager with a glowing report about you.

Thanks for demonstrating that there are still some loving, caring people in this world.

Sincerely,

A very humbled man.

Dear Cashier at the discount store,

I should have taken the time to stop and tell you this in person, but as usual, I was in my own little world, hustling off to something else, rather than taking the time to thank you.

As I was standing in the check out line next to yours, I watched you. The elderly man and woman that were in your line were really quite helpless. You took the time to speak kindly to them, came around the counter and carefully unloaded their items from the baskets on their wheelchairs. You smiled continuously, and spoke to them as if they were the only people in the world, like they were the most important people in your life. You continued to speak kindly to them, and actually paid attention to what they were saying to you. If you weren't interested in listening to the stories of their children/grandchildren/etc, it didn't show, because you interacted with them, asking questions and showing great interest in their responses.

When the man had technical difficulties with the credit card reader, you politely and carefully provided instructions, and then, without losing your patience, gave the instructions again when he made a mistake. Finally, you cheerfully stood next to him and watched what he was doing, giving polite and loving instructions all through the process, (even though it was slow and tedious for his arthritic hands).

In short... you were FANTASTIC. If only I could be so loving and kind with all the people in my life, rather than rushing through it.

I didn't get your name, but the next time I see you in that store, I will make an effort to compliment you on your selfless attitude, and then provide the store manager with a glowing report about you.

Thanks for demonstrating that there are still some loving, caring people in this world.

Sincerely,

A very humbled man.

This is fantastic!! I love hearing stories like this!

Dear Gym Manager;

Yes, I know your sister owns the place; yes, I know you have to about commit murder to get fired -

BUT - staring at the women's backsides while they work out and then STANDING on a treadmill while all the rest are full just so you can get a better look at the television while you eat your bag of potato chips...

You are NOT helping the business grow and some of those ladies say they won't be coming back if you're there. Could you... I don't know... maybe... GROW UP a little bit?

a peeved gym member