An open letter...

Dearest Kitty,
I love you . More than ANYTHING in the world. You're my girl and you're my BEST friend. You love me fat or thin, smelly or clean. I know we have good talks all the time but WHY are you sitting here YOWLING at me? I know for a fact you've got food, I just cleaned and refilled your water dish, I've offered you my lap for snuggles, I've rubbed your tummy.. what gives? Are you trying to make me crazy? I love you to peices but I want to choke you. SHUT UP!!

Love,
Your adoring mom

Dear Adoring mom

I'm a cat! It's my job.

Love your adoring Kittie

ps: I can't remember where I left my half eaten mouse. Have you seen it?

Dear boss,

Please stop dropping by my desk when I'm playing on MFP.

Sincerely,

I work 10+ hours a day, and you stop in for the 20 minutes I'm goofing off?

This content has been removed.

Dear 60s plus woman,


That mini skirt and "do-me" shoes shouldn't be seen in public on a woman your age. I think it's fantastic if your husband finds you attractive and sexy when you are dressed that way, but I don't. Keep it at home, please.

Also....that Dolly Parton wig is laughable. You might want to find something a little less over the top.

Signed,

Nauseated at the grocery store.

Dear son,

I know it's very exciting to know you're father is home. He does leave you for a week to go to work, and then comes home for a week. But why the minute your father comes through that door, do you become a raging jerk? You are such an angel when he's gone. You're helpful and calm, not snotty in any way. You get your homework done the best of your ability, you read like you've been reading forever! The teachers all comment on what an awesome job you're doing at school, everything is beautiful...until your father gets home. I don't understand, he's the enforcer, he's the one you worry about when you have bad days (why i'm not sure, he's a leniant parents). But you become a totally different child. You're defiant, you back talk, you don't do your work without constant b!tching. It makes life really hard, especially since I envisioned a happy family when we're all together, instead of a spoiled little brat. Every day I tell your father how awesome you are, but when he comes home you totally prove me wrong. Something's got to change, because it's causing your father and I to fight too, so please get off your high horse and just do as i ask without the back talking and the snot nose tone of voice. No more arguing and fighting over stupid things, and please please please please talk to me with some respect while you're father is around. I know I'm not your real mom, but that's never been an issue before, show your dad what an awesome, well behaved kid you are PLEASE!

That Groupon is too funny! Made my day. I really need to be more creative. 897 sold already!

Best. Thread. Ever. You all have made my day!!

Dear Brothers and Cousins,
Remember our Aunt who put together all those fabulous holiday dinners over the years, and was largely responsible for all of us growing up feeling loved and supported? The one who asked how our days were, and really cared about our answers? The one who provided the regular notes and newspaper clippings in the mail? The one who always had a Sunday night dinner for whoever could make it that night? The one who opened her home, her arms and her heart whenever we needed it?

Now that she is nearly 98 years old, where the he!! are you? She would love to hear from you. She keeps asking me where you are, how you are, and when she will see you next. True, her memory is failing and physically she can't do as much as she used to be able to do, but she still knows that most of you have abandoned her.

You older two boy cousins and your families, you live 5 hours away by car, but one of your kids is now going to college about an hour away, and all of you visit him regularly and NEVER ONCE have you bothered to call or drop by to visit our Aunt. When your Mom died way too early in all of our lives, Aunt stood in and did what she could to plug that huge, gaping hole. Your behavior doesn't show much in the way of thanks.

You, the next oldest. brother.. moving your family halfway across the country did NOT make your phone stop functioning, and I know for a fact that the postal service picks up from your area, as well as delivering the checks Aunt sends to your kids for every birthday and holiday (for which she has NEVER heard a thank you of any kind!), so it would be possible for you to send an occasional note. I'm guessing that someday your kids will ignore you the way you ignore our Aunt now, and I hope it isn't as painful for you as it is for our Aunt when that happens. It isn't too late to set a good example...

You, the two youngest, cousin and brother... you live about an hour away and could easily visit or call or write and make Aunt's whole year with just a few minutes of your time, but you are too absorbed in your own lives to think of doing something for someone else. Please grow up. A quick phone call, or a note with a picture of your baby would be great. She would LOVE to get a copy of the birth announcement, I'm not sure why she was left off the original list. She isn't THAT far gone!

You, my brother in the middle with me, thank you for staying in Aunt's life with regular phone calls, visits, taking her out for dinners, bringing the pups to visit (she LOVES your dogs!) and overlooking her failing memory. When I went over this morning to bring her clean laundry, put out her medications, and take her to breakfast, all she could talk about was the gorgeous sweater that you and your wife brought to her on Sunday so that she could enjoy wearing it throughout the entire holiday season, and how much she loved going out for Chinese food with you both. She showed the sweater to me and told me the whole story about 30 times in the 2 hours I was there, and I could just feel her joy radiating and I loved hearing every minute of her story each time. Your thoughtfulness and loving ways towards our Aunt makes my heart happy, and I am so very proud of the man that you have become, and delighted to have you as my brother.
With love (and in some cases, frustration),
Your Sister/Cousin

Elaine.. even though I am not the one you talked about. I just called my grandmother and cousin (who takes care of my grandma) Thank you for the reminder that life is not so busy that we do have time to remember those that have showed us love.

Leyna, you made my day as well as your grandma's and your cousin's. Thanks for calling your family, and for letting me know!
Elaine (now heading to bed with freezing cold feet and a glowing warm heart)

Dear Bubbly Giggly Coed's at Starbucks,

While now the whole store is now fully aware that you know "Billy" who is sitting across from me, could you please keep your sheep-eyes and loud giggling to a minimum as you are SUPER annoying and SUPER inconsiderate of the people around you...i.e me! I am trying to finish my last chapter for my accounting class and I would greatly appreciate it if you would lower your voice. I'm sure "Billy" would agree considering he has been sitting on his laptop almost as long as i have and i'm sure he is working on something important as well and you are REALLY distracting!

Regards -

The girl who sitting in the corner giving you the stink eye

Dear God,

Thank you for my beautiful grandson. Pleae help me to be available to help when needed without overstaying my welcome.

Please also help me to remember that I made plenty of mistakes, and my kid turned out alright, so I don't need to be overly concerned when his parents make choices I don't agree with.

Signed,

Grateful for precious new life.

Dear Sara Lee,

Thank you for the blueberry pie. It was delicious, as always.

Sincerely,
stuffed and happy

Dear Daughter,

I understand this is that this is your first year in college and I'm very, very proud of you. But, understand that mommy is not your personal ATM. I know that you want to hangout with your friends and enjoy yourself but I don't think spending nearly $100 on a halloween costum was a wise choice, getting your hair and nails done on not so regular basis (excessive) so therefore I montoring your account just a little bit more, which I'm only transferring money on an emergency basis until I feel you are more responsible on handling more.

One more thing my gorgeous, brilliant 18 yr old college student, I put a block on your phone where you can only call me or daddy during certain times. It's called PARENTAL CONTROL! I love Verizone for having this feature. So now you know why you can't talk or text in the middle of the night. That time is for sleeping, getting ready for classes the next day. Just another thing- you can't you use your phone during school hrs as well, just only to call the people I put on the list. Emergency Only. I did free it up on Fridays because you don't have class or should I add this day for studying- hmmm. just a thought. We'll see what those grades look like.

if you have a problem with this please call 1-800- Get A JOB

Your loving mother

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: she said 1-800-Get A JOB!! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: