Can a man and woman be good friends without...?

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Replies

  • TheyCallMeMISTERChace
    TheyCallMeMISTERChace Posts: 1,019
    Maybe if one of them is ugly. ;)
  • MelsAuntie
    MelsAuntie Posts: 2,833 Member
    Of course. I have male friends, whose company I enjpoy, and as they are married and so am I, there is no thought whatever of any hanky panky.
  • TheyCallMeMISTERChace
    TheyCallMeMISTERChace Posts: 1,019
    Men always think about the hanky panky....
  • That_weird_angel
    That_weird_angel Posts: 14
    of course men & women can be good friends and not have any sexual desires for the other

    I am bisexual so I guess I should just not be able to be good real totally platonic friends with anyone eh? soooo not the case at all
    I totally agree me and my guy friend have a brotherly-sisterly relationship,so yeah
    I'm bi-sexual too and I'm generally platonic friends with anyone:)
  • That_weird_angel
    That_weird_angel Posts: 14
    if you believe that, then surely you think that people who are interested in people of all genders can't have any friends. I'm not attracted to every single person I meet and have plenty of platonic friends.
    Exactly:)
  • kenzietate
    kenzietate Posts: 399 Member
    Nope, not in my experience.

    I used to think men and women could just be friends. I had some very close male friends for years and years before finding out the real reason they were my "friends". Now, I have some male friends but not "close". They are primarily my husband's friends whom I also talk to. I wouldn't invite them over to hang out alone like I would a woman. This is why I don't accept male friend requests on here.

    I used to think the same thing. I have always had more guy friends than girl friends and I just thought we were good friends. I have some great friends still that are guys but we are all part of couples and the couples are all friends. College was the real eye opener for me. I was in a relationship with my now husband and we together hung out with a larger group of guys and I considered them all friends and I would hang out with them one on one or just me all the time while waiting for my bf to get out of classes etc. It simply never occurred to me that those guys liked me in any way but friendship especially since I wasn't attracted to any of them that way. But when my bf and I broke up for 2 weeks during the year, it took all of about 5 seconds for 2 of the guys to try to move in on the territory. When my bf and I got back together and stayed together, things went back to normal and I am still friends with those guys but were I single I don't think it would work.

    Also, I do think it can happen the other way around also. But as a general rule, men tend to think more sexually than women on a daily basis. It is just the way they are wired.

    I think people attracted to both sides are less likely for it to happen on their end simply because they are constantly separating out the idea of who they are attracted to and who they are aren't and seem to keep them separate in the mind. But that doesn't mean that the friends feel the same way as the other person feels.
  • MelsAuntie
    MelsAuntie Posts: 2,833 Member
    Maybe if one of them is ugly. ;)




    Jesus... are you really that shallow? Looks have nothing to do with it. Some of my male friends are VERY handsome, but I'm not interested in making any move on them nor would I go along with it if they made the move.
  • gemflower
    gemflower Posts: 95 Member
    I think the answer is no....
  • gemflower
    gemflower Posts: 95 Member
    ....
  • gemflower
    gemflower Posts: 95 Member
    Men always think about the hanky panky....

    so true!
  • TheyCallMeMISTERChace
    TheyCallMeMISTERChace Posts: 1,019
    Maybe if one of them is ugly. ;)




    Jesus... are you really that shallow? Looks have nothing to do with it. Some of my male friends are VERY handsome, but I'm not interested in making any move on them nor would I go along with it if they made the move.

    No, I'm demonstrating a sense of humor.
    That might explain a few things.
  • Noamsh
    Noamsh Posts: 79 Member
    I have a very close male friend. I've never been even a bit attracted to him, nor had any kind of sexual thoughts about him.
    Don't know if it's the same on his part, but as far as I'm concerned, it's very possible.
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  • TheyCallMeMISTERChace
    TheyCallMeMISTERChace Posts: 1,019
    I have a very close male friend. I've never been even a bit attracted to him, nor had any kind of sexual thoughts about him.
    Don't know if it's the same on his part, but as far as I'm concerned, it's very possible.

    I suspect it's not the same on his part... ;)
  • MelsAuntie
    MelsAuntie Posts: 2,833 Member
    I asked my husband about this, to get a male point of view, and he says, of course men and women can be friends without any sexual interest between them. HE has female friends whom he has no sexual interest in, just friendship. According to him, men feel they have to seem like they are fixated on sex, ESPECIALLY in front of other men, when actually it's not that big a deal, no more than any other part of life.
  • Sinisterly
    Sinisterly Posts: 10,913 Member
    I have a very close male friend. I've never been even a bit attracted to him, nor had any kind of sexual thoughts about him.
    Don't know if it's the same on his part, but as far as I'm concerned, it's very possible.

    I suspect it's not the same on his part... ;)
    :laugh:
  • MelsAuntie
    MelsAuntie Posts: 2,833 Member
    "Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love but no friendship " Oscar Wilde

    It's been my experience men and women can't be friends without sexual desires. Maybe it's us men that are the problem but I'm pretty sure women have similar feelings.


    Oscar Wilde does not speak for all men, or for anyone except himself, and HE was gay, so what does he know?
    My male friends seem to enjoy my company but none of them has ever made any move on me, or anything at all inappropriate. Or me to them, either. Love yes, any sexuality at all, no.
  • burning2much
    burning2much Posts: 4,846 Member
    I've had relationship s with and without other women and have stayed good friends... Trick to that is honesty....that and no expectations
  • csuhar
    csuhar Posts: 779 Member
    I've never really had a good, close friend that was a woman. And in reading a recent post, I was wondering, 'Can a man and a woman be good friends without some sort of sexual thoughts or actions getting in the way?' The answer for me, is probably no. I'm too much of a horn dog. I'm probably missing out on some meaningful relationships, but that's just me. Sometimes II kind of wish I had a close female friend, but such is life. Thoughts.

    For me the answer is "yes". But I guess the questions would be 1) What is a "good friend" and 2) what defines "getting in the way"?

    I have friends who are women and for whom I would drop what I'm doing and help them if asked. That's not something I do for just anyone, so I would consider them "good friends". I also have female friends with whom I might be willing to hold more personal conversations than I would with members of the general public. I would also consider them in the category of "good friends". For me, that's saying something because, as an introvert, I don't have a very large circle of friends- I tend to keep it fairly close.

    "Getting in the way" is probably where the big difference is. For me, sex has a fairly limited role in my life. As a result of many things, not the least of which is the fact I've seen every form of birth control fail (to include a couple where both male and female had their respective tubes "tied") I'm reserving sexual behavior for a woman I'm willing to have a lifetime connection with and commitment to. So, in my case, actual sex exists in a realm that comes well after almost all other forms of interpersonal relationship. That makes it easy for me to have female friends of varying degrees with sex staying far out of the picture.

    That does not, however, mean I do not have sexual thoughts from time to time. I've got a couple female friends that I think would be awesome in bed. I just don't act on those thoughts. Because I'm not at a point where I'm thinking about trying to make a move due to the aforementioned lifetime connection concern, the thoughts don't get in the way. I simply have sexually attractive female friends.

    I just continue to treat everyone around me, male or female, the same way and let the relationships grow as close as natural progression takes them. Hopefully, I will come across a female whose friendship will continue on a path to the point I'm willing to have a lifelong connection to her, and then I'll let sex come in as appropriate.
  • milksibling
    milksibling Posts: 33
    A lot of my friends are male, I work with all men, and I hope to god NONE of them think of me in a sexual way. Then again, I'm the kind of girl who immediately writes off anyone who hits on me. Don't approach me at a bar!

    My boyfriend is smart, sensitive, handsome, talented, and a gentleman when it comes to women. And by "gentleman" I mean that he respects a woman as a *person.* For her intelligence, talent, personality, moral fiber, etc. Man or woman, as long as you're a good person, that's all that matters to us.

    Granted, I think women are socially programmed to be more "aware" of their own gender. I'm sorry I can't articulate how gender inequality still exists, but point being! I'm always looking for more lady friends! Us girls gotta stick together!
  • milksibling
    milksibling Posts: 33
    I've never really had a good, close friend that was a woman. And in reading a recent post, I was wondering, 'Can a man and a woman be good friends without some sort of sexual thoughts or actions getting in the way?' The answer for me, is probably no. I'm too much of a horn dog. I'm probably missing out on some meaningful relationships, but that's just me. Sometimes II kind of wish I had a close female friend, but such is life. Thoughts.

    For me the answer is "yes". But I guess the questions would be 1) What is a "good friend" and 2) what defines "getting in the way"?

    I have friends who are women and for whom I would drop what I'm doing and help them if asked. That's not something I do for just anyone, so I would consider them "good friends". I also have female friends with whom I might be willing to hold more personal conversations than I would with members of the general public. I would also consider them in the category of "good friends". For me, that's saying something because, as an introvert, I don't have a very large circle of friends- I tend to keep it fairly close.

    "Getting in the way" is probably where the big difference is. For me, sex has a fairly limited role in my life. As a result of many things, not the least of which is the fact I've seen every form of birth control fail (to include a couple where both male and female had their respective tubes "tied") I'm reserving sexual behavior for a woman I'm willing to have a lifetime connection with and commitment to. So, in my case, actual sex exists in a realm that comes well after almost all other forms of interpersonal relationship. That makes it easy for me to have female friends of varying degrees with sex staying far out of the picture.

    That does not, however, mean I do not have sexual thoughts from time to time. I've got a couple female friends that I think would be awesome in bed. I just don't act on those thoughts. Because I'm not at a point where I'm thinking about trying to make a move due to the aforementioned lifetime connection concern, the thoughts don't get in the way. I simply have sexually attractive female friends.

    I just continue to treat everyone around me, male or female, the same way and let the relationships grow as close as natural progression takes them. Hopefully, I will come across a female whose friendship will continue on a path to the point I'm willing to have a lifelong connection to her, and then I'll let sex come in as appropriate.

    ^^^^ You're AWESOME.
  • MG_Fit
    MG_Fit Posts: 1,143 Member
    stanford-cowbell-player-against-kansas-b.gif?w=1000
  • JONZ64
    JONZ64 Posts: 1,280 Member
    Without actions? Possibly.

    Without thoughts? No.

    This.

    +1

    Exactly!
  • RunnerStephe
    RunnerStephe Posts: 2,195
    Most of my friends are female. I don't bond well with males. The only person I want sex from is my wife.
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
    well it didn't work out for them, but that doesn't mean it can't
    tumblr_mye7miBTwu1ruxk4vo4_r1_250.gif
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  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
    Most of my male friends are gay, so there is never any sexual tension.
  • TwinkieDong
    TwinkieDong Posts: 1,564 Member
    Yes I have sex with all my girl friends.
  • Escloflowne
    Escloflowne Posts: 2,038 Member
    Yes it is possible, I've never slept with her!


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