Lose weight or no wedding--- is this right?



  • tristaj90
    tristaj90 Posts: 330 Member
    That's stupid. I wanted to postpone my wedding so I could hit my goal but we didn't and that's fine. I was thinking as far as pictures I wanted to be beautiful. But looking at them I was beautiful at 213 pounds. Hubby thought so because he wanted to marry me when I was 213 pounds. I'm now 132 lbs (almost 2 years later) and he still loves me--no matter what I weigh.

    No man should tell you what you should look like. They should love you for you...
  • Spewze72
    Spewze72 Posts: 82 Member
    Oh, I...I mean, I just...wow. How can that be love?

    Of course it's your life, but you asked, so...no, it's not right, not at all. This is not how love is. Love is bringing out the best in your partner, in helping them be the best they can be without judgement or conditions, and loving them fat, thin or with a giant hairy wart.

    Marrying this guy will kill your self esteem for good. If I don't know what a "junk" is (???), but I'll settle for suggesting that he go find himself someone else who is prepared to sacrifice her entire self worth to accommodate for his own needs. F that dude.
  • clydethecat
    clydethecat Posts: 1,094 Member
    has anyone noticed that this is the op's first post and that shes hasnt come back to the thread. just a troll thought.
  • bagge72
    bagge72 Posts: 1,377 Member
    Your marriage isn't going to last. You should stop it before it gets that far, and be single for a while.
  • JMPMJ1986
    JMPMJ1986 Posts: 10
    I have been in a similar situation .... and personally I dumped him. In my case I have an emotional eating habit and the added emotional/mental stress of trying to make myself what he wanted me to be led me down a very very dark path. I decided enough was enough. Everyone deserves to be with someone who loves them for who they are not what they look like. Someone to be supportive and help them through the ups and the downs. Not someone who tells them that they aren't worth it right now .... but they might be someday. There is a difference between wanting you to make better choices/being healthy and being malicious and controlling.

    You need to decide what is good for you ... not what is good for him or for others. What will make you happy? What do you want out of life? And is this relationship worth your health (emotionally, mentally and physically)? Just remember .... You ARE worth it and you DO deserve happiness.
  • Spewze72
    Spewze72 Posts: 82 Member
    has anyone noticed that this is the op's first post and that shes hasnt come back to the thread. just a troll thought.

    Crossed my mind...I squashed the thought down!!
  • Iknewyouweretrouble
    Iknewyouweretrouble Posts: 561 Member
    I feel like a lot of guys want some reassurance that girls won't let themselves go or whatever. maybe they are afraid they will go after someone better looking. but you could be the hottest thing and still get cheated on (see Hollywood for example). so I think instead you should give him the ultimatum. I would tell him that he better love you at your best and your worst weight.
  • Just leave him..he's no good for you at all..kick him out.

    back to your plateau position..we're in the same boat..oyeah:smile::smile: ....just keep moving..just keep moving

    do it gradually..step by step..don't ever give up. you will get there..
  • mrsolsonwaters3
    mrsolsonwaters3 Posts: 12 Member
    I think you already know what to do. But geez what a hard thing to have to do! I feel for ya. Good luck!
  • caroldavison332
    caroldavison332 Posts: 864 Member
    DUMP THIS MONSTER NOW. Because of your numerous losses, he should be supporting you. Instead he is giving you an ultimatim. I promise that you will probably gain MORE weight as you age and this loser will find your unattractive.

    I'm at a cross-road in my life right now. I'm 23 years old and I've always been overweight, as far back as I can remember! I have been in my current relationship for 5 years going on 6 in Sept, I'm engaged, and since being in this relationship I've lost over 40 pounds, and have gone through some major cosmetic surgery( NOTE: I'm not condoning it, but it worked for me since most of my weight was loose skin accumulated over the years), that actually took of an extra 15 pounds, totaling 55 pounds lost.

    I should be happy right?..., well I'm not because the man that I'm engaged to doesn't want to marry me until I reach my ideal weight of 130.

    I'm at 209 right now, and since the surgery 2 years ago, I've actually put back on the pounds and then some. Most of that weight put on the last couple of months grieving 2 individuals I've lost in my life, losing my job, all in the last 4 months! I feel like I failed myself! Defeated even! And my relationship as taken a HUGE hit because my weight just will not come off. I work out regularly, eat healthy and my weight doesn't get past 175-180.

    Emotionally I'm shot, and the extra stress from my relationship is not helping at all. I feel that my plateau is emotional and I'm not sure if I should leave him and move back home or if I should set aside my emotions and just keep trying to lose the weight for the sake of my relationship. Someone please give me some advice... I don't know who to ask anymore!

    ***An extra foot note: home is Puerto Rico and I live in Florida on my own, my boyfriend does not live with me.***
  • Iknowsaur
    Iknowsaur Posts: 777 Member
    Ewps, edited.
  • Iknowsaur
    Iknowsaur Posts: 777 Member
    Shoot him.

    I went from 180 to 280 over the last year while dating my boyfriend (issues with medication, moving, poor choices) and he has never once said anything negative about, has been supportive of trying to help me to lose weight when I bring it up, and will be holding my hand when I get a sleeve done in May.

    You deserve that, not a *kitten* with a weird-*kitten* agenda about YOUR body.
  • maab12
    maab12 Posts: 65 Member
    Only you yourself know for sure if this is a relationship worth saving. from someone who went through what you did (emotionally draining relationship) the best thing for me was to end it. my now husband of 4.5 years is amazing. his words ( I don't care what you weigh I love you for you however I want you to lose this weight not for me but because your miserable in your body.) if this is how he reacts now what will happen when kids come along? and pregnancy weight comes on.

    either he loves you or doesn't.
  • LosingItForGood13
    LosingItForGood13 Posts: 182 Member
    Your weight loss journey is For U not him and if he cant except that u need to think about moving on even if u get to the 130 what is he going to do when u get pregnant one day and gain back some weight with your baby smh what a loser just remember your body is yours and yours alone and any decision you make about it should be for your well being not to please someone elses needs.
  • moseler
    moseler Posts: 224 Member
    I can't tell you what to do in your relationship... however, it occurs to me that you already know the answer. You know what you SHOULD do... you are just scared to pull the trigger. That's understandable. You really need to take time to consider if this man... and the way he treats you is the way you would want your future daughter being treated. Is he honoring you... the real you or is he giving you this ultimatum in the hopes you will become who he WANTS you to be. In either case... the choice is yours and I don't envy you.
  • hortensehildegarde
    hortensehildegarde Posts: 592 Member
    What on earth? Why would you even CONSIDER marrying someone that would make a condition like that? What would he do if you lost the weight then in a few years gained it back? Or got sick? Or paralyzed?

    I'd imagine he'd just leave you. Why would you want to marry into that?
  • you can lose a whole 100+ by dropping his butt lol. No, but really, your already beautiful, the man you spend your life with should see that!
  • smelius22
    smelius22 Posts: 334 Member
    Sounds like you could benefit from a talk with a counselor. I'm sorry you've been having such a hard time lately.

    I know it sounds cliche, but it always gets worse before it gets better. Maybe now would be a good time to dump him and move on, while you're in the "worse" part, so when you reach the "better" it will be even more so!

    good luck
  • Iwishyouwell
    Iwishyouwell Posts: 1,888 Member
  • craziwrld
    craziwrld Posts: 43 Member
    So I have 2 thoughts
    1. If he is telling you to lose the weight because he wants you to be skinnier, tell him to go sit on a nice pointy big stick.
    2. If he us saying this cuz he thinks you will be happier on your wedding day, and just doesn't know how to say that, then give it some merit and talk to him about it. I have a few friends that list a substantial amount of weight and want to redo their weddings cuz they don't like how they liked in them. My husband and I went and had a Courthouse wedding, but it was agreed that when I lost the weight I wanted we would have a real wedding, my decision on waiting for a real wedding not his. Because I knew I'd we did it then, I would hate my pictures looking back on them.