A question for dads in the dating world
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lol going out saying im not a nice person is VERY far fetched.. you also do not know me... you do not know what i have accomplished in life. you do not know how many good-or bad deeds i have done... i do know.. that this 38 year old man is with a 22 year old who has no kids.. no experience to relate to... no experience to even handle this situation. she might have had brothers or sisters but that is no where the same... as raising a child.. taking in a child as your own... i am looking at this from the opposite perspective. the side that no one is looking at... so if im wrong for pointing out a side that no one likes to see than i don't see how its my problem... because its true... i may have put it harshly... but i am not the first one who thought this... im just the first one who said something..
Hi there, I really see where you're coming from. It's something I've considered long and hard before even deciding to enter into a relationship with my boyfriend. It's a big age gap, certainly. And I do feel for his ex. No, under no circumstance did he leave her for me. I didn't even meet him until after their relationship had ended. But even still, I'm sure, though I can't fully understand, that it must be hard on his ex to see us together. All I can do is show her as much respect as possible, accept her role in his life, and continue to think the world of them for getting along so well to raise their daughter as a united front - I honestly think the world of both of them in this regard. Without spouting a sob story, I've been supporting myself since I was 14, raised my little sister (yes, bought her groceries, clothes, school supplies, did her homework with her) I know she's not my daughter, but I, by far, had the biggest hand in raising her, as well as taking care of myself.My boyfriend and I just work together - though the age gap may make that hard to believe. We share a lot of the same interest, and indulge each other in the interests we don't share. We have very similar communication styles, and want the same things out of life. I can't make myself older, or him younger, nor would I want to. We love each other for being exactly who we are. I've come to accept the looks some people shoot me in public for holding his hand, it's just going to be part of life. As long as we all value his and his ex's daughter's quality of life, I'm sure we can maintain a happy, healthy, loving household where we can all feel comfortable. Ultimately, I want to say that I see where you're coming from. I do. But my boyfriend is an amazing dad (has his daughter four nights a week, so more than half the time) is super involved in her life. He would never abandon her to run away with some vapid, barely legal kid.
OP, don't waste your time responding to that person. They are so sane and secure in themselves that they already deactivated their account.0 -
lol going out saying im not a nice person is VERY far fetched.. you also do not know me... you do not know what i have accomplished in life. you do not know how many good-or bad deeds i have done... i do know.. that this 38 year old man is with a 22 year old who has no kids.. no experience to relate to... no experience to even handle this situation. she might have had brothers or sisters but that is no where the same... as raising a child.. taking in a child as your own... i am looking at this from the opposite perspective. the side that no one is looking at... so if im wrong for pointing out a side that no one likes to see than i don't see how its my problem... because its true... i may have put it harshly... but i am not the first one who thought this... im just the first one who said something..
Hi there, I really see where you're coming from. It's something I've considered long and hard before even deciding to enter into a relationship with my boyfriend. It's a big age gap, certainly. And I do feel for his ex. No, under no circumstance did he leave her for me. I didn't even meet him until after their relationship had ended. But even still, I'm sure, though I can't fully understand, that it must be hard on his ex to see us together. All I can do is show her as much respect as possible, accept her role in his life, and continue to think the world of them for getting along so well to raise their daughter as a united front - I honestly think the world of both of them in this regard. Without spouting a sob story, I've been supporting myself since I was 14, raised my little sister (yes, bought her groceries, clothes, school supplies, did her homework with her) I know she's not my daughter, but I, by far, had the biggest hand in raising her, as well as taking care of myself.My boyfriend and I just work together - though the age gap may make that hard to believe. We share a lot of the same interest, and indulge each other in the interests we don't share. We have very similar communication styles, and want the same things out of life. I can't make myself older, or him younger, nor would I want to. We love each other for being exactly who we are. I've come to accept the looks some people shoot me in public for holding his hand, it's just going to be part of life. As long as we all value his and his ex's daughter's quality of life, I'm sure we can maintain a happy, healthy, loving household where we can all feel comfortable. Ultimately, I want to say that I see where you're coming from. I do. But my boyfriend is an amazing dad (has his daughter four nights a week, so more than half the time) is super involved in her life. He would never abandon her to run away with some vapid, barely legal kid.
The fact that you dignified the crazy with a rational response makes you a unicorn here. Bravo unicorn, bravo.0 -
I can only imagine how devastated the daughters mother is.... he is 38..... has an 8 year old..... you are 22..... no kids.... oh gosh....
I AM a mother... of 2... so... if this situation happened to me... I would NOT be happy... sucks everything is ALWAYS harder on the mother than the father... he gets to run away with his 22 year old teenie beanie girlfriend getting partial custody sitting around having the best time of his life... while she.... is probably miserable thinking about how her husband left her for a freakin 22 year old with no kids!
you.. my friend will never understand the pain... it SUCKS how men get the easy way out... but when woman with children age.. grow old.... no man wants them.... unless they have some weird fetish thing... this is what the world is coming to!!
just so you know.. when you were 3 years old he was 19!!!
gold--- trigger? ---- gold---- diggggggg? what? im probably gonna get all this hate just from stating the truth... sorry... but its true...
User deactivated - Astonishing.
It's CrazyMIACrazy. She'll be back.0 -
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im not sexist, but women like you make me wish i was gay
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My personal fave response to this BSCB0 -
I can only imagine how devastated the daughters mother is.... he is 38..... has an 8 year old..... you are 22..... no kids.... oh gosh....
I AM a mother... of 2... so... if this situation happened to me... I would NOT be happy... sucks everything is ALWAYS harder on the mother than the father... he gets to run away with his 22 year old teenie beanie girlfriend getting partial custody sitting around having the best time of his life... while she.... is probably miserable thinking about how her husband left her for a freakin 22 year old with no kids!
you.. my friend will never understand the pain... it SUCKS how men get the easy way out... but when woman with children age.. grow old.... no man wants them.... unless they have some weird fetish thing... this is what the world is coming to!!
just so you know.. when you were 3 years old he was 19!!!
gold--- trigger? ---- gold---- diggggggg? what? im probably gonna get all this hate just from stating the truth... sorry... but its true...
Men get the easy way out???? Ummm....sorry, but that just ain't true. You can have all your bitter anger at men - which CLEARLY comes through in your post - but to say we get the easy way out is crap. I don't get to see my kids every day. I don't get to tuck them in every night. I don't get to pick them up when they fall down or hear them laugh or gets their hugs and kisses. Yes, I can talk to them as much as I want to and yes, I can Facetime with them. But I get them for a few hours every Wednesday night and a couple of weekends a month.
Do I have more freedom than my ex? Yes, I do. But I would trade it in a heartbeat for some extra time with my kids because my son and daughter are THE most important people in my life. I would love to see them every day and spend time with them every day. But I don't get that opportunity.
I'm sure it seems to you that your ex is living it up and loving life. Maybe he is. I don't know the guy. But the Sunday afternoons when my ex picks up my kids and takes them back to her house sucks. I go from 48 hours of laughter and smiles and playtime and fun with my kids to the kind of emptiness and loneliness that I wouldn't wish on anyone.
So, by all means, be jealous of your ex and his freedom if you like. Or, if you're that upset about it, offer to trade custodial time with your ex. But don't you DARE say that men have it easier just because we have a little more spare time. Our hearts are ripped out of our chests every time we see our kids drive away. That's about as far from easy as it gets.
I wish my kids had a father like you...he is one of those parents that could care less unfortunately, good luck to you!
the male who posted that is one in a hundred
I respect you.... the user who posted after that is living in the real world lol. and clearly understands how most guys are.... MOST guys get the easy way out... MOST guys do not care....
this is NOT about the OP she is actually smart... she is! her life is going to be a breeze.. but not everyone falls in love with an older man some people take risks with someone in the same age group... and then when that happens and you get burned its not a happy feeling.. especially when kids are involved...
so just because I stated what everyone else did not want to hear does NOT make me a bad person... I just wish more men cared about the feelings of the woman whom they decided to have children with... THATS IT... more men need to care... and wonder if dating that 22 year old is REALLY the best thing for his daughter... gosh..
I guess I should count myself extremely lucky in that the men I know who are poor fathers are VASTLY outnumbered by the ones who are loving, competent, present fathers. Maybe you should better care with the people you associate with.0 -
I can only imagine how devastated the daughters mother is.... he is 38..... has an 8 year old..... you are 22..... no kids.... oh gosh....
I AM a mother... of 2... so... if this situation happened to me... I would NOT be happy... sucks everything is ALWAYS harder on the mother than the father... he gets to run away with his 22 year old teenie beanie girlfriend getting partial custody sitting around having the best time of his life... while she.... is probably miserable thinking about how her husband left her for a freakin 22 year old with no kids!
you.. my friend will never understand the pain... it SUCKS how men get the easy way out... but when woman with children age.. grow old.... no man wants them.... unless they have some weird fetish thing... this is what the world is coming to!!
just so you know.. when you were 3 years old he was 19!!!
gold--- trigger? ---- gold---- diggggggg? what? im probably gonna get all this hate just from stating the truth... sorry... but its true...
User deactivated - Astonishing.
It's CrazyMIACrazy. She'll be back.
We can only hope. The threads just aren't the same without her . . .0 -
May be irrelevant, but how are things between you and the child's mother? Because I would lose my freaking mind if my ex's girlfriend got him something for Fathers' Day that included my daughter. I don't care what she gives him, but I want her to have nothing to do with my daughter. Ever.
Hey, you're right, this is completely something to consider. I have a fairly limited relationship with his ex, at least face to face. I've only met her once, we sat down and had coffee together before I met her daughter. It was really important to her and I that we meet. She has every right to know who is around her daughter, and I want to respect any wishes she has as far as her child is concerned - however, outside of meeting, we haven't spent any time together. My boyfriend and his ex has a really solid relationship as parents to their daughter. There is open communication about them. The only concern I know that she has voiced is she doesn't want me trying to spoil her daughter. She doesn't want me to buy her gifts or anything like that. She's expressed worry that I'll be the "young, fun girl" in her daughter's life, whiles she's, "strict and mean mommy". I have ZERO intention of trying to create that situations and really want to respect her wishes. So, that's my relationship with his ex
You continue to sound rather sane. Why are you asking for advice on the internet again?
This is my question as well.0 -
I missed the boat on this one. .but I just gotta say.. this guy is in for a wild ride. . This 22 year-old OP is going to play house for a year or two but after awhile she'll start going to "girls night out" and after that. .well. .0
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I missed the boat on this one. .but I just gotta say.. this guy is in for a wild ride. . This 22 year-old OP is going to play house for a year or two but after awhile she'll start going to "girls night out" and after that. .well. .
You have no way of knowing that and the OP has said nothing to suggest that. In fact, she has been nothing but sincere and mature in this thread. Good to be reminded that bitterness towards the opposite sex works both ways.0 -
how do you know if she has no experience? maybe she has neices or nephews, she couldve worked with children before. there are alot of people who have children much earlier than 22, i think she'l be just fine.lol going out saying im not a nice person is VERY far fetched.. you also do not know me... you do not know what i have accomplished in life. you do not know how many good-or bad deeds i have done... i do know.. that this 38 year old man is with a 22 year old who has no kids.. no experience to relate to... no experience to even handle this situation. she might have had brothers or sisters but that is no where the same... as raising a child.. taking in a child as your own... i am looking at this from the opposite perspective. the side that no one is looking at... so if im wrong for pointing out a side that no one likes to see than i don't see how its my problem... because its true... i may have put it harshly... but i am not the first one who thought this... im just the first one who said something..
you say we no nothing of you, but you know nothing about the billions of men in this world. shut your mouth before you embarrass yourself even more, your clearly just pissed off at your own childs father, which sucks, but its the fault of him, not every other guy in the world or this one girl, who judging by this post is a very considerate person. the same cannot be said about you
Truth. My babysitter is 17 and grew up with her mother fostering children. She knows more about babies then I ever will.0 -
I missed the boat on this one. .but I just gotta say.. this guy is in for a wild ride. . This 22 year-old OP is going to play house for a year or two but after awhile she'll start going to "girls night out" and after that. .well. .
To think... had she never been inclined to tell us her age or his, you might actually have some respect for her based on her tact, intelligence, and common decency. But instead, she's been attacked right and left because of a number. Sad, really.0 -
I missed the boat on this one. .but I just gotta say.. this guy is in for a wild ride. . This 22 year-old OP is going to play house for a year or two but after awhile she'll start going to "girls night out" and after that. .well. .
You have no way of knowing that and the OP has said nothing to suggest that. In fact, she has been nothing but sincere and mature in this thread. Good to be reminded that bitterness towards the opposite sex works both ways.
Agree with 1PatientBear. Why put down the OP when she seems to have the best of intentions. If her relationship fails it would be because people like you are negative and unsupportive. That does tend to weigh people down in any circumstance. I can only hope she has the support of her friends and family. That being said, who cares if she gets to have girls nights out? The child isn't hers or her responsibility. She is very much allowed to do what she wants. Her man might even enjoy the alone time with his daughter while the OP goes out with her girls. That's actually pretty healthy.0 -
May be irrelevant, but how are things between you and the child's mother? Because I would lose my freaking mind if my ex's girlfriend got him something for Fathers' Day that included my daughter. I don't care what she gives him, but I want her to have nothing to do with my daughter. Ever.
May be irrelevant? Try definitely irrelevant. Get over yourself.0 -
I can only imagine how devastated the daughters mother is.... he is 38..... has an 8 year old..... you are 22..... no kids.... oh gosh....
I AM a mother... of 2... so... if this situation happened to me... I would NOT be happy... sucks everything is ALWAYS harder on the mother than the father... he gets to run away with his 22 year old teenie beanie girlfriend getting partial custody sitting around having the best time of his life... while she.... is probably miserable thinking about how her husband left her for a freakin 22 year old with no kids!
you.. my friend will never understand the pain... it SUCKS how men get the easy way out... but when woman with children age.. grow old.... no man wants them.... unless they have some weird fetish thing... this is what the world is coming to!!
just so you know.. when you were 3 years old he was 19!!!
gold--- trigger? ---- gold---- diggggggg? what? im probably gonna get all this hate just from stating the truth... sorry... but its true...
User deactivated - Astonishing.
It's CrazyMIACrazy. She'll be back.
i was catching up on the thread and was just bout to post this..:laugh: That chick has a long...errrr...detailed history on MFP :laugh:0 -
So glad it's not just women who are judgmental/presumptuous here.I missed the boat on this one. .but I just gotta say.. this guy is in for a wild ride. . This 22 year-old OP is going to play house for a year or two but after awhile she'll start going to "girls night out" and after that. .well. .0 -
To think... had she never been inclined to tell us her age or his, you might actually have some respect for her based on her tact, intelligence, and common decency. But instead, she's been attacked right and left because of a number. Sad, really.
I feel the need to publicly thank you for being an awesome human being: Thank you
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I missed the boat on this one. .but I just gotta say.. this guy is in for a wild ride. . This 22 year-old OP is going to play house for a year or two but after awhile she'll start going to "girls night out" and after that. .well. .
You have no way of knowing that and the OP has said nothing to suggest that. In fact, she has been nothing but sincere and mature in this thread. Good to be reminded that bitterness towards the opposite sex works both ways.
Agree with 1PatientBear. Why put down the OP when she seems to have the best of intentions. If her relationship fails it would be because people like you are negative and unsupportive. That does tend to weigh people down in any circumstance. I can only hope she has the support of her friends and family. That being said, who cares if she gets to have girls nights out? The child isn't hers or her responsibility. She is very much allowed to do what she wants. Her man might even enjoy the alone time with his daughter while the OP goes out with her girls. That's actually pretty healthy.
I am sure she has the best of intentions . .I'm sure she's honest and intelligent. . And the truth is, It's not even HER who's making the mistake. I have not sympathy for a 38 yr old dude who gets involved with a 22 yr old girl. . He's the one who should have the life experience to know better. .I'm being called bitter toward the opposite sex. Maybe a little, but I'm just a realist. Maybe they'll beat the odds, who knows. . I hope they do. .0 -
Well. The polite and kind thing would be to:I missed the boat on this one. .but I just gotta say.. this guy is in for a wild ride. . This 22 year-old OP is going to play house for a year or two but after awhile she'll start going to "girls night out" and after that. .well. .
You have no way of knowing that and the OP has said nothing to suggest that. In fact, she has been nothing but sincere and mature in this thread. Good to be reminded that bitterness towards the opposite sex works both ways.
Agree with 1PatientBear. Why put down the OP when she seems to have the best of intentions. If her relationship fails it would be because people like you are negative and unsupportive. That does tend to weigh people down in any circumstance. I can only hope she has the support of her friends and family. That being said, who cares if she gets to have girls nights out? The child isn't hers or her responsibility. She is very much allowed to do what she wants. Her man might even enjoy the alone time with his daughter while the OP goes out with her girls. That's actually pretty healthy.
I am sure she has the best of intentions . .I'm sure she's honest and intelligent. . And the truth is, It's not even HER who's making the mistake. I have not sympathy for a 38 yr old dude who gets involved with a 22 yr old girl. . He's the one who should have the life experience to know better. .I'm being called bitter toward the opposite sex. Maybe a little, but I'm just a realist. Maybe they'll beat the odds, who knows. . I hope they do. .
Step 1: Wish the happy couple good luck on their journey.
Step 2: Ask whether either or both need a shoulder to cry on, should they for some reason see it fit to go in separate directions.
At neither step, personal opinions are necessary to offer, unless asked for.0 -
To think... had she never been inclined to tell us her age or his, you might actually have some respect for her based on her tact, intelligence, and common decency. But instead, she's been attacked right and left because of a number. Sad, really.
I feel the need to publicly thank you for being an awesome human being: Thank you
Go enjoy your life and whatever will be will be ;-) Don't let butthurt people reign on your parade. You got this 0 -
I missed the boat on this one. .but I just gotta say.. this guy is in for a wild ride. . This 22 year-old OP is going to play house for a year or two but after awhile she'll start going to "girls night out" and after that. .well. .
You have no way of knowing that and the OP has said nothing to suggest that. In fact, she has been nothing but sincere and mature in this thread. Good to be reminded that bitterness towards the opposite sex works both ways.
Agree with 1PatientBear. Why put down the OP when she seems to have the best of intentions. If her relationship fails it would be because people like you are negative and unsupportive. That does tend to weigh people down in any circumstance. I can only hope she has the support of her friends and family. That being said, who cares if she gets to have girls nights out? The child isn't hers or her responsibility. She is very much allowed to do what she wants. Her man might even enjoy the alone time with his daughter while the OP goes out with her girls. That's actually pretty healthy.
I am sure she has the best of intentions . .I'm sure she's honest and intelligent. . And the truth is, It's not even HER who's making the mistake. I have not sympathy for a 38 yr old dude who gets involved with a 22 yr old girl. . He's the one who should have the life experience to know better. .I'm being called bitter toward the opposite sex. Maybe a little, but I'm just a realist. Maybe they'll beat the odds, who knows. . I hope they do. .
I don't think it's a maybe. Your profile states that one of your reasons for staying healthy is to - and I quote - "....so I can be there for my kid when he gets divorced." When. Not if. When. Based on the pictures, your kid is pretty young. If you are already expecting him to get divorced, I'd say that qualifies as bitter.0
This discussion has been closed.
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