A question for dads in the dating world

For my child and my ex's girlfriend, nothing is acceptable. They aren't allowed to be around each other, per divorce papers. My daughter's safety and wellbeing are at stake. Someone who was a decent person, like the OP seems to, crafts, etc. is fine. Just don't act like a mom. The little girl has one, and doesn't need another. Big sister role sounds more appropriate.

For my child and my ex's girlfriend, nothing is acceptable. They aren't allowed to be around each other, per divorce papers. My daughter's safety and wellbeing are at stake. Someone who was a decent person, like the OP seems to, crafts, etc. is fine. Just don't act like a mom. The little girl has one, and doesn't need another. Big sister role sounds more appropriate.

"No one better judge me but I sas will judge everyone else?"

Sounds about right

WTF is your problem? You obviously have zero idea the background, however you've determined that my daughter is damaged, I need help, and I'm judging everyone. Who's judging?

The OP has been level headed and yet you're telling her to not interact with her potential step child because you have issues with your ex's new wife. Does that hit you as healthy?

For my child and my ex's girlfriend, nothing is acceptable. They aren't allowed to be around each other, per divorce papers. My daughter's safety and wellbeing are at stake. Someone who was a decent person, like the OP seems to, crafts, etc. is fine. Just don't act like a mom. The little girl has one, and doesn't need another. Big sister role sounds more appropriate.

Obviously your ex's girlfriend is an entirely different situation.

But lets say you get remarried. You husband and daughter live in the same house. Is he not "allowed" to help parent? Step-parenting is a hard arrangement but it definitely shouldn't be a "big brother / big sister" role. The step-parent is still a parent and needs to have some authority and some type of parenting relationship with the child. In the OP's case, right now, obviously she's still "just" the girlfriend but as it progresses she will have to take on some parenting responsibilities if she starts living with the child.

My sister-in-law had both her father and her step father walk her down the isle. It did hurt the father's feelings but the reality of the situation was that the step-father had helped raise her since she was 8. She really did have 3 (and later 4) "parents".

I never said don't interact, I said don't try to be her mom. Huge difference.

This comment shows clearly how you keep mixing your own situation with OP's. I can assure you that you are so entirely focused on your own drama that nothing you write will apply to OP and her life. Why don't you stop hijacking a thread with details that fit in no way to this particular context.

I never said don't interact, I said don't try to be her mom. Huge difference.

Not every situation is like yours. The OP isn't your ex's new wife. Honestly, I do hope you get some help.

The one thing that does worry me in this whole thing is where you say above "She doesn't want me to buy her gifts or anything like that". No gifts, not ever? Not even for her Birthday or Christmas? That just seems strange. My gf has brought little things for my kids, and if their mother has a problem with it (a) she hasn't said anything and (b) it is none of her business. NOTE - I am drawing a (possibly non-existent!) distinction between small thoughtful gifts and simply spoiling the little brats to try to bribe them to like you.

This does make me sad! Not that I want to spoil the living daylights out of the child, but I'm totally the type to buy games or craft supplies or books for someone so we can do something fun together. And yes, come her birthday I would really like to get her a more significant gift. I'm debating whether or not to talk to her mother about it. I talked to my boyfriend about these feelings and, not so surprising, he's on my side. I think this will be the hardest thing for me to compromise on. I want to completely respect her wishes, but if I'm going to be in her daughter's life, isn't it actually mean to not acknowledge her on holidays? I'm sure we can talk it out and come to a conclusion we're all comfortable with, but it does make me sad as it currently stands.

I am assuming this is just a verbal agreement between you (or your bf) and the child's mother? I am almost certain that something like this wouldn't be written into a divorce agreement. I understand that if there is a large income difference between one parent and the other then neither should make it seem as if they are trying to win the child over with gifts (and my ex and I have talked about this, and try to coordinate on Xmas/Birthday presents). But small gifts? I think your bf (not you) needs to talk to the ex about this. I consider it my place to do the communicating with my ex: I wouldn't expect my gf to do that. They have only met a couple of times and, well, she's my ex, not hers!

And no, you don't want to become the new Mother, but you will be more than a big Sister. This is also an issue I've had many conversations about, as my gf and I start to think about getting a house...

I think you will all be fine! Good luck!

Hi, I’m the Mother that has been discussed in this thread. As jarring as it is to see my situation being publicly discussed I felt I should weigh in on the topic.

Ashesfromfire,

You seem to have some of your facts confused about the situation but I gather from your words and actions that you are genuinely interested in having a real relationship with our daughter.

All things considered, I look at that as a positive thing and I welcome it. Please feel free to talk to me directly about any issue or concern related to my daughter. I feel like we are all on the same team with regards to her happiness and well-being and I will always welcome any communication on that topic.

Edited, to preserve decorum.

5. No Public Posting of Private Conversations
Do not publicly post an email or private message from any other MyFitnessPal user, moderator or administrator at any time.

Sheesh drama much

5. No Public Posting of Private Conversations
Do not publicly post an email or private message from any other MyFitnessPal user, moderator or administrator at any time.

Sheesh drama much

I don't think anyone did that. The conversations SHOULD have been private, but it wasn't.

Hi, I’m the Mother that has been discussed in this thread. As jarring as it is to see my situation being publicly discussed I felt I should weigh in on the topic.

Ashesfromfire,

You seem to have some of your facts confused about the situation but I gather from your words and actions that you are genuinely interested in having a real relationship with our daughter.

All things considered, I look at that as a positive thing and I welcome it. Please feel free to talk to me directly about any issue or concern related to my daughter. I feel like we are all on the same team with regards to her happiness and well-being and I will always welcome any communication on that topic.

Edited, to preserve decorum.

If this is real I hope you two find common ground, which it sounds like you may have, the happiness of the kiddo. That should come first.

5. No Public Posting of Private Conversations
Do not publicly post an email or private message from any other MyFitnessPal user, moderator or administrator at any time.

Sheesh drama much

I don't think anyone did that. The conversations SHOULD have been private, but it wasn't.

Just like all talk shows and reality shows...

Hi, I’m the Mother that has been discussed in this thread. As jarring as it is to see my situation being publicly discussed I felt I should weigh in on the topic.

Ashesfromfire,

You seem to have some of your facts confused about the situation but I gather from your words and actions that you are genuinely interested in having a real relationship with our daughter.

All things considered, I look at that as a positive thing and I welcome it. Please feel free to talk to me directly about any issue or concern related to my daughter. I feel like we are all on the same team with regards to her happiness and well-being and I will always welcome any communication on that topic.

Edited, to preserve decorum.

Strong first post.