rejected by online soulmate b/c of weight

lmao.. I'm sure.. but for the pleasure I've graced some women with Tinder should be throwing some money at me for pimping me out.

I hate to burst your bubble, but it is YOU who are pimping yourself out. Also, it seems a bit conceited of you to think you are "God's gift to women" (reading between the lines of your posts). You may have wined and dined and bedded many women but that is not what a real relationship is made of. It takes a very shallow and possibly fake person who has an over-inflated view of himself (or no real self-esteem that he is trying to cover up) to use women that way for your own satisfaction. Just sayin'

Could someone please write up this story from the guy's perspective? I have a feeling that he's being unfairly judged in this scenario and I think it would help to have some balance. (Ideally, we'd actually hear from him...but given that that's unlikely, perhaps someone could just make it up using a few likely assumptions?)

Because it's highly unlikely that he would turn her down because of her weight?

The only thing I could think that would change his mind so quickly is her self esteem and maybe how much she pointed out her own weight. Girls seem to draw more attention to their flaws than guys would ever notice.

Hello everyone
Its me the op, I've been following this thread through out the day at work and its been helping me so much, all of your opinions, stories, advice and views. I can't even begin to express how grateful I feel that people are so supportive and understanding, this truly makes a difference in my perception of the situation.

I believe that we are both to blame, and I do believe he felt duped and shocked. It is a strange situation because as soon as he came through the door. He embraced me and said he loved me and we kissed. That connection was there, temporarily. Over the night it started to fade for him and I felt like in the air, a change in energy. Needless to say he said I didn't look like my pictures and I didn't have the courage to say he didn't as well, granted he is attractive but even so. I am in shock over how quickly it went downhill. I made the error of contacting him and asking him to not tear this apart because he knew the deep me and our connection. I feel foolish and while yes, I am insecure, I do not think I am a hideous monster. To people asking me why I don't have my.photo, it has nothing to do with appearance, I prefer to be anonymous in this personal and hurtful matter. It is hard for me to open up without feeling embarrassed and sick to my stomach about what happened. I am still reeling, my feelings were pure. I think about if he showed up big and puffy, not like his pictures, how I'd react. I can be judgmental too, but considering what I felt, I would have given him a chance. I wouldn't feel uncomfortable out of the blue and run off. I am beginning to see reality here through these posts.

I am recognizing that maybe I was delusional and living in a dreamland where I haven't come to terms about my weight gain. This is like a realty check, slap in the face. Maybe a wake up call, like oh wow, you are unattractive right now and you tricked yourself and him into thinking you were the old, great you. I know how that sounds, people will think I am beating myself up. I think its understandable at this point. After such a hurtful rejection.

The worst is coming to terms that he didn't love me unconditionally, and now I can't even bear to hear that Katy Perry song without feeling like I am going to vomit. That was our theme song or so I thought. We are sparesely communicating, as though things are normal like how was your day, etc. But it feels different and forced, polite.

He tells me he still cares for me. But what kind of caring is that, when the person can't even be a friend, to just ignore the past several months of deep deep connection and openness. Yes I did tell him I gained weight and that I hated how I looked. I told him all my insecurities including how I was treated in past relationships, how many times I've been **** on. I made no fantasy when it came to my emotions and my illness. He knew allllll of that. The mistake I made was being delusional about my own appearance. I was still living in the past and figured I could change quickly. Wrong. It isn't until now that I got medication in which I can propel my weight loss. I am 27 years old by the way.

I will be seeking therapy and trying to become the best and happy me, that I was when I first started talking to him. It seems unfortnatue that he had to experience me spiral, but I honestly thought we would survive it. He was my rock and really offered a lot of support. I should mention, he recently told me that its not just my weight but that I'm negative sometimes and deny things which makes it seem like I don't listen. This was something completely out of the blue that I never ever felt was an issue for he specifically told me to tell me about all my negative feelings as they came. So I said, I won't bother you with negatives anymore in which he replied, no please do because its good to get it off your chest. Seems like a mindfcxk at this point. He doesn't seem to care too much that he hurt me, he hasn't mentioned it since. Things are still fresh but I'm hoping over time I will heal and love myself. He knows this because he recognizes that I'm self aware, I told him its not fair to him.to experience me this way. However, there is nothing coming from him that would seem supportive or understanding or kind or compassionate. I must have really really turned him off.

Could someone please write up this story from the guy's perspective? I have a feeling that he's being unfairly judged in this scenario and I think it would help to have some balance. (Ideally, we'd actually hear from him...but given that that's unlikely, perhaps someone could just make it up using a few likely assumptions?)

lmao.. I'm sure.. but for the pleasure I've graced some women with Tinder should be throwing some money at me for pimping me out.

I hate to burst your bubble, but it is YOU who are pimping yourself out. Also, it seems a bit conceited of you to think you are "God's gift to women" (reading between the lines of your posts). You may have wined and dined and bedded many women but that is not what a real relationship is made of. It takes a very shallow and possibly fake person who has an over-inflated view of himself (or no real self-esteem that he is trying to cover up) to use women that way for your own satisfaction. Just sayin'

I'd say all of your observations are correct! bedded many women though?. .. nha I only let girlfriends get the d.. the other girls only get to give me dome. ;bbbbbbb

lmao.. In all honestly real relationships are awesome! And the day I sit across the table on a first date with the women who finally has the wow factor, then I'd totally embrace that.. till then I got to play the game.

..tonight its a little cutie from Brazil thats only been in the states 2 months, so cross your fingers for me cause mine will all be straight ;PPPPPPPP

You teach people how to treat you. If you were to lose the weight and he accepted you, then you have just taught him that it was okay to make your weight a relationship standard. I couldn't imagine that would've made for a healthy relationship.

I hope this helps you feel better. Know that you deserve more than what he has to offer. It sucks, but in time you will be stronger for it.

Could someone please write up this story from the guy's perspective? I have a feeling that he's being unfairly judged in this scenario and I think it would help to have some balance. (Ideally, we'd actually hear from him...but given that that's unlikely, perhaps someone could just make it up using a few likely assumptions?)

Now, I'm going to give you some personal experience. I've met several people whom I've met online. Most are great, others don't live up to your expectations or the image you build up of them. It's entirely possible your friend likes your personality but isn't physically attracted to you. In this case, it's probably not meant to be. If a person cannot accept you 100% the way you are, then you need to move on.

^^ This!

Online relationships never work out because the person that people make up in their mind and the person they are in reality usually always clash. See this as a learning experience and work on getting yourself healthy for YOU, not for anyone else.

I'll let my wife of 23+ years know this valuable information...that since she and I met online 24 years ago and started developing a relationship online prior to meeting in person many months later, that it's just not going to work out.

She'll be devastated...

...or relieved. One of these. Maybe both. But it was inevitable that it wasn't going to work out...because never.

need to tell my BF as well- we met through a forum and didn't date for some time- mutual interests kept us in communication- its' been three years- he buys me bike parts and steaks I'll be sad when I have to find a new one.

Could someone please write up this story from the guy's perspective? I have a feeling that he's being unfairly judged in this scenario and I think it would help to have some balance. (Ideally, we'd actually hear from him...but given that that's unlikely, perhaps someone could just make it up using a few likely assumptions?)

hi everyone

i cant think straight right now but here is the story that leads up to my issue... i met this guy several months online while i wasn't looking for anyone or anything. back then, i was fit (running everyday, yoga, etc.) and confident, really content with myself but due to circumstances in my life, i was unable to see him. we continued talking for months, falling deeper and deeper into one another. it reached a point where we were talking marriage, and i never felt this way for anyone. our emotional and mental bond was beyond anything i imagined or dreamed of in another human being. i am still deeply in love and i feel i'd do anything for this man, also love him despite all his flaws. he promised and reassured me the same thing, we had open communication through-out the relationship and he swore he wouldn't hurt me, and always be with me through the worst. Well, i ended up moving about four hours away and got sick, therefore gained some odd 40 pounds within a few months. he kept pressing on for meeting yet at this point i was making excuses so i wouldn't have to see him like this, for i stopped being happy with myself. i finally got the medical attention my condition needed and i am confident in losing the weight within the next few months. however, i decided to meet him anyway because i truly believed he would accept me no matter what, considering this would be "me at my worst".

so despite feeling ill about it and kinda having a bad feeling, we met. it seemed fine at first but then over the night he started getting cold. eventually he said he needed to go home because he wasn't feeling well (he drove four hours to see me). i ended up pressing him because i knew it was something else. he admitted it being my physical appearance, which i fully knew. however, i wasnt prepared how hard it would hit me. i ended up bawling for two hours while he hugged me and said he needed time to think when i asked him if he loved me. he called me a "beautiful person" while i said "not beautiful enough for you", and other things like "i think it's going to be okay", "i think i love you" (note: we had been saying we loved each other for months and when he first stepped into the room, he said he loved me). then after two hours of us sitting in the dark with me crying, he left.

i didn't sleep the entire night and i feel numb, empty like a shell. he said he would continue talking to me. i told him i'd "fix" myself and change, learn to love myself again and be the happy, fit me again. however, i don't know what to do now. i feel conflicted and sick, my heart hurts, my head hurts, everything makes me cry. when he said he would love me unconditionally, i believed it. i haven't been this hurt in seven years, and it stings more then any other "relationship" i've been in. while online relationships seem sketchy and unrealistic, our connection was unprecedented. until he saw me, that is. We have communicated recently and decided to keep talking, but it's clear as day that he wants nothing more then friends... if i can even manage that.

Now, from an objective point of view should i look at this as motivation to lose/a giant reality check? I'm not sure if this is the case, if i have been delusional about my body. I don't think I know how big i am, I know I'm overweight but I don't feel "fat". When I work out, I have intense stamina and power. I don't feel like dying exercising and no one has previously rejected me based on weight. Yet, evidence proves otherwise (scale, rejection). I'm devastated and know that fantasy became reality, and reality sucked. I am wondering, should I get myself "fixed" and try for this guy again? It feels like nothing will get better at the moment, like i'm spiraling down a hole and my heart is permanently broken. please. no judgements, thank you.

while I agree that this man was a jerk....I am sorry you kind of were one too

What were you thinking ? Penpals do not lovers make

Words are only a very very small part of attraction

You were lying to yourself

At least admit this?

Yes in my follow up posts I mention that I was probably delusional and not coming to terms about how I looked so I weaved a fantasy. But I truly believed he meant what he said. My pictures weren't fabricates or of someone else. They were me, just a lighter me. I recognize that I should have sent me a very recent one of my body without angles. The weight probably changed my face too. However I never lied to him about how I felt the weight gain and my illness. I regret it. But I saw the true him, while it hurts because I still love him. So much. Yet I know, he is done and will move on quickly. It makes my stomach turn to think of him with anyone else.

hi everyone

i cant think straight right now but here is the story that leads up to my issue... i met this guy several months online while i wasn't looking for anyone or anything. back then, i was fit (running everyday, yoga, etc.) and confident, really content with myself but due to circumstances in my life, i was unable to see him. we continued talking for months, falling deeper and deeper into one another. it reached a point where we were talking marriage, and i never felt this way for anyone. our emotional and mental bond was beyond anything i imagined or dreamed of in another human being. i am still deeply in love and i feel i'd do anything for this man, also love him despite all his flaws. he promised and reassured me the same thing, we had open communication through-out the relationship and he swore he wouldn't hurt me, and always be with me through the worst. Well, i ended up moving about four hours away and got sick, therefore gained some odd 40 pounds within a few months. he kept pressing on for meeting yet at this point i was making excuses so i wouldn't have to see him like this, for i stopped being happy with myself. i finally got the medical attention my condition needed and i am confident in losing the weight within the next few months. however, i decided to meet him anyway because i truly believed he would accept me no matter what, considering this would be "me at my worst".

so despite feeling ill about it and kinda having a bad feeling, we met. it seemed fine at first but then over the night he started getting cold. eventually he said he needed to go home because he wasn't feeling well (he drove four hours to see me). i ended up pressing him because i knew it was something else. he admitted it being my physical appearance, which i fully knew. however, i wasnt prepared how hard it would hit me. i ended up bawling for two hours while he hugged me and said he needed time to think when i asked him if he loved me. he called me a "beautiful person" while i said "not beautiful enough for you", and other things like "i think it's going to be okay", "i think i love you" (note: we had been saying we loved each other for months and when he first stepped into the room, he said he loved me). then after two hours of us sitting in the dark with me crying, he left.

i didn't sleep the entire night and i feel numb, empty like a shell. he said he would continue talking to me. i told him i'd "fix" myself and change, learn to love myself again and be the happy, fit me again. however, i don't know what to do now. i feel conflicted and sick, my heart hurts, my head hurts, everything makes me cry. when he said he would love me unconditionally, i believed it. i haven't been this hurt in seven years, and it stings more then any other "relationship" i've been in. while online relationships seem sketchy and unrealistic, our connection was unprecedented. until he saw me, that is. We have communicated recently and decided to keep talking, but it's clear as day that he wants nothing more then friends... if i can even manage that.

Now, from an objective point of view should i look at this as motivation to lose/a giant reality check? I'm not sure if this is the case, if i have been delusional about my body. I don't think I know how big i am, I know I'm overweight but I don't feel "fat". When I work out, I have intense stamina and power. I don't feel like dying exercising and no one has previously rejected me based on weight. Yet, evidence proves otherwise (scale, rejection). I'm devastated and know that fantasy became reality, and reality sucked. I am wondering, should I get myself "fixed" and try for this guy again? It feels like nothing will get better at the moment, like i'm spiraling down a hole and my heart is permanently broken. please. no judgements, thank you.

while I agree that this man was a jerk....I am sorry you kind of were one too

What were you thinking ? Penpals do not lovers make

Words are only a very very small part of attraction

You were lying to yourself

At least admit this?

Yes in my follow up posts I mention that I was probably delusional and not coming to terms about how I looked so I weaved a fantasy. But I truly believed he meant what he said. My pictures weren't fabricates or of someone else. They were me, just a lighter me. I recognize that I should have sent me a very recent one of my body without angles. The weight probably changed my face too. However I never lied to him about how I felt the weight gain and my illness. I regret it. But I saw the true him, while it hurts because I still love him. So much. Yet I know, he is done and will move on quickly. It makes my stomach turn to think of him with anyone else.

this was a truth pill it took me a long time to swallow

you cannot love another until you love yourself

sweetie you are not there yet but I think you know this? that's step one!

"Hi, I have been talking to this girl for several months and we were really falling for her. She was funny, engaging, and lead an active lifestyle. She recently moved and I started pressing to meet in person. She was really hesitant and told me she didn't want to because she recently got sick and gained a few pounds. Based on some older photos she sent, I decided that a few pounds didn't matter and set up the meeting anyway.

Well, when I got there, 'a few pounds' was really 60 and I was starting to doubt that this was recent as it's nearly impossible to gain weight that quickly, but I tried moving past it since we have such a great connection. A few hours passed and I kept thinking back to it and I just couldn't let it go. I tried making an excuse so I could go home and think things over but she kept asking what was wrong. I decided to be upfront with her and she started crying. I care for her so I spent the next two hours holding her and saying things will be ok, but I'm not sure they will be."

respectfully this is such a stereotypical take it cracks me up. no no no no no... I had an ex that would mindtease me for two months after a 4year thing, and guess what... it was MY FAULT for even answering back... forget that, she should not be in any contact at all because I have been were the guy has been.. had this freak of nature with rotting teeth on a date and of course all her pics were ubber hot, and then this thing smiles and I wanted to bolt.. instead I told her respectfully I needed to leave... (a guy has to keep his lunch down) and she started to cry and sob... next thing you know this chick is blowing up my phone like a nut and saying she was going to off herself... so I kept talking just like this guy being nice and considerate...

no its the chicks responsibility if he declined her to quit talking, and if the dude is prompting the convo then he really is a scum bag and should certainly be ignored..

and as I said... ummm with tinder you can date anyone you want in any city you want whenever you want... its easy, its timely, its fast, its fun, its witty.. use the app and get happy and get dating!



and last bit of advice.. the only time ever feel hesitant about making the decision to move on with a chick is on the random chance encounter after I ignore her for a few days I notice the girl is ignoring me as well - it is only and only then that you would have a chance at getting him to come back.. but even then I'd say in this case its over over over so run run run away.

I mean, with a nice guy like you out there, who wouldn't want to get on the Tinder saddle?

when i'm the saddle... lots of ladies here would babe.

lmao, your the exact example of a chick over Tinder that I would have absolutely zero ulterior motives with, but manage to be witty enough for me to be friends with... its just a different type of entertainment factor.

thanks for the example!!

lol what the hell?

I'm pretty sure I just got friend-zoned.

devastating, no?

It's just....I thought it was meant to be. He's so charming.

and humble.

Please... this is going to start going straight to my head..

the little one or the big one?

Could someone please write up this story from the guy's perspective? I have a feeling that he's being unfairly judged in this scenario and I think it would help to have some balance. (Ideally, we'd actually hear from him...but given that that's unlikely, perhaps someone could just make it up using a few likely assumptions?)

Exactly.

"Hi, I have been talking to this girl for several months and we were really falling for her. She was funny, engaging, and lead an active lifestyle. She recently moved and I started pressing to meet in person. She was really hesitant and told me she didn't want to because she recently got sick and gained a few pounds. Based on some older photos she sent, I decided that a few pounds didn't matter and set up the meeting anyway.

Well, when I got there, 'a few pounds' was really 60 and I was starting to doubt that this was recent as it's nearly impossible to gain weight that quickly, but I tried moving past it since we have such a great connection. A few hours passed and I kept thinking back to it and I just couldn't let it go. I tried making an excuse so I could go home and think things over but she kept asking what was wrong. I decided to be upfront with her and she started crying. I care for her so I spent the next two hours holding her and saying things will be ok, but I'm not sure they will be."

What's with all the talk?

"Dude what happened with that yoga instructor you were talking to?"

"Catfish'd."

*resume playing X-box*

Tl;dr version :laugh: