OK Ladies...Be HONEST!!

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  • TheVirgoddess
    TheVirgoddess Posts: 4,535 Member
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    As the person who started this post....This is for sure not where I thought this would go. I was not inquiring about rape culture! But I guess in the overly sensitive world in which we now live I should have saw this coming.

    The debate has morphed off of your original post. We know you weren't inquiring about rape culture.

    When a woman states on a public forum that women lie when they say they don't want unsolicited male attention, it's going to be addressed by the other women in the thread. It's not about being oversensitive, it's about being very clear for the sake of others that this claim simply isn't true.

    When you need go running with a rape whistle in you hand, then we can talk about over sensitivity. Ok?

    I feel for you, I really do! I don't think the rape whistle has anything to do with woman lying. The older lady I believe was only speaking on the subject I posted and not on general safety of women. Its a horrible world out there but was also have to try not to be so paranoid as to not be able to enjoy it. Just because I enjoy the form and beauty of a woman does NOT in any way mean my thinking is leaning anywhere towards rape. Maybe I'm missing something in these posts. Just to make a point, rapists are sick people and rape really has almost nothing to do with sex. Its all about having the power.

    Okay, let's approach this logically.

    1. Over 22 million women in the US have been raped.
    2. 18% of all women have been sexually assaulted in some way. That's almost 1 in 5. And 63% of those women were assaulted by someone they know (boyfriend, friend, date)
    3. The number 1 cause of injury to women? Men.
    4. Every 9 seconds, a women in the US is assaulted or beaten.

    I could go on, but I'm hungry.

    So you call it paranoia, I call it life. I understand it's hard to wrap your brain around, but this is reality.
  • Z_I_L_L_A
    Z_I_L_L_A Posts: 2,399 Member
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    I just wanna workout...They already took away chalk, and no loud dropping of the weights and no grunting or screaming while you lift( which I don't do, but do like to use chalk and drop that heavy weight after fatigue sets in). Now I have to worry about whether me looking around is offending someone. Luckily my gym isn't that bad.
  • TheVirgoddess
    TheVirgoddess Posts: 4,535 Member
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    Just to clarify I don't live in fear, but I do take reasonable precautions. I just think it's important to recognize the issue and have an open dialogue about it, that's all.

    I'm in no way saying all men are perps, pervs, or rapists. I know that's not the case at all. I do think it's important to be educated about what women go through in order to better understand how to treat them (as opposed to writing them off as moody, over-sensitive, b*tchy, etc).

    Hope that's clear.
  • MireyGal76
    MireyGal76 Posts: 7,334 Member
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    I just wanna workout...They already took away chalk, and no loud dropping of the weights and no grunting or screaming while you lift( which I don't do, but do like to use chalk and drop that heavy weight after fatigue sets in). Now I have to worry about whether me looking around is offending someone. Luckily my gym isn't that bad.

    Looking around is fine. Being polite and acknowledging fellow human beings (men and women alike) is fine. NICE EVEN!

    Sadly there are some men and some women that look at you as if they are stripping you naked and having sex with you right there on the floor. And you can feel it. And it makes you feel dirty. I have actually had that experience with a woman in the gym.

    Moral of the story to male / female alike... looking is fine. A brief glance, harmless and human. IF looking at someone turns into sexytime in your mind... WHILE you keep looking, or keep looking back... not fine.
  • conqueringsquidlette
    conqueringsquidlette Posts: 383 Member
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    So do the ladies. They just wanna workout without having to worry about whether that meathead staring at them is going to start harassing them verbally every time they go to the gym.

    Or worse - decide to follow them to their car, or follow them home.

    I've been followed by catcalling jerks just walking home from the bus stop before. I went to a neighbors house rather than mine because I didn't want them to know which house was mine. I've been chased by a car just running around the block before with teenage boys hollering out the windows at me.

    Yeah, staring at me makes me nervous. Sorry if that interferes with your workout.
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
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    Just to clarify I don't live in fear, but I do take reasonable precautions. I just think it's important to recognize the issue and have an open dialogue about it, that's all.

    I'm in no way saying all men are perps, pervs, or rapists. I know that's not the case at all. I do think it's important to be educated about what women go through in order to better understand how to treat them (as opposed to writing them off as moody, over-sensitive, b*tchy, etc).

    Hope that's clear.

    So much this.

    Honestly, I have a great relationship with the men at my gym. They have become my friends.
  • staceyjones85
    staceyjones85 Posts: 6 Member
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    Of course women don't mind - but there's a difference between looking and staring...
  • Idefinenichelle
    Idefinenichelle Posts: 116 Member
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    This what I've heard: If women aren't attracted to you, yes it bothers them. If you're her type, she doesn't mind.

    However.. I still find it creepy, but that's just me.

    This. Lol.
    Honestly, to me it's a difference between appreciating and staring. The staring is creepy, especially if it's going on the WHOLE entire time.
  • BITEME_GRRR
    BITEME_GRRR Posts: 150 Member
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    Creepy stares are annoying. just look once and move on.
    stop effin' staring!
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
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    Yes, women dislike creepy old pervs.

    Next.
  • foryouelmer
    foryouelmer Posts: 134 Member
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    im a larger lady so I wnt be looked at, unless its a 'look at the fatty over there ' look

    but if I was lucky enough to be looked I wudnt care
  • Z_I_L_L_A
    Z_I_L_L_A Posts: 2,399 Member
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    Most of the creeps are young pervs,lol. The old ones are too old to go to the gym.
  • unapologetically_crystal
    unapologetically_crystal Posts: 278 Member
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    as everything with us ladies, it can go either way.. lol.

    sometimes it is totally motivating that a hottie is checking you out...
    but then it can also make you feel all self conscious and make you lose your focus.

    i agree that if we think you are attractive then we probably like it more.. if we deem you unattractive we think you are a total creeper and it makes us uncomfortable.

    im socially awkward so it would most likely end with me totally running away as i dont like knowing im in the spotlight in those situations.. also sometimes we think you have to be looking at us negatively instead of look at her she is a badass and totally hot.
  • Thewatcher_66
    Thewatcher_66 Posts: 1,643 Member
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    I think it depends on two things. 1) Who is doing the looking and 2) for how long. If you're twice her age and you're staring for a long time, it's creepy. If you simply glance at her and give her a quick smile and move on, it's pretty innocent.

    It shoudn't matter if you're a man, a woman, young or old. No one likes to be stared at for a long period of time.
  • JenAndSome
    JenAndSome Posts: 1,908 Member
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    If I am at the gym it is to work out, not to be ogled. Then again, I don't like being stared at anywhere. Staring is rude. I can't tell you where to direct your eyes and it is natural to look at others, but after a few seconds it's time to move your eyes along.

    If you really feel drawn to hit on someone at the gym you should try to catch them on their way out. Don't interrupt their routine.
  • Z_I_L_L_A
    Z_I_L_L_A Posts: 2,399 Member
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    Most guys in the gym aren't like that. They just wanna workout and dream about winning the olympics or Olympia,lol. I also have a friend that likes body building and he says that women stare non stop at him. So he puts his hoodie on and music in and keeps his head down. He said in the beginning it was okay but now it gets on his nerves.

    Me, I just wanna not be bothered and workout.
  • ImSoOTired
    ImSoOTired Posts: 186 Member
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    I would totally think they were staring because I am disgusting as I have a pretty poor self image. That would make me uncomfortable. I could also see how it may make some more attractive women uncomfortable as well. I'd say a glance would be fine for anyone, but no staring under any circumstances.
  • Z_I_L_L_A
    Z_I_L_L_A Posts: 2,399 Member
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    No matter how long I work out I'll always think I'm disgusting. So if someone stared I would think negative of it.
  • mariahyarza
    mariahyarza Posts: 1
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    I think it's OK as long as she doesn't notice it. If you know the girl I think she wouldn't mind, but if you don't know her you might wanna be careful in case she is self conscious or something.
  • likitisplit
    likitisplit Posts: 9,420 Member
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    As the person who started this post....This is for sure not where I thought this would go. I was not inquiring about rape culture! But I guess in the overly sensitive world in which we now live I should have saw this coming.

    Of course not. You most likely don't really know what "rape culture" is. You are assuming it's just people being "overly sensitive". Have you read this yet? Really. Read it. It's written by a man.

    https://medium.com/human-parts/a-gentlemens-guide-to-rape-culture-7fc86c50dc4c

    Some highlights:
    I don’t know about you, but I don’t spend much of my life feeling vulnerable. I’ve come to learn that women spend most of their social lives with ever-present, unavoidable feelings of vulnerability. Stop and think about that. Imagine always feeling like you could be at risk, like you were living with glass skin.

    I rarely ever fear for my safety. Many men know exactly what I mean. Most women have no idea what that feels like — to go wherever you want in the world, at any time of day or night, and feel you won’t have a problem. In fact, many women have the exact opposite experience.

    A woman must consider where she is going, what time of day it is, what time she will arrive at her destination and what time she will leave her destination, what day of the week is it, if she will be left alone at any point … the considerations go on and on because they are far more numerous than you or I can imagine. Honestly, I can’t conceive of having to think that much about what I need to do to protect myself at any given moment in my life. I relish the freedom of getting up and going, day or night, rain or shine, Westside or downtown. As men we can enjoy this particular extreme luxury of movement and freedom of choice. In order to understand rape culture, remember this is a freedom that at least half the population doesn’t enjoy.

    I'll pass on reading it. I have no issues in my life with how I treat women. I have pretty much always been considerate of anyones feelings. ( man or woman) When I started this post .... rape culture had nothing at all to do with it.

    It's nice that you have the power to decide when and if rape culture has an impact on what you chose to say and do. I can't tell somebody that I got up early to run without rape culture having an impact on the conversation. And it's not the women who are most likely to bring my safety into question.

    There's a word for that gap, you know.

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