MFP has changed

I see it as par for the course. Posts like this were made all the time when I joined in August. I even chastised that people on here could be nicer in a few mean people threads myself. I was probably even thinking of some of the exact people you're thinking of when I made those comments. Now I have several of those exact same people on my friends list and interact and joke around with others on a regular basis, because the more time I've spent here, the more I realize that the experienced people on here giving regular solid advice are actually a lot of fun and helpful, but they don't much care for being talked down to by OPs who rarely give advice or clearly have no idea (nutritionally or fitness wise) what they are talking about.

Translation: I'm going to justify the rudeness here because I've chosen to become part of the problem instead of part of the solution.

I see it as par for the course. Posts like this were made all the time when I joined in August. I even chastised that people on here could be nicer in a few mean people threads myself. I was probably even thinking of some of the exact people you're thinking of when I made those comments. Now I have several of those exact same people on my friends list and interact and joke around with others on a regular basis, because the more time I've spent here, the more I realize that the experienced people on here giving regular solid advice are actually a lot of fun and helpful, but they don't much care for being talked down to by OPs who rarely give advice or clearly have no idea (nutritionally or fitness wise) what they are talking about.

Translation: I'm going to justify the rudeness here because I've chosen to become part of the problem instead of part of the solution.

Find a post where I've said something hurtful. I make jokes, if you choose to interpret them as rude fine, I'm rude, I've certainly been called worse for giving honest advice.

I've been here a year...and have seen some smack downs...

Usually it involves one poster who demonizes sugar in a post then disappears...

Or another poster comes into a thread and posts article about the quality of food being more important than the quantity to lose weight...smack down...

I've seen members promote HCG or VLCD...smack down...

I've seen members troll and eventually get caught...smack down...

Rudeness...yes it is here..usually from posters who disagree with the "mean bullies" and call them name...ie d**k heads or *kitten*...and my personal favorite...fruit loop girl...(oh btw from a poster who claimed said girl was being mean but said girl had not called names just used an emote)

Snarky...yes I've seen that too...from people who took text and added their own "tone" to it when it wasn't meant that way...I've done it myself...

Most reports on these "mean" people are not done by the OP...but by others who come in and either have an agenda or just take something the wrong way...

I have been called a lot of names...mean being one of them...I am matter of fact and will not coddle those who are asking for information...I lay it out as I understand and often times say "please correct me if I am wrong". I personally do not suffer willful ignorannce well...ie people who insist they lost weight because of green coffee beann extract...

And to be frank (oh here we go with the frankness) I am not here to pat people on the head..I am not their therapist...I don't even pat my own child on his head when he is doing something stupid/unhealthy or says something that is just not true.

If you are asking strangers for help in a very personal thing....ie weight loss...leave your baggage at the door...if you want help be open to the help, don't argue with those offering the help. If you are there offering help and you are disagreed with a lot...look at your information and see why 75% of the people are disagreeing with you...chances are you are wrong.

As for the reason for the post..I read that thread...not sure if I participated but to be frank to blame anything but yourself for gaining weight is not a sign of being ready to lose weight...and if that OP left there is proof...

I have also seen these "mean" people come to the defense of others who were being attacked ...unjustifiably attacked...I have seen these "mean" people take time out of their day to help posters find sites, numbers (BMR/TDEE) explain to them certian facts etc...and this went on for hours as the poster was having a hard time understanding...These people who are here help more than those who aren't here much ever will/could....proof is the emails they get, the friend requests with write ups saying your posts brought me here as they have helped so much...but I know for a fact they don't do it for the thanks or the "friends" they do it because they actually do want to help...and if you looked at their posting history you would see some pretty indepth movtivational posts that turned someone around...picked someone up who was in the dirt...

So perhaps the next time someone wants to call people "mean" or "bullies" or say "they need more tact"...think about the above...and think about what it would be like here if they all threw their hands up in the air and said fine..we are done...no more advice, no more help...nothing...you figure it out...

I personally would leave MFP forums for good as the information would be crap if that happened...

PS the gifs are funny as heck and do lighten the mood and sometimes has me in tears I am laughing so hard and if someone can't see that...wow...

MFP has over 4 millions users. To think that you will find all of them to be well mannered, tactful, helpful, & respectful is naïve. 3 users deactivating in one day is a very low number. For the life of me, I can't understand why someone would let another person prevent them from being on this site. If nothing else you could stay off the forums and enjoy the people you have chosen on your friend's list.

I doubt stricter guidelines is the answer. You do have to be 18 years old to access MFP - but there is no measure for maturity.

Because not everyone has an internal locus of control--they can't find satisfaction from inside themselves and need external gratification. If they perceive that people who they feel should be helpful to them and supportive to them are derisive to them then they figure they're not good enough and may as well pack it in. Psych 101.

Find a post where I've said something hurtful. I make jokes, if you choose to interpret them as rude fine, I'm rude, I've certainly been called worse for giving honest advice.

Nope, don't feel the need to search any post out, but thanks for the offer. It's funny, but I find passive-aggressive gifs to be pretty rude, too. I guess I was raised in another time.

See this is it right here. Two people who may or may not be arguing. Understand, ambermglovers friends from the FL may see the thread and see what is happening. They see a friend being attacked and called names. So usually by page 4 we have cat gifs or at least bunny gifs. Understand folks, whether the poster above is attacking ambermglover it sure seems this way. BTW M-Fri 9-4PM EST is the height of this back and forth since people are actively avoiding work. Enjoy MFP people.

See this is it right here. Two people who may or may not be arguing. Understand, ambermglovers friends from the FL may see the thread and see what is happening. They see a friend being attacked and called names. So usually by page 4 we have cat gifs or at least bunny gifs. Understand folks, whether the poster above is attacking ambermglover it sure seems this way. BTW M-Fri 9-4PM EST is the height of this back and forth since people are actively avoiding work. Enjoy MFP people.

I'm actually just making a point. If I've called names, though, I apologize. I do my best not to do so.

MFP has over 4 millions users. To think that you will find all of them to be well mannered, tactful, helpful, & respectful is naïve. 3 users deactivating in one day is a very low number. For the life of me, I can't understand why someone would let another person prevent them from being on this site. If nothing else you could stay off the forums and enjoy the people you have chosen on your friend's list.

I doubt stricter guidelines is the answer. You do have to be 18 years old to access MFP - but there is no measure for maturity.

Because not everyone has an internal locus of control--they can't find satisfaction from inside themselves and need external gratification. If they perceive that people who they feel should be helpful to them and supportive to them are derisive to them then they figure they're not good enough and may as well pack it in. Psych 101.

I am not a therapist, I am a random person on the internet. I am not going to entirely modify my personality and sense of humor because someone *might* interpret my comment in a way I did not intend.

Find a post where I've said something hurtful. I make jokes, if you choose to interpret them as rude fine, I'm rude, I've certainly been called worse for giving honest advice.

Nope, don't feel the need to search any post out, but thanks for the offer. It's funny, but I find passive-aggressive gifs to be pretty rude, too. I guess I was raised in another time.

I post gifs of sharks, because I like sharks, I'm not sure how that's passive-aggressive. I *do* find it funny that it's been implied so far that I'm rude, passive-aggressive, immature and part of the problem.

On the plus side, your butt in yoga pants is really top shelf.

MFP has over 4 millions users. To think that you will find all of them to be well mannered, tactful, helpful, & respectful is naïve. 3 users deactivating in one day is a very low number. For the life of me, I can't understand why someone would let another person prevent them from being on this site. If nothing else you could stay off the forums and enjoy the people you have chosen on your friend's list.

I doubt stricter guidelines is the answer. You do have to be 18 years old to access MFP - but there is no measure for maturity.

Because not everyone has an internal locus of control--they can't find satisfaction from inside themselves and need external gratification. If they perceive that people who they feel should be helpful to them and supportive to them are derisive to them then they figure they're not good enough and may as well pack it in. Psych 101.

Find a post where I've said something hurtful. I make jokes, if you choose to interpret them as rude fine, I'm rude, I've certainly been called worse for giving honest advice.

Nope, don't feel the need to search any post out, but thanks for the offer. It's funny, but I find passive-aggressive gifs to be pretty rude, too. I guess I was raised in another time.

Yes, I understand that concept. There are also mentally ill people on this site. There are prejudiced people on this site. There are people who overreact to everything on this site. The thing is, no profile gives you a head's up about exactly who is posting or replying. The odds of someone getting their feelings hurt on a site as large as MFP, are huge.

There are stop gap measures in place to deal with most situations. The moderators do a good job monitoring all the posts that flow through the forums over the course of a day. Sometimes the gifs are the only thing that de-escalates an all out battle in a thread. Those are the times I make the adult choice to move on.

As far as you being born in a different time, I am 3 years older than you. It's not an age thing, again, it's a maturity thing.

While the OP has a point, it matters little to me personally. It just illustrates that many folks in here are *kitten*, and are not here primarily for weight loss and fellowship. They're looking for people to run down b/c it's the lazy man's way to build one's self up. Ignore them.......................

MFP has over 4 millions users. To think that you will find all of them to be well mannered, tactful, helpful, & respectful is naïve. 3 users deactivating in one day is a very low number. For the life of me, I can't understand why someone would let another person prevent them from being on this site. If nothing else you could stay off the forums and enjoy the people you have chosen on your friend's list.

I doubt stricter guidelines is the answer. You do have to be 18 years old to access MFP - but there is no measure for maturity.

Because not everyone has an internal locus of control--they can't find satisfaction from inside themselves and need external gratification. If they perceive that people who they feel should be helpful to them and supportive to them are derisive to them then they figure they're not good enough and may as well pack it in. Psych 101.

I am not a therapist, I am a random person on the internet. I am not going to entirely modify my personality and sense of humor because someone *might* interpret my comment in a way I did not intend.

Find a post where I've said something hurtful. I make jokes, if you choose to interpret them as rude fine, I'm rude, I've certainly been called worse for giving honest advice.

Nope, don't feel the need to search any post out, but thanks for the offer. It's funny, but I find passive-aggressive gifs to be pretty rude, too. I guess I was raised in another time.

I post gifs of sharks, because I like sharks, I'm not sure how that's passive-aggressive. I *do* find it funny that it's been implied so far that I'm rude, passive-aggressive, immature and part of the problem.

On the plus side, your butt in yoga pants is really top shelf.

Can we see the shark in yoga pants?

OP has a point - I understand people get frustrated at newbies for not using searching facility and for then getting annoyed when they don't get answers they want but seriously why is everyone so arrogant and *****y. it doesn't make you look hard just silly little kids

.

But to whom is this chastisement directed? If you don't specify, then everyone who has ever offered help that was vigorously rejected thinks they're the audience for it...when more realistically, it's a very small number of members.

TL;DR - Please direct your comments to those who deserve them.

its not aimed at individuals it is a general observation/statement in regards to several people on the forums. As I said I understand why people get frustrated but then why do people feel need to be aggressive about it. you can easily make a point without acting like children.

Go out and lead by example or you're part of the problem.

Awe shucks! :smooched:

Since ya'll asked so nicely, enjoy while I'm at dinner.:flowerforyou:

I'm totally into critique if its constructive. I've had equal parts of both; I've had members really take the time to set me on the straight & narrow (this was/is super helpful for a newb like me) but I've also had trolls that have abused me for silly things too (I got called fake just cause I haven't wanted to spill my guts & fill in my goals etc on my profile page. WTF does that matter?)

I get both sides. No, members that are doing stupid **** shouldn't be wrapped in cotton wool, agreed. They should be set right. I just don't think you have to bring someone down first to be able to pull them back up again.

I'm totally into critique if its constructive. I've had equal parts of both; I've had members really take the time to set me on the straight & narrow (this was/is super helpful for a newb like me) but I've also had trolls that have abused me for silly things too (I got called fake just cause I haven't wanted to spill my guts & fill in my goals etc on my profile page. WTF does that matter?)

I get both sides. No, members that are doing stupid **** shouldn't be wrapped in cotton wool, agreed. They should be set right. I just don't think you have to bring someone down first to be able to pull them back up again.

QFT

Too newb to know what QFT means? :huh:

I have been on MFP for some time now and rarely post and know by posting this I am opening myself up for attacks. When I started on here other posters were encouraging and tried to motivate people now a lot just attack. I just finished reading the one "law school made me fat" and the op got attacked. I mean obviously the law school didn't make him eat bad, it did however cause a significant increase in stress which releases corticosteriods which increase belly fat and appetite. Studying did take away a lot of free time so maybe there wasn't much exercise. We also have no idea what else is happening in the posters life. In my opinion the op was looking for support and motivation not an attack on how there is no personal accountability. Just by coming to MFP the op is starting to take accountability. Wouldn't it be shameful if the op never came back because of the lack of kindness.
I am here to live better to maintain a healthy lifestyle not be shamed because in my past I gained weight because I lacked time to exercise while going through grad school, working full time, and raising a family not to mention the seasonal depression. I'm sure all of us started on here to live a healthier life and what is healthier for one may not meet the same definition for someone else.
It would be nice if the MFP community could be more welcoming and less bashing.

The "Like" button is the single most destructive thing the mfp mods could have introduced…nice way to kill off motivational comments, which is what mfp such a great way to lose weight and get fitter as part of a community.

Too newb to know what QFT means? :huh:

QFT = Quoted for Truth. Valid question!