Hubs finds me physically unattractive i need motivation.

Lying isn't always wrong. Not saying everything that bounces around in your head out loud isn't always wrong.

So if you're not physically attracted to your spouse anymore, you're just supposed to keep that quiet???

Agreed--

Thanks!

First of all you've got to do this for you not for him, no matter how much you love him.

Here is a ginormous brain dump... I'm sure all the other MFPers are sick of seeing this already, but it's what helped me so I like to share it....

The good news is you don't have to be perfect, you just have to be better.

++Track for a week or two before worrying about losing. This way you'll see where you really stand, odds are it is different than where you thought you were, which is actually good news...

++Be scrupulously honest... you can lie to your friends, you can lie in your diary, you can lie to yourself, but YOUR BODY KNOWS EVERYTHING YOU EAT. So you might as well be honest in your diary (keep it private if you like) but you need that info because you can't get where you are going if your are not honest about where you are right now.

++See where you can make small changes on things that aren't so important to you.
(Don't even think of taking chocolate out of my diet!!!)
--Reducing quantities
--Swapping out things instead of eliminating them.

++Focus on what you should eat not what your shouldn't.
Eating your nutritious foods first. Your body will be more satisfied and have less cravings.

++Small sustainable changes.
If you completely revamp your diet, it's way easy to revert to old ways in times of stress. (and who doesn't have stress?)
If you make a series of small changes, food still offers you some sense of comfort, sort of a comfort continuum, and after a while the first small changes will seem comforting in themselves. Also rather than having to think about everything all the time. You only have to think about a 2 or 3 new things to focus on.

++Rather than being uberstrict with the target MFP set for me. (I swear this saved my life.) I was happier once I gave myself a range:

ROCK BOTTOM: 1200 cal
TARGET: MFP Calories for lose 1 lb a week (when that hit 1200 I changed to lose 1/2 lb per week)
TOP OF RANGE: Maintain Calories for my GOAL Weight.

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(SAFETY VALVE: Maintain Calories for CURRENT Weight - remember to keep updating this number as you lose)

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++Only worry about it 1 lb at a time.
Forget I *NEED* to lose 20, 30, 50, 100 lbs. I'm only worried about 1 lb the next one. I'll worry about the others later.
Once I found ways to lessen the stress, I found it way easier to focus on the process and let the results follow. (It's what worked for me some people need the stress to get them motivated. Me I get scared and overwhelmed and don't see the big goal as achievable. )

++Think of losing weight like the stock market. Yes, there will be fluctuations but as long as the overall trend is the the right direction don't worry

Food is not the enemy. You need nutrition to fuel your body and make it strong. and healthy just feels so damn good.

Most vitamins are fat soluable... so remember to include plant and fish based fats (HAPPY FATS) so you can access the nutrients in your food.

All of your foods fall into 1 or more of 3 macro nutrient categories
FATS • CARBS • PROTEINS ... I personally think it's unwise to severely restrict any one of these categories.
Instead of eliminating or limiting quantity focus on the quality...

HAPPY FATS (Plant and fish bases)
COMPLEX CARBS (un or minimally processed)
LEAN PROTEINS

Oddly enough, on my journey here I've reduced guilt over food.
I have the occasional treat and I fully enjoy it with no guilt involved.
The thing is since I'm not eating crap all the time, now the occasional treat is just that a TREAT it's special and I enjoy it so much more than when I was unconsciously shovel junk food into my face.

I'm not going to pay attention to all that back and forth. OP, you had a hard conversation with your husband - he was brutally honest, I hope it's because you two trust eachother enough to allow for that brutal honesty. Now, what you can do is change yourself... or continue on the path you're on.

Before I get attacked, I want to say: A) If you change yourself, change for YOU. Not him. Change for your kids. Not him.
If he wants you to look better and/or you want to look better for him, then ask him to do it with you. Be more active together, you, him and the kids. Change how everyone eats, if he's not thrilled about healthy meals at home, he can have his junky meals out of the house then tolerate the healthy meals you cook at home to set a good tone for the kids -- AND support YOU.

That's what husbands and wives are supposed to do, a good partner always supports his/her partner. But both of y'all have to be realistic, you've had four children, so your body is not going to be the same as it was prior to the kids.

Now, you can add me as a friend, I will support you, like your stuff and what not. Best of luck on your journey.

OH MAN....this brings up some personal stuff for me that relates to what you said. My current bf and I were having a conversation about various flattering poses for women....and he mentioned that women are sexy bent over (hahaha, of course!) and somehow it turned into him mentioning that there's nothing flattering about me standing up because my tummy "hangs down"... I was kinda pissed/hurt/embarrassed, but I had to look at it logically. I always tell him I like his honesty, and I AGREE with his comment, so all I can do is lose the weight so BOTH of us find me more attractive standing up, lol.

Hi everyone,
this is my second attempt to lose weight and get back in shape. Last night i had a conversation with my husband, he confessed to me that he doesn't find me physically attractive! He loves my personality and my "beautiful" face other than that... my physical appearance is an eye sore. I have 4 kids, I'm the biggest i've ever been!
His words might seem cruel but i know its his honesty, which I admire.
I need help! I need to get fit!
I lack the motivation and the knowledge when it comes to exercise and nutrition.

He should find you even sexier cause you gave him 4 KIDS! Hes a loser. Seriously. Thats my honesty.

Seriously, this really bothers me! Your a beautiful woman, he shouldn't be telling you this! You want me to beat him up for you? Don't worry I wont break any bones...

Caesar me and you think much alike.

Firstly is he your boyfriend or husband. Your profile say one thing and this post says another. Your profile was created a little over a year ago so if he was the boyfriend then why on earth did he marry you in that time if he isn't attracted to you. Your husband needs to check himself, It's not you that has a problem

I would never say that to my wife, even if it were true... That's ****ed up, I would find a way to motivate her more, not put her self esteem down to the ground.... Its just not cool! Hey listen, there's men that like big woman, so if he goes, you'll find someone better...

Spoken by a TRUE MAN.... we need more like you!!

I feel like a lot of women been here...working out for someone else or because you want to look good...for someone else. Of course, I have no 100% proof that it's the reason she's working out. If it's for him, it might end in disaster...you'll be harder on yourself and be let down more easily if the end result isn't something that makes him attracted to you again. Before you begin your journey, embrace the mindset that you're very beautiful right now and you still will be when you've reached your goal.:flowerforyou: