what is it with my wife?!

I'm not going to be a favorite in this thread...but here's my opinion:

She's a stay-at-home mom...that involves all that it entails. Tell her to clean the damn house or get the steppin' (or a 9-5 job).

To elaborate: I get that raising kids is hard while trying to make sure they don't suffocate on a bouncy ball and keep the dog from sharting on your couch all while trying to feed said animals (kids included) and go pee at the same time.

However, I think that that sacrifice includes house keeping, as well. I was a nanny through college and I did it. It's not fair to tell the sole bread winner to clean the house that you've been at all day -- it's the job you chose so you can raise your own kid. That's my opinion.

Here's what I already do:
-My 10-12 hour daily job
-All yardwork
-All trash & recycling collecting and removal
-All maintenance of the garage(dunno how, but it seems to get messy all the time)
-Always keep the kitchen clean

I clean up after myself. She does not. She leaves food out and all over the place, all the time.

What she is not asking me to do in addition to what I currently do:

-Vacuum(She doesnt even like how I vacuum so not sure why, but whatever)
-Dust
-Clean bathrooms

I don't even know what stuff is left other than "General Tidying Up"? and looking after the dogs.

Regarding my daughter:

-I give her bath time on all nights she needs it.
-We share story time every night, 1 reads 2 books, the other reads 1, and that switches each night
-My wife puts the baby to sleep after bath/story time.

After the baby is asleep we stay up for a few hours, so she can pump(breast milk) and while she is doing that, that's my "free time" to clean the kitchen and get some soapy water ready to wash her pump stuff.

I hope that clears things up a bit for you.

Okay, I'll probably get some feedback on this but I say, she's a stay at home mom. That's her job. Take care of the kids and clean. I'm not saying she should do ALL of the housework. You live there too so you should contribute. But I think she needs to do the majority since she stays home. Just my opinion. I've always worked outside of the home so maybe I haven't walked in her shoes.

LOL, sorry, had to type the subject in mockery of that one girl's "problem".

But seriously... Curious for opinions, probably gonna get some trolls, but here's my dilemma.

How do I ask my wife to do more housework while she is at home? ...no it's not sexist, I'll give you some backup as to what I am talking about.

She always nags me to do housework when I come home from working 10-12 hour days, complains if I don't get X number of chores done before we go to bed, etc.

She is a stay at home mom. Not that she doesn't do anything, because she definitely does a lot with out 11 month old daughter, but our daughter also naps right after lunch until around 4-4:30pm every day. She's got 4 hours where she can basically do light chores and stuff without causing a ruckus.

So how do I approach her without getting into a stupid argument, about her picking up some slack around the house? I leave for work at 6am, get home around 6:30pm, my daughter starts bath/bed time at 8...I don't get much time to spend with her.

Any suggestions?

Tell her to do it or you'll take away all luxury.

Money, credit cards, CELL PHONE.

She has one job.

She can do it.

If not, don't reward bad behavior.

If she's going to act like a child, treat her like a child.

Also...

You can take the wifi router to work in your car with her car keys so she doesn't get distracted by the internet all day.

She'll be so bored the house will be spotless and you can give back her luxuries!

But set that precedent!

She's setting a precedent right now, so you're going to have to show her it is not OK or it's not going to change.

Wow, a topic like this brings out all kinds, doesn't it?

There is, of course, the possibility that she is just lazy or milking the "mommy card" as some women surely will.

There is also the (more likely) possibility that she is the first time mom of a crawling mess creator and at the end of her frustrating and hard working days, her husband comes home and sighs with dissatisfaction because his wife, who doesn't produce any income, didn't do as much as he thinks she should have.

Two things:

1. It is a lie that she produces no income. In my pre-child job I brought in about 40k a year. After careful and honest calculations, we discovered that sending me to work produced almost no net value for our family. Between child care, work clothes, gas, parking, lunch downtown, take out dinners because I work too late to cook, and paying a premium for most other purchases because there is barely time to shop- let alone comparison shop. In the end we realized that we were paying a huge price to keep me "working". So at the very least, be realistic about the value that she provides at home.

2. Do you have any idea, because you provided no details, what it looks like to be an inexperienced mother to a baby? For one thing, her body spent nine months being robbed of nutrients and energy to create this little girl you love. Experts have recently determined that it takes more than a year for a woman's body to fully recover from pregnancy and childbirth. And that is if she doesnt breastfeed. Breastfeeding trouble opens up a level of stress and exhaustion that cant ever be understood by anyone else. After she was completely depleted physically, she came home with a small creature that requires almost 24/7 attention for the first six months. She wakes up every two hours and stays awake for at least 30 minutes each time. Your wife is NEVER able to enter a productive sleep cycle because it is being interrupted. She likely hasnt slept well in a year and is living on such a sleep deficit that she could be declared dangerous to herself. I seriously hope that she is napping when your daughter does because she simply won't make it otherwise. The amount of extra laundry, trash, and dishes that are created by feeding and changing and bathing a baby is extraordinary. Not to mention that once they start crawling you can't let them out of your sight. They can destroy an entire room in five minutes and injure themselves in even less. Trying to fold laundry with an eleven month old is like trying to organize papers on a desk with a fan blowing on it. Adding to all of this is an inevitable level of "mommy guilt" about the fact that she just can't manage to pull it all together and please the judgmental people that act like she "doesn't work" and want to know why the house isn't sparkling and there isn't a pot roast on the table since she was just sitting at home all day. If you come home in the evening and the house isn't falling down and the baby is fed and clean and in one piece and your wife can manage to keep her eyes open long enough to put a frozen pizza in the oven, consider yourself a lucky man and try to understand what it took out of her that day to make it happen. Instead of spending your time complaining to strangers and seeking sympathy for how overworked you are and that your wife doesn't pull her weight since that kid came along, try spending the time supporting your wife emotionally. The first two years of parenting is a crazy team effort. Nobody should ever be "off" for more than a few hours and the expectation of a clean house is ludicrous. You have two options: Come home from work and make your wife feel guilty for not meeting your expectations while doing chores until you are resentful and your marriage fails. Or, come home from work and genuinely care for your wife. Forget about the house being totally clean, and just be glad you get out of the house for 8 hours a day.