Hubs finds me physically unattractive i need motivation.
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Here, here. I like this guy ^.0
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I agree. He is really going to mess up your kids!0
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I see you're getting the usual infighting...people are passionate here. Take all of it with a grain of salt, and know that you're getting this outpouring because what you shared is so sensitive.
I looked at your photos and read your comments. You appear to be beautiful inside and out.
I don't know what kind of a man your child's father is, but for your sake, I hope that he encouraged you to get plastic surgery on your breasts only if that is something you aspired to do. There are many complications that come from every surgery. My husband even politely asked me not to tan anymore (far cry from surgery) - a request, not a demand - because it isn't always safe.
Please don't feel pressured to do anything you don't want to do.
You're young, attractive, bright and a mommy. You've accomplished so much. Understandable that you want to please someone you love and that you're hurt at the prospect that he wishes you looked different.
Your life is yours, and you should do what will make you happy. In past relationships, I never found happiness with someone who constantly wanted to change me, whether the changes were physical or otherwise.
Wishing you so much luck and positive changes in your life...0 -
This helps me too! You seem like you have learned a lot throughout your weight loss journey and it is a huge helper to everyone else! Thank you!0
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After reading the whole thread, which I should have done from the get-go (My apologies), I'm confused about the whole husband/boyfriend thing. You've only been with him for 1-1/2 years... That's nowhere near long enough to be considered common law spouses. And not all states have/allow common law marriages (Assuming you're in the USA).
He came into this relationship after you had three kids. And let's be honest, childbearing changes a woman. If you don't understand and accept this BEFORE entering a serious relationship with a woman with 3 kids, then WTF?!?! And why enter said relationship (with 3 kids) if you aren't planning on being a father to them? And calling them step-siblings?
:noway:
Man, Caesar hit this nail on the friggen head. I look back at your profile pic and I want to punch him in his face
OP: You're beautiful. Counseling or put the boots on. Ya know, "These boots are made for walk'n..."0 -
I am going to take this to a new level because I did read all of these pages.... leave this man immediately... do not pass go... do not wait...
Sooooooo, I do this because it is important and not because I am part of the usual "you should do everything this way" crowd... a couple of things pop out at me here in a vast RED ALERT...
1. is the unhappiness he has with your body parts that are not solved with losing weight
2. The issue with the children...
The ONLY men I have ever experienced that have made statements like "I wish it was just you and me" ended up being less than ideal. One of those was my stepfather for over 10 years. He molested me since the age of 6 until I was 15 when I finally told my mother... his reason to her for doing it... "I just wanted you to myself so it would run her off"... that statement you made sent my alarm bells going off...
While most may see my paragraph there as unnecessary.. I don't think so. I volunteer regularly to young/teenage girls to overcome this. It has been my way of coping for many years
I can freely talk about my past because I am not ashamed of it; however, I know when my gut is sending me alerts I better listen.
You better listen to your instincts with eyes wide open... he does NOT love you.. what he has said to you about your body and/or your children is NOT love in any capacity... I worry about the steps he will be take to be "just you and me" .....
Sorry to bring that point up
ETA: My husband is a stepfather to my first child and he has NEVER treated her any differently and loves her like his own... THAT is what love is about...0 -
Wow....this is a whole lotta...just wow!
You are a very pretty girl, if you are ready to change....change....and become so spectacular that you realize that he isn't worth your time!:flowerforyou:0 -
I'm glad you are posting on here! That is tremendously difficult to accept. You have 4 beautiful kids and having gone thru that is hard on your body. Just keep coming back here for support, and take it one day at a time. You can reclaim your health, feel and look better; but be patient and kind to yourself. I hope your husband appreciates the journey that you have begun! Positive thought your way, and hugs!0
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I am going to take this to a new level because I did read all of these pages.... leave this man immediately... do not pass go... do not wait...
Sooooooo, I do this because it is important and not because I am part of the usual "you should do everything this way" crowd... a couple of things pop out at me here in a vast RED ALERT...
1. is the unhappiness he has with your body parts that are not solved with losing weight
2. The issue with the children...
The ONLY men I have ever experienced that have made statements like "I wish it was just you and me" ended up being less than ideal. One of those was my stepfather for over 10 years. He molested me since the age of 6 until I was 15 when I finally told my mother... his reason to her for doing it... "I just wanted you to myself so it would run her off"... that statement you made sent my alarm bells going off...
While most may see my paragraph there as unnecessary.. I don't think so. I volunteer regularly to young/teenage girls to overcome this. It has been my way of coping for many years I can freely talk about my past because I am not ashamed of it; however, I know when my gut is sending me alerts I better listen.
You better listen to your instincts with eyes wide open... he does NOT love you.. what he has said to you about your body and/or your children is NOT love in any capacity... I worry about the steps he will be take to be "just you and me" .....
Sorry to bring that point up
ETA: My husband is a stepfather to my first child and he has NEVER treated her any differently and loves her like his own... THAT is what love is about...
Wow!! Just wow!
My girlfriend of four years has 3 children. They are fantastic children, and I love them to death!! Their father is to busy being a playboy and trying to look like a GQ model. So Im there for them every single day! I knew what I was getting into from the beginning , she told me " I'm a package deal" lol. The kids say things to their mom like "why can't dad be like Caesar" I wish Caesar was our real dad"; it breaks my heart, but she tells them he is your real dad! A father is more then just a sperm donor!0 -
After reading the whole thread, which I should have done from the get-go (My apologies), I'm confused about the whole husband/boyfriend thing. You've only been with him for 1-1/2 years... That's nowhere near long enough to be considered common law spouses. And not all states have/allow common law marriages (Assuming you're in the USA).
He came into this relationship after you had three kids. And let's be honest, childbearing changes a woman. If you don't understand and accept this BEFORE entering a serious relationship with a woman with 3 kids, then WTF?!?! And why enter said relationship (with 3 kids) if you aren't planning on being a father to them? And calling them step-siblings?
:noway:
Man, Caesar hit this nail on the friggen head. I look back at your profile pic and I want to punch him in his face
OP: You're beautiful. Counseling or put the boots on. Ya know, "These boots are made for walk'n..."
^^ This, totally. I have had 4 pregnancies, I started out at 138 lbs when i met my husband, by the time it was all said and done I weighed 227 lbs. My husband never once said I was unattractive to him. He has always been attracted to me because what we have is real and true. As others have said counseling is in order NOW. Personally, I would have been out the door during all this criticizing he was doing. I'm sure he is just "perfect" (insert eye roll here).0 -
I am going to take this to a new level because I did read all of these pages.... leave this man immediately... do not pass go... do not wait...
Sooooooo, I do this because it is important and not because I am part of the usual "you should do everything this way" crowd... a couple of things pop out at me here in a vast RED ALERT...
1. is the unhappiness he has with your body parts that are not solved with losing weight
2. The issue with the children...
The ONLY men I have ever experienced that have made statements like "I wish it was just you and me" ended up being less than ideal. One of those was my stepfather for over 10 years. He molested me since the age of 6 until I was 15 when I finally told my mother... his reason to her for doing it... "I just wanted you to myself so it would run her off"... that statement you made sent my alarm bells going off...
While most may see my paragraph there as unnecessary.. I don't think so. I volunteer regularly to young/teenage girls to overcome this. It has been my way of coping for many years I can freely talk about my past because I am not ashamed of it; however, I know when my gut is sending me alerts I better listen.
You better listen to your instincts with eyes wide open... he does NOT love you.. what he has said to you about your body and/or your children is NOT love in any capacity... I worry about the steps he will be take to be "just you and me" .....
Sorry to bring that point up
ETA: My husband is a stepfather to my first child and he has NEVER treated her any differently and loves her like his own... THAT is what love is about...
Wow!! Just wow!
My girlfriend of four years has 3 children. They are fantastic children, and I love them to death!! Their father is to busy being a playboy and trying to look like a GQ model. So Im there for them every single day! I knew what I was getting into from the beginning , she told me " I'm a package deal" lol. The kids say things to their mom like "why can't dad be like Caesar" I wish Caesar was our real dad"; it breaks my heart, but she tells them he is your real dad! A father is more then just a sperm donor!
Agreed and sorry to make you wow... as I said.. my radar went off with alarms blazing... I have heard that statement way too much in my life and it doesn't end well.. for anyone...0 -
Do it for yourself first! And then don't look at healthy living in months and days! Just commit yourself to that day, with whatever time you can spare 10, 20 30 min etc.. With 4 kiddos its hard to find 30 minutes let alone an hour. Just don't do it for anyone but yourself, For me I took a long hard look at myself in a FULL length mirror(naked) UGH.... I didn't like what I saw, yes even cried; But I did shake the feeling sorry for myself and went to work on me. I have just hit my 60 days on P90X and I feel great. You just have to push yourself through those days of feeling blue. You can do it!!!! You can add me if you want. 0
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All of the children that you grew in your womb are half-siblings, not step-siblings.
Half is related by some blood.
Step is related by no blood.
My two children are half siblings, but we don't use the term 'half' in our household. We use "brother" and "sister" and that's it.
Also, your boyfriend is a douche. Your relationship issues go way beyond calorie counting and I feel sorry for your children. No male role model would be better than their current male role model.0 -
If my husband said these things when I wanted to get into shape that would have been terribly demotivating, I think this man is trying to demotivate you. I said I needed to join a local gym and he said we would figure out the budget to make room for it. So I did. I said I need to have more accurate nutrition data, he got a food scale. He helps me cook healthier meals and we are both healthier for it. THIS is how someone should motivate you, not by saying bad things about your body.
This times a million! This is what a good partner does.0 -
Hi everyone,
this is my second attempt to lose weight and get back in shape. Last night i had a conversation with my husband, he confessed to me that he doesn't find me physically attractive!
He loves my personality and my "beautiful" face other than that... my physical appearance is an eye sore. I have 4 kids, I'm the biggest i've ever been!
His words might seem cruel but i know its his honesty, which I admire.
I need help! I need to get fit!
I lack the motivation and the knowledge when it comes to exercise and nutrition.
Oh my gosh! I know my husband has felt that way about me, probably does even right now (lol) but I would just die if he said it to me... You have had FOUR children. How dare he say that, even if you asked. Sometimes you ask knowing the answer but wanting to hear something else (or at least I do, woman thing? haha).
You can't do it for him. You have to do it for you. Do it to feel better. Do it for confidence and self worth. Start small with excercise, work your way up... best of luck. And you are beautiful!0 -
when i read the op i though to myself, hey thats actually a pretty healthy relationship where you two can be honest with each other even though it can hurt but as a i read more and more...yeah this guy is pretty horrible. If after a year plus he wont except your kids he neverwill and will treat them like trash. the things he says about your body isnt right. Normally i would say work it but with the kids involved just move on. Just my two cents0
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Guy's a jerk...0
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She has her 3 kids from a previous relationship, he has a daughter from a previous relationship; together they have a baby. Do you know that he had the audacity to say that her 3 kids were not full brother and sisters to their baby? And that his daughter was the "true" sibling to their baby? She is the mom!! Those 4 children came out of her womb! They are all true brothers and sisters! Just because her kids don't have his last name doesn't make them less of a sibling!! If anything his daughter is the true stepn sister that came from another woman. The dude has major control issues! After learning of what he's all about, and looking at his obnoxious picture, makes me wish I could just punch him in the mouth lol!
You've been amazing in this thread.0 -
First of all you've got to do this for you not for him, no matter how much you love him.
Here is a ginormous brain dump... I'm sure all the other MFPers are sick of seeing this already, but it's what helped me so I like to share it....
The good news is you don't have to be perfect, you just have to be better.
++Track for a week or two before worrying about losing. This way you'll see where you really stand, odds are it is different than where you thought you were, which is actually good news...
++Be scrupulously honest... you can lie to your friends, you can lie in your diary, you can lie to yourself, but YOUR BODY KNOWS EVERYTHING YOU EAT. So you might as well be honest in your diary (keep it private if you like) but you need that info because you can't get where you are going if your are not honest about where you are right now.
++See where you can make small changes on things that aren't so important to you.
(Don't even think of taking chocolate out of my diet!!!)
--Reducing quantities
--Swapping out things instead of eliminating them.
++Focus on what you should eat not what your shouldn't.
Eating your nutritious foods first. Your body will be more satisfied and have less cravings.
++Small sustainable changes.
If you completely revamp your diet, it's way easy to revert to old ways in times of stress. (and who doesn't have stress?)
If you make a series of small changes, food still offers you some sense of comfort, sort of a comfort continuum, and after a while the first small changes will seem comforting in themselves. Also rather than having to think about everything all the time. You only have to think about a 2 or 3 new things to focus on.
++Rather than being uberstrict with the target MFP set for me. (I swear this saved my life.) I was happier once I gave myself a range:
ROCK BOTTOM: 1200 cal
TARGET: MFP Calories for lose 1 lb a week (when that hit 1200 I changed to lose 1/2 lb per week)
TOP OF RANGE: Maintain Calories for my GOAL Weight.
(SAFETY VALVE: Maintain Calories for CURRENT Weight - remember to keep updating this number as you lose)
++Only worry about it 1 lb at a time.
Forget I *NEED* to lose 20, 30, 50, 100 lbs. I'm only worried about 1 lb the next one. I'll worry about the others later.
Once I found ways to lessen the stress, I found it way easier to focus on the process and let the results follow. (It's what worked for me some people need the stress to get them motivated. Me I get scared and overwhelmed and don't see the big goal as achievable. )
++Think of losing weight like the stock market. Yes, there will be fluctuations but as long as the overall trend is the the right direction don't worry
Food is not the enemy. You need nutrition to fuel your body and make it strong. and healthy just feels so damn good.
Most vitamins are fat soluable... so remember to include plant and fish based fats (HAPPY FATS) so you can access the nutrients in your food.
All of your foods fall into 1 or more of 3 macro nutrient categories
FATS • CARBS • PROTEINS ... I personally think it's unwise to severely restrict any one of these categories.
Instead of eliminating or limiting quantity focus on the quality...
HAPPY FATS (Plant and fish bases)
COMPLEX CARBS (un or minimally processed)
LEAN PROTEINS
Oddly enough, on my journey here I've reduced guilt over food.
I have the occasional treat and I fully enjoy it with no guilt involved.
The thing is since I'm not eating crap all the time, now the occasional treat is just that a TREAT it's special and I enjoy it so much more than when I was unconsciously shovel junk food into my face.
This is exactly what I did and It works.0
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