what is it with my wife?!
Replies
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She may be feeling frustrated with you as well. We only got to hear one side of the story so everything is pretty biased. This may sound "out there" especially considering you're the one that's upset..
But, try saying "thank you" to her... buy her some flowers, take her out, make her feel appreciated. You may be surprised at how the mood shifts between the two of you. I'm sure she doesn't feel sexy cleaning diapers and scrubbing toilets day in/day out and may be just getting burnt out from things and feeling just as resentful.
After you've made sure to make her feel good and she's in good spirits, bring up the chore thing again while everybody is on a positive note. Listen to how she feels as well and try to come up with a compromise.
And if all of the above fails, give her a good smack... :laugh:0 -
Going back to the initial question: What is it with my wife?
Your wife is lazy. There I said it. LAZY.
Your wife is acting entitled and self-centered.
Your wife probably didn't have the proper upbringing/teachings of what it means to be a woman. Our homes are our castles, whether we're single or married. You keep them clean and you KNOW how to do it and adapt ways to do it well and quicker. Those basics should already be laid out way before you get married. Therefore, once you're married, cleaning isn't even a topic of discussion, it's just your job as a woman (not necessarily just a wife.)
Your wife is young. See above. She probably didn't realize what it took to be a GOOD wife before getting pregnant and then having to rush to be a mother, as well. Now, because of outside influence, she is using that as a scape goat for why she "needs help". She's playing a victim and I think it's childish and pathetic.
The fact that she asked you to clean the kitchen is enraging to me. I actually get mad when people (especially a bf) tries cleaning or helping me...that's MY JOB. We're all tired and need breaks from our jobs, but HER LACK OF WORK doesn't constitute your OBLIGATION TO DO MORE WORK.
"What it means to be a woman"? lolll I think that is "what it means to be HUMAN". Even animals don't sleep where they poop unless they are sick.
His wife is lazy, yes, but it's not because she doesn't know how to be a woman. It's because she doesn't understand the role she signed up for. She's 24. I don't know many people under 30 these days who understand how a marriage really works.0 -
we're talking about a 11 month old. Tell your wife to put the baby in a walker, TURN THE TELEVISION OFF, put the radio on and start from one room to the next. First of all, an 11 month old can't possibly be making that much of a mess up. If the chores are that much...then who's the one getting the house dirty? cant be you because you're at work. I don't understand. It sounds like your wife is bored and just wants to pick a fight. :noway:0
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I have listed my chores throughout this thread - I keep up with them daily.
Not all of them are "my" chores, but ones I do anyway because they need doing.
I would love to have more quality time to spend with my wife.
I think he means you should make a list and split them up - instead of just doing what needs to be done. Maybe if she see on paper what you actually do, she'll come around.
I think making sure she has down time is important, and so is alone time for the two of you.
I have a schedule and having one makes it so that I spend about 30 minutes a day cleaning up. Example:
Mon, vacuum, laundry, sweep.
Tues, kitchen, dining, sweep
Wed, bedroom, laundry, sweep
Thur, vacuum, bathrooms, sweep
Fri, living rooms, sweep
On the weekends, we clean together (or deep scrub) as needed - I always do another vacuum (two dogs, two kids) and finish up any laundry. And every night before bed, I do a sweep of the living rooms/hallways/etc to make sure there's nothing laying around and my husband cleans up the kitchen after dinner.
Again, good luck
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She may be feeling frustrated with you as well. We only got to hear one side of the story so everything is pretty biased. This may sound "out there" especially considering you're the one that's upset..
But, try saying "thank you" to her... buy her some flowers, take her out, make her feel appreciated. You may be surprised at how the mood shifts between the two of you. I'm sure she doesn't feel sexy cleaning diapers and scrubbing toilets day in/day out and may be just getting burnt out from things and feeling just as resentful.
After you've made sure to make her feel good and she's in good spirits, bring up the chore thing again while everybody is on a positive note. Listen to how she feels as well and try to come up with a compromise.
And if all of the above fails, give her a good smack... :laugh:
I don't think hitting his wife would help. O.o0 -
Nothing needs to be done daily. Maybe trash and diaper take out, but that's it.
She should be doing more. You get an hour lunch, she should too. The other nap hours should be household work.
A: We use cloth diapers, they only get the crap(literally) sprayed out of them...and I do that when I get home...
I don't get an hour for lunch, I often have mandatory meetings or other work engagements. I get 5 minutes of peace eating at my desk while I do additional work.0 -
Nothing needs to be done daily. Maybe trash and diaper take out, but that's it.
She should be doing more. You get an hour lunch, she should too. The other nap hours should be household work.
A: We use cloth diapers, they only get the crap(literally) sprayed out of them...and I do that when I get home...
I don't get an hour for lunch, I often have mandatory meetings or other work engagements. I get 5 minutes of peace eating at my desk while I do additional work.
Ah. got it. She doesn't rinse out the diapers?! Ya'll got the toilet sprayer, right? And the bucket of ammonia? Dang. She really is not pulling her weight.
Have you talked to her before? If so, what did she say?
And if your job has mandatory meetings during lunch, that's a labor law infraction. Ya.0 -
Going back to the initial question: What is it with my wife?
Your wife is lazy. There I said it. LAZY.
Your wife is acting entitled and self-centered.
Your wife probably didn't have the proper upbringing/teachings of what it means to be a woman. Our homes are our castles, whether we're single or married. You keep them clean and you KNOW how to do it and adapt ways to do it well and quicker. Those basics should already be laid out way before you get married. Therefore, once you're married, cleaning isn't even a topic of discussion, it's just your job as a woman (not necessarily just a wife.)
Your wife is young. See above. She probably didn't realize what it took to be a GOOD wife before getting pregnant and then having to rush to be a mother, as well. Now, because of outside influence, she is using that as a scape goat for why she "needs help". She's playing a victim and I think it's childish and pathetic.
The fact that she asked you to clean the kitchen is enraging to me. I actually get mad when people (especially a bf) tries cleaning or helping me...that's MY JOB. We're all tired and need breaks from our jobs, but HER LACK OF WORK doesn't constitute your OBLIGATION TO DO MORE WORK.0 -
I have listed my chores throughout this thread - I keep up with them daily.
Not all of them are "my" chores, but ones I do anyway because they need doing.
I would love to have more quality time to spend with my wife.
Why don't you just say this. I would probably leave out the middle line, but if you made the point that if she could get a couple of extra things done during the day...then you would both have more "adult time" (and read that how ever you want) in the evenings.0 -
I find this thread very interesting in that the responses from females is all over the place, some even completely siding with the OPs POV. So much for stereotypes!! 0
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Going back to the initial question: What is it with my wife?
Your wife is lazy. There I said it. LAZY.
Your wife is acting entitled and self-centered.
Your wife probably didn't have the proper upbringing/teachings of what it means to be a woman. Our homes are our castles, whether we're single or married. You keep them clean and you KNOW how to do it and adapt ways to do it well and quicker. Those basics should already be laid out way before you get married. Therefore, once you're married, cleaning isn't even a topic of discussion, it's just your job as a woman (not necessarily just a wife.)
Your wife is young. See above. She probably didn't realize what it took to be a GOOD wife before getting pregnant and then having to rush to be a mother, as well. Now, because of outside influence, she is using that as a scape goat for why she "needs help". She's playing a victim and I think it's childish and pathetic.
The fact that she asked you to clean the kitchen is enraging to me. I actually get mad when people (especially a bf) tries cleaning or helping me...that's MY JOB. We're all tired and need breaks from our jobs, but HER LACK OF WORK doesn't constitute your OBLIGATION TO DO MORE WORK.
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She may be feeling frustrated with you as well. We only got to hear one side of the story so everything is pretty biased. This may sound "out there" especially considering you're the one that's upset..
But, try saying "thank you" to her... buy her some flowers, take her out, make her feel appreciated. You may be surprised at how the mood shifts between the two of you. I'm sure she doesn't feel sexy cleaning diapers and scrubbing toilets day in/day out and may be just getting burnt out from things and feeling just as resentful.
After you've made sure to make her feel good and she's in good spirits, bring up the chore thing again while everybody is on a positive note. Listen to how she feels as well and try to come up with a compromise.
And if all of the above fails, give her a good smack... :laugh:
I don't think hitting his wife would help. O.o
Sigh.0 -
I find this thread very interesting in that the responses from females is all over the place, some even completely siding with the OPs POV. So much for stereotypes!! Everyone has a different set of reference for their opinions. 0
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What the actual F?!?! :frown:Going back to the initial question: What is it with my wife?
Your wife is lazy. There I said it. LAZY.
Your wife is acting entitled and self-centered.
Your wife probably didn't have the proper upbringing/teachings of what it means to be a woman. Our homes are our castles, whether we're single or married. You keep them clean and you KNOW how to do it and adapt ways to do it well and quicker. Those basics should already be laid out way before you get married. Therefore, once you're married, cleaning isn't even a topic of discussion, it's just your job as a woman (not necessarily just a wife.)
Your wife is young. See above. She probably didn't realize what it took to be a GOOD wife before getting pregnant and then having to rush to be a mother, as well. Now, because of outside influence, she is using that as a scape goat for why she "needs help". She's playing a victim and I think it's childish and pathetic.
The fact that she asked you to clean the kitchen is enraging to me. I actually get mad when people (especially a bf) tries cleaning or helping me...that's MY JOB. We're all tired and need breaks from our jobs, but HER LACK OF WORK doesn't constitute your OBLIGATION TO DO MORE WORK.0 -
Going back to the initial question: What is it with my wife?
Your wife is lazy. There I said it. LAZY.
Your wife is acting entitled and self-centered.
Your wife probably didn't have the proper upbringing/teachings of what it means to be a woman. Our homes are our castles, whether we're single or married. You keep them clean and you KNOW how to do it and adapt ways to do it well and quicker. Those basics should already be laid out way before you get married. Therefore, once you're married, cleaning isn't even a topic of discussion, it's just your job as a woman (not necessarily just a wife.)
Your wife is young. See above. She probably didn't realize what it took to be a GOOD wife before getting pregnant and then having to rush to be a mother, as well. Now, because of outside influence, she is using that as a scape goat for why she "needs help". She's playing a victim and I think it's childish and pathetic.
The fact that she asked you to clean the kitchen is enraging to me. I actually get mad when people (especially a bf) tries cleaning or helping me...that's MY JOB. We're all tired and need breaks from our jobs, but HER LACK OF WORK doesn't constitute your OBLIGATION TO DO MORE WORK.
While I agree she's lazy, it's certainly not my job to clean because I have a vagina. That's asinine.
I can't believe I actually read something that said, without a hint of irony "that's her job as a woman". You don't get to define what being a woman means for anyone other than yourself.
Human beings should learn how to clean. Regardless of possession of female bits.0 -
I have some experience here. The best option is divide what is needed done daily, weekly, and monthly into an organized list or a spreadsheet. On same list put down a rough estimated time it takes to do each chore. From there look at availability time to execute the chores. DO NOT forget to put in personal time or baby time. Then you sit down when said baby is out at grandmas and you work it out. Stick to the guide, alter only when its a must. Then each person knows the expectations and can visable see the "time" available to each other. New apprecaiation and consideration tends to emerge when its on paper. She needs to also include baby bath time, work out time ..whatever she is doing with the baby..cuz that is her work day. Those hours dont count. Sometimes the ship will tilt and you have to come back to the table and review until the ship rights itself again. This can be done with two loving caring individuals. Will not work with one lazy or selfish. Hope this is a helpful tool.0
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Nothing needs to be done daily. Maybe trash and diaper take out, but that's it.
She should be doing more. You get an hour lunch, she should too. The other nap hours should be household work.
A: We use cloth diapers, they only get the crap(literally) sprayed out of them...and I do that when I get home...
I don't get an hour for lunch, I often have mandatory meetings or other work engagements. I get 5 minutes of peace eating at my desk while I do additional work.
Ah. got it. She doesn't rinse out the diapers?! Ya'll got the toilet sprayer, right? And the bucket of ammonia? Dang. She really is not pulling her weight.
Have you talked to her before? If so, what did she say?
And if your job has mandatory meetings during lunch, that's a labor law infraction. Ya.
Oh man, I used cloth diapers too...and I usually left the crap-filled ones for my husband to spray out when he got home. I was just so sick of dealing with poop all day. I can't help you on this one.0 -
After fifty years married, I'd say she wants your attention. Having a young child consumes her day, so.... made like a Lothario and make her nights magic. YES!! I'm talking about a good long romantic session, rose buds and wine. Make HER special, and I bet she'll stop nagging. BE THE MAN!0
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You cannot get out of the argument. Stay calm, stand firm,don't give into the threats then the tears. Always hold your ground but you must stay calm. It won't get settled right there and then. You have though put the thought into her mind, see if it takes hold. Might have to do it more than once. Be careful though, this is a long fought out battle. Be nice even when you don't feel like it.0
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Going back to the initial question: What is it with my wife?
Your wife is lazy. There I said it. LAZY.
Your wife is acting entitled and self-centered.
So I have read the posts....I have to agree with this. If she is unable to fulfill her job as a SAHM, perhaps she should get a job outside the home and pay for daycare and a housekeeper.0 -
Nothing needs to be done daily. Maybe trash and diaper take out, but that's it.
She should be doing more. You get an hour lunch, she should too. The other nap hours should be household work.
A: We use cloth diapers, they only get the crap(literally) sprayed out of them...and I do that when I get home...
I don't get an hour for lunch, I often have mandatory meetings or other work engagements. I get 5 minutes of peace eating at my desk while I do additional work.
Ah. got it. She doesn't rinse out the diapers?! Ya'll got the toilet sprayer, right? And the bucket of ammonia? Dang. She really is not pulling her weight.
Have you talked to her before? If so, what did she say?
And if your job has mandatory meetings during lunch, that's a labor law infraction. Ya.
Oh man, I used cloth diapers too...and I usually left the crap-filled ones for my husband to spray out when he got home. I was just so sick of dealing with poop all day. I can't help you on this one.
I just dumped the poo into the toilet.
If they are too loose to dump, you can also get a bucket, fill it with a bit of water and vinegar and dump them in there so they are..........easier to deal with.0 -
Being a stay at home dad, I can see how time can get very "boring" at home and one could start thinking "is this what my life is going to be the next few years? And what if we have more kids?"I have listed my chores throughout this thread - I keep up with them daily.
Not all of them are "my" chores, but ones I do anyway because they need doing.
I would love to have more quality time to spend with my wife.
Might be time to actually sit down and see how she see's the current situation and see what you can do to possibly help.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES! Is it something that is truly that important to cause a disruption and disturbance over? If not then coming up with a solution together will maybe be your best option. Having a designated cleaning time together will maybe solve your issue. Maybe choose a few days instead of 7 days a week so that it isn't so overwhelming. Hope this helps!0
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She's possibly just bored. Cleaning every day is hardly thrill inducing. People who are in at home all the time can easily get into a rut. Throw in day time tv & its game over.
Adding - what's her social circle like now? Does she have other SAHM's she socialises with?
Interesting, I was just talking to my sister about how these days people are only interested in the instant gratification and being entertained every second of the day.
Bored? Well, that's the way the baby crawls ain't it? Life doesn't always have to be thrill inducing; cleaning, taking care of baby and stuff is what she signed up for. The fun will start when the kid is like 6 and 7 and starts to have thier own personality and she can talk to the kid on a person to person level. THAT's the good stuff right there.0 -
It's practical for her to do MOST of the household chores simply because she is there for the 12 hours a day that he is not there. Not because she is a woman. I would expect if the roles were reversed and she were the bread winner and he was the SAHD then he would do the majority of the household chores.0
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Tell her that you understand that work/parenting/housework are taking up a bunch of time for you both and toss out an idea like, "Say sweetie, since many hands make light work, how about when I get home from work you and I both devote X minutes to knocking out some chores together."
That way you're not telling her to do something by herself and she can't (well SHOULDN'T) bitc* since you're right there doing them with her. And she was going to have you doing them alone anyway.
my $0.020 -
I know plenty of mums and dads that stay home and/ or work outside of the home and still make it a priority to clean. She may be exhausted, and make sure that you each acknowledge that fact. But you have to be a team to make you both feel worth while.0
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Nothing needs to be done daily. Maybe trash and diaper take out, but that's it.
She should be doing more. You get an hour lunch, she should too. The other nap hours should be household work.
A: We use cloth diapers, they only get the crap(literally) sprayed out of them...and I do that when I get home...
I don't get an hour for lunch, I often have mandatory meetings or other work engagements. I get 5 minutes of peace eating at my desk while I do additional work.
Ah... okay... I change my recommendations.
Get off of your ecological high horse, and buy disposable diapers!
Or... since little bit is 11 months old... start potty training ASAP! She is old enough.0 -
My husband and I had this talk back when we started dating and so forth. We are flipped, I'm the bread winner and he is the stay at home. He knows that the home is HIS JOB. IF I have to be at work all day to support us he knows the least he can do is the house WORK.
I still do things, I cook (about twice a week) and fold laundry and dishes in the evening, but he also knows I'm tired and makes sure everything else is done, house is clean, lawn is mowed, trash is out.
This is a team and both members need to do their fair share.0 -
Why not hire a sitter to watch the baby 3X a week for a few hours, while your wife uses that time to clean? If she is using that as an excuse as to why she can't clean. I used to sit for a women that had worked from home, and I would watch her 4 month old for about 4-5 hours on Friday's so she could get the majority of the work done.0
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