what is it with my wife?!
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I have some experience here. The best option is divide what is needed done daily, weekly, and monthly into an organized list or a spreadsheet. On same list put down a rough estimated time it takes to do each chore. From there look at availability time to execute the chores. DO NOT forget to put in personal time or baby time. Then you sit down when said baby is out at grandmas and you work it out. Stick to the guide, alter only when its a must. Then each person knows the expectations and can visable see the "time" available to each other. New apprecaiation and consideration tends to emerge when its on paper. She needs to also include baby bath time, work out time ..whatever she is doing with the baby..cuz that is her work day. Those hours dont count. Sometimes the ship will tilt and you have to come back to the table and review until the ship rights itself again. This can be done with two loving caring individuals. Will not work with one lazy or selfish. Hope this is a helpful tool.0
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Nothing needs to be done daily. Maybe trash and diaper take out, but that's it.
She should be doing more. You get an hour lunch, she should too. The other nap hours should be household work.
A: We use cloth diapers, they only get the crap(literally) sprayed out of them...and I do that when I get home...
I don't get an hour for lunch, I often have mandatory meetings or other work engagements. I get 5 minutes of peace eating at my desk while I do additional work.
Ah. got it. She doesn't rinse out the diapers?! Ya'll got the toilet sprayer, right? And the bucket of ammonia? Dang. She really is not pulling her weight.
Have you talked to her before? If so, what did she say?
And if your job has mandatory meetings during lunch, that's a labor law infraction. Ya.
Oh man, I used cloth diapers too...and I usually left the crap-filled ones for my husband to spray out when he got home. I was just so sick of dealing with poop all day. I can't help you on this one.0 -
After fifty years married, I'd say she wants your attention. Having a young child consumes her day, so.... made like a Lothario and make her nights magic. YES!! I'm talking about a good long romantic session, rose buds and wine. Make HER special, and I bet she'll stop nagging. BE THE MAN!0
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You cannot get out of the argument. Stay calm, stand firm,don't give into the threats then the tears. Always hold your ground but you must stay calm. It won't get settled right there and then. You have though put the thought into her mind, see if it takes hold. Might have to do it more than once. Be careful though, this is a long fought out battle. Be nice even when you don't feel like it.0
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Going back to the initial question: What is it with my wife?
Your wife is lazy. There I said it. LAZY.
Your wife is acting entitled and self-centered.
So I have read the posts....I have to agree with this. If she is unable to fulfill her job as a SAHM, perhaps she should get a job outside the home and pay for daycare and a housekeeper.0 -
Nothing needs to be done daily. Maybe trash and diaper take out, but that's it.
She should be doing more. You get an hour lunch, she should too. The other nap hours should be household work.
A: We use cloth diapers, they only get the crap(literally) sprayed out of them...and I do that when I get home...
I don't get an hour for lunch, I often have mandatory meetings or other work engagements. I get 5 minutes of peace eating at my desk while I do additional work.
Ah. got it. She doesn't rinse out the diapers?! Ya'll got the toilet sprayer, right? And the bucket of ammonia? Dang. She really is not pulling her weight.
Have you talked to her before? If so, what did she say?
And if your job has mandatory meetings during lunch, that's a labor law infraction. Ya.
Oh man, I used cloth diapers too...and I usually left the crap-filled ones for my husband to spray out when he got home. I was just so sick of dealing with poop all day. I can't help you on this one.
I just dumped the poo into the toilet.
If they are too loose to dump, you can also get a bucket, fill it with a bit of water and vinegar and dump them in there so they are..........easier to deal with.0 -
Being a stay at home dad, I can see how time can get very "boring" at home and one could start thinking "is this what my life is going to be the next few years? And what if we have more kids?"I have listed my chores throughout this thread - I keep up with them daily.
Not all of them are "my" chores, but ones I do anyway because they need doing.
I would love to have more quality time to spend with my wife.
Might be time to actually sit down and see how she see's the current situation and see what you can do to possibly help.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES! Is it something that is truly that important to cause a disruption and disturbance over? If not then coming up with a solution together will maybe be your best option. Having a designated cleaning time together will maybe solve your issue. Maybe choose a few days instead of 7 days a week so that it isn't so overwhelming. Hope this helps!0
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She's possibly just bored. Cleaning every day is hardly thrill inducing. People who are in at home all the time can easily get into a rut. Throw in day time tv & its game over.
Adding - what's her social circle like now? Does she have other SAHM's she socialises with?
Interesting, I was just talking to my sister about how these days people are only interested in the instant gratification and being entertained every second of the day.
Bored? Well, that's the way the baby crawls ain't it? Life doesn't always have to be thrill inducing; cleaning, taking care of baby and stuff is what she signed up for. The fun will start when the kid is like 6 and 7 and starts to have thier own personality and she can talk to the kid on a person to person level. THAT's the good stuff right there.0 -
It's practical for her to do MOST of the household chores simply because she is there for the 12 hours a day that he is not there. Not because she is a woman. I would expect if the roles were reversed and she were the bread winner and he was the SAHD then he would do the majority of the household chores.0
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Tell her that you understand that work/parenting/housework are taking up a bunch of time for you both and toss out an idea like, "Say sweetie, since many hands make light work, how about when I get home from work you and I both devote X minutes to knocking out some chores together."
That way you're not telling her to do something by herself and she can't (well SHOULDN'T) bitc* since you're right there doing them with her. And she was going to have you doing them alone anyway.
my $0.020 -
I know plenty of mums and dads that stay home and/ or work outside of the home and still make it a priority to clean. She may be exhausted, and make sure that you each acknowledge that fact. But you have to be a team to make you both feel worth while.0
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Nothing needs to be done daily. Maybe trash and diaper take out, but that's it.
She should be doing more. You get an hour lunch, she should too. The other nap hours should be household work.
A: We use cloth diapers, they only get the crap(literally) sprayed out of them...and I do that when I get home...
I don't get an hour for lunch, I often have mandatory meetings or other work engagements. I get 5 minutes of peace eating at my desk while I do additional work.
Ah... okay... I change my recommendations.
Get off of your ecological high horse, and buy disposable diapers!
Or... since little bit is 11 months old... start potty training ASAP! She is old enough.0 -
My husband and I had this talk back when we started dating and so forth. We are flipped, I'm the bread winner and he is the stay at home. He knows that the home is HIS JOB. IF I have to be at work all day to support us he knows the least he can do is the house WORK.
I still do things, I cook (about twice a week) and fold laundry and dishes in the evening, but he also knows I'm tired and makes sure everything else is done, house is clean, lawn is mowed, trash is out.
This is a team and both members need to do their fair share.0 -
Why not hire a sitter to watch the baby 3X a week for a few hours, while your wife uses that time to clean? If she is using that as an excuse as to why she can't clean. I used to sit for a women that had worked from home, and I would watch her 4 month old for about 4-5 hours on Friday's so she could get the majority of the work done.0
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Going back to the initial question: What is it with my wife?
Your wife is lazy. There I said it. LAZY.
Your wife is acting entitled and self-centered.
Your wife probably didn't have the proper upbringing/teachings of what it means to be a woman. Our homes are our castles, whether we're single or married. You keep them clean and you KNOW how to do it and adapt ways to do it well and quicker. Those basics should already be laid out way before you get married. Therefore, once you're married, cleaning isn't even a topic of discussion, it's just your job as a woman (not necessarily just a wife.)
Your wife is young. See above. She probably didn't realize what it took to be a GOOD wife before getting pregnant and then having to rush to be a mother, as well. Now, because of outside influence, she is using that as a scape goat for why she "needs help". She's playing a victim and I think it's childish and pathetic.
The fact that she asked you to clean the kitchen is enraging to me. I actually get mad when people (especially a bf) tries cleaning or helping me...that's MY JOB. We're all tired and need breaks from our jobs, but HER LACK OF WORK doesn't constitute your OBLIGATION TO DO MORE WORK.
LOL.
I'm pretty sure cleaning the house doesn't make me more or less of a woman. I'm also sure that just because I like to keep a clean house for myself doesn't mean that I'm automatically going to pick up after just anyone. I certainly wouldn't pick up after someone who wasn't my husband or my child. That doesn't make me less of woman - it makes me not a doormat.
Also, if I'm working full time, which I will probably always do, it's going to have to be a joint effort or a cleaning crew. Period.0 -
My brother basically has the same problem, he bought a house for the gf, he works 4 10 hour days and she doesn't do anything. And in the past year she has been doing day care and still not keeping the house. He has spoken to her about it numerous times and she still doesn't do anything,, not even fold laundry so now she is getting a job. I think your wife and my brother's gf are lazy *****es. Not gonna lie.0
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Nothing needs to be done daily. Maybe trash and diaper take out, but that's it.
She should be doing more. You get an hour lunch, she should too. The other nap hours should be household work.
A: We use cloth diapers, they only get the crap(literally) sprayed out of them...and I do that when I get home...
I don't get an hour for lunch, I often have mandatory meetings or other work engagements. I get 5 minutes of peace eating at my desk while I do additional work.
Ah... okay... I change my recommendations.
Get off of your ecological high horse, and buy disposable diapers!
Or... since little bit is 11 months old... start potty training ASAP! She is old enough.
Disposable diapers cost a lot more to maintain than reusable cloth diapers. Believe me, I only agreed to use them based on cost effectiveness, I couldn't care less about throwing poop in the trash and walking away.
We plan to start potty training soon, or at least attempting to start it soon. I yearn for the day diapers are no longer required...she's just starting to learn to walk, and we want her to be doing that fully before introducing something like potty training.0 -
And for the people telling you to hire a house keeper that's bull **** why should YOU pay someone when you have a wife at home who should be cleaning...0
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I'm not going to be a favorite in this thread...but here's my opinion:
She's a stay-at-home mom...that involves all that it entails. Tell her to clean the damn house or get the steppin' (or a 9-5 job).
To elaborate: I get that raising kids is hard while trying to make sure they don't suffocate on a bouncy ball and keep the dog from sharting on your couch all while trying to feed said animals (kids included) and go pee at the same time.
However, I think that that sacrifice includes house keeping, as well. I was a nanny through college and I did it. It's not fair to tell the sole bread winner to clean the house that you've been at all day -- it's the job you chose so you can raise your own kid. That's my opinion.
This. Totally. Want to be a stay at home mom? to me that includes the housework, including the kitchen, and the laundry.0
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