Chivalry is dead?

Yup, this is also and acceptable reason. So to be clear, I don't mind if you are holding the door for me if:
1. You are just being polite and would do that for anyone.
2. You are trying to get a better look at my *kitten*, because after all, who could blame you. wink

I am not ok with you holding the door for me if:
3. You are only doing it because I'm a woman and think that somehow means I need to be treated differently because I have two x-chromosomes. After all, it's the males in our species that have the gimpy stunted chromosome.

So you're fine with a guy holding a door open for you so that he can objectify you behind your back, but you draw the line at a gentleman opening the door for you as sign of respect for a lady?

This is modern feminism, y'all.

Not going to lie... I don't get this either. To think men opening doors for women has something to do with chromosomes rather than simply being polite is baffling to me.

OP, this is another reason we are friends, I love this post.

Some of the ones that followed up leave much to be desired though.

A guy at the gym offered to unload the preacher curl machine for me last night. It was a nice gesture. The coolest part was that I had to tell him "no thank you" becuase I curl the same weight that he does .

Why was that the coolest part?

Yup, this is also and acceptable reason. So to be clear, I don't mind if you are holding the door for me if:
1. You are just being polite and would do that for anyone.
2. You are trying to get a better look at my *kitten*, because after all, who could blame you. wink

I am not ok with you holding the door for me if:
3. You are only doing it because I'm a woman and think that somehow means I need to be treated differently because I have two x-chromosomes. After all, it's the males in our species that have the gimpy stunted chromosome.

So you're fine with a guy holding a door open for you so that he can objectify you behind your back, but you draw the line at a gentleman opening the door for you as sign of respect for a lady?

This is modern feminism, y'all.

The best part is that, in general, a person's reason for opening the door for another person isn't stamped on their forehead for all to immediately note. So, a guy who opens a door for a gal whom he does not know gets the pleasure of possibly getting 'thank you' and possibly getting 'I can open the damned door myself, chauvinist!' with no clear indicator beforehand as to which response is forthcoming. Failing to open the door for the gal - or to hold it open once through himself - entails similar potential outcomes, both of which I've personally received.

Good luck, fellas.

Please, Thank You, Yes Ma'Am, No Sir, and May I are all staples of my dealings with people. I open doors, and will let the poor lady juggling three kids and a cart full of groceries ahead of me. I have been known to help old ladies cross the street and I still shovel my elderly neighbor's walks in the winter.. Chivalry isn't dead. I salute you for passing those traits onto your children O.P


On A Side Note.

Feminism hasn't gotten in the way of chivalry. To assume that empowering women emasculates men is a reflection upon those who feel that way, not the women who believe that women should be equal to men in every regard socially and professionally. A woman who doesn't particularly care for flowers or romantic schlep doesn't make her some sort of evil dictator any more than a man who could give two shakes less about cars and guns makes him less a man. No one has ever chided me for opening a door for them, or holding an elevator.. or stopping to help someone change a tire and if they did, and I allowed it to deter me from doing such things that would be a reflection upon me as a person. Not any sort of imagined failing to the great social order.

"Feminism" in general is almost to broad of a term... and I tend to agree with what you said. There is the "extreme" side of the Feminist movement I am still generally opposed to, but in general at the corp of the issue (equal pay, rights, laws, and being on a level playing field...) I absolutely agree.

My husband has always been very chivalrous... it surprised me when we were dating, then surprised me even more when it didn't stop once we got married. He holds my chair, lets me go first, walks on the outside, holds doors (even for strangers)... Always "sir" and "ma'am" also, he never says no to people asking for money, even if he only has a handful of change, he gives it.... because even though there's a good chance they are lying... what if they aren't? I joke him and call him a "boy scout" because he's always 'fixing' things when we're out shopping. Putting stuff back where it belongs even when it means going out of his way, moving carts around in the parking lot, straightening stuff on the shelves, etc. because "it makes a difference in someone's day."

Also, I am not offended by a man opening a door for me just because I am a woman. I recently stopped at a gas station. I walked inside to buy a drink, a guy was also on his way to the door, and he ran ahead of me so he could open the door, then allowed me to go first. I thought it was really sweet and thanked him for the gesture. I don't think he did it because I'm too weak to open a door, and it didn't make me feel like less of a person.

Confession: I didn't read all the replies so this has probably been covered.

Can someone tell me why I need special help opening a door just because I'm a woman?

The whole 'woman" part of chivalry should be dead. It's 2014, not 1414.

No one has said that you would NEED special help. It's called being courteous and polite to a fellow human being. If you feel like you're being dis-empowered as a woman and that it's sexist, then it's not the person holding the door that has the problem... It's you. No offense to you personally, though.

Yup, this is also and acceptable reason. So to be clear, I don't mind if you are holding the door for me if:
1. You are just being polite and would do that for anyone.
2. You are trying to get a better look at my *kitten*, because after all, who could blame you. wink

I am not ok with you holding the door for me if:
3. You are only doing it because I'm a woman and think that somehow means I need to be treated differently because I have two x-chromosomes. After all, it's the males in our species that have the gimpy stunted chromosome.

So you're fine with a guy holding a door open for you so that he can objectify you behind your back, but you draw the line at a gentleman opening the door for you as sign of respect for a lady?

This is modern feminism, y'all.

The best part is that, in general, a person's reason for opening the door for another person isn't stamped on their forehead for all to immediately note. So, a guy who opens a door for a gal whom he does not know gets the pleasure of possibly getting 'thank you' and possibly getting 'I can open the damned door myself, chauvinist!' with no clear indicator beforehand as to which response is forthcoming. Failing to open the door for the gal - or to hold it open once through himself - entails similar potential outcomes, both of which I've personally received.

Good luck, fellas.

I do love how you are all cropping the quote and ignoring my response to it to make a straw man argument though, it's cute.

I cropped nothing; I quoted whole-cloth the post to which I responded. I'd say thanks for calling me cute, but I'm unsure if your intention was sexist or not.

The original statement was cropped, you know, the part where I said this:

But since it is completely impossible for me to know for certain, I'm just going to assume it's reason 1 or 2 because that makes my life simpler.

So yea, I always say thank you when someone holds the door for me and don't assume it's about someone being sexist, hence the entire commentary afterwards represents a straw man argument.

Confession: I didn't read all the replies so this has probably been covered.

Can someone tell me why I need special help opening a door just because I'm a woman?

The whole 'woman" part of chivalry should be dead. It's 2014, not 1414.

I don't hold the door for you because you need my help. I do it to get a better look at your *kitten*.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Yup, this is also and acceptable reason. So to be clear, I don't mind if you are holding the door for me if:
1. You are just being polite and would do that for anyone.
2. You are trying to get a better look at my *kitten*, because after all, who could blame you.

I am not ok with you holding the door for me if:
3. You are only doing it because I'm a woman and think that somehow means I need to be treated differently because I have two x-chromosomes. After all, it's the males in our species that have the gimpy stunted chromosome.

But since it is completely impossible for me to know for certain, I'm just going to assume it's reason 1 or 2 because that makes my life simpler.

I have yet to meet a woman who truly wanted to be treated exactly as the men. Sorry, but I call BS. Manners and courtesy make a few distinctions and I'll abide by them, tyvm.

How so? I can't really refute it being BS when you've given no examples.

I've never had a male junior colleague whine about being mistreated. Not once. They get dressed down, take it on the chin, and move on. We don't do the same with female junior colleagues and it's based on experience. I don't like tears.

I don't cry, I cuss and punch things, next.

Confession: I didn't read all the replies so this has probably been covered.

Can someone tell me why I need special help opening a door just because I'm a woman?

The whole 'woman" part of chivalry should be dead. It's 2014, not 1414.

I don't hold the door for you because you need my help. I do it to get a better look at your *kitten*.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Yup, this is also and acceptable reason. So to be clear, I don't mind if you are holding the door for me if:
1. You are just being polite and would do that for anyone.
2. You are trying to get a better look at my *kitten*, because after all, who could blame you.

I am not ok with you holding the door for me if:
3. You are only doing it because I'm a woman and think that somehow means I need to be treated differently because I have two x-chromosomes. After all, it's the males in our species that have the gimpy stunted chromosome.

But since it is completely impossible for me to know for certain, I'm just going to assume it's reason 1 or 2 because that makes my life simpler.

I have yet to meet a woman who truly wanted to be treated exactly as the men. Sorry, but I call BS. Manners and courtesy make a few distinctions and I'll abide by them, tyvm.

How so? I can't really refute it being BS when you've given no examples.

I've never had a male junior colleague whine about being mistreated. Not once. They get dressed down, take it on the chin, and move on. We don't do the same with female junior colleagues and it's based on experience. I don't like tears.

I don't cry, I cuss and punch things, next.

You're one of those self proclaimed "I'm such a unique female and I don't operate by ANY typical female behavior" types, aren't you?

I don't cry, I cuss and punch things, next.

I have a heavy bag and a big screen tv in the basement just for this reason during football season.

Confession: I didn't read all the replies so this has probably been covered.

Can someone tell me why I need special help opening a door just because I'm a woman?

The whole 'woman" part of chivalry should be dead. It's 2014, not 1414.

I don't hold the door for you because you need my help. I do it to get a better look at your *kitten*.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Yup, this is also and acceptable reason. So to be clear, I don't mind if you are holding the door for me if:
1. You are just being polite and would do that for anyone.
2. You are trying to get a better look at my *kitten*, because after all, who could blame you.

I am not ok with you holding the door for me if:
3. You are only doing it because I'm a woman and think that somehow means I need to be treated differently because I have two x-chromosomes. After all, it's the males in our species that have the gimpy stunted chromosome.

But since it is completely impossible for me to know for certain, I'm just going to assume it's reason 1 or 2 because that makes my life simpler.

I have yet to meet a woman who truly wanted to be treated exactly as the men. Sorry, but I call BS. Manners and courtesy make a few distinctions and I'll abide by them, tyvm.

How so? I can't really refute it being BS when you've given no examples.

I've never had a male junior colleague whine about being mistreated. Not once. They get dressed down, take it on the chin, and move on. We don't do the same with female junior colleagues and it's based on experience. I don't like tears.

I don't cry, I cuss and punch things, next.

You're one of those self proclaimed "I'm such a unique female and I don't operate by ANY typical female behavior" types, aren't you?

See most traits, be they physical or behavioral will tend to fall along a bell curve, and while the majority tend to be somewhere in the middle, there's still plenty of room out there on the edges. So no, not unique, part of the natural spectrum of personalities you would find in any population.

Confession: I didn't read all the replies so this has probably been covered.

Can someone tell me why I need special help opening a door just because I'm a woman?

The whole 'woman" part of chivalry should be dead. It's 2014, not 1414.

I don't hold the door for you because you need my help. I do it to get a better look at your *kitten*.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Yup, this is also and acceptable reason. So to be clear, I don't mind if you are holding the door for me if:
1. You are just being polite and would do that for anyone.
2. You are trying to get a better look at my *kitten*, because after all, who could blame you.

I am not ok with you holding the door for me if:
3. You are only doing it because I'm a woman and think that somehow means I need to be treated differently because I have two x-chromosomes. After all, it's the males in our species that have the gimpy stunted chromosome.

But since it is completely impossible for me to know for certain, I'm just going to assume it's reason 1 or 2 because that makes my life simpler.

I have yet to meet a woman who truly wanted to be treated exactly as the men. Sorry, but I call BS. Manners and courtesy make a few distinctions and I'll abide by them, tyvm.

How so? I can't really refute it being BS when you've given no examples.

I've never had a male junior colleague whine about being mistreated. Not once. They get dressed down, take it on the chin, and move on. We don't do the same with female junior colleagues and it's based on experience. I don't like tears.

I don't cry, I cuss and punch things, next.

The point is that there are situations where I will treat women differently than men, as my instincts for self preservation are stronger than your punches, but no worries there.

why does every post about chivalry turn into "omg men think they're better than women"

Do not open a door for me because I am female! If you are in front of a person, male, female, elderly whoever and hold the door, that is being polite. Holding a door for someone because they are female is NOT.