Not tonight honey, a Friends re-run is on....

cowbellsandcoffee
cowbellsandcoffee Posts: 2,975 Member
in Chit-Chat
Wow. There is a story out there about a husband who kept a spreadsheet for a month with all the reasons his wife turned him down for intimacy. He then sent it to her as she was going on a ten day business trip saying as "he won't miss her while she's gone". She then turns around and posts it on the net. While the couple did have intimacy three times in roughly six weeks, some of the reasons...

Anyways...Was the husband right for keeping / sending the spreadsheet, was the wife wrong for putting on the net?

Read it here-

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2699651/Not-tonight-dear-I-m-tried-gross-sick-drunk-Frustrated-husband-creates-spreadsheet-detailing-different-reasons-wife-not-sex-him.html

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Replies

  • PurringMyrrh
    PurringMyrrh Posts: 5,276 Member
    I hate to be the one to say it (not really), but it's seriously no wonder guys cheat. Withholding sex from your man for that long while just making lame excuses is no better. Personally I don't believe his actions were wrong if he had previously tried to discuss things before many times to no avail. And if she put it on the net, so be it. In my eyes, she's the jerk and it only validates that.
  • cklbrown
    cklbrown Posts: 4,696 Member
    Why would she make that public knowledge? It makes her look foolish and immature.
  • MelaniLight
    MelaniLight Posts: 738 Member
    I have no issues with his actions. She, however, should not have made the situation public. Ridiculous.
  • TiffieLand
    TiffieLand Posts: 159
    It's actually pretty cool how he did the spreadsheet. Haha! I don't think it's wrong for him to do that. In a way, he's actually communicating to her. Why would she posted it online though? I find it quite weird.
  • CleanUpWhatIMessedUp
    CleanUpWhatIMessedUp Posts: 206 Member
    Yes, the guy was wrong for making a spreadsheet and sending it to his wife. In a marriage, he needs to learn to communicate better. These actions are incredibly childish and petty. It makes me kind of mad. The husband is so wrong for doing this.

    At the same time, the wife is wrong for withholding sex from her husband for that long, seemingly without reason. This is her husband. She should want to have sex with him sometimes. If you're in a marriage and you no longer want to be physically intimate with your spouse at all, then something is wrong with your marriage and you need to work on it. Physical intimacy is a very important part of a marriage.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    Just wondering...


    ...if I know this person?:wink::devil:
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    Also he should have let her watch the whole episode and THEN asked her b/c

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  • yesterdayusaid2morrow
    yesterdayusaid2morrow Posts: 121
    Wha? Just get a divorce already. Lol. Totally ridiculous and pathetic that he kept a spreadsheet, wtf, use your words like a big boy. Also, entitlement attitude much? Also absurd and rude of her to share it, unless it was the final straw and she's divorcing him. If your wife turns you down for sex all the time it is very likely because you suck at it, jes saying. Many men (not all or course and thank god) don't get that intimacy for women starts long before we're in the bedroom, with the little things, hand holding, the sweet compliment, the spontaneous date or flowers, helping out with a few chores or the kids if you have them, and then making sure you aren't the only one who finishes once your there. Reading about stuff like this overwhelms me with gratitude for my man, and I make damn sure he knows it. You're partner doesn't owe you sex, but if you communicate and learn what gets them wanting it, you'll have a lot more of it than this dbag.
  • daw0518
    daw0518 Posts: 459 Member
    Being passive-aggressive is never the answer. How did he think this was going to help the situation in the first place?

    It's called C-O-M-M-U-N-I-C-A-T-I-O-N. & this isn't it.
  • ValerieMartini2Olives
    ValerieMartini2Olives Posts: 3,024 Member
    Sad. I try to do whatever I can to make my man feel like a man. If I don't, someone else will.
  • FaylinaMeir
    FaylinaMeir Posts: 661 Member
    I might be the minority here that says sex isn't all the happiness in life. Honestly, there was one year where I could have counted the times we hand sex on my hands. No one ever cheated and this year is our 10th anniversary. We're far happier than most people we know.

    (and yes I have more sex now before you ask -_-)
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
    I don't necessarily think he was wrong by putting it all out on a spreadsheet. Maybe she didn't think she was turning him down all that often and seeing it all in writing might have made her realize how much she was. I'm not sure why he waited until she was leaving on a 10 day business trip to present it to her, maybe he was afraid of her reaction?

    I have no clue why should would make that information public! I would be pretty embarrassed (not that I ever turn my husband down), and sure wouldn't air marriage problems like that. Of course, I don't post the kind of things on FB that I see people posting all the time.

    Either way, I don't think lack of intimacy gives license to either partner to look for it somewhere else, while they are still married. If you are that miserable, get out of the marriage and then have at it. Intimacy is a huge part of a successful, long marriage. If you don't have it, there are likely underlying issues that need to be addressed, or you should consider going your separate ways.
  • tmanfromtexas
    tmanfromtexas Posts: 928 Member
    Either way, in her own words, she is pretty gross lol.
  • patrickblo13
    patrickblo13 Posts: 831 Member
    I don't think he is wrong for keeping a spreadsheet. When he does decide to discuss it with her at least he has proof to back up his claim. It is wrong and rather embarrassing on her part for posting to the internet.
  • KarenJanine
    KarenJanine Posts: 3,497 Member
    From the article: 'Our lives have been crazy busy,' she wrote. 'We spent all spring renovating our new house. At my job I was given nearly double my usual workload after some of my colleagues were laid off. I gained some weight in the winter and have been busting my a** at the gym to get rid of it.'

    The guy was a douche for creating the spreadsheet. There are times in everyone's lives when intimacy gets pushed on the back burner when there's a lot of other cr@p going on. Rather than behave in this immature fashion there could have been much better communication, understanding and sensitivity. The constant pressure from him probably made it worse for her.
  • sixout
    sixout Posts: 3,128 Member
    I do love a good spreadsheet.
  • Monkey_Business
    Monkey_Business Posts: 1,800 Member
    Either way, in her own words, she is pretty gross lol.

    HAHA ! This was the part I pick-up on also.
  • vismundcygnus27
    vismundcygnus27 Posts: 98 Member
    They both seem childish. He's childish for making the spreadsheet and then being passive-aggressive about it and making his wife feel absolutely terrible. She's childish for putting this up online instead of trying to resolve her marital problems. There's clearly a breakdown of communication here. I t looks like the husband had been upset about the sex situation for a while, and she was also feeling burdened with responsibility in their home. This situation could have been easily avoided if they sat down and actually TALKED to each other and tried to work this out.
  • elprincipito
    elprincipito Posts: 1,200 Member
    OMG she wen't to the gym and didn't shower D: that's disgusting....
  • LifeOfBrian78
    LifeOfBrian78 Posts: 397 Member
    I always send meeting requests through google calendar to schedule sex with my SO. Then I take meeting notes and email them to her later for review.
  • srslybritt
    srslybritt Posts: 1,618 Member
    Ugh. I wish people wouldn't bring the internet into their relationship. There's two sides to this.

    She's not wrong, per se, for not wanting to be intimate. It's her body and if she doesn't want sex, nobody can condemn her for that. But coming up with BS reasons to avoid it is not the right way to go about it.

    This guy could have talked to his wife and asked what the underlying issue was. Does she just not enjoy it anymore? Is there something they can do as a couple to make it easier/more comfortable/more enjoyable?

    I'm sorry. Both of them are in the wrong. Talk to each other, don't stonewall, make up crappy excuses, and then complain to the internet.

    And certainly don't rub it in your wife's face if she doesn't want to be intimate with you. Do the work to find out WHY.
  • sixout
    sixout Posts: 3,128 Member
    I always send meeting requests through google calendar to schedule sex with my SO. Then I take meeting notes and email them to her later for review.

    At least when you're typing up the minutes it doesn't take too long.
  • navygrrl
    navygrrl Posts: 517 Member
    I don't see his making the spreadsheet as being immature. Some people just need to have that kind of information to help them communicate. My husband makes all sorts of spreadsheets, because that's just how he is. If he was using the spreadsheet to help him talk with his wife about his concerns, that that's completely appropriate.

    Now she has no justification for posting it on the web. That's just childish and wrong. If you have concerns with your relationship, you talk it out with your partner - NOT the frelling internet.

    It's all about priorities. I understand that there are times when life gets busy, but your partner should be one of your top priorities. It's too easy to get complacent and just let things slide. And no, I'm not just talking about sex. Communication is usually one of the first things to go when couples let the relationship slip from importance.
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  • 1shauna1
    1shauna1 Posts: 993 Member
    I can understand him making the spreadsheet....but only to maybe track, for himself, how much sex he was getting. I kind of laughed when she posted it....not sure who looks worse in the situation. But I doubt either one is getting any more sex now!!! :laugh:
  • navygrrl
    navygrrl Posts: 517 Member
    I always send meeting requests through google calendar to schedule sex with my SO. Then I take meeting notes and email them to her later for review.

    So, this made me think about the movie "Secretary," and then I wanted to find a gif to post to reference that, but then I realized that none of the gifs I found were appropriate for the forums. Now I'm sad.
  • LifeOfBrian78
    LifeOfBrian78 Posts: 397 Member
    I always send meeting requests through google calendar to schedule sex with my SO. Then I take meeting notes and email them to her later for review.

    At least when you're typing up the minutes it doesn't take too long.

    Sheldon_laugh_2.gif
  • TeachTheGirl
    TeachTheGirl Posts: 2,091 Member
    She needs to respond with the ways he initiated for each of those attempts.

    And then give him a performance review.
  • sixout
    sixout Posts: 3,128 Member
    I always send meeting requests through google calendar to schedule sex with my SO. Then I take meeting notes and email them to her later for review.

    At least when you're typing up the minutes it doesn't take too long.

    Sheldon_laugh_2.gif

    oI31xYe.gif
  • srslybritt
    srslybritt Posts: 1,618 Member
    Okay. I just actually read the spreadsheet and two things jumped out at me.

    1. She kept saying she "felt gross." What is he doing to help her cope with that? Does she have body issues?

    2. "I'm still tender from yesterday." That tells me there's a disconnect when they're intimate.

    Again.

    Find out why.

    Communicate.

    Don't be 12 f*ing years old and make a spreadsheet about it to throw in her face. And she shouldn't have posted it on the internet.

    As someone who started school with a psych major and taking courses on relationship therapy, this situation drives me NUTS.

    They need to be in counseling. Like, yesterday.

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