Not tonight honey, a Friends re-run is on....
Replies
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I hate showering. You get all cold and wet and then your hair is wet when you go to bed and then it looks all stupid in the morning. Huge waste of time. I don't even sweat that much. Or stink. So there.0
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meh. Honestly I wasn't as much sticking up for her as I was saying I'm sick of the misconception women are frigid b'tches and the only ones who do this.This is going to be long winded and angry because quite frankly the responses in this thread have me annoyed as all freaking get out.
1. Women are NOT always the one who turns the partner down. This is a myth that has to die. NOW. I know plenty of women who happen to feel like the turned down party. Women who are beautiful, women who try things. Women who are HURT by this.
And what's more hurtful is threads like this where every idiot man and woman is coming to the consensus that it's always this way.
How do you think the often turned down woman feels when she is told by society that men ALWAYS want it and women ALWAYS turn it down . They wonder why they aren't wanted.
2. Relationships have ebbs and flows. From what I have gathered in recent experience the more you bring up the fact that it's not happening between the sheets, the more the partner not putting out refuses. Constantly bringing it up doesn't help. Spreadsheets won't help. All it's going to do is make you feel like you are married to an insensitive man/woman.
3. The man not getting attention = memes about men not getting any and cheating? Let's reverse this. A woman only gets it four times a month makes a spreadsheet then cheats or leaves .Chances are a lot more excuses will be made for the man and a lot of people will call the woman dirty things.
4. Relationships are supposed to be a good thing. But sex is NOT an obligation. A woman should not feel "lucky" her partner wants her. A m,an should not feel "lucky" that his partner wants him. The two should feel fortunate to have a wonderful partnership that sometimes leads to some hot banging.
You are going to some amazing extremes to stick up for her behavior based on almost no information and an obviously one-sided story (which somehow still shows her in a bad light).
I am printing this list out and brining it home to the hubs as proof that wives can say no...
but I know him well enough to know that I'll say: "Look at this list! Women say no to sex all the time. I want you to listen to me now when I say no."
Yes, people say no to sex 27/30 consecutive times with lame excuses. They share one thing in common. An imminent divorce.
myself, I can't think of many reasons I'd say no. I don't really defend either of them0 -
Yes, the guy was wrong for making a spreadsheet and sending it to his wife. In a marriage, he needs to learn to communicate better. These actions are incredibly childish and petty. It makes me kind of mad. The husband is so wrong for doing this.
At the same time, the wife is wrong for withholding sex from her husband for that long, seemingly without reason. This is her husband. She should want to have sex with him sometimes. If you're in a marriage and you no longer want to be physically intimate with your spouse at all, then something is wrong with your marriage and you need to work on it. Physical intimacy is a very important part of a marriage.
I agree with all of this!0 -
meh. Honestly I wasn't as much sticking up for her as I was saying I'm sick of the misconception women are frigid b'tches and the only ones who do this.This is going to be long winded and angry because quite frankly the responses in this thread have me annoyed as all freaking get out.
1. Women are NOT always the one who turns the partner down. This is a myth that has to die. NOW. I know plenty of women who happen to feel like the turned down party. Women who are beautiful, women who try things. Women who are HURT by this.
And what's more hurtful is threads like this where every idiot man and woman is coming to the consensus that it's always this way.
How do you think the often turned down woman feels when she is told by society that men ALWAYS want it and women ALWAYS turn it down . They wonder why they aren't wanted.
2. Relationships have ebbs and flows. From what I have gathered in recent experience the more you bring up the fact that it's not happening between the sheets, the more the partner not putting out refuses. Constantly bringing it up doesn't help. Spreadsheets won't help. All it's going to do is make you feel like you are married to an insensitive man/woman.
3. The man not getting attention = memes about men not getting any and cheating? Let's reverse this. A woman only gets it four times a month makes a spreadsheet then cheats or leaves .Chances are a lot more excuses will be made for the man and a lot of people will call the woman dirty things.
4. Relationships are supposed to be a good thing. But sex is NOT an obligation. A woman should not feel "lucky" her partner wants her. A m,an should not feel "lucky" that his partner wants him. The two should feel fortunate to have a wonderful partnership that sometimes leads to some hot banging.
You are going to some amazing extremes to stick up for her behavior based on almost no information and an obviously one-sided story (which somehow still shows her in a bad light).
I am printing this list out and brining it home to the hubs as proof that wives can say no...
but I know him well enough to know that I'll say: "Look at this list! Women say no to sex all the time. I want you to listen to me now when I say no."
Yes, people say no to sex 27/30 consecutive times with lame excuses. They share one thing in common. An imminent divorce.
myself, I can't think of many reasons I'd say no. I don't really defend either of them
QFT!!!!!!0 -
I like sex
Are you offering, because I will take you up on it. :bigsmile: :bigsmile:0 -
Women typically desire the emotional / affection side of things
ahem..plenty of us desire hot sex too..:)
just sayin'
BUT..I will tell ya..the quickest way to zap any desire I have is to not fullfill my emotional/affection needs..like most women.
I am not excusing any behavior..but its a full circle..men have to understand women and women have to understand men..and we all have to understand that the normalcy within our gender sometimes is NOT normal all the time.
:bigsmile: :bigsmile:
ROTFL!
Just want to make it known..plenty of us chics are not frigid beaches..
That's great....
But I got a spot next to me, to warm you up.
Just in case you know0 -
I like sex
Are you offering, because I will take you up on it. :bigsmile: :bigsmile:
Ok! Score!!:smooched:0 -
I don't see why people are getting mad at her for posting it online.
She took it down when she suddenly realized more people agreed with "him" than "her"
I'm going to take a guess that he's had conversations about this with her before.
She says "you're exaggerating" so he decided to keep a record to see how much
is embellishment and how much is fact.0 -
From what I saw on the news last night - they are both 25 and have been married for about 2 years. Something seems a bit off. And I think the husband IS trying to communicate that he sees an issue. Maybe it would have been better if there was his side of the data in the spreadsheet... but seriously, her going public with it makes her the jerk in this equation.
Also, I'm with Brett on this one. SO glad I'm not married.
Ok... to all the guys out there that are using this as fuel for their "never settle down" fire...
I swear not all women are like this!
This woman is a horrible wife, and soon hopefully be a horrible divorcee...
That seems like a pretty large leap.
Sex is important but it's not the only important thing. And not wanting it doesn't make one a horrible person. There could be tons of reasons why she isn't willing more often.
Possibly, but now that I'm 30 and single, I've got a pool of single 30-something's to chose from %99.9 of whom refuse to ever re-marry because either
A) Their previous marriage was just like this or worse
or
All their buddies marriages (or previous marriages) are just like this or worse
None of them believe me that not all women are like this, they've been burned too hard in the past.
In the event that the list is real, and that she had a serious medical issue every single night, but he recorded it as re-runs, than yes, that is a stretch.
If she's is truly saying no for these silly excuses, than I do believe she is a horrible wife.
I mean, if it was really sore, she could do it another way FFS
She seems to be completely neglecting his needs, to me.
So selfish.
And he'll be in my 30's single's pool again going "Nope, never, ever, ever, ever again."
Still, it's hard to get over it. I'm married. It's been more than 2 years for me. No real reason, no sickness, etc. Just because she's not feeling it. Any attempt to discuss the issue is met with a LOL. It's abusive and cruel, and I would be fully justified in getting some on the side until we can part ways for good, although I haven't. Marriage again? Not a chance.0 -
On a more pressing issue, can excel handle lists like this extending for years?
Ha ha!!!!!
Yes it can....also, you could give every attempt/rejection a rank and add up the points over time to make some kind of summary. It could be like your very own statistical study. Also, you could even use "if" statements somehow to really draw some really nice conclusions. You should take a class on excel. The possibilities are nearly limitless. You could even add color and use macros to turn it into some kind of pretty database.
I love excel! ....wait were we talking about getting rejected for sex? Ooooh, sorry. Well with excel, getting sexjected can be more fun!0 -
This is going to be long winded and angry because quite frankly the responses in this thread have me annoyed as all freaking get out.
1. Women are NOT always the one who turns the partner down. This is a myth that has to die. NOW. I know plenty of women who happen to feel like the turned down party. Women who are beautiful, women who try things. Women who are HURT by this.
And what's more hurtful is threads like this where every idiot man and woman is coming to the consensus that it's always this way.
How do you think the often turned down woman feels when she is told by society that men ALWAYS want it and women ALWAYS turn it down . They wonder why they aren't wanted.
2. Relationships have ebbs and flows. From what I have gathered in recent experience the more you bring up the fact that it's not happening between the sheets, the more the partner not putting out refuses. Constantly bringing it up doesn't help. Spreadsheets won't help. All it's going to do is make you feel like you are married to an insensitive man/woman.
3. The man not getting attention = memes about men not getting any and cheating? Let's reverse this. A woman only gets it four times a month makes a spreadsheet then cheats or leaves .Chances are a lot more excuses will be made for the man and a lot of people will call the woman dirty things.
4. Relationships are supposed to be a good thing. But sex is NOT an obligation. A woman should not feel "lucky" her partner wants her. A m,an should not feel "lucky" that his partner wants him. The two should feel fortunate to have a wonderful partnership that sometimes leads to some hot banging.
And this is one more reason why I love you!0 -
I side with the hubby on this...was she right or wrong to post it...that's on her but I'm sure she's embarrassed and regrets it,0
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whats a sure cure for Nymphomania?
wait for it....
wait for it....
a wedding cake..
BUYAH!
:laugh:
Not me, I got worse! :bigsmile:0 -
I just want to say that when I responded to this thread I was not reading the responses. I was seeing men saying women hate sex after marriage. I disagree with that. And that was all I was replying to. But, I also think it is normal for relationships to have all different ups and downs along with the individuals themselves.0
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I have gone years without sex while single.
But if married/entwined, I would be mighty sad to only get it once per week.0 -
I didn't read the all the responses, but here's mine. Sex is important to relationships and actually helps keep us healthy (reduces stress, increases intimacy, is a form of exercise).
I find that a lot of the time I don't want to have sex with my husband (I do find him sexy and attractive but I'm just not interested at the moment), but I do it anyways because I never regret it.
I don't know all the details (or if this information was even provided), but perhaps he was just proving a point. Maybe he already talked to her about it and she didn't realize how often she said no. I don't see any problems with him creating a spreadsheet, from what I understand he kept it between the two of them. (Not like he was off complaining to his buddies or something?)
What I don't understand is why she would post it on the internet? Is she trying to get back at him? Make a statement that she felt upset or violated? She seems like the childish, selfish one. Plus she is missing out on the intimacy/bonding/good times that sex brings to a relationship. Unless he doesn't care to please her at all, which I can see would ruin the experience for her...0 -
Yeah^ this,sorry if you didn't shower today,it's just not happening.He's obviously not "asking" her the right way. Make it impossible for her to turn you down. You need to shower? Cool, let's jump in together. Need to watch your show? Well, hope you don't have anything planned once it's over. Exhausted? No prob, I'll do all the work.
She sucks though for not giving it to him, whether he's approaching it the right way or not. And I realize that she's probably just giving him excuses to not do it. But instead of him accepting those excuses, he needs to question them. Only then will he find out why she's really witholding the goods.0 -
I would think that sexual issues in a marriage could go both ways. Just because you are married doesn't mean you never seduce your partner. You still need to put the effort in to seduce and entice your lover and to change it up and add variety. There are many options.
I clean the litter boxes, buy ice cream and cook good food. If that isn't seductive enough, I give up on life.0 -
hmmmm ...
you are too drunk" is a good reason.
so is "i am a person not a hole for you to stick things and i can make my own decisions about my body"
who cares why. marriage is not a promise to put out every night. if your intention for baing married is free sex whenever you want. i can see why one would make such a spreadsheet. because obviously it is an arrangement that had a quota for him. regardless of what she wants.
if sex is all there is to a marriage i can see why such a couple would need to behave as these two children.
good god. she said yes once a week. unless they just got married that doesnt even seem abnormal.0 -
hmmmm ...
you are too drunk" is a good reason.
so is "i am a person not a hole for you to stick things and i can make my own decisions about my body"
who cares why. marriage is not a promise to put out every night. if your intention for baing married is free sex whenever you want. i can see why one would make such a spreadsheet. because obviously it is an arrangement that had a quota for him. regardless of what she wants.
if sex is all there is to a marriage i can see why such a couple would need to behave as these two children.
good god. she said yes once a week. unless they just got married that doesnt even seem abnormal.
There's a difference between "a hole for you to stick things" and wanting frequent sex.
If a woman really only wants sex from her husband 2 days a months, odds are there is a problem that isn't being communicated. It's a sign there are other issues, it's a sign she isn't communicating and she's punishing her husband as a result for her inability or refusal to communicate.
A woman's rights should always be respected. That being said, if your wife waits till you're married to say "I no longer want sex", that's a huge thing that would effect your future happiness and it's unethical to hide that for her own gain. If she is open up front, there are guys that desire the same and would want to be with her. If she isn't open, does feel that way, but instead deceives a guy who wants it frequently and she just makes up lies for the next year to avoid it, that is a super bit@h move.
Sex isn't everything, but if I dated a girl and she said that sh would have sex frequently while dating and then never want it again after we are married, I'd reconsider my future plans.0 -
Yeah....this thread disturbs me a little....actually, a lot. Not getting sex does not give anyone the right to degrade their partner for not wanting sex. My husband and I have been married for 8 years. During those 8 years there have been months where I didn't want to be intimate very often, as there were also months where he didn't want to be intimate very often. Acting as though your partner is somehow flawed or less amazing just because they don't want to have sex is absolutely inappropriate. That being said, issues in that department should definitely be discussed or worked out. People get tired, people get depressed, people are on meds that interfere with libido, people have experienced past sexual abuses that color their desire for sex, people are multifaceted and deserve a lot more understanding and a lot less disrespect than this couple seems to be showing each other. IF there was a mutual respect in this relationship, the man wouldn't have made that stupid, petty spreadsheet and the woman wouldn't have posted it online. They would be figuring this out instead and be keeping it a lot less public.0
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hmmmm ...
you are too drunk" is a good reason.
so is "i am a person not a hole for you to stick things and i can make my own decisions about my body"
who cares why. marriage is not a promise to put out every night. if your intention for baing married is free sex whenever you want. i can see why one would make such a spreadsheet. because obviously it is an arrangement that had a quota for him. regardless of what she wants.
if sex is all there is to a marriage i can see why such a couple would need to behave as these two children.
good god. she said yes once a week. unless they just got married that doesnt even seem abnormal.
There's a difference between "a hole for you to stick things" and wanting frequent sex.
If a woman really only wants sex from her husband 2 days a months, odds are there is a problem that isn't being communicated. It's a sign there are other issues, it's a sign she isn't communicating and she's punishing her husband as a result for her inability or refusal to communicate.
A woman's rights should always be respected. That being said, if your wife waits till you're married to say "I no longer want sex", that's a huge thing that would effect your future happiness and it's unethical to hide that for her own gain. If she is open up front, there are guys that desire the same and would want to be with her. If she isn't open, does feel that way, but instead deceives a guy who wants it frequently and she just makes up lies for the next year to avoid it, that is a super bit@h move.
Sex isn't everything, but if I dated a girl and she said that sh would have sex frequently while dating and then never want it again after we are married, I'd reconsider my future plans.
but the thing is... she didnt say she no longer wanted sex. she gave him sex once a week when she was up to it. . he initiated sex every night was she supposed to say yes every night just because he wanted to? sorry but making a spreadsheet tells me that he looks at sex as a business transaction and something that is owed to him. you are right. there is something not being communicated but him treating it like a transaction and her treating him like a joke on the internet... they have bigger issues than sex. they both dont seem to respect each other. about this issue anyway. who knows since none of us know them.
i have been married for long enough i guess, to know that sex is not given or taken in a consistent manner for life.0 -
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Really not selling the virtues of marriage :laugh:hmmmm ...
you are too drunk" is a good reason.
so is "i am a person not a hole for you to stick things and i can make my own decisions about my body"
who cares why. marriage is not a promise to put out every night. if your intention for baing married is free sex whenever you want. i can see why one would make such a spreadsheet. because obviously it is an arrangement that had a quota for him. regardless of what she wants.
if sex is all there is to a marriage i can see why such a couple would need to behave as these two children.
good god. she said yes once a week. unless they just got married that doesnt even seem abnormal.0 -
Women typically desire the emotional / affection side of things
ahem..plenty of us desire hot sex too..:)
just sayin'
BUT..I will tell ya..the quickest way to zap any desire I have is to not fullfill my emotional/affection needs..like most women.
I am not excusing any behavior..but its a full circle..men have to understand women and women have to understand men..and we all have to understand that the normalcy within our gender sometimes is NOT normal all the time.
:bigsmile: :bigsmile:
ROTFL!
Just want to make it known..plenty of us chics are not frigid beaches..
That's great....
But I got a spot next to me, to warm you up.
Just in case you know
LOL! Dually noted! 0 -
Would she be ok if he were to withhold certain forms of affection she desires??
Like no kisses, no hugs, no holding hands, no helping out around the house (if he did so), etc....
Just wondering for the posters in here that think he was in the wrong.
They are in a marriage....there are certain duties that both do, because their partner desires these things.
Men typically desire the sex and physical aspect of things.
Women typically desire the emotional / affection side of things
We don't know if he was withholding those things though. It's all very one sided.
From her comments (again, it's only her side), we know the following:
1. She gained weight, was trying to lose it and described herself repeatedly as 'gross'. This points to a self esteem issue.
2. Her workload had recently doubled, increasing her stress levels.
3. They were renovating a property during this time. Again, stress levels increased.
4. All of the above amounts a very stressed and physically and emotionally exhausted person. In some individuals, this can lead to increased libido. For her, it appears to have lead to a decreased libido.
What we don't know:
1. Whether he was equally stressed/exhausted.
2. How he reacts to an increase in stress levels (ie, if he has an increased libido, or decreased). Their sex drives may have fallen out of balance and needs to be discussed openly and honestly.
3. Whether or not he was doing anything to help de-stress her, or relieve her stress levels. Or, indeed, whether she was doing the same with him (other than sex). An impromptu candlelit bath, or evening out/walk/whatever, can go a long way.
4. What discussions have (or have not, as the case may be), have taken place so far to try and resolve the issue.
5. How long it's been going on for. Just a few months, since the increased stress levels, or much longer?
On the face of it though, this sounds like a young couple, who have been so busy with their work lives they're not prioritizing themselves, each other or their relationship anymore. They also have a lot to learn with regards to communication.The current approach, from both of them, is very 'blamey' and not solution based.
Here's hoping that this has at least provoked a meaningful conversation between them about how to improve the situation and the relationship.0 -
I'm sorry this is crap.
Men and women both turn eachother down.
I'm sick of people painting it like it's always always the cold ice princess wife. Shut up.
YES, I AGREE 100%0 -
As someone who is married and has been through patches of having lots of sex and then having no sex at all (at times, for months), I can relate. In my marriage, the frequency of sex has been tied to emotional deficits... sometimes due to something one of us did... sometimes because life is hard and being a grown up sucks (family stuff, work stuff, financial stuff, etc.)
It sounds like they need marriage counseling...0
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