Nagging about saving money for IVF

Okay... so first things first, you need to sit down and have a conversation with him about this. You need to tell him that his actions aren't reflecting his desires. You need to ask him if he really wants to have a baby, and be absolutely sure that his response is completely honest. Next, IVF is sort of a last ditch effort. Have you talked to your doctor about your options to treat your infertility? Has he or she told you that this is the only way you will ever have a child? Third, have you explored the possibilities of adoption because there are many, many children in this world that could use a loving home and do not have one?

Lastly, if after all that, you come back to IVF, then you need to make a budget, set up a separate account, determine how much will be deposited in the account weekly/monthly, and agree that neither of you will withdraw from the account until the goal is reached. Make certain that the bank is not the same as your checking, and I would recommend choosing a small bank, like a credit union, that does not have many branches. This would make it harder to withdraw the money.

I realize that most of this has already been suggested to you, but I really needed to emphasize that communication is absolutely key here, and that you need to have covered all your bases.

Why not adopt some of the millions of babies out there that need you instead of making more mouths to feed?

Sadly, in many situations adoption is even more expensive than ivf, if you are looking to adopt an infant or toddler.

add: Have you had genetic counseling to know the reasons for your infertility issues?

if the infertility is due to you having antibodies that could cause spontaneous abortions so you are unlikely to carry to term, or if your issue is hereditary rather than acquired (acquired eg: tube-scarring caused by a past bacterial infection (some STD's can do this to women and to men)), then you may want to look into adopting even if it is more expensive.

The reasons are, if you have antibody problems, then every pregnancy, even ivf, is a risk to both your life and the baby's. And if you have a hereditary fertility problem, then you are just passing your fertility problem on to the next generation (because we don't yet have a way to 'discriminate' between genes to make sure the bad gene isn't hiding in the egg or sperm used in the ivf).

Thank you for this. He has had genetic testing. He has a micro deletion in his Y Chromosome which they are assuming is the cause for the low sperm count / motility. As far as we know, nothing wrong with me. I ovulate, grow follicles, ect. I haven't done an HSG or anything yet. THat will be required prior to IVF.

Is he terribly opposed to a sperm bank, then? It's significantly cheaper than IVF.

Break up

or or or or maybe just don't have kids and enjoy the extra money and freedom

or or or or maybe just don't have kids and enjoy the extra money and freedom

OP states theyve been trying for 4.5 years. Seems like they're pretty determined so I dont think they'll walk away without a child - either IVF or adoption (she confirmed above btw)

Why not adopt some of the millions of babies out there that need you instead of making more mouths to feed?

Sadly, in many situations adoption is even more expensive than ivf, if you are looking to adopt an infant or toddler.

add: Have you had genetic counseling to know the reasons for your infertility issues?

if the infertility is due to you having antibodies that could cause spontaneous abortions so you are unlikely to carry to term, or if your issue is hereditary rather than acquired (acquired eg: tube-scarring caused by a past bacterial infection (some STD's can do this to women and to men)), then you may want to look into adopting even if it is more expensive.

The reasons are, if you have antibody problems, then every pregnancy, even ivf, is a risk to both your life and the baby's. And if you have a hereditary fertility problem, then you are just passing your fertility problem on to the next generation (because we don't yet have a way to 'discriminate' between genes to make sure the bad gene isn't hiding in the egg or sperm used in the ivf).

Thank you for this. He has had genetic testing. He has a micro deletion in his Y Chromosome which they are assuming is the cause for the low sperm count / motility. As far as we know, nothing wrong with me. I ovulate, grow follicles, ect. I haven't done an HSG or anything yet. THat will be required prior to IVF.

Ok. This means if you have a male child then he will suffer the same issues as your husband when he grows up, unless technology for fertility issues improves before then.

Since you are okay, you could ask your doc whether AI would work in your case, to save money.

Your husband's seeming denial about the need to save money may arise from him having emotional issues about being 'defective', or concerns about passing on his problem. He may be thinking that IVF is pointless and won't work for him anyway, and be secretly in despair over this--spending the money could be a way to avoid failing by not having IVF work.

It is generally assumed to be ethically wrong to select ivf fertilized eggs based on gender. I don't know what laws exist on this topic. But if the technology exists to do so, this would be an ethically valid situation where choosing a female egg (which in the normal case won't have a Y chromosome, so won't carry the defect) is the right thing to do. Gender selection is another thing you can discuss with your docs if you do have a full IVF procedure.

There may also be studies going on about this gender selection, and participation in a study might lower your costs. You'd have to find out what the study risks are before you decide--most likely just that you'd get a boy, but you never know if there would be any other risks to joining a study of that sort.

He is the one who mentioned getting an allowance of $100.00 a week. My allowance: ZERO. Honestly, all I do is buy groceries and gas. I'm not your average girl that goes shopping to buy clothes and shoes. Once in a blue moon I will.

He goes through $100 a week in cash and isn't buying groceries/household items? Does he have a girlfriend?

My husband goes through WAY more than $100 per week spending money on random crap. In fact, my husband is notoriously $200+ a week spender. Me: like $0. It's ridiculous. Anyone need a husband? I could use an extra $800 a month. :laugh:

divorce is cheaper

I'm starting to feel really guilty about my spending habits after seeing everyone question where $100/week goes...

Tsk tsk shame on you.