Nagging about saving money for IVF

Read through a few pages and mostly saw judgement with few ideas. Here are ideas:

1) 3 account system yours, his, ours. It sounds like you have something similar going with the "allowance", but perhaps, if you are better at saving most of the money should go in your account. With my wife and I, I pay the "me" specific bills (my insurance, taxes, student loans, and our cell phone/internet), I keep 150 dollars, and the rest of my money goes into a joint account that I do not use. She uses that money to pay our rent and utilities. She does something similar with her paycheck.

2) Instead of setting up a standard savings or checking account set up a CD with your bank. Get one that you can deposit into, but that will have early withdraw penalties. Then your money will be building a little bit of interest while it sits.

3) Perhaps have a heart to heart with your husband. Does he really want a child? He might say that he does, but his actions seem to be hindering the process. Find out what he is spending the money on, and why he thinks it is more important than having a child. There might be some room for open communication there that could lead to fixing things.

He gets an ALLOWANCE??

Seriously though, good luck conceiving. The sooner you're able to have a child, the sooner you'll stop treating your husband like one.

If you would have read my whole post, you would know that WE, HE and I decided to give him 100.00 a week to spend. I dont have to justify this at ALL! This is a decision WE made together. That is part of a marriage. You decide on things together. No, I dont treat him like a child. We make all of our decisions together. Thanks though lol

Wait you have came on a public forum to look for advice about a personal situation and now claim when people don't agree that you don't have to "Justify" your decisions. logical

You're new to the internet aren't you?

I came on a public forum to look for advice, correct. I dont need to "Justify" to you because you DID NOT read my post correctly. WE decided that my husband would get 100.00 a week. I think you just want to argue.

I did read your post correctly and my objections are based on the ability for women to control men once they get married.

this is 1000000xxxxxxx times more annoying when it come to children.

I am sure you are a lovely person but sadly this comes across as yet another clucky wife story to me.

But if I was you and this was my partner, I would do one of three things
1, speak to her- none of anyone's else's business
2. learn to deal with it.
3 Walk away because we are in a way different head space

My husband and I have separate bank accounts and a joint account. Some people think it's strange to have different accounts but I see nothing wrong with that. We split the bills 50/50 (we make roughly the same salary. We make our own decisions about our money. If he or I want to spend money on something for ourselves that's fine as long as bills are covered. We each work hard to make our money and don't feel the need to have a say in what the other does with it. When we have a big expense such as buying our house, vacations, Xmas etc. we talk about how much to save and do it. Sometimes one saves more than the other but it works for us. I have found usually that if one is doing better at saving it motivates the other to save more. So maybe you could start saving on your own and that may motivate him. We've been together over 10 years and it works well for us.

A counselor might get to the bottom of things. You may want to consider that he could be scared or hesitant about having a baby even if he wants one and is sabotaging the saving subconsciously. Being scared or hesitant is normal and honestly I think it would be abnormal if someone wasn't a little scared of making such a big life change. It's like wanting to lose weight but still eating too much. Eating too much doesn't mean you don't want to lose weight it just means you have to make better choices if you want it. I don't think $100 a week is excessive but it could be cut down if you two chose to. You could also look at other options to cut back expenses. For example my family recently got rid of our cable TV and got Amazon Fire TV with Hulu & Netflix. It saves around $75 per month and after a week we didn't miss the cable.


Good luck.

He gets an ALLOWANCE??

Seriously though, good luck conceiving. The sooner you're able to have a child, the sooner you'll stop treating your husband like one.

If you would have read my whole post, you would know that WE, HE and I decided to give him 100.00 a week to spend. I dont have to justify this at ALL! This is a decision WE made together. That is part of a marriage. You decide on things together. No, I dont treat him like a child. We make all of our decisions together. Thanks though lol

Wait you have came on a public forum to look for advice about a personal situation and now claim when people don't agree that you don't have to "Justify" your decisions. logical

You're new to the internet aren't you?

I came on a public forum to look for advice, correct. I dont need to "Justify" to you because you DID NOT read my post correctly. WE decided that my husband would get 100.00 a week. I think you just want to argue.

I did read your post correctly and my objections are based on the ability for women to control men once they get married.

this is 1000000xxxxxxx times more annoying when it come to children.

I am sure you are a lovely person but sadly this comes across as yet another clucky wife story to me.

Not controlling him whatsoever. Forget it, I am not going to waste ANY more time on you. YOU DONT GET IT!

How do I not get it?

You have thought of a number for an allowance, he hasn't stuck to it, you jump online to try ask strangers advice on what to do to get him to save.

Show him this thread and ask his opinion.

$100 says he is super not happy about it.

OP: If you don't want to nag, don't. Sit him down and talk to him about it. Maybe try $150 instead. Ask him to recommit to it. Then just sit back. You aren't his mother. He's an adult. If he won't do it, he won't do it. Yes, this might delay your IVF but that's on him.

I think I am going to sit down with him and ask him if he needs 150 instead and NO going over unless we both find it necessary to

NO NO NO NO Melinda. Don't offer to give him $150 a week. He doesn't need $100 a week to begin with! The stuff he is buying is NOT essential.

What you should do is cut back his allowance to $50 a week and put the other $50, into savings.

When a couple wants a child and isn't able to conceive naturally, they have to sacrifice things like golfing, alcohol, and chewing tobacco in order to pay for IVF or AI.

What it comes down to is if your husband wants this child, he needs to make sacrifices.

This is awful advice.

Agreed. Working out finances requires a certain amount of discussion and tact. My wife and I have done separate bank accounts, budgets with the same account, and everything in between. You have to find what works for you and your spouse, OP, but the one thing that won't is dictating to your spouse.

No, my advice wasn't awful.

There's no reason he needs to spend $100+ on beer, chewing tobacco, etc. a week. Especially when they are trying to save for a baby.

Melinda and her husband need to sit down and she can suggest cutting back his weekly allowance to $50. Whether he cuts back or not is his choice. If he wants a child, his actions will reflect that.

I think that is your youth and inexperience talking.

Says the one who comments "This is awful advice." Your immaturity screams through your comments on the forums.

Didn't your parents ever teach you, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all?" Oh wait…..

I've not read all of the replies, I did read the original post however.

The fact that this is still going has me needing saying something, get mad if you want but this is my opinion on the matter.

You are not ready for children, your husband is not ready for them either. I suggest fixing your relationship before bringing another life into your chaos. If you can't agree on simple financial things like saving money. Or if he is too selfish to understand a "budget" and how to stick to it. You don't need another stressor in your life. I have 3 wonderful kids. Kids are stressful, relationships are stressful, the world is stressful. If you have to post about nagging on an open forum, you are no where near ready. Please for the sake of your future children how ever they may come to you, fix your relationships with yourself and with your husband.

I don't understand why people are getting their knickers in a twist about the "allowance".

The OP and her husband have agreed a budget between them. They have also agreed between them a fixed and maximum amount of money that they will spend on non essentials - in this case $100 - because they are working towards a long term goal.

Sounds sensible to me...

OP: If you don't want to nag, don't. Sit him down and talk to him about it. Maybe try $150 instead. Ask him to recommit to it. Then just sit back. You aren't his mother. He's an adult. If he won't do it, he won't do it. Yes, this might delay your IVF but that's on him.

I think I am going to sit down with him and ask him if he needs 150 instead and NO going over unless we both find it necessary to

NO NO NO NO Melinda. Don't offer to give him $150 a week. He doesn't need $100 a week to begin with! The stuff he is buying is NOT essential.

What you should do is cut back his allowance to $50 a week and put the other $50, into savings.

When a couple wants a child and isn't able to conceive naturally, they have to sacrifice things like golfing, alcohol, and chewing tobacco in order to pay for IVF or AI.

What it comes down to is if your husband wants this child, he needs to make sacrifices.

This is awful advice.

Agreed. Working out finances requires a certain amount of discussion and tact. My wife and I have done separate bank accounts, budgets with the same account, and everything in between. You have to find what works for you and your spouse, OP, but the one thing that won't is dictating to your spouse.

No, my advice wasn't awful.

There's no reason he needs to spend $100+ on beer, chewing tobacco, etc. a week. Especially when they are trying to save for a baby.

Melinda and her husband need to sit down and she can suggest cutting back his weekly allowance to $50. Whether he cuts back or not is his choice. If he wants a child, his actions will reflect that.

100 a week on things like that isn't really much. I spend that much just on lunch for the week. Let's do the math. A 12 pack a week, which is roughly 2 beers per day (which a lot of people have, because it relaxes you after work) is about 14 dollars for. Chewing tobacco is an addiction, just quiting it sometimes isn't an option without some kind of nicotine relief. Let's say he goes down to one per week, that's let's say 5 dollars. Golfing once a week as his form of release, or something to have fun with? Why should that be cut out? You have to enjoy life too, so that's maybe 40 dollars. Say he wants to go out for lunch once per week, that can easily be 20 dollars if you want to have a good meal, if you're only dooing it once.

So we're sitting at 80 dollars now. The remaining 20 dollars can easily go away via bubblegum, chips at the convenience store, a sode here and there, tic tacs. various other things. 100 dollars doesn't get you far in this day and age.

And as a guy that works a lot, I can tell you that if I didn't have a few things every week just because I wanted them, I'd be a very unhappy person. All work and no play, it's just not good for you.

SO yea, I'm going to have to disagree with your advice.

When a couple is trying to save for a child, sacrifices will need to be made. That's what ADULTS do.

No one said anything about eliminating "fun." There are plenty of things you can do for fun that are free.

He gets an ALLOWANCE??

Seriously though, good luck conceiving. The sooner you're able to have a child, the sooner you'll stop treating your husband like one.

If you would have read my whole post, you would know that WE, HE and I decided to give him 100.00 a week to spend. I dont have to justify this at ALL! This is a decision WE made together. That is part of a marriage. You decide on things together. No, I dont treat him like a child. We make all of our decisions together. Thanks though lol

But the $100 obviously isn't working out if he's spending more.

And again, he doesn't seem willing to save which makes me think that he is NOT on the same page with you regarding IVF and having children. You need to talk to him -- not the people on the internet -- about all of this. If he was truly 100% "with you" on this then he would have no problem curbing his spending to save the money to get the procedure done.

ETA: Why does he have an "allowance" any way?:huh:

He has an allowance because that's what OP and her husband agreed on. OP stated it a million times, in case you skipped over it.

I don't understand why people are getting their knickers in a twist about the "allowance".

The OP and her husband have agreed a budget between them. They have also agreed between them a fixed and maximum amount of money that they will spend on non essentials - in this case $100 - because they are working towards a long term goal.

Sounds sensible to me...

Yes, if the plan was stuck too. The problem is it's not being followed. So already they've set up an environment in which rules do not really apply. Is that really what we want? Another person who thinks rules are good except for them?

Right.

So the plan isn't working and the OP is trying to find a way to resolve that issue. What's the big deal?