Nagging about saving money for IVF
Replies
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Of course, so what I needed to say was that the concept of seeing one PERSON being handed an allowance by their PARTNER is disheartening to my outlook on PEOPLE. Gotcha. I'll be sure to give you the PG / PG12 version whenever I decide to contribute to someones post.
You decide to draw your own implications from my posts like most people do and however incorrect, you stand by them.
Anyway.
It's not an allowance. It's an agreed upon amount budgeted and agreed upon by both individuals. She is simply trying to get him to actually stick to it. Can you read and comprehend or did you just choose to comment without reading the thread?
I think it's reasonable to conclude that if the wife is on here complaining about her husband not sticking to what they "agreed" then the husband may not have agreed to it. We also haven't heard his side so I think it's early to draw much in the way of conclusions or to offer advice other than "speak with your husband." That said, I think the fact that everyone draws their own conclusions is what makes these threads so much fun to read.
That's a fair point. It is possible that he has not agreed, but I try to give people the benefit of the doubt.
You hit me as a fair dude, which is why I posted. For me, I'm just saying that a guy saying that the husband should grow a pair is not necessarily making a statement that men are superior to women. I can see how that conclusion could be drawn, and perhaps he was, but I don't think it necessarily follows. I also agree with you that it's a good call to give people the benefit of the doubt but it kind of goes both ways here. And, to be very clear, I'm not taking sides here as I haven't a clue what is going on between the OP and her husband (again, I've only read her side), and I'm equally unclear whether the other poster is a chauvinist pig or a just a dude being a dude and saying that another dude should grow a pair and tell his wife that the allowance thing bugs him (which I'm guess (drawing my own conclusions) because he isn't sticking with the plan).
I need a cute cat gif.0 -
I'm starting to feel really guilty about my spending habits after seeing everyone question where $100/week goes...
The important thing is that you understand budgets are this tight for a great many people in the US--and even tighter in some other parts of the world.
If you can spend more freely, by all means enjoy your good fortune (pun intended)--but keep compassion for those who can't.
There has been a social tendency in the US lately to "blame" people for their lack of "success" financially, attributing moral faults like "lazyness" etc. which really are not true. Whatever your situation, keep in mind that success means hard work and preparedness, but *also* requires luck.
As an explicit example of luck being required for "success", I once had opportunity to talk with a physician/professor who was on the admissions board of a major medical school. She told me that there are 5 times the number of qualified applicants each year than slots in US medical schools. This means that after they have winnowed down the pool to the group of all people who would be equally good doctors after training, they must still reject 4 out of 5 of them, and that sometimes it felt like their decisions were like throwing darts at a board or picking cards from a pile at random. This means, from the applicant's standpoint, that the applicant could do everything "right" in their academic career--and still have a 4 out of 5 chance of failing to get into any med school at all. These are certainly not lazy or stupid people, and their "failure" to enter that career boils down to sheer unfavorable luck.
So--if you have $100 to spend on a day at the spa, please enjoy the hell out of it for yourself and for all those who can't afford it. And be kind to those who can't afford it.
And if you are ever in a position to give a deserving person the luck element they need, I hope you will jump at the chance to empower them.
Um, no. Success does not require a bit of "luck". People are successful because they work HARD at it. They work 10-12 hours a day, 7 days a week. They put all their time, effort and energy into making whatever it is they are doing work.
So much this. I hate it when people say "oh you're so lucky to have a good job"
What the hell ever. It came after working my *kitten* off for years, and I never, EVER have time to do anything, becuase I'm always at work. That's not luck. People that think it's luck are the people that think if they wait around, a good job will just come to them.
Amen to that! I too, work my *kitten* off for everything I have and have had in the past. As a kid, no such word as 'allowance' in our house... If I needed money for anything, I worked. I babysat, picked vegetables and raked blueberries at local farms. If that work was unavailable, I did chores like raking yards, piling wood, etc.... As an adult, I have worked tirelessly in dead-end jobs; building a resume of solid, good references. All that hard work helped me get my foot in the door of the transport industry. I worked the last six years of my life on-call, literally 24 hours a day, 7 days a week... and lucky me, as of March I have yet another raise, and I have weekends off. Making decent money now too, and most people I know say "Wow, you are so lucky. I just can't find a good job like yours..." It is insulting to hear it called 'luck'; though I finished high school, I have no post-secondary education. I've earned everything I have through work and dedication. The ones telling me I'm lucky?? For the most part they have poor work ethic and are hap[pier sitting home on unemployment or scamming welfare. It makes me a bit mad, but I guess I should just be happy I learned the value of a dollar when I was young, through hard work, instead of a weekly allowance and parents that handed me everything...... S'cuze the rant but... Luck? Yea right.0 -
Good luck! I am married to a spender too. We're retired and on a fixed income. He finds good deals and buy it even though he doesn't need it. It make the person feel good, just like when we eat when we're not hungry.
This is what we do. And we schedule the automatic transfers for the day after we get paid. That way, we never really miss the money.0 -
Not sure if anyone mentioned this since there were a lot of responses, but what about setting up a gofundme account?0
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*Does* he want it?0
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Anyway. I have only a few minutes left so please make your reply entertaining..
You keep saying you have only a few minutes left. What clock are you using?0 -
Of course, so what I needed to say was that the concept of seeing one PERSON being handed an allowance by their PARTNER is disheartening to my outlook on PEOPLE. Gotcha. I'll be sure to give you the PG / PG12 version whenever I decide to contribute to someones post.
You decide to draw your own implications from my posts like most people do and however incorrect, you stand by them.
Anyway.
It's not an allowance. It's an agreed upon amount budgeted and agreed upon by both individuals. She is simply trying to get him to actually stick to it. Can you read and comprehend or did you just choose to comment without reading the thread?
I think it's reasonable to conclude that if the wife is on here complaining about her husband not sticking to what they "agreed" then the husband may not have agreed to it. We also haven't heard his side so I think it's early to draw much in the way of conclusions or to offer advice other than "speak with your husband." That said, I think the fact that everyone draws their own conclusions is what makes these threads so much fun to read.
That's a fair point. It is possible that he has not agreed, but I try to give people the benefit of the doubt.
You hit me as a fair dude, which is why I posted. For me, I'm just saying that a guy saying that the husband should grow a pair is not necessarily making a statement that men are superior to women. I can see how that conclusion could be drawn, and perhaps he was, but I don't think it necessarily follows. I also agree with you that it's a good call to give people the benefit of the doubt but it kind of goes both ways here. And, to be very clear, I'm not taking sides here as I haven't a clue what is going on between the OP and her husband (again, I've only read her side), and I'm equally unclear whether the other poster is a chauvinist pig or a just a dude being a dude and saying that another dude should grow a pair and tell his wife that the allowance thing bugs him (which I'm guess (drawing my own conclusions) because he isn't sticking with the plan).
I need a cute cat gif.
:drinker:
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Also, for all those suggesting "just adopt an infant" I'd suggest you research it a bit more. It is incredibly difficult and expensive. As far as adopting an older child, you need to realize that they are available to be adopted for a reason - their parents have lost custody for a reason. There are not US orphanages just full of children who's parents have died. The older children available for adoption often have many special needs and issues. Even those with the best of intentions will find it terribly daunting.
EXACTLY. While it is incredibly admirable and wonderful that people are willing to take special needs children into their hearts and homes, it's not fair that people who can't conceive naturally are expected to do so, and that if they want to try and have their own instead of adopting they're somehow "selfish".
My husband and I actually did adoption classes with the intent of adopting through Children's Aid Society, and the workers there who ran the class said that we were pretty well guaranteed to get a child with a myriad of problems, potentially physical, behavioral, psychological, or all of the above. We were not ready or equipped for that, so we had to put a hold on it when the classes were done.
The other options, private or international adoption, are actually MORE expensive than IVF, and are NO guarantee of actually getting a baby at the end. Adoptions fall through all the time for various reasons. If I could go to some kind of baby drive-through and get a random baby handed to me, I would love it like I gave birth to it and be happy. But it is NOT that easy, and it's really ignorant to suggest it to an infertile person, especially if you've never dealt with it yourself. Believe me, the infertile person you're talking to has very likely already thought about it, and/or looked into it.0 -
Also why would you WANT children? They are endless money pits!!! I thought people only had kids by accident nowadays?
People seriously think this way? I hope you accidentally have one so you will know the truth behind children. Tbe only pure love you will ever feel is for and from your children. Its the most anazing feeling, so amazing it can't be described with words. All 3 of my children were planned.0 -
Ok, so I hope I don't get yelled at for this, but......If it's not happening naturally, then maybe it's not supposed to happen. Try adoption. There are lots of kids out there who need homes. All the nagging and such will cause problems in the marriage. I know adoptions cost money too, but it might be less stress on both of you. Just my opinion.
:huh:
You know it was a terrible thing to say and you said it anyway. Why? What did you get out of it?
Lots of people experience difficultly conceiving without intervention. Are all those people supposed to stop trying because they have a medical issue? That is absurd and backward. Science is a real thing that helps people achieve their dreams.
OP and her husband have some issues to work out -- but statements like this are just rude.0 -
Of course, so what I needed to say was that the concept of seeing one PERSON being handed an allowance by their PARTNER is disheartening to my outlook on PEOPLE. Gotcha. I'll be sure to give you the PG / PG12 version whenever I decide to contribute to someones post.
You decide to draw your own implications from my posts like most people do and however incorrect, you stand by them.
Anyway.
It's not an allowance. It's an agreed upon amount budgeted and agreed upon by both individuals. She is simply trying to get him to actually stick to it. Can you read and comprehend or did you just choose to comment without reading the thread?
I think it's reasonable to conclude that if the wife is on here complaining about her husband not sticking to what they "agreed" then the husband may not have agreed to it. We also haven't heard his side so I think it's early to draw much in the way of conclusions or to offer advice other than "speak with your husband." That said, I think the fact that everyone draws their own conclusions is what makes these threads so much fun to read.
That's a fair point. It is possible that he has not agreed, but I try to give people the benefit of the doubt.
You hit me as a fair dude, which is why I posted. For me, I'm just saying that a guy saying that the husband should grow a pair is not necessarily making a statement that men are superior to women. I can see how that conclusion could be drawn, and perhaps he was, but I don't think it necessarily follows. I also agree with you that it's a good call to give people the benefit of the doubt but it kind of goes both ways here. And, to be very clear, I'm not taking sides here as I haven't a clue what is going on between the OP and her husband (again, I've only read her side), and I'm equally unclear whether the other poster is a chauvinist pig or a just a dude being a dude and saying that another dude should grow a pair and tell his wife that the allowance thing bugs him (which I'm guess (drawing my own conclusions) because he isn't sticking with the plan).
I need a cute cat gif.
:drinker:
Cheers!
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Makes a statement, promptly refuses to defend it.
Mmkay then, on to business as usual:
HOW HAVE I NEVER SEEN THIS GIF BEFORE????
Focus people, this is awesome.0 -
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Also why would you WANT children? They are endless money pits!!! I thought people only had kids by accident nowadays?
People seriously think this way? I hope you accidentally have one so you will know the truth behind children. Tbe only pure love you will ever feel is for and from your children. Its the most anazing feeling, so amazing it can't be described with words. All 3 of my children were planned.
Cool story bro
"I hope you accidently destroy your life, because I like children"0 -
TIL no one is allowed to want their own biological children if unable to conceive naturally, adoption is free (lol), budgeting is a means of keeping your husband's balls in a vice grip, and my new favorite gif involves a cat and a hedgehog. I think I got everything.0
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Of course, so what I needed to say was that the concept of seeing one PERSON being handed an allowance by their PARTNER is disheartening to my outlook on PEOPLE. Gotcha. I'll be sure to give you the PG / PG12 version whenever I decide to contribute to someones post.
You decide to draw your own implications from my posts like most people do and however incorrect, you stand by them.
Anyway.
It's not an allowance. It's an agreed upon amount budgeted and agreed upon by both individuals. She is simply trying to get him to actually stick to it. Can you read and comprehend or did you just choose to comment without reading the thread?
I think it's reasonable to conclude that if the wife is on here complaining about her husband not sticking to what they "agreed" then the husband may not have agreed to it. We also haven't heard his side so I think it's early to draw much in the way of conclusions or to offer advice other than "speak with your husband." That said, I think the fact that everyone draws their own conclusions is what makes these threads so much fun to read.
That's a fair point. It is possible that he has not agreed, but I try to give people the benefit of the doubt.
You hit me as a fair dude, which is why I posted. For me, I'm just saying that a guy saying that the husband should grow a pair is not necessarily making a statement that men are superior to women. I can see how that conclusion could be drawn, and perhaps he was, but I don't think it necessarily follows. I also agree with you that it's a good call to give people the benefit of the doubt but it kind of goes both ways here. And, to be very clear, I'm not taking sides here as I haven't a clue what is going on between the OP and her husband (again, I've only read her side), and I'm equally unclear whether the other poster is a chauvinist pig or a just a dude being a dude and saying that another dude should grow a pair and tell his wife that the allowance thing bugs him (which I'm guess (drawing my own conclusions) because he isn't sticking with the plan).
I need a cute cat gif.
It's a fair point, but there is a big difference between "she needs to take his ball out of her purse" and "he needs to grow a pair."0 -
TIL no one is allowed to want their own biological children if unable to conceive naturally, adoption is free (lol), budgeting is a means of keeping your husband's balls in a vice grip, and my new favorite gif involves a cat and a hedgehog. I think I got everything.
Don't forget that children RUIN LIVES!!!0 -
Thank you for your post. I think I've cut back on as much expenses as possible now. Lol. I've lowered our internet on our phones, talked to the cable company, ect. I would love to get rid of t.v. but we have a contract with them and my husband likes to watch his sports.....:( If it was up to me, Netflix would be sufficient.My husband and I have separate bank accounts and a joint account. Some people think it's strange to have different accounts but I see nothing wrong with that. We split the bills 50/50 (we make roughly the same salary. We make our own decisions about our money. If he or I want to spend money on something for ourselves that's fine as long as bills are covered. We each work hard to make our money and don't feel the need to have a say in what the other does with it. When we have a big expense such as buying our house, vacations, Xmas etc. we talk about how much to save and do it. Sometimes one saves more than the other but it works for us. I have found usually that if one is doing better at saving it motivates the other to save more. So maybe you could start saving on your own and that may motivate him. We've been together over 10 years and it works well for us.
A counselor might get to the bottom of things. You may want to consider that he could be scared or hesitant about having a baby even if he wants one and is sabotaging the saving subconsciously. Being scared or hesitant is normal and honestly I think it would be abnormal if someone wasn't a little scared of making such a big life change. It's like wanting to lose weight but still eating too much. Eating too much doesn't mean you don't want to lose weight it just means you have to make better choices if you want it. I don't think $100 a week is excessive but it could be cut down if you two chose to. You could also look at other options to cut back expenses. For example my family recently got rid of our cable TV and got Amazon Fire TV with Hulu & Netflix. It saves around $75 per month and after a week we didn't miss the cable.
Good luck.
So this ^^ tells me about all I need to know. You really really want a baby...your husband may say he really really wants a baby, but he either doesn't or he doesn't get that it will require sticking to a more stringent budget or he doesn't care and thinks you will make up for it in some magical way. He isn't willing to give up the sports channel? Did you know he can watch most of his sports through the internet, through his playstation or xbox? We don't have cable. I watch the sports in our house and most of them I can watch through a browser on our gaming system, or on our computer which I can connect to our large flat screen television. It sounds to me like he is not willing to give up some of his creature comforts and luxuries to make what you say is a joint dream come true. My recommendation would be a long conversation with him about goals, and some honest communication about how his spending makes you feel and then a few sessions with a fertility counselor / couples therapist. I know the heartache of not being able to conceive, and I feel for you. Good Luck!0 -
TIL no one is allowed to want their own biological children if unable to conceive naturally, adoption is free (lol), budgeting is a means of keeping your husband's balls in a vice grip, and my new favorite gif involves a cat and a hedgehog. I think I got everything.
Don't forget that children RUIN LIVES!!!
Oh I like you0 -
TIL no one is allowed to want their own biological children if unable to conceive naturally, adoption is free (lol), budgeting is a means of keeping your husband's balls in a vice grip, and my new favorite gif involves a cat and a hedgehog. I think I got everything.
Don't forget that children RUIN LIVES!!!
I KNEW I MISSED ONE! this is why you're my future sister wife.0 -
Of course, so what I needed to say was that the concept of seeing one PERSON being handed an allowance by their PARTNER is disheartening to my outlook on PEOPLE. Gotcha. I'll be sure to give you the PG / PG12 version whenever I decide to contribute to someones post.
You decide to draw your own implications from my posts like most people do and however incorrect, you stand by them.
Anyway.
It's not an allowance. It's an agreed upon amount budgeted and agreed upon by both individuals. She is simply trying to get him to actually stick to it. Can you read and comprehend or did you just choose to comment without reading the thread?
I think it's reasonable to conclude that if the wife is on here complaining about her husband not sticking to what they "agreed" then the husband may not have agreed to it. We also haven't heard his side so I think it's early to draw much in the way of conclusions or to offer advice other than "speak with your husband." That said, I think the fact that everyone draws their own conclusions is what makes these threads so much fun to read.
That's a fair point. It is possible that he has not agreed, but I try to give people the benefit of the doubt.
You hit me as a fair dude, which is why I posted. For me, I'm just saying that a guy saying that the husband should grow a pair is not necessarily making a statement that men are superior to women. I can see how that conclusion could be drawn, and perhaps he was, but I don't think it necessarily follows. I also agree with you that it's a good call to give people the benefit of the doubt but it kind of goes both ways here. And, to be very clear, I'm not taking sides here as I haven't a clue what is going on between the OP and her husband (again, I've only read her side), and I'm equally unclear whether the other poster is a chauvinist pig or a just a dude being a dude and saying that another dude should grow a pair and tell his wife that the allowance thing bugs him (which I'm guess (drawing my own conclusions) because he isn't sticking with the plan).
I need a cute cat gif.
It's a fair point, but there is a big difference between "she needs to take his ball out of her purse" and "he needs to grow a pair."
I'm going to need a diagram and a copy of "Philosophical Investigations" for this one.0 -
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OP I inboxed you
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So I'm wondering if all those people who say children ruin your life have children? If not, how can you be an expert about something you have no personal experience with?0
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So I'm wondering if all those people who say children ruin your life have children? If not, how can you be an expert about something you have no personal experience with?
Well, as I was told by my father several times growing up; I was an accident, and I ruined his life.... I just took his word for it. Kids are bad m'kay?0 -
So I'm wondering if all those people who say children ruin your life have children? If not, how can you be an expert about something you have no personal experience with?
I have never sat down to eat a pie made of crap either, doesn't mean I know its not for me0 -
So I'm wondering if all those people who say children ruin your life have children? If not, how can you be an expert about something you have no personal experience with?
Well, as I was told by my father several times growing up; I was an accident, and I ruined his life.... I just took his word for it. Kids are bad m'kay?
I'm sorry he said that to you, no kid should hear that. My parents were *kitten* to me too. You weren't a bad kid, he was a bad parent0 -
So I'm wondering if all those people who say children ruin your life have children? If not, how can you be an expert about something you have no personal experience with?
Have you ever jumped off a 30 story building?0 -
TIL no one is allowed to want their own biological children if unable to conceive naturally, adoption is free (lol), budgeting is a means of keeping your husband's balls in a vice grip, and my new favorite gif involves a cat and a hedgehog. I think I got everything.
Don't forget that children RUIN LIVES!!!
Oh I like you
Don't get attached b/c I definitely don't like you.0 -
You can also feel the exact same love for an adopted child.Also why would you WANT children? They are endless money pits!!! I thought people only had kids by accident nowadays?
People seriously think this way? I hope you accidentally have one so you will know the truth behind children. Tbe only pure love you will ever feel is for and from your children. Its the most anazing feeling, so amazing it can't be described with words. All 3 of my children were planned.0
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