Corrupt a Wish

granted: But without pain, there would be no basis or driving force in most art, literature, theater, comedy, and the world would be one big Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood. Pain-free and bland.


I wish I could actually lose weight

Granted...Your fired.

I wish I had a Klondike bar

Granted. You get a job as CEO of Trojan condoms. You are a millionaire. Scandal hits as it turns out a mad fanatic Christian worker broke in and laced the conforms with cocaine, resulting in an epidemic of Mad Fanny.

I wish I was in a loving relationship.

Granted .. You have it ALL... and no one to share it with

I wish I had a unicorn

Granted but now your so f*cking good looking all the women are intimidated by you so you can't get any of them to sleep with you. The only people you can have sex with are other male models that are even better looking than you so now your intimidated and you only get to be the catcher....... Sorry about your luck !


I wish somebody would leave me a sh*tload of money !

Granted!! But all your money is covered in a literal load of $#it impenetrable by anything other than your hands and a shovel. Ew.



I wish I could eat all the FOODZ and calories didn't exist!!

Wish granted! You now get to eat all the food you want, but you get so sick of it that you don't want to eat ever again, and you quickly become malnourished.

I wish my Atlanta Braves could learn how to hit the damn ball again!

Granted!! But all your money is covered in a literal load of $#it impenetrable by anything other than your hands and a shovel. Ew.



I wish I could eat all the FOODZ and calories didn't exist!!

(I hear you on that!)

Calories don't exist for you, but neither does nutrition, so you have to take every supplement under the sun for the rest of your life, which means you choke on some of those horse pills that vitamins come as these days.

Granted. Unfortunately they are all infield fly outs. As a Braves fan myself this corrupt a wish hurt...:sad:

I wish my 15 hour drive tomorrow would fly by

Wish granted. Your drive flies by, but that means you miss getting lost, taking the "scenic route", and seeing the most beautiful sights you'll ever see.

I wish I could win MLB's Beat The Streak $5 million prize. Alas, I can't seem to get my streak over 6 lately.

I wish my 15 hour drive tomorrow would fly by

It sure will, right into a wreck that is fatal for all involved. Your life just flew by too.:flowerforyou:

I sure wish I could study quietly, free of external distractions without having to leave home/otherwise hurt my loved ones!

Wish granted. You study hard, learn all the material well, and graduate with honors, but are then unable to find a job in your chosen field, so you have to flip burgers at a fast food restaurant for a living for at least a year after graduation in order to make ends meet.

I wish my boss would pay me more

Granted. But now your boss can't pay the bills and had to close down.


I wish I could marry Howard Stern.

Granted. But at the wedding reception you accidentally fall into Gary and you receive a minor laceration from one of his teeth. You die from a horrible infection the next day.

I wish there where more hours in the day.

Granted. The rotation of the earth has now slowed down and each day is 70 hours long. Unfortunately, a year is still the same length, so there are now far fewer days in a year, but the same amount of work has to be done, so now everyone has to work 30 hour days.

I wish I had a nice cup of earl grey tea.

Granted. You win the Lotto. But, this particular Lotto was designed by Shirley Jackson. So, I hope your dodgeball skills are up to par.

I wish it wasn't cloudy today.

granted but the same night, thieves break into your house and steal it all. Also, your family doesnt want to do anything with you because they think you are making it all up as you dont want to share your newly acquired wealth with them.

granted but since there is no rain, crops die and prices go up!

i wish i would never get fat again

Granted - you now have a genetic mutation that stops you from storing fat. Unfortunately, the planet is gripped by a huge famine, and you are the first to die because you have no fat stores to sustain you.

I wish I had my mum's recipe for scones.

Granted. You are now cat-tired. SO you continually stretch, yawn, curl up in a ball, and get nothing done except harck up some hair balls.

I wish laundry did itself.

I wish laundry did itself.

Check that out! Your clothes just washed, dried and tried to fold/hang themselves...and crumpled to the floor instead of your dresser/closet. Oopsie!

I still wish I weren't exhausted with a ton of things to do.

I just give in....

I wish I would stop posting comments to the wrong person