Dating someone 22 years older?

IMHO, if the person is old enough to be your parent (15+ year age gap), that's too much. I could see up to 10 years but even then, there will likely be a generation gap. Here's an example: My friend Matt is 30 and I'm 40. We had a conversation about music, Nirvana came up, Cobain's death was mentioned. He was in 4th grade at the time and I was in college. Ugh...

Kudos to those who can make big age gaps work but those kinds of gut checks bother me way too much.

I guess the question should have been more like 'if you had a 20 year old daughter would you approve of her dating a 42yo'

For me it would depend on the guy, I don't think I"d be thrilled, but at 20 she's an adult and makes her own decisions. As long as he treated her good, he would be welcome in my home.

Stick with continuing counselling and be single or have a relationship with this man but nothing physical. My bet would be that if you do, he will split.

My $.02

That's actually a good idea. If I don't start dating him how he wants soon, he might just leave and then I would know I made the right choice.

You can always talk to him about what your concerns are as well. Feel him out, see where he's coming from. Does he have a track record of dating much younger women? I think there are two kinds of men out there that date younger women: those that do so on a regular basis for a "trophy girlfriend" kind of thing, and those who have done so rarely and are truely looking for someone who they can connect with.

When I was 19, I dated a 30-year old, but he looked younger and most of his friends were in their twenties, so I thought we could make it work. After about five months, I was the one who split because I realized he was far more immature than a 30-year old should be. He would parade me around as his arm candy and even joke with his friends and I about having the perfect "trophy girlfriend." He even asked me to marry him after 2 weeks--and gave me his ex-fiance's ring! At the time, being a dumbass 19-year old girl, I thought this was really flattering (daddy issues). But, I later realized that he hid a lot of things from me, like having a suspended license, didn't actually have a bachelor's degree like he previously said, etc. Anyway, I'm not trying to be a killjoy, but I really don't see how this could work whatsoever. The fact that his guy is 22 years older and wants to date someone so much younger just sounds dangerous to me, like he wants a naive girl to control.

Hey :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

As long as you're happy, you just have to be ready for all the bad things that came with it. My grandma was 10 years younger than grandpa and outlived him by 11 years (nearly 3 of them in assisted living). I'm 8 years older than my fiance so she knows what she's getting into.

...why would a 42 y/o man want to date a 20 y/o girl? seriously? As someone said previously "date" and "marry" are two different things. I'd be quite surprised if he was looking for an actual long term future with you, but dating? If I were him I'd be doing backflips getting a girl less than half my age. Of course, after your last post it kinda sounds like you might have some daddy issues...

If not having a dad equals daddy issues then I guess so. I don't really know.

uh yeah thats actually the clinical definition.

Hahahahahahaa "clinical definition"
Do you use Urban Dictionary as your DSM-V?

Billy Idol – Cradle Of Love

Usually I'd say go for what makes you happy, but it doesn't sound like you're completely sure what would make you happy right now. So just play it safe. You're going to have a lot of opportunities and a lot of living ahead of you. Taking care of yourself is priority number one and I personally would say that it's a rare 42 year old who has unmixed motives in dating someone less than half his age.

He should be at a very different stage of life to you - he's a completely different generation. Here are a couple of the reasons he might be going for younger women,

1. Women his own age or ten years younger steer well clear of him. There's something odd about him that they can't quite put their finger on. A 20 year old hasn't yet necessarily got that bull**** detector downpat yet so they're a much much easier target. They can be more easily pressured, taken advantage of (especially with no close family) and are more likely to believe in love conquering all (especially if they're then convinced that the reason other people don't like the relationship is because of the age gap.)

2. He's immature. He dates younger women because mentally he's never moved on from that age himself. Less likely to be manipulative of you, but also with all the immaturity that goes along with that state. Prepare yourself for stupid arguments.

3. He truly is in love with you or feels a very deep connection on a personal rather than physical level. If he is then he won't mind waiting for your decision, he'll respect your boundaries and take a no gracefully. This is unfortunately the least likely of the options. Much more likely is that he is preying for vulnerable people much younger than him without a strong support base.

Only you know the details, only you know if any of this is accurate, or whether he's the rare exception. But listen very strongly to your gut, take all precautions necessary and be careful if you do choose to seriously date him. Be aware of red flags like moving too fast, very swift declarations of love or overly strong commitments (buying animals, moving in) etc in particular.

And before people leap on me - I'm not saying relationships with large age gaps never work. I know friends who are happily married with a 13 year age gap - they met when she was 25 and he was 38. But the combo of age, gender and the OP's own uncertainty ring alarms in this case.

I'm 32 my husbands 47

Crazy but I wouldn't care if my daughter dated someone 42 when she's 20. Especially if she does find someone like her daddy. Someone who loves her, supports her, and makes her happy. As long as she's happy why should I worry myself?

Your daughter should love HERSELF, be able to support HERSELF, and make HERSELF happy. Not rely on other people for love, support, and happiness. :grumble:

Who cares what we think. You're an adult, right?

ask a psychologist for an opinion

I was 24 dating a 39 year old. We ended up getting married. Our ages play a part in our relationship but not much. He often forgets I am that much younger and thinks what I know what he is talking about half the time. I am a more mature woman and he is more like a child. We are 41 and 57 as I speak. Honestly, would I do the same age difference again if given a chance...I don't think so. Do I love him---absolutely!

I'm dating a girl 19 years younger and we're happy and that is all that matters