Rudeness of a total stranger!
Replies
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Dear Prudence, I am a mid 30's, quite attractive woman who owns a multi-million dollar company. I also am disabled, walking with one or two canes. I have become accustomed to the stares I receive but in light of the ALS bucket challenge, I am now being approached by people telling me regularly how brave I am and what an inspiration I am. ALS isn't even my affliction! The last time this happened, I was in a rather important business meeting at a local restaurant. How can I respond to these well-meaning but completely inappropriate dolts?
To the "his heart was in the right place" crowd -- what about the above?
Don't have "important business meetings" in restaurants?
You cannot possibly be for real.0 -
I choose to assume that's a joke.Dear Prudence, I am a mid 30's, quite attractive woman who owns a multi-million dollar company. I also am disabled, walking with one or two canes. I have become accustomed to the stares I receive but in light of the ALS bucket challenge, I am now being approached by people telling me regularly how brave I am and what an inspiration I am. ALS isn't even my affliction! The last time this happened, I was in a rather important business meeting at a local restaurant. How can I respond to these well-meaning but completely inappropriate dolts?
To the "his heart was in the right place" crowd -- what about the above?
Don't have "important business meetings" in restaurants?
You cannot possibly be for real.
I hope, anyway.0 -
That guy is a tool.0
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what did he say that was rude?
This. He didn't do anything wrong. He was honestly trying to help. If you don't want help., that's fine, but he didn't say anything offensive. You chose to take offence. It's not like he came and told you to "put the sandwich down", now THAT would have been rude.
If you don't want help???? then what? You should walk away from the lunch you're eating?
If you don't want help - then what- don't ask for it- (oh wait- that's right- she wasn't asking for help)
if you don't want help- don't go out in public where people can see you and MIGHT be so rude as to walk up and offer to help?
She wasn't struggle with her groceries- she wasn't stuck in a grate on the side walk- she didn't drop her book bag- she didn't trip and fall- she didn't drop her salad.
She was eating her lunch. There is no "fixing" there is no need to "help" someone eat their lunch.
No- he didn't SAY anything offensive- his actions and total arrogance in presuming he could take it upon himself to walk up to someone who was minding her own business to "fix" her.
You do realize- if you extrapolate this whole concept out to sex- the it's very easy to justify rape right?
No- sex isn't bad- IN THE RIGHT CONTEXT IT"S GREAT. Under the "assume they need help crowd" it's traumatizing rape.
I cannot under any circumstances fathom how any of you can think it's acceptable to walk up to a total stranger and tell them you cna help FIX THEM.
The words aren't the problem- his presumptuous and arrogant actions are.
Great post!0 -
So I assume you don't like the premise of the TV show "What Not to Wear"Forget the haircut statement, How about a complete stranger breaking into your lunch to offer these wonderful bits of free help? (Hi, I'm a fashion consultant and I'd like to "help" you learn how to dress more appropriately). or,( Hello, I work at a plastic surgeons office and I'd really love to "help" you with your face problem), or maybe,(I know a great psychiatrist and I'd like to "help" you with what I consider your mental problem). Why do people know most things are off limits but not weight? He was so rude. No question about it.0 -
what did he say that was rude?
This. He didn't do anything wrong. He was honestly trying to help. If you don't want help., that's fine, but he didn't say anything offensive. You chose to take offence. It's not like he came and told you to "put the sandwich down", now THAT would have been rude.
Um...he offered unsolicited advice about someone's personal weight problem. He's not a doctor and even if he were, it is NEVER appropriate to go up to a stranger and tell them you can help them with their "problem." He doesn't know her medical history, nor does he know if she's already working on it. Would it be appropriate to tell someone with bad breath that you could help them with that problem - or- to tell someone with acne that you could recommend a good dermatologist -or- to tell someone struggling with any other issue that YOU ALONE could help them. It didn't even cross this man's mind that she was already working on it and didn't need his sanctimonious help. Unless someone asks you for advice to solve a personal problem, you don't give unsolicited advice, ever, lest someone think you an ignorant, rude, boor.0 -
I choose to assume that's a joke.Dear Prudence, I am a mid 30's, quite attractive woman who owns a multi-million dollar company. I also am disabled, walking with one or two canes. I have become accustomed to the stares I receive but in light of the ALS bucket challenge, I am now being approached by people telling me regularly how brave I am and what an inspiration I am. ALS isn't even my affliction! The last time this happened, I was in a rather important business meeting at a local restaurant. How can I respond to these well-meaning but completely inappropriate dolts?
To the "his heart was in the right place" crowd -- what about the above?
Don't have "important business meetings" in restaurants?
You cannot possibly be for real.
I hope, anyway.
I would hope so too.0 -
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You realize those people agree to be on the show, right?
So I assume you don't like the premise of the TV show "What Not to Wear"Forget the haircut statement, How about a complete stranger breaking into your lunch to offer these wonderful bits of free help? (Hi, I'm a fashion consultant and I'd like to "help" you learn how to dress more appropriately). or,( Hello, I work at a plastic surgeons office and I'd really love to "help" you with your face problem), or maybe,(I know a great psychiatrist and I'd like to "help" you with what I consider your mental problem). Why do people know most things are off limits but not weight? He was so rude. No question about it.
And also that their close friends and family generally nominate them -- not complete strangers in public.0 -
Bl0
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what did he say that was rude?
Bless your precious heart honey, you must have been raised by wolves.0 -
While it might seem rude to you,he may just be a fitness enthusiast looking to bring more people on his bandwagon and get company or even rub his fitness streak on others,you feel that way because you are not confident of the way you look,rise above that you will happy to brush it away.
I encountered a totally different incident like this-I was approached by a stranger saying he could get me married and gave me his visiting card for a marriage bureau,I was actually married then.Had I not been married I would have been totally offended.The fact that I was married helped my brush it away.because he was just trying to market himself.
From what you described it sounded the same to me.Kudos to you for starting the journey,be confident of yourself,let no one take your confidence down,there will be a day where you will look back and laugh at that incident.0 -
I would have said "who the hell asked you for your help?" Some people, the nerve!0
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I always liked the Anthony Hopkins quote: “My philosophy is: It’s none of my business what people say of me and think of me. I am what I am and I do what I do. I expect nothing and accept everything. And it makes life so much easier.”
Sounds like the guy was unintentionally insensitive and more concerned about building himself up. I’d probably have just said “thank you.” If I felt real hurt, I might have asked how much longer he thought it would take for him to get into shape…:)0 -
I would have said "who the hell asked you for your help?" Some people, the nerve!
I like going into full sarcasm mode. With a saccharine smile, say something like "No way! The gym could help me reach my weight loss goals? I never would have thought of that on my own. Thanks so much for your help! I don't know what I would have done without you."0 -
I've seen more "I've lost weight and I desperately want to help my friend/husband/wife/neighbor/niece/etc. lose weight, what can I do?' threads than I can shake a stick at. The answers are always the same, "there's nothing you can do unless they want help"and "mind your own business".
Yet, in this thread, it's perfectly acceptable for a total stranger to approach OP and publicly embarrass her under the guise of "helping".
Stay classy, MFP!0 -
Wow this thread exploded overnight!
OP - that guy was out of line doing what he did, whether his intentions were good or not. It was rude, I completely agree. Your coworker is awesome for sorting him out. Don't let it deter you, you keep doing you :ohwell:0 -
Okay - just have to say - as some others have said, you can always lose weight - that guy will always be a first rate jerk. (Actually had a few other choice words, but none that can say in mixed company, or risk being edited by the PC Police.)
Sounds like someone who's got an overly inflated opinion of himself trying to make a name for himself as being someone who can help overweight people. He probably thinks he's all that and wants the chance to prove it.
I'm sorry you had to endure that. Shows how much class you had to respond the way you did.
Really cannot believe people are doing stuff like that nowadays. Unbelievable.0 -
While it might seem rude to you,he may just be a fitness enthusiast looking to bring more people on his bandwagon and get company or even rub his fitness streak on others,you feel that way because you are not confident of the way you look,rise above that you will happy to brush it away.
I encountered a totally different incident like this-I was approached by a stranger saying he could get me married and gave me his visiting card for a marriage bureau,I was actually married then. Had I not been married I would have been totally offended.The fact that I was married helped my brush it away.because he was just trying to market himself.
You cannot see the irony of your own post I suspect.0 -
He may have been trying to do something nice and is just socially inept.
I would forget about it and get over it.0 -
I've seen more "I've lost weight and I desperately want to help my friend/husband/wife/neighbor/niece/etc. lose weight, what can I do?' threads than I can shake a stick at. The answers are always the same, "there's nothing you can do unless they want help"and "mind your own business".
Yet, in this thread, it's perfectly acceptable for a total stranger to approach OP and publicly embarrass her under the guise of "helping".
Stay classy, MFP!
EXCELLENT point!
I have never shaken my head in disbelief more than while reading this thread. I think I need a chiropractic adjustment.0 -
Is there an island we can send all the super sensitive people to?
What the man did & said was WAY kinder than the kids walking around the mall were probably saying.
I had a stranger approach me with nearly the same patient words and it clicked, I NEEDED to get healthier. I grew up with nothing but enablers; who ate and drank, ate and drank and ate and drank and NEVER exercised, because us Latin people were MADE to have "curves". BS!
I had curves...padded in fat. I also had kidney and liver problems. And Hypertension. And I was exacerbating my Endometriosis. I was losing my hair and had the worse acne in my life. And OMG, the pain, I was always in pain.
But thanks to an outsider, who pointed out that I was living dangerously on the edge, I MADE the decision to take the steps to better myself for me and my health.0 -
what did he say that was rude?
This. He didn't do anything wrong. He was honestly trying to help. If you don't want help., that's fine, but he didn't say anything offensive. You chose to take offence. It's not like he came and told you to "put the sandwich down", now THAT would have been rude.
If you don't want help???? then what? You should walk away from the lunch you're eating?
If you don't want help - then what- don't ask for it- (oh wait- that's right- she wasn't asking for help)
if you don't want help- don't go out in public where people can see you and MIGHT be so rude as to walk up and offer to help?
She wasn't struggle with her groceries- she wasn't stuck in a grate on the side walk- she didn't drop her book bag- she didn't trip and fall- she didn't drop her salad.
She was eating her lunch. There is no "fixing" there is no need to "help" someone eat their lunch.
No- he didn't SAY anything offensive- his actions and total arrogance in presuming he could take it upon himself to walk up to someone who was minding her own business to "fix" her.
You do realize- if you extrapolate this whole concept out to sex- the it's very easy to justify rape right?
No- sex isn't bad- IN THE RIGHT CONTEXT IT"S GREAT. Under the "assume they need help crowd" it's traumatizing rape.
I cannot under any circumstances fathom how any of you can think it's acceptable to walk up to a total stranger and tell them you cna help FIX THEM.
The words aren't the problem- his presumptuous and arrogant actions are.
We live in a society that believes it is their right to infringe upon others...whether it is diet, religion, life style or what ever it is.
People seem to have lost sight of where the line is. If it fits...step over the line...in to someone elses space.
I too find it hard to believe that there are so many that think this guy did nothing wrong...or they make excuses for him.0 -
Is there an island we can send all the super sensitive people to?
What the man did & said was WAY kinder than the kids walking around the mall were probably saying.
I had a stranger approach me with nearly the same patient words and it clicked, I NEEDED to get healthier. I grew up with nothing but enablers; who ate and drank, ate and drank and ate and drank and NEVER exercised, because us Latin people were MADE to have "curves". BS!
I had curves...padded in fat. I also had kidney and liver problems. And Hypertension. And I was exacerbating my Endometriosis. I was losing my hair and had the worse acne in my life. And OMG, the pain, I was always in pain.
But thanks to an outsider, who pointed out that I was living dangerously on the edge, I MADE the decision to take the steps to better myself for me and my health.
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He was totally out of line, specially because you were with a group of people. Now you’re going to lose all the weight and your co-workers will think the moron at the food court changed your life. Phhh sound!0
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Dear Prudence, I am a mid 30's, quite attractive woman who owns a multi-million dollar company. I also am disabled, walking with one or two canes. I have become accustomed to the stares I receive but in light of the ALS bucket challenge, I am now being approached by people telling me regularly how brave I am and what an inspiration I am. ALS isn't even my affliction! The last time this happened, I was in a rather important business meeting at a local restaurant. How can I respond to these well-meaning but completely inappropriate dolts?
To the "his heart was in the right place" crowd -- what about the above?
Don't have "important business meetings" in restaurants?
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
the guy is an idiot. Your co-worker speaking up is great. You know what you are doing and working towards your weight goal. Don't let the guy get to you. Although the situation was bad how great to know who your real friends are. I've been there and no one can eally understand what is going on inside.0
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" You don't know me well enough to say I have a 'problem'. And I get you truly believe you're helping, but you're only coming across as rude. Just thought you should know so that you don't make the mistake of approaching another stranger the way you just approached me. Have a nice day/Screw off. "
It's like a mantra now. I can't tell you how many times I've said it to people. 80 lbs ago and present day/weight.
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what did he say that was rude?
This. He didn't do anything wrong. He was honestly trying to help. If you don't want help., that's fine, but he didn't say anything offensive. You chose to take offence. It's not like he came and told you to "put the sandwich down", now THAT would have been rude.
It's one thing to ask someone for help and receive it . I don't see anywhere in the OPs post where she asked for help. She was going about her daily life. How can you offer help to someone you don't even know the first thing about? That's not being helpful. The stranger was making assumptions about the OP.0 -
I haven't read any of the other comments yet, but I would venture a guess this dude was once obese and was successful in getting in shape.
Kind of like a new non-smoker, or a new born again Xtian, lol. They feel so chuffed about their change they feel the NEED to share it. He was totally out of line and I hope he listened to what your co-worker said.
Brush it off. And good for you on your weight loss!!! 0
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