Rudeness of a total stranger!
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what did he say that was rude?
This. He didn't do anything wrong. He was honestly trying to help. If you don't want help., that's fine, but he didn't say anything offensive. You chose to take offence. It's not like he came and told you to "put the sandwich down", now THAT would have been rude.
Okay. So if I approached you while you were with colleagues (a total stranger) and told you that I could really help you with your fashion sense and offered to take you shopping, you would not find that rude?
Because personally, the fact that he felt the need to give his opinion to a perfect stranger about anything having to do with that stranger is rude.
The OP's weight/size is really not the point here.0 -
what did he say that was rude?
This. He didn't do anything wrong. He was honestly trying to help. If you don't want help., that's fine, but he didn't say anything offensive. You chose to take offence. It's not like he came and told you to "put the sandwich down", now THAT would have been rude.
What if it wasn't weight though. What if it was something else?
I'd really like for one of the people who think this is ok to answer my question.0 -
It is never appropriate to walk up to someone and offer to help fix their appearance. It's not up to you to decide to help someone else look or be the way you want them to be. It's not helpful to police how people look. It's totally insane to think that's ok.
It wasn't about her health, either - they didn't like the way she looked, and decided that whatever junk they had to offer her in terms of "personal training" would prevent him from looking at a person who didn't not meet his standards.
But guess what? Her body is just that - hers. We know on this side that she's focusing on her health and losing weight. But even if we didn't know that, it's not our job to tell her she should. It's not your job to tell anyone anything about their bodies unless they ask you for your opinion or help.0 -
I vote for the idea that his heart was in the right place. Maybe he saw OP picking a healthy lunch, maybe he's noticed that she's lost a little weight, and he wants to help.
Heck, maybe he likes her and that was his awkward but sweet way of asking her for a date?
I'd have taken him up on it. Why let your own insecurities stand in the way of a potential gift that came to you unexpectedly?0 -
One's heart being in the right place is not an excuse for this kind of behavior.I vote for the idea that his heart was in the right place. Maybe he saw OP picking a healthy lunch, maybe he's noticed that she's lost a little weight, and he wants to help.
Heck, maybe he likes her and that was his awkward but sweet way of asking her for a date?
I'd have taken him up on it. Why let your own insecurities stand in the way of a potential gift that came to you unexpectedly?
No. Just no.0 -
I vote for the idea that his heart was in the right place. Maybe he saw OP picking a healthy lunch, maybe he's noticed that she's lost a little weight, and he wants to help.
Heck, maybe he likes her and that was his awkward but sweet way of asking her for a date?
I'd have taken him up on it. Why let your own insecurities stand in the way of a potential gift that came to you unexpectedly?
His heart may have been in the right place, but to approach her, especially in front of her colleagues, and basically say "I think you're fat. Let me help you not be fat." but in a more tactful manner is still humiliating and rude. She did not ask for his advice or his help, which makes it unsolicited. Regardless of the help he was offering, it's still humiliating when someone decides that you're helpless in your plight and just HAS to tell you so.
"I think your hair looks like *kitten*. Let me fix it for you."
"I think you dress really stupid. Let me take you shopping."
"Wow you have a huge nose! I know a plastic surgeon. Here's his number."
It's all the same.0 -
Dear Prudence, I am a mid 30's, quite attractive woman who owns a multi-million dollar company. I also am disabled, walking with one or two canes. I have become accustomed to the stares I receive but in light of the ALS bucket challenge, I am now being approached by people telling me regularly how brave I am and what an inspiration I am. ALS isn't even my affliction! The last time this happened, I was in a rather important business meeting at a local restaurant. How can I respond to these well-meaning but completely inappropriate dolts?
To the "his heart was in the right place" crowd -- what about the above?0 -
Oooof, I woulda bopped this guy over the head with my sub "Three Stooges"-style! J/k.... it sounds like he might have some social/behavioral issues.
I'm not sure if people have touched on this already, but I think a major component of the rudeness discussed is this stranger's assumption of the OP's ignorance. He offers unsolicited advice about her body AS IF SHE WOULD HAVE NEVER THOUGHT TO JOIN A GYM, or work out or whatever.
I've gotten this all my life due to skin problems my acne & psoriasis. Strangers have honestly told me that I just need to "wash my face." Yeah, I'm spending 100's of dollars on medication, trying every thing from diet to acupressure to herbs but it never occurred to me to BATHE. I think that's what's going on. The OP knows her weight, she's taking measures to get healthy, and then some goober talks to her as if she's never thought of exercising to lower her weight---as if it's not something she's already doing!
Anyhow, keep up the good work OP! It doesn't sound like the guy was trying to be cruel, but boy that shizz gets annoying after awhile. Always good to vent about it!
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what did he say that was rude?
This. He didn't do anything wrong. He was honestly trying to help. If you don't want help., that's fine, but he didn't say anything offensive. You chose to take offence. It's not like he came and told you to "put the sandwich down", now THAT would have been rude.
If you don't want help???? then what? You should walk away from the lunch you're eating?
If you don't want help - then what- don't ask for it- (oh wait- that's right- she wasn't asking for help)
if you don't want help- don't go out in public where people can see you and MIGHT be so rude as to walk up and offer to help?
She wasn't struggle with her groceries- she wasn't stuck in a grate on the side walk- she didn't drop her book bag- she didn't trip and fall- she didn't drop her salad.
She was eating her lunch. There is no "fixing" there is no need to "help" someone eat their lunch.
No- he didn't SAY anything offensive- his actions and total arrogance in presuming he could take it upon himself to walk up to someone who was minding her own business to "fix" her.
You do realize- if you extrapolate this whole concept out to sex- the it's very easy to justify rape right?
No- sex isn't bad- IN THE RIGHT CONTEXT IT"S GREAT. Under the "assume they need help crowd" it's traumatizing rape.
I cannot under any circumstances fathom how any of you can think it's acceptable to walk up to a total stranger and tell them you cna help FIX THEM.
The words aren't the problem- his presumptuous and arrogant actions are.0 -
Dear Prudence, I am a mid 30's, quite attractive woman who owns a multi-million dollar company. I also am disabled, walking with one or two canes. I have become accustomed to the stares I receive but in light of the ALS bucket challenge, I am now being approached by people telling me regularly how brave I am and what an inspiration I am. ALS isn't even my affliction! The last time this happened, I was in a rather important business meeting at a local restaurant. How can I respond to these well-meaning but completely inappropriate dolts?
To the "his heart was in the right place" crowd -- what about the above?
Don't have "important business meetings" in restaurants?0 -
Dear Prudence, I am a mid 30's, quite attractive woman who owns a multi-million dollar company. I also am disabled, walking with one or two canes. I have become accustomed to the stares I receive but in light of the ALS bucket challenge, I am now being approached by people telling me regularly how brave I am and what an inspiration I am. ALS isn't even my affliction! The last time this happened, I was in a rather important business meeting at a local restaurant. How can I respond to these well-meaning but completely inappropriate dolts?
To the "his heart was in the right place" crowd -- what about the above?
Don't have "important business meetings" in restaurants?
You cannot possibly be for real.0 -
I choose to assume that's a joke.Dear Prudence, I am a mid 30's, quite attractive woman who owns a multi-million dollar company. I also am disabled, walking with one or two canes. I have become accustomed to the stares I receive but in light of the ALS bucket challenge, I am now being approached by people telling me regularly how brave I am and what an inspiration I am. ALS isn't even my affliction! The last time this happened, I was in a rather important business meeting at a local restaurant. How can I respond to these well-meaning but completely inappropriate dolts?
To the "his heart was in the right place" crowd -- what about the above?
Don't have "important business meetings" in restaurants?
You cannot possibly be for real.
I hope, anyway.0 -
That guy is a tool.0
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what did he say that was rude?
This. He didn't do anything wrong. He was honestly trying to help. If you don't want help., that's fine, but he didn't say anything offensive. You chose to take offence. It's not like he came and told you to "put the sandwich down", now THAT would have been rude.
If you don't want help???? then what? You should walk away from the lunch you're eating?
If you don't want help - then what- don't ask for it- (oh wait- that's right- she wasn't asking for help)
if you don't want help- don't go out in public where people can see you and MIGHT be so rude as to walk up and offer to help?
She wasn't struggle with her groceries- she wasn't stuck in a grate on the side walk- she didn't drop her book bag- she didn't trip and fall- she didn't drop her salad.
She was eating her lunch. There is no "fixing" there is no need to "help" someone eat their lunch.
No- he didn't SAY anything offensive- his actions and total arrogance in presuming he could take it upon himself to walk up to someone who was minding her own business to "fix" her.
You do realize- if you extrapolate this whole concept out to sex- the it's very easy to justify rape right?
No- sex isn't bad- IN THE RIGHT CONTEXT IT"S GREAT. Under the "assume they need help crowd" it's traumatizing rape.
I cannot under any circumstances fathom how any of you can think it's acceptable to walk up to a total stranger and tell them you cna help FIX THEM.
The words aren't the problem- his presumptuous and arrogant actions are.
Great post!0 -
So I assume you don't like the premise of the TV show "What Not to Wear"Forget the haircut statement, How about a complete stranger breaking into your lunch to offer these wonderful bits of free help? (Hi, I'm a fashion consultant and I'd like to "help" you learn how to dress more appropriately). or,( Hello, I work at a plastic surgeons office and I'd really love to "help" you with your face problem), or maybe,(I know a great psychiatrist and I'd like to "help" you with what I consider your mental problem). Why do people know most things are off limits but not weight? He was so rude. No question about it.0 -
what did he say that was rude?
This. He didn't do anything wrong. He was honestly trying to help. If you don't want help., that's fine, but he didn't say anything offensive. You chose to take offence. It's not like he came and told you to "put the sandwich down", now THAT would have been rude.
Um...he offered unsolicited advice about someone's personal weight problem. He's not a doctor and even if he were, it is NEVER appropriate to go up to a stranger and tell them you can help them with their "problem." He doesn't know her medical history, nor does he know if she's already working on it. Would it be appropriate to tell someone with bad breath that you could help them with that problem - or- to tell someone with acne that you could recommend a good dermatologist -or- to tell someone struggling with any other issue that YOU ALONE could help them. It didn't even cross this man's mind that she was already working on it and didn't need his sanctimonious help. Unless someone asks you for advice to solve a personal problem, you don't give unsolicited advice, ever, lest someone think you an ignorant, rude, boor.0 -
I choose to assume that's a joke.Dear Prudence, I am a mid 30's, quite attractive woman who owns a multi-million dollar company. I also am disabled, walking with one or two canes. I have become accustomed to the stares I receive but in light of the ALS bucket challenge, I am now being approached by people telling me regularly how brave I am and what an inspiration I am. ALS isn't even my affliction! The last time this happened, I was in a rather important business meeting at a local restaurant. How can I respond to these well-meaning but completely inappropriate dolts?
To the "his heart was in the right place" crowd -- what about the above?
Don't have "important business meetings" in restaurants?
You cannot possibly be for real.
I hope, anyway.
I would hope so too.0 -
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You realize those people agree to be on the show, right?
So I assume you don't like the premise of the TV show "What Not to Wear"Forget the haircut statement, How about a complete stranger breaking into your lunch to offer these wonderful bits of free help? (Hi, I'm a fashion consultant and I'd like to "help" you learn how to dress more appropriately). or,( Hello, I work at a plastic surgeons office and I'd really love to "help" you with your face problem), or maybe,(I know a great psychiatrist and I'd like to "help" you with what I consider your mental problem). Why do people know most things are off limits but not weight? He was so rude. No question about it.
And also that their close friends and family generally nominate them -- not complete strangers in public.0 -
Bl0
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