BOYFRIEND HELP!!!!! THINKS ABOUT HIS EX
Options
Replies
-
Wow....two months and you are living together? That's a bit quick my dear.
When we have long relationships, even when we no longer love the person and aren't with them, and don't want to be with them, they do occupy our thoughts once in awhile - they are part of our history.
It sounds like he is trying to be open and honest and build the relationship - if that's the case, you may want to check your reaction and your feelings.
I've been in my current relationship for more than a year - but yes, there are times when I think about my ex (we were together 7 years)...especially when something happens that triggers the memories. Do I want him back - no. Do I care about him - yes, and always will. I'd hate my current boyfriend to leave just because I mention my past.0 -
C'mon you guys! Logic does not work for "Boyfriend Help".. Geez, just tell the girl what she wants to hear, not what she should hear! Man, Freakin' internet forums!!!
OP - Everything in life is about you! You make sure he knows that, he cannot think for himself because it affects you.. Now go do what you want to do...0 -
You've been together only two months. They were together 7 years. If it was recent, then maybe he's rebounding.
ETA: Are you living together after only 2 months?
1. He was with her for 7 years, of course he's going to think about her- the question is why did he bring it up?!
a. he's just thinking aloud or b. he had a purpose to bringing it up
2. Moving too fast (like immediately moving in together, I love yous too soon, etc) is risky at best, and is a trait of relationship that turn abusive- RED FLAG. Now you are in a tough place because you're already living together and probably depending on him a bit. Time to create a plan B just in case, now that you are where you are. Also, read this: http://www.eastbaywomenstherapyalliance.com/suggestions-for-better-mental-health/reprint-15-warning-signs-of-an-abuser.htm
3. After you think on these things, decide that it's a problem, or decide that YOU are his lady, walk around with your head high, as beautiful as you are, and worthy of being treated with the highest respect, and enough of a catch that he would be stupid to let you go. If you don't feel this confidence, watch this and fake it till you make it: http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CCMQyCkwAA&url=http://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are?language=en&ei=We4hVOvXDoOHjAKI5IGgDQ&usg=AFQjCNHlD-yrscyq-C1cAvc8Jjr8tCbv_g&sig2=sUdIpBRxfgQz5RYKKvpUUA&bvm=bv.75775273,d.cGE
Good luck, dear.0 -
Your together 2 months! Give the guy a break. If you manage to get to 7 years with him, then post on here again. Then you have something to write about. Jeez 2 months...No wonder guys run for the hills!0
-
I recommend picking up the book, "How To Avoid Falling In Love With a Jerk" by John Van Epp. You can get it on amazon used for just four bucks.
Someone should pick up a copy for her boyfriend.
Reading it together would actually be ideal!
0 -
Thinks about his ex?? And....? So?
Everyone will occasionally think about their ex. Especially if he's only had one ex ever in his entire life!
I still occasionally think about my ex after 11 years of being with someone else, and I'm very glad each time I'm not with that ex each time. 0 -
I suppose that depends on what he means by "thinks" about her. Is he fantasizing about her, dreaming about getting back together? Or is he simply reminiscing, or remembering their experiences together? There is a big difference. Everyone thinks about their past and mulls over various memories, that's just life.
But if he's comparing her to you, wishing he could see her again, or longing for to be back with her, then you may want to have some serious conversations about your relationship together.0 -
I don't have time to read all the responses but seriously girl...
a few issues here... two months & you're living with him??? wow, really??? and you already love him??? seriously??? way too fast in my opinion, but who am I to say.
also... he was with her for 7 years of course he'll think of her from time to time! I have two exes, one I was married to for 22 years and another I was in a relationship with for 9.5 years. I've been removed from both relationships for quite a while and still think of them from time to time not that I want EITHER one of them back because I do NOT! not in a MILLION YEARS!!! I would be friends with one but not a fat chance in He11 with my ex-husband!
your boyfriend is super awesome for being open and honest with you. be thankful to him and understanding. give him a hug and love him through it - if you truly love him as you say you do.0 -
2 months and you are moved in together and both saying you are in love. In 2 months iits hardly likely you know him and hardly likely he even knows himself. Seven years is a long time to be with someone, hardly a crime to think about them because thats what hes used to. Chill out and see how things go, if you are packing your bags just becayse hes said something like that, then it doesnt sound the most stable of situations. Be confident and dont make a big fuss about it. Hes trying to come to terms with what happened.
^^^this0 -
This is the reason so many are afraid to be honest; the crazy starts to shine through with others!0
-
Rebounds are awesome.0
-
Girl, you are going to far.
1. Honest, direct communication is a key part of any relationship. When both people feel comfortable expressing their needs, fears, and desires, trust and bonds are strengthened.
2.You chose to give away your love.
You chose to give up.
You chose to react.
You chose to feel insecure.
You chose to feel anger.
You chose to have hope.
You chose to ignore your intuition.
You chose to be stuck in the past.
You chose to blame. You chose your ego!
3.Do not over think, your relationship, FEEL IT!
.0 -
2. Moving too fast (like immediately moving in together, I love yous too soon, etc) is risky at best, and is a trait of relationship that turn abusive- RED FLAG. Now you are in a tough place because you're already living together and probably depending on him a bit. Time to create a plan B just in case, now that you are where you are. Also, read this: http://www.eastbaywomenstherapyalliance.com/suggestions-for-better-mental-health/reprint-15-warning-signs-of-an-abuser.htm
Yes and no.
You do not know them, you do not know the situation. You cannot tell if it is moving to fast. In your world 2 months is moving too fast - hell in my world 6 months and moving in is too fast but if it feels right it feels right. I know MANY couples who met and were married within 6 months and have remained married 35+ years and they aren't in abusive relationships... I also know many that were and have since gotten out its really situational. Really if it feels right it feels right and no one can judge that except the 2 adults involved.
OP, personally you are over thinking it. He brought it up, he was honest. take it with a grain of salt. He comes home to you everynight right? And if he does then honestly, I am pretty sure you have nothing to worry about.
I agree with both things you posted. I personally met my husband at work, so I knew him for 6 months before we started dating. We had our first date, and I knew he was the one for me and he felt the same way (he'd been after me to go out with him for 6 months). 3 weeks later he moved in with me. 18 months later, we got married. We have been married for 22 years. So yes, you can date someone and move in together quickly and be in love quickly. And yes, we had our ups and downs, too. He had lived with someone for almost 7 years, on and off, before he moved to my state to get away from that relationship. He was 30 and looking for someone to settle down with. I guess he decided I was sane enough to have a relationship with. LOL.
BUT, when you move into such an intimate relationship while you are still getting to know each other, your insecurities can come out, because you don't really know the other person that well yet. He said a lot of things about his ex that were hurtful to me, but it wasn't intentional on his part, he was actually clueless. OP, try not to over think what's going on. He was being open with you, respect that.0 -
a few issues here... two months & you're living with him??? wow, really??? and you already love him??? seriously??? way too fast in my opinion, but who am I to say.
My thoughts exactly. :noway:0 -
Road Dog, you managed to make me lolOn the other hand, if he's rubbing one out while he's thinking about her that may be a bad sign.0 -
Looks like you are insecure.
This is quite blunt and to the point, but, there's absolute truth, to it. I don't know about your past relationships. If this is your first relationship, or if there have been others before him. Seriously, I am not not passing judgment either way. Before you can have a successful relationship with anyone, you've got to love yourself, and realize your worth. I know that it might make you feel a tad bit insecure hearing about the old ex of 7 years, when the two of you have only been together for two months- but to pack up your things and leave was over the top.
I'll be very honest, I don't know a single person who at one point in time DOESN'T or hasn't thought of their ex/ex's from time to time. Hell, I've been married for 12 years, and my husband I BOTH have some of our ex's on Facebook. There's a reason they're our ex's. They made a lot better friends than mates. There are some people that, yeah, from time to time will creep into my mind, and I'll think about- but that's it. It's a fleeting thought. I might wonder about their well-being, or if they've found someone, and they're happy. I'm not pining for them, or wishing we could get back together.
It's good that your boyfriend felt that he could be honest with you about his thoughts and feelings. It says a lot that he's able to communicate with you. There's a reason she's the ex and not his girlfriend. People are in our past for one reason or another, some good, some bad, but they're there. Work on realizing your worth as a person, and know that just because your boyfriend's ex crosses his mind from time to time, doesn't mean he doesn't care about you, or that you're not good enough. A relationship that was *that* long, takes some time to move on from. Be there for him, and help him to make some new, awesome memories with you!0 -
I still think about my ex, because we shared so many experiences and time together and I can't just block out the 18 months I spent with him.
It doesn't mean I want him, or want anything to do with him. In fact, I'd probably set his car on fire if I knew I could get away with it.
Thinking about an ex doesn't mean anything, if it's JUST thoughts.0 -
My boyfriend thinks about a lot of other women. I trust him though.0
-
At least he was open with you. I think he should be allowed to reflect on his past relationship. After all, he had seven years with her. Don't make a mountain out a mole hill. He is with you now, enjoy your time together.0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.7K Introduce Yourself
- 43.5K Getting Started
- 259.7K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 394 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.7K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.3K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 945 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.3K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions