BOYFRIEND HELP!!!!! THINKS ABOUT HIS EX

Google "compartmentalized" and lay off him about this. Trust me, he thinks about a lot of things, 99% of which aren't important. If anything, he's guilty of loose lips sinking ships.

Or just break up.

This! I can't believe no one's mentioned it until now. While it's natural that he still thinks of his ex, why would he vocalize that in the infancy stages of this new relationship? Two months in and everything's all glitter and rainbows so why would you say something that would most certainly create insecurity? He should have just kept it to himself because there's really advantage in bringing it up.

He said something that clearly shows how honest he is. I think that is a good quality to have. I want to know how OP got this information? How did it come up?

Eh ... so many people today use 'honesty' as an excuse for being generally terrible people.

"I told my girlfriend how much I want to bang her sister ... look how HONEST I am!"

Honesty is a good thing, but so is tact and being respectful. Using honesty as a crutch because you're REACHING to find a nice thing to say about yourself is pathetic.

What if that was a fantasy? You can't tell your SO how much you want to bang a celebrity?

I am bias though every person I have dated has been caught in lies and just stupid ones.

Couple things.

1. If your SO has fantasies about banging your blood relatives, it's likely time to find the door no matter how 'honest' that person is.

2. People applaud 'honesty' to avoid dealing with other red flags. As my example above shows, there is likely an issue, or at the very least a long discussion, that needs to be had when 'I want to bang your sister' becomes public knowledge in the relationship. 'But he's so honest' is the excuse people use to keep their head in the sand over real issues because they want to make excuses for otherwise bad behavior.

3. Applauding honesty above other traits (like not wishing to bang the sister) is an example of the 'at least' mentality. "At least I'm honest, I should be praised for that." No, you shouldn't. You shouldn't need to be rewarded for honesty. Being an honest person should not be a stretch, it should not be worthy of praise that you didn't tell a lie. It should be a given that you're honest. I will not praise you for showing basic human decency and not being a lying sack of poo.

ETA: Honesty =/= Sharing every thought in your head.

I'm still stuck at two months...

Google "compartmentalized" and lay off him about this. Trust me, he thinks about a lot of things, 99% of which aren't important. If anything, he's guilty of loose lips sinking ships.

Or just break up.

This! I can't believe no one's mentioned it until now. While it's natural that he still thinks of his ex, why would he vocalize that in the infancy stages of this new relationship? Two months in and everything's all glitter and rainbows so why would you say something that would most certainly create insecurity? He should have just kept it to himself because there's really advantage in bringing it up.

He said something that clearly shows how honest he is. I think that is a good quality to have. I want to know how OP got this information? How did it come up?

Eh ... so many people today use 'honesty' as an excuse for being generally terrible people.

"I told my girlfriend how much I want to bang her sister ... look how HONEST I am!"

Honesty is a good thing, but so is tact and being respectful. Using honesty as a crutch because you're REACHING to find a nice thing to say about yourself is pathetic.

What if that was a fantasy? You can't tell your SO how much you want to bang a celebrity?

I am bias though every person I have dated has been caught in lies and just stupid ones.

Couple things.

1. If your SO has fantasies about banging your blood relatives, it's likely time to find the door no matter how 'honest' that person is.

2. People applaud 'honesty' to avoid dealing with other red flags. As my example above shows, there is likely an issue, or at the very least a long discussion, that needs to be had when 'I want to bang your sister' becomes public knowledge in the relationship. 'But he's so honest' is the excuse people use to keep their head in the sand over real issues because they want to make excuses for otherwise bad behavior.

3. Applauding honesty above other traits (like not wishing to bang the sister) is an example of the 'at least' mentality. "At least I'm honest, I should be praised for that." No, you shouldn't. You shouldn't need to be rewarded for honesty. Being an honest person should not be a stretch, it should not be worthy of praise that you didn't tell a lie. It should be a given that you're honest. I will not praise you for showing basic human decency and not being a lying sack of poo.

ETA: Honesty =/= Sharing every thought in your head.

Well like I said. I don't know how OP got this. Did he just come out a say one day damn I am thinking about my ex? Maybe she felt he was caught in a thought and ask what he is thinking about?

I fully expect to see this on an upcoming episode of Dr Phil

Uhhh, these are normal things. I think about my exes sometimes...I'm not thinking about hooking up with them though. I don't miss them at all like that. And I'm engaged. I have a wonderful life. But things come up that make you think about the past.This is normal.

Be mature about it. He had a life before you. And he is with you now. Like it or leave it.

What if that was a fantasy? You can't tell your SO how much you want to bang a celebrity?

My fiance and I talk all the time about the celebs we would bang. He even told me he'd leave me for one of them. We laugh about it because it IS fantasy.

Announcing that you still think about an ex is cruel and unnecessary. I think about my exes. I would never tell him that. It would only hurt him for no reason because it really doesn't affect us. I'm not going back to them or wishing I was with them. I'm sure he thinks about his exes, being human and all. I don't need to know about it, though.

Again, though... We don't know how or why he told her he still thinks about his ex. For all we know, she could have flat out asked him.

OP, you admit you have insecurities...sure, many people (both men and women) do but what you have to understand and learn is that these are your problems, not his - and it should stay that way. You forcing him to behave a certain way is going to be bad for your relationship in the long run. Wouldn't you rather he be honest about his feelings and thoughts rather than feel he has to hide everything from you or risk losing you in a big emotional huff? Look, I get it, I was young and super insecure and jealous once too. You can change these thoughts and behaviors and become a much better woman to have a relationship with.

As far as moving in fast, it'll remain to be seen whether this was a good or bad idea. Hubs and I moved in together after three months and we've turned out ok (17 years together in Nov) but we sure as hell have had some hard times on and off. And you know what? Most of the bad fights have boiled down to stupid stuff in our heads that come from insecurities.

Also, if you really love this guy, leaving in a huff wouldn't be an option. Don't fool yourself.

You're going to have to come to terms with the fact that she's part of his past and his memories and he will be thinking of her now and then. Don't you think about people who were in your life years ago? I know I do! My exes come to mind now and then, especially the ones I'm not friends with on FB. It doesn't mean I want them back or that I still love them, it just means I'm thinking of them. Simple as that.

You may see some of this as harsh but trust me, I've been in your shoes sweety and so have many of the people who are trying to give you advice (in the case of the men, his shoes). Either you dismiss it and keep thinking your man placating you is a good idea or you'll start listening and realize most of us know what we're talking about.

What if that was a fantasy? You can't tell your SO how much you want to bang a celebrity?

My fiance and I talk all the time about the celebs we would bang. He even told me he'd leave me for one of them. We laugh about it because it IS fantasy.

Announcing that you still think about an ex is cruel and unnecessary. I think about my exes. I would never tell him that. It would only hurt him for no reason because it really doesn't affect us. I'm not going back to them or wishing I was with them. I'm sure he thinks about his exes, being human and all. I don't need to know about it, though.

My husband and I often talk about celebrities we'd sleep with, we even have a list. We've discussed past sexual experiences, never in full detail, because that's awkward for anyone, but we do talk about them openly. We talk about each other's preferences for visual input during self-gratification. Crap he's even told me which of my female friends he finds attractive, and I can't blame him, I have good looking friends. I'm even friends with one of his exes, and yup we've talked about their sex life. Maybe we're just weird, lol.

I still think about a sandwich I had in Boston 3 years ago.

Don't overreact. Let your relationship play out and see what happens. Work on your confidence. You'll be fine.

hahahahahahahhaha yesssss

My husband and I often talk about celebrities we'd sleep with, we even have a list. We've discussed past sexual experiences, never in full detail, because that's awkward for anyone, but we do talk about them openly. We talk about each other's preferences for visual input during self-gratification. Crap he's even told me which of my female friends he finds attractive, and I can't blame him, I have good looking friends. I'm even friends with one of his exes, and yup we've talked about their sex life. Maybe we're just weird, lol.

seems like most adults should be able to engage in that kind of conversation. I'd file that under 'fun discussion topics' lol. It would probably make it a little weird for me if i was friends with the ex though

Did you read through this forum? I think you find the opposite.