How to motivate my girlfriend to exercise?
Options
Replies
-
Just loving how offensive it is for a guy to do food prep for a girl.
I wish my husband would food prep for me.
All I want is a little food prep, someone to spot me, and some cuddles, but I went and married some damn fast food inhaling cardio bunny. (Likewise he'd probably like less precooked chicken breast, protein smoothies, and more couples 10 miles runs.)*
*These aren't real complaints. I find the vast difference in our fitness loves amusing.
Me too!!
The dream.
OP can, I'm sure, find a woman who will appreciate his food prep.
0 -
so when he cooked "rich" meals for her that is loving..but then switching to healthy meals makes him a level 1 scumbag???? really???
Can you please provide a source where I called him a level 1 scumbag? Or where I said the "rich" meals were loving?
He asked for help. I didn't call him names. I said he's probably not even aware that he's doing it. I'm not sure where all the emotion is coming from on this.
If I were talking about the meals I wanted to make and came home to find a good deal of it prepped, I'd be pretty pleased and grateful to my husband. If I came home and found the next three days of food he wants me to eat, not so much. And really? Neither would you. We know you like your moderation. Would it feel good to come home to three days worth of food that someone else deems acceptable for you to eat, or would you rather go out and grab some fast food?
She does state from time to time that she wants to eat healthier. I agree with the comment made that she may not have liked some of what he prepped, especially if they didn't have a conversation about options she might like first. But if I wanted to eat healthier and was being lazy but my fridge was always stocked with the fruit and veg, pre-cut up marinated meats, etc, that I wanted, personally I would not be offended
I state from time to time that I want all sorts of things. It doesn't mean I want my husband to make it his personal mission to make me get them.
Yes, I'd be thrilled if I came home and found my fridge stocked with spinach, pineapples, grapes, tofu, and fresh tomatoes, peppers, onions, and some sprouts. Because my husband knows I love those foods and already eat them and can turn them into meals I already eat regularly. He'd be doing that to support me, not change me.
I know GF says she wants to change sometimes, but OP wants her to change. It's obvious. If it's obvious from one post on the internet, it's obvious to her too. I don't think that makes it him a scumbag. But he asked for help, and what he is doing now clearly isn't working out for him. What he does next depends on what he feels is best for himself and his relationship.0 -
I believe in just staying positive. Constanty talk about how great you feel and how delicious healthy foods can be if prepared correctly (research how many diet experts are now realizing that fat is actually good for you) (then form your own opinion in that). Ok, back to my point. Just be a shining example and start making friends that go to the gym and eat healthy with you so she'll feel left out. Of course invite her every time but go even if she says no. And it won't hurt if your new gym friends are hot.-1
-
Just loving how offensive it is for a guy to do food prep for a girl.
I find it funny to be honest. I know that when I started weighing and measuring my food and she saw me making progress I was told "If you're going to weigh your food then you should do the same for me". Obviously not everyone sees the same things as controlling.
Did OP's girlfriend ask him to meal prep three days of food for her? If she did, and I missed it, I reverse my opinion. Her mentioning that she wants to meal prep isn't quite the same thing. In most other threads, we talk about personal responsibility. He can't take it for her, but he sounds like he's trying to. That probably doesn't feel good to her either.0 -
Okay. So you said hyperthyroidism but I think you might mean hypothyroidism. Hyperthyroidism, when significant, causes a person to lose substantial amounts of weight, and can lead to having to have the thyroid removed.
If instead, she is suffering from HYPOthyroidism, there are some things you will need to try and understand...
The condition comes with a couple of secondary effects that a person cannot control. These effects are depression, lack of energy, and many vitamin deficiencies. While hormone therapy can help these situations, they do still occur even when the thyroid is "well-managed" by medication.
In case this was missed. Seriously, the hypERthyroidism was probably the only thing that stuck out to me in all of the post.
0 -
It's hard enough changing to a healthy lifestyle and maintaining it. Now the OP should be doing it for another adult? We all know that you have to be ready for "this". If you are just going through the motions it's not going to work.
OP: You're young and in college, you're not married, no children or other attachments. Just move on. I was reading between the lines and the bottom line is 1) you have changed, 2) she is lazy and unmotivated, 3) you have to tiptoe in your conversations with her, 4) you aren't sexually attracted to her anymore. There are probably more but we can stop there. Just move on and find someone who is interested in what you are. That's what solid relationships are built on. My advice would be different if you were married but you're not. Just get to steppin'. There is no shame in that. I did something similar. Ended a relationship with a couch potato in August and started getting healthy in September. We were together for 4 years and I went from fabulous to fat in that time. I stopped doing stuff I liked (being active, eating healthy most of the time) and just sat around eating and watching tv with him. It wasn't his fault; I am an adult. But I decided that I would be better off with someone who was more active. There were other reasons too but that was probably the biggest one. I probably would never date a couch potato again. That's not my cup of tea. I'm happiest when I'm sweating it out! I want a relationship where we can pace each other. Built in workout buddy and spotter! Training for different events together. Exploring healthy cuisines. You're missing out on that. Hearing only your side of the story I would hit the road.
Sounds like you don't want to be the bad guy. You won't be. Do you and move on while you still can.0 -
It's hard enough changing to a healthy lifestyle and maintaining it. Now the OP should be doing it for another adult? We all know that you have to be ready for "this". If you are just going through the motions it's not going to work.
OP: You're young and in college, you're not married, no children or other attachments. Just move on. I was reading between the lines and the bottom line is 1) you have changed, 2) she is lazy and unmotivated, 3) you have to tiptoe in your conversations with her, 4) you aren't sexually attracted to her anymore. There are probably more but we can stop there. Just move on and find someone who is interested in what you are. That's what solid relationships are built on. My advice would be different if you were married but you're not. Just get to steppin'. There is no shame in that. I did something similar. Ended a relationship with a couch potato in August and started getting healthy in September. We were together for 4 years and I went from fabulous to fat in that time. I stopped doing stuff I liked (being active, eating healthy most of the time) and just sat around eating and watching tv with him. It wasn't his fault; I am an adult. But I decided that I would be better off with someone who was more active. There were other reasons too but that was probably the biggest one. I probably would never date a couch potato again. That's not my cup of tea. I'm happiest when I'm sweating it out! I want a relationship where we can pace each other. Built in workout buddy and spotter! Training for different events together. Exploring healthy cuisines. You're missing out on that. Hearing only your side of the story I would hit the road.
Sounds like you don't want to be the bad guy. You won't be. Do you and move on while you still can.
0 -
Just loving how offensive it is for a guy to do food prep for a girl.
I find it funny to be honest. I know that when I started weighing and measuring my food and she saw me making progress I was told "If you're going to weigh your food then you should do the same for me". Obviously not everyone sees the same things as controlling.
Did OP's girlfriend ask him to meal prep three days of food for her? If she did, and I missed it, I reverse my opinion. Her mentioning that she wants to meal prep isn't quite the same thing. In most other threads, we talk about personal responsibility. He can't take it for her, but he sounds like he's trying to. That probably doesn't feel good to her either.
She said she wanted to do more meal prep, so he went ahead and prepped some meals for her. I imagine if she said she wanted to vacuum and OP went ahead and did that for her no one would be complaining.0 -
Get out of the relationship. It seems both of you would be happier. Neither one of you seem like bad people, just not right for one another.0
-
There's food prep and then there's "hey, your fat and here's the food I want you to eat in preportioned amounts but this is for later and not for eating with me or spending time with me while eating together."
"Let's cook dinner together" would have just gone over so much better.0 -
Just loving how offensive it is for a guy to do food prep for a girl.
I find it funny to be honest. I know that when I started weighing and measuring my food and she saw me making progress I was told "If you're going to weigh your food then you should do the same for me". Obviously not everyone sees the same things as controlling.
Did OP's girlfriend ask him to meal prep three days of food for her? If she did, and I missed it, I reverse my opinion. Her mentioning that she wants to meal prep isn't quite the same thing. In most other threads, we talk about personal responsibility. He can't take it for her, but he sounds like he's trying to. That probably doesn't feel good to her either.
She said she wanted to do more meal prep, so he went ahead and prepped some meals for her. I imagine if she said she wanted to vacuum and OP went ahead and did that for her no one would be complaining.
He prepped three days of meals for her. Let's not act like he doesn't have his own agenda. I'm not saying that's bad-he has to decide if this relationship works for him or not.
If you got up every day to find the vacuum plugged in for you, you might feel differently.0 -
There's food prep and then there's "hey, your fat and here's the food I want you to eat in preportioned amounts but this is for later and not for eating with me or spending time with me while eating together."
"Let's cook dinner together" would have just gone over so much better.
Well, if I come home to three days worth of healthy food prepped for me I'll be sure to get ticked off about it rather than appreciate the fact that my boyfriend thought about my goals and saved me some time.
0 -
kristen6350 wrote: »kristen6350 wrote: »You don't. You just love her the way she is and if you can't do that (if she doesn't chose to exercise) get out of the relationship. Why on earth did you think this was even an appropriate question to ask? That poor girlfriend of yours doesn't deserve this. If I knew my BF was on this site telling people I'm lazy I'd kick him so hard where the sun don't shine and tell him to get the heck out of my house.
I wouldn't say that asking the question isn't appropriate. I would agree that his mind frame on the whole subject isn't what it should be but it isn't as if he put up pictures of his girlfriend and said "I'm not attracted to her because she's overweight".
If something like your partner asking for blind relationship questions is going to cause you to kick him and throw him out then you have a long road ahead of you. Relationships and people aren't perfect.
Seriously? I really want to let this go but can't. What a way to start out a Monday morning. If my BF can't ask me or tell me what he wants from me, reasonably, without posting it on a public weight loss forum, our relationship is over in my eyes. Different strokes for different folks, I guess. I respect your opinion of my relationship, but you have nerve sir.
He said he thought she was LAZY on a public form. That's grounds for divorce in my world. Maybe your's is different. Just because he likes something doesn't mean she has to. Just like every other person coming on here complaining that their spouse or significant other doesn't support them because they don't follow what they are newly doing. Just because you like something and are into something doesn't mean your SO has to also. Ever. My boyfriend loves sitting around playing video games. He doesn't expect me to do it. He's not that fond of shopping. I don't make him do it because I like it. Same thing. I've said my peace, I'm out. This really woke me up and got me going this morning. Thanks OP.
Willing to spend thousands in legal fees over being called lazy. LOL0 -
Look at everything from her side. Thyroid problems, confidence problems, addiction to unhealthy foods, wanting to change but unsure how to begin.
She's got a lot going against her.
You're not going to convince her to change, that's for sure. I tried it with my own boyfriend and it didn't work. Eventually he just got his eating under control and decided to get a bit of light exercise, and that got him from slightly overweight back to what most would call average health. He still eats pretty badly and doesn't exercise anymore, but he at least eats proper portions.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is that she will ultimately make up her own mind about when she's going to make a change and how she's going to do it.
If she was asking for help on MFP I'd probably tell her things like:
-I have a friend who recently beat Thyroid cancer, she has definitely struggled with a healthy lifestyle, but she has found a healthy balance. She's a nursing student and she's an incredibly hard worker. It CAN be done! There are lots of people out there with thyroid issues.
-The first step is the hardest. You may not know what you are doing when you go down to the gym, but it'd be worse if you never went! Imagine having access to that the WHOLE time, and never once using it. When you get older, you don't have unlimited access to a gym unless you go out of your way to get a membership or find an apartment with one.
-There's no better time than now. We're young. We're in the best time of our lives to get in shape! It'll be way harder if you wait down the road. Plus, it could have serious healthy implications to stay unhealthy.
-It can be fun. Learning new things, trying new recipes, seeing success happen. It is hard work but it definitely pays off. There's more perks than just seeing the number on the scale drop.
-There's a whole community of people on the internet who are willing to support you! Tumblr, instagram, MFP, pinterest, just about any social media site will have advice and support.
0 -
There's food prep and then there's "hey, your fat and here's the food I want you to eat in preportioned amounts but this is for later and not for eating with me or spending time with me while eating together."
"Let's cook dinner together" would have just gone over so much better.
Well the second one sounds like something a crazy person would read into a situation sooooo
0 -
There's food prep and then there's "hey, your fat and here's the food I want you to eat in preportioned amounts but this is for later and not for eating with me or spending time with me while eating together."
"Let's cook dinner together" would have just gone over so much better.
Exactly. Doing something for the other person is beneficial to a relationship, but doing something for them that they don't want you to do is pretty stupid.0 -
Just loving how offensive it is for a guy to do food prep for a girl.
I find it funny to be honest. I know that when I started weighing and measuring my food and she saw me making progress I was told "If you're going to weigh your food then you should do the same for me". Obviously not everyone sees the same things as controlling.
Did OP's girlfriend ask him to meal prep three days of food for her? If she did, and I missed it, I reverse my opinion. Her mentioning that she wants to meal prep isn't quite the same thing. In most other threads, we talk about personal responsibility. He can't take it for her, but he sounds like he's trying to. That probably doesn't feel good to her either.
She said she wanted to do more meal prep, so he went ahead and prepped some meals for her. I imagine if she said she wanted to vacuum and OP went ahead and did that for her no one would be complaining.
He prepped three days of meals for her. Let's not act like he doesn't have his own agenda. I'm not saying that's bad-he has to decide if this relationship works for him or not.
If you got up every day to find the vacuum plugged in for you, you might feel differently.
OP also said
I love to cook rich foods and often spoil her with it. But when I became focused on my own health and started cooking more healthier options, she just stopped eating my cooking entirely and just goes out to eat.
Just sounds like someone who likes to cook not somebody with an agenda.0 -
OP there's some good advice in here, especially from astrose00. I honestly would break up with her (for the love of god, don't say it's because of her weight/fitness whatever because that would be seriously harsh) on the grounds that you see the two of you going in different directions.
You've got to take two things into account here. Number one (and I haven't seen anyone address this yet) it is highly likely nothing is going to change. One month, two month, six months down the line, can you live with a situation where you've changed yourself, set new goals and achieved them, and she's the same person in terms of health/fitness that she is now - possibly even unhealthier or heavier depending on eating habits. Is the sex life and the emotional engagement going to be the same? Are you going to resent her or blame her? That's not healthy for either of you.
Number two: this is not the fault of either of you. It's not her fault - she's the same person you got with, nothing has changed - you've changed. She's entitled to live her life anyway she sees fit and also entitled not to have someone nagging her to change. Equally, it's not your fault. You've changed - it's what adults do. They re-evaluate and reassess their own life goals. Sometimes that means you have to leave things behind. It's nobody's fault, it's two people who are growing apart.
Your options are
a) stop trying to change her. Become secretly bitter and resentful every time she throws away a meal of yours or refuses to go on a walk with you.
b) keep trying to change her. This will make her hate you in all likelihood in the end because nobody likes being implicitly called fat and lazy. It also won't work.
c) break up.0 -
so when he cooked "rich" meals for her that is loving..but then switching to healthy meals makes him a level 1 scumbag???? really???
Can you please provide a source where I called him a level 1 scumbag? Or where I said the "rich" meals were loving?
He asked for help. I didn't call him names. I said he's probably not even aware that he's doing it. I'm not sure where all the emotion is coming from on this.
If I were talking about the meals I wanted to make and came home to find a good deal of it prepped, I'd be pretty pleased and grateful to my husband. If I came home and found the next three days of food he wants me to eat, not so much. And really? Neither would you. We know you like your moderation. Would it feel good to come home to three days worth of food that someone else deems acceptable for you to eat, or would you rather go out and grab some fast food?
She does state from time to time that she wants to eat healthier. I agree with the comment made that she may not have liked some of what he prepped, especially if they didn't have a conversation about options she might like first. But if I wanted to eat healthier and was being lazy but my fridge was always stocked with the fruit and veg, pre-cut up marinated meats, etc, that I wanted, personally I would not be offended
I state from time to time that I want all sorts of things. It doesn't mean I want my husband to make it his personal mission to make me get them.
Yes, I'd be thrilled if I came home and found my fridge stocked with spinach, pineapples, grapes, tofu, and fresh tomatoes, peppers, onions, and some sprouts. Because my husband knows I love those foods and already eat them and can turn them into meals I already eat regularly. He'd be doing that to support me, not change me.
I know GF says she wants to change sometimes, but OP wants her to change. It's obvious. If it's obvious from one post on the internet, it's obvious to her too. I don't think that makes it him a scumbag. But he asked for help, and what he is doing now clearly isn't working out for him. What he does next depends on what he feels is best for himself and his relationship.
Basically It's offensive that he helped because they both want the same thing
0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.4K Introduce Yourself
- 43.5K Getting Started
- 259.7K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 388 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.7K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.2K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.2K MyFitnessPal Information
- 22 News and Announcements
- 918 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.3K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions