Online Dating
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My question is why people try cyber dating when we can meet real people outside at work, at college, etc. and date there.
I'm a single mom with an office job. The only possible places I could meet a guy were at the gym (I'm not there to chit-chat) or at the grocery store. Online was an easy way to talk to guys when I had spare time right before bed.
Well, It all occurs to me that most of us use online dating because we miss the opportunity to be in real-world dating. otherwise we wouldn't choose this.
So can we regard ourselves as unlucky people?
Do you think online dating is really a date or mostly a way to chit chat and waste some time?
Because to me as a guy in most cases it proves to be a waste of time. It doesn't have the seriousness of the real date.
Someone is online dating wrong.
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I met my husband online...he was deployed overseas at the time and I was finishing my degree, we wouldn't have met otherwise...I got on there for sh!ts and giggles with one of my friends in a post finals boredom slump...2 years later it's the best decision I have ever made!
Although, it took some creeps, awkward inbox messages, and rifling through a good amount of frogs before I found my prince (yes, stupid little comparison, but it's early and I haven't had my coffee lol)0 -
Question: has anyone met anyone in person from MFP? I haven't been on the forums long, and I only post once in a while, but for a fitness site, it seems a lot like a dating site! I realize there's a lot of "just for fun" flirting that goes on here, but you can message people and view their photos and profiles, and I've gotten some very dating-site-like messages. So has anyone used this website in that way?
Yes, one and we dated for about 6 months, but was long-distance so didn't last0 -
I_see_skinny_Me15 wrote: »Oh and his ideal lady would be self sufficient, educated, able to support herself, and independent yet looking for a long term commitment.
Let's indulge in some analysis shall we?
Ideal Lady: He's idealistic (not), wants a "lady". After all, a lot of women prefer to think of themselves as such.
He wants 'em self sufficient: He's appealing to the ego of the Me Generation and the Neo Me Generation. The average gal who wants to believe she doesn't need a man, like that annoying clinging type she never wants to be pegged as.
Educated: YEAH. He wants to weed out the tipped hash slingers at the local diner and the professional toilet scrubbers at the Motel 8. They might have too much folksy common sense and foil his plans.
He wants her able to support herself: But of course. He doesn't want to have to do anything like that. Plus his wife might pick up that supportive paper trail (credit card receipts) and get suspicious.
He likes 'em Independent: That way when he doesn't call for a few weeks and doesn't answer his on-the-sly down low cell phone, she'll be too busy celebrating her independence to notice.
And the best one of all: looking for a long term commitment Whatever that means. Sounds good though. And always gets the ladies building castles in the sky.
ETA: This is strictly an analysis of him I_see_skinny. Not you or your interactions with him.
I've been reading your posts & your level of common sense, is impressive!0 -
Over the course of 6 months I went out on about 15 first dates.Every one of them has a funny, creapy, or terrifying story to go with it. One guy took me to a restaurant for a salad and we both decided to take them to go and go our separate ways. While waiting, he decided to shove his hand down my shirt, grabbed me and wouldnt let go. He thought of this as his reward for paying for my salad. Needless to say, after what I did to him, I paid for my own salad gladly, lmao.
Fortunately, there are men on there worthy of a second date. My Husband and I met on OK Cupid and are going on our 4th Anniversary. I found my soul mate. Hang in there.0 -
Question: how many of you have trouble figuring out what to share when? One of the tough things for me in early communication is trying to avoid revealing too much too early while also not being purposely dodgy. It's a struggle to answer some of those ice-breaker questions early on ("Tell me about your family" and "Why haven't you been married?") when the honest answer can be quite complicated (and potentially TMI).
This is why I like Ok Cupid because of all of the separate questions, that I am able to answer; with multiple choice answers but because I am also able to, explain my answers. Plus there aren't character limits within the profile, so I've basically turned it into my autobiography. Which is important to me, since I am disabled & have deal breakers. This way all of the important stuff is already listed, rather than having to wait; until the right time/date. If my disability is a deal breaker for someone, then it's best that they know about, before not after we have a date.0 -
wolfsbayne wrote: »All of them, it usually starts with arriving and a male has yet again over estimated their height!
One of my big pet peeves since I'm pretty tall as it is. Now, I just assume that they're 2 inches shorter than they listed and I'm usually right lol! Though the last guy I dated had a height listed that was about 1-2 inches shorter than his actual height.
If women can knock 3-5 years off their age and 50lbs off their weight, then nobody can be surprised if men eventually start telling the same lies about their physical attributes. Your assumption is probably accurate as I've noticed that most women are 3 years older and about 20lbs heavier than they claim in their profiles.
Internet liars everywhere!
PS - I AM 5ft 8ins. That's undateably short and no amount of embellishment is going to change that!!!
5'8" isn't undateable in my book. I'm not sure why people lie about physical attributes since a meeting will be in order.
I believe that they do it because they are hoping that if they do meet someone, that their personality; will win them over but I don't see it that way. I view it as being deceptive/manipulative & if someone is that way, in an obvious manner; in what other unbeknownst to me ways are they?0 -
All of them, it usually starts with arriving and a male has yet again over estimated their height!
One of my big pet peeves since I'm pretty tall as it is. Now, I just assume that they're 2 inches shorter than they listed and I'm usually right lol! Though the last guy I dated had a height listed that was about 1-2 inches shorter than his actual height.
If women can knock 3-5 years off their age and 50lbs off their weight, then nobody can be surprised if men eventually start telling the same lies about their physical attributes. Your assumption is probably accurate as I've noticed that most women are 3 years older and about 20lbs heavier than they claim in their profiles.
Internet liars everywhere!
PS - I AM 5ft 8ins. That's undateably short and no amount of embellishment is going to change that!!!
See..I can understand in a way, if a woman says shes 5'3" and a guy lies and says he's 5'10" when hes actually 5'8"..because heck, even in sexy 4" heels, she will not even reach his height. She likely wont even notice *that* much. (Im guessing..I have no idea how women that height think, except that for some reason, they prefer to date men twice their height LoL)
I'm 5'10"...all I ask is a guy at least my height so that I dont have to look down on him and be able to wear heels without towering over him like Im his mum or something. When a guy lies and says he too is 5'10" but hes 5'8...and Im thinking oh! I can wear my heels, I wont be that much taller. And I end up being 4" taller than him when we meet...thats a problem! Actually, now I never wear heels on a first date..I always wear flats because I assume the guy is lying, and I *still* tower over most of the guys.
Age is subjective..not like if you meet someone who says they are 40, and they knock off 3 years and are actually 37 you will be like WTF? LIAR!! lol Its only if she used 10yo pics that it is a noticeable problem. Weight? That can change...not that Ive ever even seen weight listed on a profile anyway. But regardless...using old pics is a lame move.
But height? If you're done with puberty, and I'm guessing we all are...that's never going to change. Its not like I can say..its okay that he lied and is only 5'8..he will grow. LOL no. I will always have to bend down to kiss him.
I am exactly 5'3" & with the exception of 1 guy, in all of my 34 years; no guy under 5'10" has ever been attracted to me. It seems that guys less than 5'10" are typically interested in tall women, even taller than them.0 -
Age is subjective..not like if you meet someone who says they are 40, and they knock off 3 years and are actually 37 you will be like WTF? LIAR!!
Age isn't subjective. There are 365 days in a year.
And why lie at all?
Knowingly telling a lie makes one a LIAR, yes. One can't be 37 and 40 years of age at the same time. It's one or the other.
And anyone who would lie about this to snag a date would lie about other things too. Like "No dear, I'm not talking to anyone online right now. I'm SHOE SHOPPING. Please stop bothering me and go back to bed."
Justification?
"Well, I'm not actually going to MEET with him after work or DO anything with him. No harm done. It's my business."
All liars should be avoided like the plague.
Oooh, I think you misunderstood me! You cut out the part where I said posting old pics is a lame move...for me, lame means, not a good thing...and doesn't mean I defend this behavior! I wasn't promoting lying, I was just making an observation on the lies people tell.
I have seen people who look way older or younger than their actual age, so without proof, Id be assuming. And if they used actual pictures instead of old ones, Id already be aware of what they look like...that's what I meant by age is subjective, subjective was the wrong word for me to use but I hope you get my drift what I was trying to say now?
Anyway, was not defending lying, or trying to say one lie is better than another..I was merely musing at how silly it is to lie about something that is *so* obvious...a 3 year age difference is not remotely as obvious to me as being able to look down and see the top of a guys head who is supposed to be as tall as me or taller than me lol it also make our date very awkward if I believed him and actually wear heels only to tower several inches over him and have to look down on him like hes my child...which is why, like I said, I only wear flats on first dates now..too many awkard moments like that, so I just come prepared now. Doesnt mean Im letting the lie slide..just to avoid feeling awkward for our first and last date if he lied to me.
If I had lots of issues about guys lying about their age, then Id be ranting about that instead right along with you lol but height is my bigger annoyance because its the lie I hear more often than others. Second biggest lie I get from guys is marital status. Not often a guy lies about his age to me...maybe I just didnt know them long enough to find out lol Thats a possibility.
I'm glad you weren't defending fibbing. Yes, there's plenty of fibbing and lying going on in the dating world. Too bad. Socializing should be fun, not a chore.
About pics. I wasn't aware that people were so sneaky with them. I attempted to online date only twice in the late 90s. I flaked on the first guy and the second guy flaked on me.
I wonder what would happen if a dating profile didn't include a pic at all? I think someone earlier in this thread mentioned she didn't include one in her description and still got a lot of responses anyway.
I would be willing to meet someone in person after a phone chat, not knowing what they look like. The sound of the voice and the way someone talks tells a lot more than a pic imo.
I think it's important to meet in person. I don't understand the extreme hesitancy around it now. I'm beginning to think people really would rather screw around on the internet and waste time texting, rather than take the risk of meeting face to face. If two people met and one of the two found the other physically unattractive, a polite decline to accept a second date wouldn't be such a big deal. Or would it?
It's important for me to know what someone looks like before dating them, so that if he abducts me; the police will at least have a photograph. Plus I won't meet someone in person, unless they video chat with me, via Skype; so that I know that their pictures are truly of them & current.0 -
Okay, so I have a good one that just happened last week. So I am prior military, and work on a military base as a contractor. So I am on OKC and this guy messages me, tells me thank you for your service, etc. He tells me he is active duty military and stationed on the same base that I work at and I get completely excited (hey, what can I say, I have a thing for a man in uniform. ). So we start messaging back and forth for a few days getting to know each other and I ask him what brought him to OKC. His response, and I quote (because I still have it):
"Well, I am PCSing (for those of you who don't know what that means, it means he's moving to a new base somewhere, new town, state, or country) in a few months so I am not looking to really start a relationship with someone, but someone maybe I can have some fun with until I leave. So I am a single father of a special needs child and that's another reason why I don't really want to get into a relationship since I don't want him to get attached to anyone before we leave. So basically, I am really just looking for some fun, some adult (naked) fun I can have. Now I can only do this during the day, and can't do it at my house since my son is there with his nurse since he can't go to school. Oh and I have a latex allergy so I can't just have some safe, clean fun with anyone. But I know that since you told me you are prior military, you are safe and clean and wouldn't have a problem having sex without a condom." End of message.
My jaw seriously dropped to the floor after reading that. So, my response (yes, I replied):
Well I understand not wanting to get into a relationship with someone before leaving in a few months, that does make sense. Especially with a child that you don't want him getting attached to anyone. But let me just say, first of all, based on where you work, how can you only have "fun" during the day when your job is a day shift only operation? I was active duty military on this base and I know the place where you work is literally only open from 7 am - 5 pm...no night shift operations at all. I know you're leaving in a few months, but you should still have to work before you leave...you again, must have forgotten that I am prior military, so I know the processes of getting ready to PCS. Second of all, you should know that condoms are not just made of latex. They are made with quite a few different types of material so those of you that have latex allergies can still use condoms, just a different kind. Considering where you work (he works in the medical career field) I would think you would know that type of thing. Third of all, I would NEVER have "safe, clean fun" without a condom. That's an oxymoron. And speaking or moron, you seriously thought the response you would get by me would be yay, let's have sex? Um, negative. Good luck though, I'm sure you can find some naïve girl that will love your story that you will be able to sleep with before you leave.
P.S. You're better off looking for a civilian off base who has no idea what and how military operations work...that way when you're trying to lie, you won't get caught.
P.P.S I would love to hear how many girls fall for the latex allergy line.
Thank you for giving him ideas!0 -
Question: how many of you have trouble figuring out what to share when? One of the tough things for me in early communication is trying to avoid revealing too much too early while also not being purposely dodgy. It's a struggle to answer some of those ice-breaker questions early on ("Tell me about your family" and "Why haven't you been married?") when the honest answer can be quite complicated (and potentially TMI).
I had this dilemna when I was pregnant (as a surrogate). How much to explain on the profile vs. when to bring it up when messaging back and forth. I didn't want to arrange a meeting for coffee and show up visibly pregnant and have to explain as quickly as possible before he ran off. But when I put on my profile that I was pregnant, I got messages from MANY guys wanting me to send them pics of my bare baby bump. Or asking if I could still have sex. Or asking if my milk had come in yet.
That doesn't surprise me because some guys have a fetish for pregnant women, especially because of the way that they have to walk; is what appeals to them the most and/or that they seem to glow more (as in being more confident/happy, than most women; that aren't pregnant).0 -
I think the whole 'try harder' is where it goes wrong. The more you try the more losers you seem to find.
I've found when I stop looking is when it usually comes along. (as frustrating in itself as that can be)
A lot of truth in this I think! I met all my serious relationships when not only was I not looking, the last thing I wanted was to meet someone. When I met my ex-husband, I was in a major slump, never did my hair, wearing baggy dirty tshirts...like for real...I dont know what he saw in me LOL
My next bf, met him online but not for dating..I met him by chance, thought he was full of it and hilarious, so I just kept talking to him because I was amused (turns out he wasnt full of it...all the incredible things he was telling me about his life, were acutally true lol)
My last bf...a friend had to bribe me to take him somewhere cause he needed a ride. I so didnt want to go and was pretty annoyed cause I'd had a long day. I went to the bar to get a drink, and ran into my next bf of 5 years.
Yeah, I think I need to stop trying. Maybe do all at once...wear baggy dirty tshirts, talk to wierdos online and get a drink at a bar when Im tired and in a bad mood. And then..maybe then I will meet the man of my dreams LMFAO
If they can't handle you at your worst, they don't deserve you at your best
Which is why I am explicit in my profile, about my disability & also put up pictures, that don't hide my overweight figure.0 -
Oooh I have a story!
It was mid 2010 I gave OkCupid a shot and met some pretty cool guys. Among them was a former Sgt. in the Army who had recently moved to Houston. After many long conversations with him I decided to give in to his requests for a date.
It was totally my idea to go to a bar because I wanted to watch the Mayweather fight. He thought I was a super cool girl for that suggestion.
1st red flag- I had to pick him up because "his mom was using his car"
2nd red flag- He wanted me to pick him up in the back of his apartments because "the apartments don't like when they give the code out to everyone"
Then i noticed he isn't as tall as he said and his eyes weren't hazel either. Reluctant to drive 45 minutes back home for nothing, we still went to the bar.
I tried to have a good time but he blatantly flirted with the waitress so we could "get the hook-up on drinks". To top it off, he had brought his own flask and would sneak sips from it every now and then. Throughout the night, he became more and more disrespectful and aggressive towards me. He would grab and grope me and tell me I was his woman and I needed to act like it. He turned into a complete monster. Where was the charming, manerable guy I had been speaking with?!
Very long story short, I had to take him home only to drive alllll the way back to the bar because he lost his phone. Once he saw I was no longer interested in him, he confided in me that he got the waitresses phone number while I was in the bathroom.
Good luck to her!
I have since met a wonderful guy on POF and we've been together since Sept 2013 glad I didn't let him scare me away from internet dating.
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My question is why people try cyber dating when we can meet real people outside at work, at college, etc. and date there.
Because most people are too addicted to their cellulars, to notice anyone else. Even grocery shopping has become dangerous. All I hear is carts, crashing into something. I use to just be nervous around children pushing carts because since the weren't tall enough to see over the cart, they'd run the cart up my heels/ankles; it was a painful problem but now the adults with their cellular addiction, do it too.0 -
chrisskellinton wrote: »
You were worrying about dating while you were pregnant???????Srsly?Question: how many of you have trouble figuring out what to share when? One of the tough things for me in early communication is trying to avoid revealing too much too early while also not being purposely dodgy. It's a struggle to answer some of those ice-breaker questions early on ("Tell me about your family" and "Why haven't you been married?") when the honest answer can be quite complicated (and potentially TMI).
I had this dilemna when I was pregnant (as a surrogate). How much to explain on the profile vs. when to bring it up when messaging back and forth. I didn't want to arrange a meeting for coffee and show up visibly pregnant and have to explain as quickly as possible before he ran off. But when I put on my profile that I was pregnant, I got messages from MANY guys wanting me to send them pics of my bare baby bump. Or asking if I could still have sex. Or asking if my milk had come in yet.
There's nothing wrong with a single woman dating, pregnant or not.0 -
chrisskellinton wrote: »chrisskellinton wrote: »Question: how many of you have trouble figuring out what to share when? One of the tough things for me in early communication is trying to avoid revealing too much too early while also not being purposely dodgy. It's a struggle to answer some of those ice-breaker questions early on ("Tell me about your family" and "Why haven't you been married?") when the honest answer can be quite complicated (and potentially TMI).
I had this dilemna when I was pregnant (as a surrogate). How much to explain on the profile vs. when to bring it up when messaging back and forth. I didn't want to arrange a meeting for coffee and show up visibly pregnant and have to explain as quickly as possible before he ran off. But when I put on my profile that I was pregnant, I got messages from MANY guys wanting me to send them pics of my bare baby bump. Or asking if I could still have sex. Or asking if my milk had come in yet.
You were worrying about dating while you were pregnant???????Srsly?
I wasn't "worried" about dating while I was pregnant as a surrogate. That's like worrying about dating while I'm donating blood, or while I'm out singing karaoke, or while I'm reading a book. Why should doing something I enjoy or something that is part of who I am prevent me from dating? My first surrogacy I started dating a guy when I was in my first month of pregnancy. We broke up for reasons unrelated to pregnancy 2 months after I delivered.
My only concern was at what point in the dating process I should bring it up to potential suitors.
I don't think you get my point. But I do think most people should know immediately.
No being a surrogate is not like donating blood etc. Having a kid whether it is yours or not is way more life changing to the other person than just doing something randomly like donating blood or singing karaoke.
Me being a guy and let's say I had recently broke up with a woman who was pregnant with my child. I think the other person should know that right away because it will affect them too and their choice to want to be with me.
As long as a woman is okay with dating a guy, whom has a child; it shouldn't matter what stage of life that child is in. Whether said child is in the womb or out.0 -
WednesdayJanuary07th2015 wrote: »chrisskellinton wrote: »chrisskellinton wrote: »Question: how many of you have trouble figuring out what to share when? One of the tough things for me in early communication is trying to avoid revealing too much too early while also not being purposely dodgy. It's a struggle to answer some of those ice-breaker questions early on ("Tell me about your family" and "Why haven't you been married?") when the honest answer can be quite complicated (and potentially TMI).
I had this dilemna when I was pregnant (as a surrogate). How much to explain on the profile vs. when to bring it up when messaging back and forth. I didn't want to arrange a meeting for coffee and show up visibly pregnant and have to explain as quickly as possible before he ran off. But when I put on my profile that I was pregnant, I got messages from MANY guys wanting me to send them pics of my bare baby bump. Or asking if I could still have sex. Or asking if my milk had come in yet.
You were worrying about dating while you were pregnant???????Srsly?
I wasn't "worried" about dating while I was pregnant as a surrogate. That's like worrying about dating while I'm donating blood, or while I'm out singing karaoke, or while I'm reading a book. Why should doing something I enjoy or something that is part of who I am prevent me from dating? My first surrogacy I started dating a guy when I was in my first month of pregnancy. We broke up for reasons unrelated to pregnancy 2 months after I delivered.
My only concern was at what point in the dating process I should bring it up to potential suitors.
I don't think you get my point. But I do think most people should know immediately.
No being a surrogate is not like donating blood etc. Having a kid whether it is yours or not is way more life changing to the other person than just doing something randomly like donating blood or singing karaoke.
Me being a guy and let's say I had recently broke up with a woman who was pregnant with my child. I think the other person should know that right away because it will affect them too and their choice to want to be with me.
As long as a woman is okay with dating a guy, whom has a child; it shouldn't matter what stage of life that child is in. Whether said child is in the womb or out.
Beg to differ. I would date a man with kids. Have no issue with it (at my age it's hard to find guys who don't already have kids anyway.) I would NOT date a man with one still cooking. That is a serious life transition (whether he is still with the mother or not) and he needs to be focused on that rather than dating. For him to do otherwise seems irresponsible and makes him unappealing to me.0 -
My question is why people try cyber dating when we can meet real people outside at work, at college, etc. and date there.
I'm a single mom with an office job. The only possible places I could meet a guy were at the gym (I'm not there to chit-chat) or at the grocery store. Online was an easy way to talk to guys when I had spare time right before bed.
Well, It all occurs to me that most of us use online dating because we miss the opportunity to be in real-world dating. otherwise we wouldn't choose this.
So can we regard ourselves as unlucky people?
Do you think online dating is really a date or mostly a way to chit chat and waste some time?
Because to me as a guy in most cases it proves to be a waste of time. It doesn't have the seriousness of the real date.
I met my current boyfriend online. We've been dating since July. I don't think I'm unlucky to "miss the opportunity to be in the real-world dating". Online dating gave me the chance to talk to a variety of people I never would have run into in "the real world".
Most first dates are chit chat and it's not a waste of time to meet for lunch or coffee to see if there might be friendship or chemistry. I don't view a date as serious until we've gone on a few (and I pay for myself, so it's not like I'm dating to get free food).0 -
WednesdayJanuary07th2015 wrote: »chrisskellinton wrote: »chrisskellinton wrote: »Question: how many of you have trouble figuring out what to share when? One of the tough things for me in early communication is trying to avoid revealing too much too early while also not being purposely dodgy. It's a struggle to answer some of those ice-breaker questions early on ("Tell me about your family" and "Why haven't you been married?") when the honest answer can be quite complicated (and potentially TMI).
I had this dilemna when I was pregnant (as a surrogate). How much to explain on the profile vs. when to bring it up when messaging back and forth. I didn't want to arrange a meeting for coffee and show up visibly pregnant and have to explain as quickly as possible before he ran off. But when I put on my profile that I was pregnant, I got messages from MANY guys wanting me to send them pics of my bare baby bump. Or asking if I could still have sex. Or asking if my milk had come in yet.
You were worrying about dating while you were pregnant???????Srsly?
I wasn't "worried" about dating while I was pregnant as a surrogate. That's like worrying about dating while I'm donating blood, or while I'm out singing karaoke, or while I'm reading a book. Why should doing something I enjoy or something that is part of who I am prevent me from dating? My first surrogacy I started dating a guy when I was in my first month of pregnancy. We broke up for reasons unrelated to pregnancy 2 months after I delivered.
My only concern was at what point in the dating process I should bring it up to potential suitors.
I don't think you get my point. But I do think most people should know immediately.
No being a surrogate is not like donating blood etc. Having a kid whether it is yours or not is way more life changing to the other person than just doing something randomly like donating blood or singing karaoke.
Me being a guy and let's say I had recently broke up with a woman who was pregnant with my child. I think the other person should know that right away because it will affect them too and their choice to want to be with me.
As long as a woman is okay with dating a guy, whom has a child; it shouldn't matter what stage of life that child is in. Whether said child is in the womb or out.
Beg to differ. I would date a man with kids. Have no issue with it (at my age it's hard to find guys who don't already have kids anyway.) I would NOT date a man with one still cooking. That is a serious life transition (whether he is still with the mother or not) and he needs to be focused on that rather than dating. For him to do otherwise seems irresponsible and makes him unappealing to me.
I have hobbit handes, but otherwise
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I had a guy pee in the bushes in front of my house after a date and he didnt think I saw.. then lost his keys.. he was very drunk and didnt remember anything that had happened the next day. That was one of the good dates I had been on lol JK I've had really bad ones!0
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