"Can't you just be normal?"
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Did OP say why she started counting calories at age 12?0
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Get help with food anxiety issues, tell boyfriend there's no such thing as normal.0
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yopeeps025 wrote: »
I like jokes.0 -
yopeeps025 wrote: »brianpperkins wrote: »
I don't get what? That all of you are making assumptions about this young lady that you don't know? That someone could look at any one of us and think we are abnormal for various reasons? I am guessing that most of you are not licensed professionals so to talk of diagnosis at all is not really within your scope of knowledge.
When the OP admits to an unhealthy relationship with food, anxieties, and obsessions ... the resulting posts to her are not based on assumptions.
Pretty much.
But I thought the issue is why does the boyfriend eat out all the time. I cannot believe someone even brought that up as an issue. Even better the boyfriend should be seeking a chef and therapist. I must be in the
Sometimes I feel to lazy to make my bacon and eggs in the morning so I go and buy bacon and eggs on a roll. Brb....seeking out therapy.
Stop stuffing your face and get a professional chef for your issues!!!!! :laugh:
Yeah, let me go hire a chef instead of spending 4 dollars at the store.
Now I want a bodega BAC sandwich on a roll.... I think I need professional help.0 -
yopeeps025 wrote: »
I like jokes.
Well since I'm in school following a path of clinical psychologist I rather not joke about this stuff because yeah it can be fake but if this person is real it's like wow. The whole reason why I am choosing this profession is to help people like OP.
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In summary:
1. Many people suggest that you should see a counselor to help you with the anxiety you have around food
2. A few people have suggested ways for you to have more freedom around food such as preplanning the restaurant meals, and letting go of calorie counting altogether.
3. A few people have talked about the role of friends in your life and there has been some controversy about the role of food and dining in your relationship with your boyfriend.
4. Some people have expressed concern for you. They do not want to see you develop a life-threatening eating disorder.
5. A whole lot of people have argued with each other about which advice is the best.
So here's what I think you could consider as action steps:
1. Decide whether you want to seek professional help to reduce your anxiety around food.
2. Decide whether you want to change your approach to to calorie counting and meals out. You could try something different for just a few weeks and see if it works. If it doesn't work or you have too much anxiety or other difficulties, you could stop what you are doing and try something else or see a counselor. If you decide to see a counselor, they may have suggestions for you.
3. See if there is something you want to have happen in your relationship with your boyfriend. You might decide that a conversation with him around your concerns would be helpful to your relationship.
Change is possible. Transformation is even better. You can free yourself of the anxiety you have and develop a greater freedom and happiness. Good luck.
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TheVirgoddess wrote: »You guys are arguing over something ridiculous. It doesn't matter how often the boyfriend eats out, or how little the OP does. It doesn't matter if she counts calories or started too young and it doesn't matter how old she is.
The OP said (her own words):I know I don't have a healthy relationship with food
That, IMO, is entirely enough reason for her to talk to someone.
Because I'm looking at everything she wrote in context, not just one sentence. We're all familiar with the freshman 15 and relationship weight gain. She's in the "before" stage, being made to feel like there's something wrong with her because of only eating a couple meals a month outside of her home. I just don't see the point of wasting a professional's time. If anyone needs to see one, it's the boyfriend: a chef. For some cooking lessons. And also her boyfriend and friends need to find other things to do for fun rather than stuffing their faces and waist lines. They could AVOID being an MFP "before" story altogether
That's just absolutely ridiculous. The boyfriend needs to seek professional help because he eats out a lot and doesn't cook? Who are you to decide if her boyfriend and his friends she "waste" time eating out? You are making assumptions about a relationship that you have no clue about and you know how that's making you look.
Yeah? Learn to boil a dang egg or something? If one of the two is abnormal, damn straight it's the person who eats no meals at home, NOT the person eating out twice a month. I may be forgetting my own posts but I don't believe I've said anything about wasting time... However if you're missing out on time with your friend / girlfriend because she doesn't want to eat excessively calorie dense foods all the time, maybe find out what *she* likes to do and go out and explore those interests, not just get frustrated that she won't eat out with you three meals a day
What makes it abnormal to eat out so much? Because you say so? Who told you that you make life's decisions on what is normal and what isn't? I eat at least 2 of my meals every day outside of my home, that's normal for me so who are you to say it's abnormal.
Also, who cares what they are ordering? What difference does it make?
I also eat two of my meals outside of my home. At least I do so Monday through Friday. This is normal for me as well as for my co-workers. Not many people brown-bagging it in NYC. Not that there is anything wrong with bringing your food from home. That would be the better option. But we don't. Thank you, Seamless.com.
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The question to ask youself is "am i comfortable with my relationship with food" and if the answer is yes...forget about what others think. most of america is very unhealthy because they eat out all the time...unhealthy and broke. Anxiety in general in another issue and can be dealt with in many ways including talking to a professional. Be good with yourself and forget what others think...be happy with your own healthy choices. and feeding yrself well is a very healthy thing to do. in my opinion.0
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All right, folks, can we just be fair here about why some of us have wondered about issues?
It isn't just that she's been counting calories since she was an adolescent. Let's face facts here. She not only put forth the question of why she "can't just be normal" in the title of her thread, she went on to say that even when she doesn't count calories and even though her weight does not change, she still feels anxiety.
So it's not so off-the-wall that a few of us put forth the question as to whether there's some additional issue here. Loads of people try to lose weight, loads of people count calories and so on, yes. But those people don't generally feel "abnormal" nor do they feel anxiety when they aren't even gaining weight, and feel compelled to go back to calorie counting anyway.
If there are no issues, great! But don't jump on people for reading all that and wondering if there isn't something else going on here. Again, if not, great.
If I'm included in that group, sorry I wasn't trying to "jump on people". I understand what people are saying (and I did start super young which made it more of a lifestyle I'm used to rather than just a tool). I just feel like counting calories in general the way people on MFP do it isn't normal- not just me. The average person doesn't weigh their bananas. Which is fine, I'm not saying one is better than the other. I'm saying in relation to this community I don't feel abnormal cause I do what everyone does. I might be more anal about it or emotionally tied to it or more specific, whatever you want to say but in the end everyone says "log everything, weigh everything on here". People off MFP do not. Therefore since people who don't weigh their food outnumber those who do, weighing and tracking calories is not the norm making it not "normal" among others. I'm sure many people on MFP get weird looks from friends, family, coworkers when they see them weighing an apple or their raisins or whatever.
The people who say these things haven't spent their entire lives very thin and fit. It's normal for people to say this to OVERWEIGHT people because we obviously have been overeating and need to control our portions better and learn better habits! I certainly wouldn't tell a thin person, who has never had any weight issues that they "better watch their portions" and "count and weigh everything."
That is a little out of the ordinary. Of course, your BF eating out every day is not normal or healthy either. So, maybe a happy medium?
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laurielima wrote: »The question to ask youself is "am i comfortable with my relationship with food" and if the answer is yes...forget about what others think. most of america is very unhealthy because they eat out all the time...unhealthy and broke. Anxiety in general in another issue and can be dealt with in many ways including talking to a professional. Be good with yourself and forget what others think...be happy with your own healthy choices. and feeding yrself well is a very healthy thing to do. in my opinion.
Did you read the OP and her other comments?
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yopeeps025 wrote: »laurielima wrote: »The question to ask youself is "am i comfortable with my relationship with food" and if the answer is yes...forget about what others think. most of america is very unhealthy because they eat out all the time...unhealthy and broke. Anxiety in general in another issue and can be dealt with in many ways including talking to a professional. Be good with yourself and forget what others think...be happy with your own healthy choices. and feeding yrself well is a very healthy thing to do. in my opinion.
Did you read the OP and her other comments?
I will bet my bacon, egg and cheese sandwich that the answer is "no".0 -
laurielima wrote: »The question to ask youself is "am i comfortable with my relationship with food"
That was already asked and responded to in the negative on page 1.
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ceoverturf wrote: »TheVirgoddess wrote: »You guys are arguing over something ridiculous. It doesn't matter how often the boyfriend eats out, or how little the OP does. It doesn't matter if she counts calories or started too young and it doesn't matter how old she is.
The OP said (her own words):I know I don't have a healthy relationship with food
That, IMO, is entirely enough reason for her to talk to someone.
Because I'm looking at everything she wrote in context, not just one sentence. We're all familiar with the freshman 15 and relationship weight gain. She's in the "before" stage, being made to feel like there's something wrong with her because of only eating a couple meals a month outside of her home. I just don't see the point of wasting a professional's time. If anyone needs to see one, it's the boyfriend: a chef. For some cooking lessons. And also her boyfriend and friends need to find other things to do for fun rather than stuffing their faces and waist lines. They could AVOID being an MFP "before" story altogether
Please explain how eating out frequently = stuffing their faces and their waist lines. Do you know these people? Are you friends with them?
I'll freely admit that is an assumption. Restaurant foods do tend to be fairly calorie dense. Perhaps the OP can give some examples of what they order
What difference would that make? AFAIK, this thread was started by and is about OP and her eating habits, not her BFs
Because calorie counts in foods eaten by a taller, more muscular male who remains trim could easily make a small female put on a lot of weight. Yeah she could select the low calorie options (which is a very helpful suggestion given earlier), but sometimes you just want the dang double cheese burger, and as she explained in her OP a lot of times you can make the same food at home for way less calories
It really has nothing to do with that though. The first 2 years of my time in college, the only thing I cooked was hot chocolate and popcorn. I lost the freshman 15 (and I was already a normal weight) because I just walked around campus a lot and ate in moderation. These people are in college. Male or female, absolutely nothing wrong with eating out regularly. Size doesn't matter. It's not unusual for people to maintain a healthy physique and eat out constantly.
I didn't gain weight until a couple years after college due to inactivity and stuffing myself silly when I felt sad...didn't even have to eat out to get there.
It's really irrelevant to the issues the OP is personally having. She needs to solve them. It has nothing to do with how her friends and boyfriend eat.0 -
yopeeps025 wrote: »I think multiple people are also wondering why the boyfriend can't be normal and eat a lot of meals at home like "normal" people. Not being able to take leftovers home seems abnormal. Not going grocery shopping seems abnormal. So...what about him too?
Who's to say how many times day or a week is at home is normal? One of my closest friends eats dinner out every night and if not he orders. I personally will eat 2 meals, sometimes 3 meals out per day. That's normal for me.christinev297 wrote: »
It's more a question to be asked to the person screaming that his girlfriend is abnormal than anyone else. Like if he thinks she's abnormal, what's so damn normal about eating every single meal out - relatively speaking. I do purchase a lot of meals, too, but I wouldn't call coworkers who prefer to brown bag it, or turn down lunch outings with us abnormal
LOL so heated and what your talking about is not even the issue at hand.
This is heated?
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ceoverturf wrote: »TheVirgoddess wrote: »You guys are arguing over something ridiculous. It doesn't matter how often the boyfriend eats out, or how little the OP does. It doesn't matter if she counts calories or started too young and it doesn't matter how old she is.
The OP said (her own words):I know I don't have a healthy relationship with food
That, IMO, is entirely enough reason for her to talk to someone.
Because I'm looking at everything she wrote in context, not just one sentence. We're all familiar with the freshman 15 and relationship weight gain. She's in the "before" stage, being made to feel like there's something wrong with her because of only eating a couple meals a month outside of her home. I just don't see the point of wasting a professional's time. If anyone needs to see one, it's the boyfriend: a chef. For some cooking lessons. And also her boyfriend and friends need to find other things to do for fun rather than stuffing their faces and waist lines. They could AVOID being an MFP "before" story altogether
Please explain how eating out frequently = stuffing their faces and their waist lines. Do you know these people? Are you friends with them?
I'll freely admit that is an assumption. Restaurant foods do tend to be fairly calorie dense. Perhaps the OP can give some examples of what they order
What difference would that make? AFAIK, this thread was started by and is about OP and her eating habits, not her BFs
Because calorie counts in foods eaten by a taller, more muscular male who remains trim could easily make a small female put on a lot of weight. Yeah she could select the low calorie options (which is a very helpful suggestion given earlier), but sometimes you just want the dang double cheese burger, and as she explained in her OP a lot of times you can make the same food at home for way less calories
It really has nothing to do with that though. The first 2 years of my time in college, the only thing I cooked was hot chocolate and popcorn. I lost the freshman 15 (and I was already a normal weight) because I just walked around campus a lot and ate in moderation. These people are in college. Male or female, absolutely nothing wrong with eating out regularly. Size doesn't matter. It's not unusual for people to maintain a healthy physique and eat out constantly.
I didn't gain weight until a couple years after college due to inactivity and stuffing myself silly when I felt sad...didn't even have to eat out to get there.
It's really irrelevant to the issues the OP is personally having. She needs to solve them. It has nothing to do with how her friends and boyfriend eat.
I like you.0 -
ceoverturf wrote: »TheVirgoddess wrote: »You guys are arguing over something ridiculous. It doesn't matter how often the boyfriend eats out, or how little the OP does. It doesn't matter if she counts calories or started too young and it doesn't matter how old she is.
The OP said (her own words):I know I don't have a healthy relationship with food
That, IMO, is entirely enough reason for her to talk to someone.
Because I'm looking at everything she wrote in context, not just one sentence. We're all familiar with the freshman 15 and relationship weight gain. She's in the "before" stage, being made to feel like there's something wrong with her because of only eating a couple meals a month outside of her home. I just don't see the point of wasting a professional's time. If anyone needs to see one, it's the boyfriend: a chef. For some cooking lessons. And also her boyfriend and friends need to find other things to do for fun rather than stuffing their faces and waist lines. They could AVOID being an MFP "before" story altogether
Please explain how eating out frequently = stuffing their faces and their waist lines. Do you know these people? Are you friends with them?
I'll freely admit that is an assumption. Restaurant foods do tend to be fairly calorie dense. Perhaps the OP can give some examples of what they order
What difference would that make? AFAIK, this thread was started by and is about OP and her eating habits, not her BFs
Because calorie counts in foods eaten by a taller, more muscular male who remains trim could easily make a small female put on a lot of weight. Yeah she could select the low calorie options (which is a very helpful suggestion given earlier), but sometimes you just want the dang double cheese burger, and as she explained in her OP a lot of times you can make the same food at home for way less calories
It really has nothing to do with that though. The first 2 years of my time in college, the only thing I cooked was hot chocolate and popcorn. I lost the freshman 15 (and I was already a normal weight) because I just walked around campus a lot and ate in moderation. These people are in college. Male or female, absolutely nothing wrong with eating out regularly. Size doesn't matter. It's not unusual for people to maintain a healthy physique and eat out constantly.
I didn't gain weight until a couple years after college due to inactivity and stuffing myself silly when I felt sad...didn't even have to eat out to get there.
It's really irrelevant to the issues the OP is personally having. She needs to solve them. It has nothing to do with how her friends and boyfriend eat.
We can't know that unless we actually know what they tend to order. Only the OP can tell us that - that is, if we choose to believe her when/if she does. Would it still be irrelevant if whenever they go out, they tend to have a lot of calorie dense drinks**, multiple slices of pizza, etc etc?
No, there's nothing wrong with eating meals out. One more time: IF he's gonna throw stones about somebody being abnormal, the guy eating ALL his meals outside and cooking nothing needs to check himself before the girl cooking most meals at home and eating outside twice a month. A "remove the log in your eye first" type thing. Or glass house issue, if you prefer.
**actually thinking back to college I remember a pamphlet explaining that saving calories and avoiding weight gain was a great reason to the mostly underage targets to quit [binge] drinking...0 -
ceoverturf wrote: »TheVirgoddess wrote: »You guys are arguing over something ridiculous. It doesn't matter how often the boyfriend eats out, or how little the OP does. It doesn't matter if she counts calories or started too young and it doesn't matter how old she is.
The OP said (her own words):I know I don't have a healthy relationship with food
That, IMO, is entirely enough reason for her to talk to someone.
Because I'm looking at everything she wrote in context, not just one sentence. We're all familiar with the freshman 15 and relationship weight gain. She's in the "before" stage, being made to feel like there's something wrong with her because of only eating a couple meals a month outside of her home. I just don't see the point of wasting a professional's time. If anyone needs to see one, it's the boyfriend: a chef. For some cooking lessons. And also her boyfriend and friends need to find other things to do for fun rather than stuffing their faces and waist lines. They could AVOID being an MFP "before" story altogether
Please explain how eating out frequently = stuffing their faces and their waist lines. Do you know these people? Are you friends with them?
I'll freely admit that is an assumption. Restaurant foods do tend to be fairly calorie dense. Perhaps the OP can give some examples of what they order
What difference would that make? AFAIK, this thread was started by and is about OP and her eating habits, not her BFs
Because calorie counts in foods eaten by a taller, more muscular male who remains trim could easily make a small female put on a lot of weight. Yeah she could select the low calorie options (which is a very helpful suggestion given earlier), but sometimes you just want the dang double cheese burger, and as she explained in her OP a lot of times you can make the same food at home for way less calories
It really has nothing to do with that though. The first 2 years of my time in college, the only thing I cooked was hot chocolate and popcorn. I lost the freshman 15 (and I was already a normal weight) because I just walked around campus a lot and ate in moderation. These people are in college. Male or female, absolutely nothing wrong with eating out regularly. Size doesn't matter. It's not unusual for people to maintain a healthy physique and eat out constantly.
I didn't gain weight until a couple years after college due to inactivity and stuffing myself silly when I felt sad...didn't even have to eat out to get there.
It's really irrelevant to the issues the OP is personally having. She needs to solve them. It has nothing to do with how her friends and boyfriend eat.
We can't know that unless we actually know what they tend to order. Only the OP can tell us that - that is, if we choose to believe her when/if she does. Would it still be irrelevant if whenever they go out, they tend to have a lot of calorie dense drinks**, multiple slices of pizza, etc etc?
No, there's nothing wrong with eating meals out. One more time: IF he's gonna throw stones about somebody being abnormal, the guy eating ALL his meals outside and cooking nothing needs to check himself before the girl cooking most meals at home and eating outside twice a month. A "remove the log in your eye first" type thing. Or glass house issue, if you prefer.
**actually thinking back to college I remember a pamphlet explaining that saving calories and avoiding weight gain was a great reason to the mostly underage targets to quit [binge] drinking...
Why is this being talked about? What does OP have to gain from talking about her boyfriend eating out. That's not the issue or even close to the issue.
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