My Husband!.... NOT ATTRACTED TO ME!
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first thing first you need to talk to him. Confront him with what you found. Then go about getting help. But the communication needs to start with him not us. We can all give you advice but nothing will change until you talk to him. HE has a problem that is alot bigger than 10 stinking pounds. You need to learn to love you and work on you for you not him. I hope you find the help you need and find the inner beauty that will help you find that outer beauty as well.0
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I disagree with a cheater always being a cheater. That is definitely NOT true! The cheater just has to not want to cheat, that's all.
In my first message I needed more details and got them. Unless I missed something in the 7+ pages..... Soo... this was a text and you were snooping on his cell phone and read them? If that's the case you need to check yourself and get your insecurities until control.0 -
I disagree with a cheater always being a cheater. That is definitely NOT true! The cheater just has to not want to cheat, that's all.
In my first message I needed more details and got them. Unless I missed something in the 7+ pages..... Soo... this was a text and you were snooping on his cell phone and read them? If that's the case you need to check yourself and get your insecurities until control.
Seriously? He's telling another woman that he doesn't find his wife attractive but does find the other woman attractive and it's the wife's fault for seeing the messages?0 -
yopeeps025 wrote: »OP - You "saw" him talking to another female on his phone. How do you know who is was talking to? Did you listen in on the conversation? How do you know it was a female? Did you speak to him about the phone conversation after it happened? Need more details.
Going from 185 to 196 probably won't be too noticeable. It's more than likely not something that he will go from finding you attractive to not finding you attractive.
The fact that you say this about yourself----"Sadly , on one end I cant blame him for not being attracted to me, I am not even attracted to myself. I HATEEE What I see in the mirror." is telling us that there are other major problems! So... since you gained 10 lbs do you go on every day saying how fat you are and how much you hate yourself? No one wants to hear that all the time. Maybe you've said it so much out loud that he's starting to believe it too.
When you said-- "Nice butt, slim waist.... everything im not.... the thing is, I was never like that though. So I guess I was fooled all along."............ 4 years? Do you really think a man would just hang around for 4 years to "fool" you? I'm not a guy so men you can disagree with that. It just seems like a long time for someone just to fool you. And what signs did you "think" you saw?
It's really hard to say or give advice. We don't really know all the details of your relationship. And we don't know what other previous relationships you were in and how they ended and how they affected you. What it does sound like to me is that you really need to work on loving yourself, no matter what weight you are. Sorry I couldn't just go with the majority here that it's all his fault, etc.
We know that NO men should ever say their spouse is unattractive and that someone else is?
How do we/she really know what exactly was said and for sure that's what he was talking about? We don't!!
No man should say their spouse is unattractive because it's not very nice. But I think if they need to work on something or they are letting something go you should tell the other person. I don't think lying to each other and saying everything is alright when it clearly isn't - is not the right thing to do. A couple should uplift each other and be the best version of themselves that they can be.
There are lots of attractive people out there. My SO can tell me if he finds someone else attractive. I don't have a problem with that at all. I see attractive people all the time and tell him. But I know that he loves me and I love him.
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Ohhh and to the people saying he was/is a cheater? You have to define cheating. And we don't know if something physical has happened yet. Plus she said they were both virgins when they got married. I find that hard to believe in this day and age but maybe so.0
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[/quote]
Yes, but I'd guess that the learning curve is exponentially steeper when you are dealing with total two total noobs. They're figuring out their own preferences as well as their partner's. And, seriously, given dude's willingness to be "disappointed" and having a borderline emotional affair only 5 months in to their sexual relationship? I'm guessing that he's not really dedicated to learning about HER wants and preferences. And, you know, generally speaking, the ladyjunk tends to be a little less self-explanatory for new operators, you know?[/quote]
AND maybe she's not dedicated to learning about HIS wants and preferences?
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I disagree with a cheater always being a cheater. That is definitely NOT true! The cheater just has to not want to cheat, that's all.
In my first message I needed more details and got them. Unless I missed something in the 7+ pages..... Soo... this was a text and you were snooping on his cell phone and read them? If that's the case you need to check yourself and get your insecurities until control.
LOL. It isn't as easy as "the cheater just has to not want to cheat."
When you are married, what's yours usually becomes theirs too and vice versa. Don't make assumptions. You don't know whether OP was snooping through his cell phone or whether the text popped up and she was able to read it (iPhones do this).
I think you need to check yourself for thinking she's the problem.0 -
This likely has very little to do with your weight and has more to do with him just being a cheater. This probably would've happened even if u had never gained any weight at all. If he really loved you , he would've accepted you for who you are no matter if you gained or not . so he's likely just a cheater and your better off ending it now0
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If this is how the marriage is starting with only five months in, then I wouldn't hold my breathe for it getting better. Heartache is absolutely one of the most painful things to experience and to know that he is having these conversations with another woman after only being married for five months would feel like death. However, the silver lining is that you don't have children (which I have a feeling he wouldn't take well to you being pregnant), and you can walk away now before wasting any more of your time. Walk away girly, maybe run!0
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SconnieCat wrote: »ok, so all the folks saying this is bad, and that this is the lowest of the low...
how many ya'll cheated in the past? #gauntlet #barbarianneedsfoodbadly
hahaha. Not me, sunshine. I caught my ex (at the time he was my fiance) cheating on me the night before a wedding we had both gone to. Thankfully it wasn't our wedding.
Anyway, after the wedding rehearsal festivities died down, a group of us were hanging out. I went to go to bed when the group started breaking up since I was exhausted and ended up passing out for a few hours. I woke up, realized he wasn't next to me and went to find him. We were at an outdoor wedding a bit in the boonies so I wanted from the camping tent we were sleeping in to the renovated barn (very redneck meets hipster) we had been hanging out in before.
As I approached the barn, I saw the lights on but the doors were shut. I looked through one of the slats in the barn door, ready to open the door when I realized that he was standing and she was *ahem* driving downtown to get some ice cream so-to-speak. I tried to open the door, found it was locked, and started beating on it.
She escaped out of a side door with her dog. No one was around except the three of us and, not thinking clearly, I took off after her to absolutely beat the snot out of her. She was much faster than I was so I never got to throw any punches; however, when my ex caught up to me, he started spewing apologies left and right. I remember taking off the ring, handing it to him, telling him to go eff himself, and then walking three feet and throwing all up.
Thankfully I saw what he was before I vowed to spend the rest of my life with him.
Why would you want to beat the crap out of her? She has no loyalty to you? Surely it's your ex you should have been punching?
Sorry, it just really annoys me when women fight the other woman rather than their cheating, scumbag partners. That's the person who has broken a promise to you.0 -
SconnieCat wrote: »ok, so all the folks saying this is bad, and that this is the lowest of the low...
how many ya'll cheated in the past? #gauntlet #barbarianneedsfoodbadly
hahaha. Not me, sunshine. I caught my ex (at the time he was my fiance) cheating on me the night before a wedding we had both gone to. Thankfully it wasn't our wedding.
Anyway, after the wedding rehearsal festivities died down, a group of us were hanging out. I went to go to bed when the group started breaking up since I was exhausted and ended up passing out for a few hours. I woke up, realized he wasn't next to me and went to find him. We were at an outdoor wedding a bit in the boonies so I wanted from the camping tent we were sleeping in to the renovated barn (very redneck meets hipster) we had been hanging out in before.
As I approached the barn, I saw the lights on but the doors were shut. I looked through one of the slats in the barn door, ready to open the door when I realized that he was standing and she was *ahem* driving downtown to get some ice cream so-to-speak. I tried to open the door, found it was locked, and started beating on it.
She escaped out of a side door with her dog. No one was around except the three of us and, not thinking clearly, I took off after her to absolutely beat the snot out of her. She was much faster than I was so I never got to throw any punches; however, when my ex caught up to me, he started spewing apologies left and right. I remember taking off the ring, handing it to him, telling him to go eff himself, and then walking three feet and throwing all up.
Thankfully I saw what he was before I vowed to spend the rest of my life with him.
Classy is as classy gets.0 -
just let him roam and sow his oats so to speak, he will be back in about six months with some new skillzzzz0
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Op, my sympathy is with you.0
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I can't read all the comments so this may have already been said. A man will say anything to get a woman in bed and he's obviously cheating on you. You need to pack up and leave, and maybe get an annulment is you're still able.0
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He sounds like a real winner. Dump his a** and go find a real man who loves you no matter what.0
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Yeah this has nothing to do with you...and unfortunately there is nothing you can change about yourself that will fix the situation. He's clearly insecure and is looking for an outside source to stroke his ego. Now that he is married he is trying to make sure he is still attractive to other women. You probably have a narcissist on your hands...0
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I'm also a crappy housekeeper. But, at least I don't fool around! And, you know, he's 9 years older than I, so he gets to go to bed with a younger woman every night. Winning.
This is ME! Except for all the homespun stuff. I do kind of WANT to do all that kind of stuff..I went so far as to collect books on container gardening and gardening on .25 acre and buying a bunch of earthy bulk things like couscous and Quiona and stocking up on "staples" so I could bake stuff. I just never get beyond the planning it out phase. I love planning things like that out - a whole LIFESTYLE CHANGE...then pffffzzzzzzttt. Fizzles out.
But I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT THE FACT THAT HE GETS TO GO TO BED WITH A YOUNGER WOMAN EVERY NIGHT. That's way awesome. Thank you.
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Heartisalonelyhunter wrote: »SconnieCat wrote: »ok, so all the folks saying this is bad, and that this is the lowest of the low...
how many ya'll cheated in the past? #gauntlet #barbarianneedsfoodbadly
hahaha. Not me, sunshine. I caught my ex (at the time he was my fiance) cheating on me the night before a wedding we had both gone to. Thankfully it wasn't our wedding.
Anyway, after the wedding rehearsal festivities died down, a group of us were hanging out. I went to go to bed when the group started breaking up since I was exhausted and ended up passing out for a few hours. I woke up, realized he wasn't next to me and went to find him. We were at an outdoor wedding a bit in the boonies so I wanted from the camping tent we were sleeping in to the renovated barn (very redneck meets hipster) we had been hanging out in before.
As I approached the barn, I saw the lights on but the doors were shut. I looked through one of the slats in the barn door, ready to open the door when I realized that he was standing and she was *ahem* driving downtown to get some ice cream so-to-speak. I tried to open the door, found it was locked, and started beating on it.
She escaped out of a side door with her dog. No one was around except the three of us and, not thinking clearly, I took off after her to absolutely beat the snot out of her. She was much faster than I was so I never got to throw any punches; however, when my ex caught up to me, he started spewing apologies left and right. I remember taking off the ring, handing it to him, telling him to go eff himself, and then walking three feet and throwing all up.
Thankfully I saw what he was before I vowed to spend the rest of my life with him.
Why would you want to beat the crap out of her? She has no loyalty to you? Surely it's your ex you should have been punching?
Sorry, it just really annoys me when women fight the other woman rather than their cheating, scumbag partners. That's the person who has broken a promise to you.
The bridesmaid and I were merely acquaintances; however, she also knew we were engaged as we had hung out together previously. Trust me, he was next on my list.
I don't care whether or not she "had lotalty". It's a *kitten* thing to do to another person. Hopefully you've never been cheated on and never have to know what it is like.
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SconnieCat wrote: »Heartisalonelyhunter wrote: »SconnieCat wrote: »ok, so all the folks saying this is bad, and that this is the lowest of the low...
how many ya'll cheated in the past? #gauntlet #barbarianneedsfoodbadly
hahaha. Not me, sunshine. I caught my ex (at the time he was my fiance) cheating on me the night before a wedding we had both gone to. Thankfully it wasn't our wedding.
Anyway, after the wedding rehearsal festivities died down, a group of us were hanging out. I went to go to bed when the group started breaking up since I was exhausted and ended up passing out for a few hours. I woke up, realized he wasn't next to me and went to find him. We were at an outdoor wedding a bit in the boonies so I wanted from the camping tent we were sleeping in to the renovated barn (very redneck meets hipster) we had been hanging out in before.
As I approached the barn, I saw the lights on but the doors were shut. I looked through one of the slats in the barn door, ready to open the door when I realized that he was standing and she was *ahem* driving downtown to get some ice cream so-to-speak. I tried to open the door, found it was locked, and started beating on it.
She escaped out of a side door with her dog. No one was around except the three of us and, not thinking clearly, I took off after her to absolutely beat the snot out of her. She was much faster than I was so I never got to throw any punches; however, when my ex caught up to me, he started spewing apologies left and right. I remember taking off the ring, handing it to him, telling him to go eff himself, and then walking three feet and throwing all up.
Thankfully I saw what he was before I vowed to spend the rest of my life with him.
Why would you want to beat the crap out of her? She has no loyalty to you? Surely it's your ex you should have been punching?
Sorry, it just really annoys me when women fight the other woman rather than their cheating, scumbag partners. That's the person who has broken a promise to you.
The bridesmaid and I were merely acquaintances; however, she also knew we were engaged as we had hung out together previously. Trust me, he was next on my list.
I don't care whether or not she "had lotalty". It's a *kitten* thing to do to another person. Hopefully you've never been cheated on and never have to know what it is like.
Oh I've been cheated on. You have no idea. My ex's girlfriend threatened to kill me and our children when he broke it off with her (because I found out and he wanted me to forgive him - I still divorced him, of course.) And there was a whole lot more that I won't go into. So don't act the martyr. I still stand by my point. Women do themselves a disservice by focussing on the other woman and cat fighting like something out of the Maury show over a pathetic cheating guy. I think it lets cheating men off the hook because it takes the focus off them..She's not the one who married you or promised to be faithful to you. She's owes you nothing. He does. If your going to punch someone, punch him.0 -
Heartisalonelyhunter wrote: »SconnieCat wrote: »Heartisalonelyhunter wrote: »SconnieCat wrote: »ok, so all the folks saying this is bad, and that this is the lowest of the low...
how many ya'll cheated in the past? #gauntlet #barbarianneedsfoodbadly
hahaha. Not me, sunshine. I caught my ex (at the time he was my fiance) cheating on me the night before a wedding we had both gone to. Thankfully it wasn't our wedding.
Anyway, after the wedding rehearsal festivities died down, a group of us were hanging out. I went to go to bed when the group started breaking up since I was exhausted and ended up passing out for a few hours. I woke up, realized he wasn't next to me and went to find him. We were at an outdoor wedding a bit in the boonies so I wanted from the camping tent we were sleeping in to the renovated barn (very redneck meets hipster) we had been hanging out in before.
As I approached the barn, I saw the lights on but the doors were shut. I looked through one of the slats in the barn door, ready to open the door when I realized that he was standing and she was *ahem* driving downtown to get some ice cream so-to-speak. I tried to open the door, found it was locked, and started beating on it.
She escaped out of a side door with her dog. No one was around except the three of us and, not thinking clearly, I took off after her to absolutely beat the snot out of her. She was much faster than I was so I never got to throw any punches; however, when my ex caught up to me, he started spewing apologies left and right. I remember taking off the ring, handing it to him, telling him to go eff himself, and then walking three feet and throwing all up.
Thankfully I saw what he was before I vowed to spend the rest of my life with him.
Why would you want to beat the crap out of her? She has no loyalty to you? Surely it's your ex you should have been punching?
Sorry, it just really annoys me when women fight the other woman rather than their cheating, scumbag partners. That's the person who has broken a promise to you.
The bridesmaid and I were merely acquaintances; however, she also knew we were engaged as we had hung out together previously. Trust me, he was next on my list.
I don't care whether or not she "had lotalty". It's a *kitten* thing to do to another person. Hopefully you've never been cheated on and never have to know what it is like.
Oh I've been cheated on. You have no idea. My ex's girlfriend threatened to kill me and our children when he broke it off with her (because I found out and he wanted me to forgive him - I still divorced him, of course.) And there was a whole lot more that I won't go into. So don't act the martyr. I still stand by my point. Women do themselves a disservice by focussing on the other woman and cat fighting like something out of the Maury show over a pathetic cheating guy. I think it lets cheating men off the hook because it takes the focus off them..She's not the one who married you or promised to be faithful to you. She's owes you nothing. He does. If your going to punch someone, punch him.
Lol. A martyr. Oh my god that's funny. Thanks for making me laugh.
genuinely. . . No sarcasm. And I know I didn't give the whole picture so you're assuming that I let him off the hook. No worries. Again, I didn't give the complete story as I should have so you were right to assume. I suppose I just hope both parties - when people know that someone is in a relationship - would be respectful of that. But it doesn't happen.
I did confront him. And in the in the end, he did get his. And we were never married. Engaged. So I dodged that bullet.
I hope that you're in the better place. Best of luck to you.0 -
The person he cheats WITH is just as guilty as the cheater - UNLESS the person doesn't know that there's another person involved.1
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He's trying to make you feel like it's your fault. NO WAY! He wants to be a jerk and talk to another woman like that ... He's the problem. Dealt with this crap before. Don't you dare put yourself down. That's his goal - to make himself feel better for what he's doing. B. S.0
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This never came up during dating or engagement?????
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5 months in and this is happening!! I am 25 years in and have never experienced this with my husband! I agree with the others it seems he has the issues not you or your weight it seems it could be a little deeper ... communication, talk it over with him and see if there is a way to move forward. But with no kids involved it will be easy to just give up and put yourself first!!0
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5 months in? And he's doing that. This is supposed to be your "honey moon stage". Sheesh. (I'm 15 years married)0
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Fat2Fit145 wrote: »Well... I never thought I'd be here...ALREADY!. Ive been married for almost 5 months. This weekend I saw my husband talking to another female on his phone about our sex life. He told her he was not physically attracted to me. He also told her he is attracted to her... his exact words TO HER, "i'm attracted to u". I'm devastated and really cant believe i'm experiencing this already. It is the MOST hurtful thing EVER!. I admit I have put on a few more pounds since we got married, HE HAS as well. And I have taken note of it and started exercising. Sadly , on one end I cant blame him for not being attracted to me, I am not even attracted to myself. I HATEEE What I see in the mirror. Im not sure what hurts the most, the fact that I think he is justified in not being attracted to me, or that he is not, and is attracted to another woman. This hurts super bad!
Get out quickly while you can. This has nothing to do with the weight. Sounds like he thinks he married the wrong person. It will be hard, but 5 months is nothing, compared to 5, 10, 20 yrs. and then trying to get out. I've been married for 23 yrs through which both of us had some major weight gain (50+lbs), but we accepted this and worked through it. Together. Because we care for each other. He obviously has other issues going on. I'm sorry you are going through this, but a comment like he made is bordering close to the next step - cheating.0
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